| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 11/20/2006 11:45:49 AM | Ok was in a relationship drifted apart then she called and quoted was preganat ,She had the baby never told me when she ws haveing ,,
She called and the told me sure most proud moment in my life , I rasied other womens kids , Had foster kids over many years
Proble is always promiseing me to see him i saw him twice in 11 months .Have pics all over gifts for him clothes etc etc etc , Never see him but yet shes eager to call and ask for money money money ,
Well at the pont hate to say no , Yes my son but in all honesty would be nice to see him and love him , had him once have my house pictures all over every room from bedrooms to ktichen ,
Well a big guy but i cry alot when he is not here or at times i sit and admire his pics
Well short and simple should i continue to send money for someone not a part of my life , dont want to be a dead beat dad , Ilove him and she only calls or sends me pics when she wants money , Please tell me what i should
does one continue to send money for someone he cant love and enjoy , always makeing promise's ill let youhave him cut my vacations and trips short when she tells me ill bring him ,
always return and sit here and wait for him broken promises end up shedding a few tears
Well dont know what i should do but then again if i dont send money only he is going to suffer , well any advice would be appericated | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 11/20/2006 12:22:35 PM | | No, you should not send her any money, if you can't see your child. Tell her she can't have any money till she brings the child to see you, and stick with it. You have to get to see your child, and if your just gonna keep on givin/sendin her money, when she won't let you see your child, then shes just gonna keep on doing what your lettin her do. If you wanna see that child, you need to tell her no more money till I see my child. The child is sufferin anyway not gettin to see you, so either way it goes the child is sufferin. A dad is one of the most important peopl in a childs life, and shes keepin that from her child. | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 11/20/2006 12:55:24 PM | Uh... are you on the birth certificate as the father of your son? Do you have a court agreement? (doesn't sound like you do). If not, why not? Do you have copies of cancelled checks you've sent her (they would show intent to support your child in court), take her ass to court, get solid visitation of your son, and the ability to hold her in contempt of the court order if she "d*cks you around" like she's doing.
If you were court ordered, you wouldn't be *able* to have the decision of not paying (well, ok, you could, obviously from the # of deadbeat dad's), but you could also have court ordered visitation, and there would be *nothing* she could do about it. That should have been the *first* thing you did, since you weren't together, and you obviously want to have your son in your life. The longer you wait, the more its going to reflect negatively on *you* in court. Should have been done ASAP. | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 11/20/2006 1:05:20 PM | OP, listen to posters #2, and #3. Do both, do more, record phone and internet conversations with her. take these to the lawyer when you make the appt this week, for next week.. Do not delay. You are giving her money to be mean to you. She cares less about getting even, or wounding you than she does your son, And really how do you know he is yours? Get a genetic parental test of your son, very soon. If he is not your kid, don't treat him different, but do treat her different.
Let us know more
Charles. | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 11/20/2006 2:12:33 PM | I think what I was trying to get across, chef_charles, is that *nobody* is going to stand up for your rights as a parent, if *you* don't stand up for your rights. And the way to do that is in a court of law, in front of a judge, with as much documentation as you can that you are making every attempt to be a father to this child.
The OP is sitting there letting her walk all over him, and instead of actually taking action and doing something about getting his rights with his own child (agreed, *if* it really is his own child), he's here on POF whining about it. OP, don't sit here talking (complaining) about how wrong it is, if you aren't willing to *take action* to actually do something about it. Actions speak far louder than words. | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 11/20/2006 2:38:50 PM | | If he is your biological son, then try setting up an actual meeting time and talking to her about it in detail. Suggest to your ex that you make a signed agreement yourselves 'in writing' addressing regular child support and regular visitations. Remind her that it will give her some free time to herself but be careful not to set yourself up as a free babysitting when it is only convenient to her. If she won't agree to that or does a private agreement and then doesn't keep up her part, then I agree with singleguy... go to court and file for visitation rights. It is never good to give cash, use either cheques or money orders as proof you have been contributing to your son's wellbeing. Also if you guy necessities, ie. clothes, diapers, etc, keep the receipts. It is harder when they are babies, when they are older you can explain your feelings and that you will always be there for them. Wishing you all the best !!!!! | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 11/20/2006 3:08:26 PM | She doesn't have the authority to tell you the biological father that you can' t see your son, that is up to the courts to decide....
Support and custody issues are two totally seperate issues...A person who doesn't pay support or is in arrears ( owes back support) can still see their child/children. Like I said, seperate issues to the courts...
Yes, do always document monies given...by check would be the best way.. There should be an order in place for child support payments. It is not a matter of 'calling and asking for money' ?? This is just not done....
I didn't look at your profile, but the US, go to your Domestic Relations office and file paperwork. It may be called something different in your area...
