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 aNgeLiCbLoNdiE
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 1
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
I'm concerned about the serial dater types. How can you tell if someone is really trying to find a long-term relationship, or are they just addicted to the thrill of continually meeting new people?
 claypot
Joined: 3/7/2006
Msg: 2
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 4:53:31 AM
Isn't dating the same as serial dating. We tend to do it over and over again in search of that long term.
 KeepingStep
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 3
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 6:34:07 AM
no.. I don't think it is the same thing.

Online dating has created the opportunity for some people to get hooked on the search. I think this is what she means. What I have heard called "BBD" Bigger Better Deal.

I have encountered this.. where after a few dates there is nothing. Other party went on to the next one, never giving anyone their total attention...always keeping the options open...looking for the next exciting one to come along and start again.

I think this is happens a fair amount.

Only time will tell. In this fast paced internet world...time is the only true way to know.
 Avalon96
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 4
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 7:37:57 AM
People that are just seeking long term relationships have to make a decision quickly on whether or not to continue seeing the other person. Probably don't intend to serial date when they start, but the grass will always look greener on the next profile. Or maybe they just get hooked on the coffee..and don't want to drink alone.
 AgelessWonder
Joined: 4/12/2006
Msg: 5
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 8:02:18 AM
When you are dating someone, that is what it really is a date. It may take a few dates to see if you are compatible or long-term material. When we were younger, we didn't think a thing of dating more than one person, because we were looking for that special one. I don't think it really has changed much.

I would be more leary if someone didn't take their time and wanted an exclusive long-term relationship from the beginning, but that is just me.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 6
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 8:25:36 AM
I once read a theory that some people have a cycle of time they spend in a relationship. After thinking about it, certain people I know long term have a pattern of only being in a relationship for approxiately 2 or 3 years, then the relationship falls apart. Maybe some serial dates are the same, but instead of 2 or 3 years, it's 2 or 3 weeks.
 AgelessWonder
Joined: 4/12/2006
Msg: 7
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 8:59:53 AM
LOL.. now that is funny!
 tradeblazer
Joined: 11/1/2006
Msg: 8
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 9:12:21 AM
I am not a serial-dater..but just like fruit..you got to look for the right one.
You pick one up and its got bruises on the other side(baggage).
Another is not ready..too young
Another is too ripe..falls apart quickly
Lets not talk about the smell test

eventually you find what you think is the right one..it may take 5-8 picks(dates) before you choose.

I gravitate to the long relationship possibilities....but we never know how long that will be..do we?

Ed

Supporting restaurants seems to be my occupation lately.
 *tinydancer*
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 9
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 9:26:50 AM
Serial dating to me is a string of one-time dates over the course of many years. Someone who's not really seeking a real relationship. But in order to find a long-term relationship, you have to go through your fair share of serial dating, although maybe not for years.

But the thrill of the chase always enters into the picture. It's the distraction of the dating sites where new people are continually joining causing most people to believe that the "bigger bang" is just around the corner.

I find this behavior similar to a game of blackjack: Do you hold onto the 20 you have in your hand, or wait for the ace which is likely to never come along? Sadly, it's a game most people don't win.
 tnshylady
Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 10
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 9:32:50 AM
I have met three different men on a pay dating site that I had a relationship with the past few yrs. I dated each man for over 6 months which I thought we were only dating each other...well, at least I was. I found out they were still going to the dating site. I think they don't want to give up feeling so popular or what ever. I asked them why they still went back there and they all said I paid for it and it is still active. I said why don't you hide your profile like I did? Mine was still paid for too but I always hid my profile if I had more than two dates with one man. I know for a fact one of them was still dating others. We were 2 hrs apart. That is why I don't want to even date 50 miles away anymore. None of them had ever posted on a forum, and that site doesn't have one. So they were going back there for only one reason. I think you should tell the one you are dating, if you are dating more than one person at a time. I really don't know if I even want to meet another man from the internet because how can I trust him when this has happened to me so many times.
 bonniebrownap
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 11
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 9:48:12 AM
I hold issue with this thread. Never in my life have I pursued more than one man at a time. What is different about on line dating is that you get emails from numerous "hello, my name is --- and I liked your profile". I try not to discount each reply just because I am getting to know someone else at that moment. It is hard and strange to juggle all the possibilities but I don't think of it as serial dating. I have been IM with a man that all he has to say is mmmmm. I still reply to emails thinking that Mr. Right will grab my attention. I don't go into the "you are reply # 8" and will put you on the back burner until I weed through 1-7. I'm serious about a long term relationship and willing to serial date until the time comes that I find the right one. Until then, yeah, I serial date.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 12
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 10:10:54 AM
When I think of serial dating, I think about a person who just want to date different people long term. It is a hard call when you plan a meet and greet with someone you haven't met yet, and then receive a message from someone you think might be of interest. I laugh at myself sometimes, thinking wait a min. you haven't met guy #1 yet - chance are it will go any other person who doesn't interest you, so you owe them nothing.