I am studying law, so I am learning about this process. Athough, every state has their own way of doing things... Good luck.. | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 11/20/2006 3:14:05 PM | Get the child's blood tested. Results can be sent by courier, mail, internet. Then get your DNA printed and a doctor to compare. 1. She may or may not have a child. (She can borrow)
2. It may or may not be yours. 3. If it is your child, you owe it help. 4. There is a world of difference between giving and being a sucker. If she is conning you, she may never spend a dime of your gifts on the child. She may be playing several suckers. 5. If DNA proves you to be the father, go to your local family court, use county family services, or get a lawyer to formalize your payments and register this in the county she resides in, as well as your own county civil court records. You can also formalize your visitation rights.
Best, | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 11/20/2006 6:23:06 PM | Isaw him twice she wants me to have him opnce a week in the month , her lawer told her dont put my name on due to the fact when i get him if i take him she cannot get him back
She will have a hard time getting a child due to being native the government cant comeon native land like that and take a child from natives that easy ,,
So thus she quotes my name being on there but also wanted birth certicicate so i can gets his Indian status so he is taken care of when he is older schooling medicial anything he may aquire when older ,
BUt no being native i dont look for special privilages i was raised of th ereserve and i work for what i have dont have no government provide ,If i cant afford it then one doesnt deserve it ,Now if i dont send the money he will not get what he needs wont be hurting her would be denying him | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 11/20/2006 6:28:03 PM | Ive been sending money threw bank account yes i do keep all record's , Yes she tell me all the time iwant you to have him one week a month
ONly time i hear from this person is when she want's other than that i wait for her to call ,
Yes i write weekly journal that way when he does come looking for me he willknow i provide for him , and have things i also bought for him , hard not being there seeing him have his first foot step's his teeth she makes life so difficult
I sit and cry often but hey i have a heart and love him so im aloud to cry i'm human | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 11/20/2006 7:18:27 PM | This is a sticky topic. If I was in that boat, where my
child was living with the other parent, I would send money
and all I could, whether I got to see him or not.
In your case, being a man, I think you should be
sure he is your baby. | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 11/20/2006 7:37:29 PM | | Shes takin advantage of you, because she knows how you are. I agree with you not wantin to hurt your child, I think thats great. However, maybe you should talk to a lawyer yourself, to see what your own options are, and get a peternity test. Its very good that you have bank statements to prove you pay, it will look good in court. I like the idea of the jounal to, its a nice idea. Man stop lettin that woman manipulate you, though. Your not doin the child any favors by lettin her do what she's doin. | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 11/20/2006 11:05:13 PM | This is going to sound rude, and I don't mean for it to be. But for such a mammoth man, you sure seem so very small with this woman around. You're letting her walk all over you. It must stop. Being idle in this situation is not an option.
Make an appointment for a lawyer immediately. Call them tomorrow. Preferably someone who is known to someone you know and trust... either personally or professionally. (You want someone who will really work for you.)
For the fees you pay, you are going to receive a) time with your child. Court-ordered time which she cannot deny you without breaking the law. b) assurance it IS your child. (If there is ANY doubt, make sure.) c) with any luck, the ability to show this girl she can no longer take advantage of you.
Be firm. At this point, the relationship with her is not nearly as important as the relationship you want and deserve with your child. With any luck, you can maintain a friendship with her. But remember - if you two can't appear civil to each other then don't be around her.... especially when your son is around. I say this only because once you battle her, if she takes offence to it (which I suspect) she's probably going to turn nasty. And don't let that bother you either. It's an emotional reaction on her part. | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 11/20/2006 11:22:26 PM | I had a women once who did the same to me once,except,I checked into the
kid,and there was never a kid,said she was pregnant,but never was,she was
looking for money so she could have a good time at mine expense..............
without ever really wanting to be with me or see me........
first need to see if there really is a child.........don't give her anymore
money until you know for sure other wise...........
if there is one make sure it is yours first, before doing anything else........... | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 12/30/2006 9:23:44 PM | I think that it's really sad when a father wants to be apart of his child/childrens lives and then a woman acts as childish and selfish as that. I wish my ex-husband would show some kind of love,affection,mental & physical support over monetary ANYTIME! But he chooses to do other things instead. Have you had a paternity test done yet? Does the time period make sense or add up right to you? You have a right to see your child and not only is she denying you the right to be a father,it sounds like she's denying her own child of having his daddy as well... I'm not too familiar with the laws as far as reservation living goes...
But you're a human being and your feelings and emotions shouldn't be so messed up from her...What she's doing to you is INHUMANE!!! I would check into having a paternity test done and just make sure that the child is in fact yours. Legally,she can't deny you from establishing paternity for a child she claims is yours. And when you talk to her again,let her know that until you establish paternity,the money will STOP! For the money you've already sent her???? PLEASE have receipts and keep them in a safe place for future references,"k"?
When you don't send anymore money until the results come back...Please don't feel guilty and should you continue to send money to her before you get the results KEEP A RECORD! Something tells me you'll be alright... And YES you ARE aloud to cry... YOU ARE HUMAN!!!!
I hope this helps you...Take Care & May God Bless You!!! ~Mare~ | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 12/30/2006 9:57:58 PM | No offense as you seem to be a grown man, why is this here? But I will answer, yes send money but make sure its used for your child, no sense in punishing a child for the mothers negative behavious But you seem to know this already so good on you.. furthermore if you are old enough to be a father you are surely old enough to know that you should get a visitation order. I find it ridiculous to see these kind of threads that should be common sense, its sort of like comming on here to ask a medical question, about cancer what should I do, go see a Doctor, in your case the best advice I can give is go see a lawyer, sorry to be harsh but its the truth.
I would like to congratulate you though for being a man and doing what you know is right and I trust you will, dont let pettiness make your child suffer, there is enough of that on earth.
EDIT i noticed after browsing your profile you live not to far I am assuming, and ahve met these MR Olympias I am a fan of bodybuilding how did you manage this? thanks in advance lol | |
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| Always calling for money?????ah Sweetz
Posted: 5/15/2007 1:27:32 PM | I would dry those tears anytime!! and you are never too big to accept and realease pain and frustration, unfortunate the whole fricken thing ( let me at her!!) ok maybe not but you have answered your question you cannot stop paying but there is tons of things you can do to make sure the baby is getting what he needs, and you already know you need a lawyer, plus trust me this one thing my friend, Patience, Patience, this must be your son or you would not feel this way (connection) you have to pay Mother for now, and then one day I promise you will get your son with you more than you ever imagined, it will take time but it will happen!! And the more she keeps him from you the worse it will get, he will not tolerate it for long, b4 you know it he tells her the score, please trust me on this one Danny, and I know I am new to you but I am here if you need to talk anytime!! Make her prove to you what she gets for him and that the bills are getting paid and that she is not spending on only herself like so many do!! do not EVER give up and if she won't bring to you go to them OFTEN as much as possilbly can, b4 u know it they are like mine 19 and in college! WHAM just like that and at 43 I would almost anything to have another!! and another!! HEE HEE fricken love KIDZ | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 5/15/2007 1:32:51 PM | You Have to Support Your Baby YOU know this already Danny!! Don't fall for it, the judge will go completely on your side just keep paying, and showing effort to Father, the whole thing WILL back fire on her if she keeps it up the judge will turn on her!  | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 5/20/2007 10:14:36 PM | Everyone has given you great advice. I too say get the paternity test and be certain,you are fighting for the right to see YOUR child and continue being a responsible "Dad" with court directed financial obligations that will not go beyond what is necessary. Don't let her soak you for more!! This isn't the first time I have heard this.
A good friend of mine had a gal that was secretly cheating on him. When she became pregnant she tried to tell him it was his but the date of the pregnancy did not match their last sexual encounter by a month as he was away on business. Sure enough she confessed it was not his when he wanted a test. The "rat" actually wanted him to father and support the child since he was responsible (and the real Dad wasn't) and had a much larger income! Disgusting I know!
So with that said, before you let her hurt you more, be SURE it is your child. Don't live in such angst if you don't have to. Good luck. My sympathies are with you.
The Ginger Cat | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 6/16/2007 10:20:06 AM | Whitbufallo: I am reading ur thread and all I can say is she is not caring about u or ur feelings. She is taking advantage of the fact that u have morals ,heart,beliefs and faith. Stop her-- get legal advice from someone in ur surroundings people who know u will help. Friends,family and yes co-workers.
I have simualr story but mine is don't want ur money just be a dad. With daughter standing at the door since she was 4 waiting on the daddy she loved to come and get her as promise crying her little heart out. Or mommy bringing her to dad's to find out he is not there to hug n kiss her happly little face to hold daddy. We have to use hard love and since that those who hurt the innocent have no hearts of their owen why keep hopin they will be there for the ones that love or change. U need to stop thinkin of what ur missing, get out there and get him. Make sure the baby is urs as stated above there are all kinds of b...tches and asses out there. No feelin for no ones but themselves. Just alittle advice. Take care and keep in touch........................ | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 6/16/2007 11:12:45 AM | | sounds like you arent even fully sure that baby is yours..... why dont you get a paternity test done and that should settle it. How else can you be sure? She said this, she said that? mmmm.......uh huh. I'd be getting one of those before I sent anyone a dime. | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 6/17/2007 9:03:41 AM | | Just say no... tell her you spent all your money on weight lifting hobbies and suggest she get a job. shesh, I think you must like her calling to have not told her so by now. Just be sure to send any court ordered money and the rest is up to her as she is the custodial parent and not your dependent ( she has responsiblities too). PS, get a DNA test too if you are going to be in court discussing child support. If he is really yours, she would not fear DNA testing. | |
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