I think that is different from going on your fourth date with someone, but still acting online like you aren't seeing any body. I haven't had a fourth date is so long, it hasn't been an issue for me
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 13
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 10:24:33 AM
I'd say people can serial date, or look for greener grass, online or off...too bad they don't remember that the grass has to be mowed regardless of what side it's on. In my experience, those looking for a long-term relationship or marriage date in a couple of different ways: some people find it better to date one person at a time, and when that doesn't work out, find a nother one to date; others find it better to date several people (operative word is date - they're not sleeping with any of them) and when they find the one they like the best, they date that one exclusively, and share intimacy with them. Neither is wrong; it's personal preference. But I've come to think that the second way works better in the long run, as you take the time to get to know someone before getting too emotionally and intimately involved, so you can weed out those who would never had made it for the long-term anyway (or even a few months).
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 14
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 10:25:42 AM
I'd say people can serial date, or look for greener grass, online or off...too bad they don't remember that the grass has to be mowed regardless of what side it's on. In my experience, those looking for a long-term relationship or marriage date in a couple of different ways: some people find it better to date one person at a time, and when that doesn't work out, find a nother one to date; others find it better to date several people (operative word is date - they're not sleeping with any of them) and when they find the one they like the best, they date that one exclusively, and share intimacy with them. Neither is wrong; it's personal preference. But I've come to think that the second way works better in the long run, as you take the time to get to know someone before getting too emotionally and intimately involved, so you can weed out those who would never had made it for the long-term anyway (or even a few months).
 Muskoka Gold
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 15
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 11:21:42 AM
Let's face it.....no matter where you meet people, on-line or off-line, there will always be the serial daters.
A serial dater....might be otherwise known as " people who feel as though they have to keep their options open to everyone, before they can make their choice." You know? So many fish in the sea...so little time.
On-line intentions are easier to spot. On-line profiles can give you basic information, whether they are a serial dater or looking for long term. A well-written profile can give you a glimpse into how serious the person is in meeting someone for the long term. Profiles that say
" looking to meet new friends", "looking to have fun" or " just moved to town, looking to meet people to share activities with" is a tip-off that the person may NOT be seeking something longer term.
Then we have the others who say they want long term.....in order to get someone into the sack. Usually initial emails or phone conversations will reveal their real motives about this agenda. Chances are, if you think, if your intuition is telling you that he's/she's a serial dater, then he or she, probably is. Yes, fellas, women have been known to be players too.

Most people reveal their true intentions to us, but we aren't always paying attention.
So, I think it's really important to have open and especially honest communication, and ask the important questions. If you're not on the same page, pass on by. If you are..... let the dating begin!

Muskoka
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 16
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 11:34:52 AM
I have learned in my old age to listen to what the other person is really looking for.
 AgelessWonder
Joined: 4/12/2006
Msg: 17
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 2:22:18 PM
Better to date a serial dater than a serial killer!

When I get my FIRST date, I will let you know if they are one or the other

 AgelessWonder
Joined: 4/12/2006
Msg: 18
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 2:42:43 PM
^^^^ I'm not so sure of that, lots of older people (mostly women though) have had to bite the bullet
Guess I need to stick to serial dating
 greenfeather
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 19
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 3:38:11 PM
I didn't have much experience dating before my marriage of 28 years. I never had a whole lot of real dates. Now I've been divorced 6 years and boy is this online dating thing weird. You meet someone online, talk, meet in person. Next day you discover a couple of others who live closer. What do you do about person One? Are you being some kind of **** or Player because you think maybe Persons #2 or #3 might be a better match than #1? How do you tell each of these people that yeah, maybe you'll be dating someone else next weekend, without making them feel like you've dumped them? It's like shopping. It's much better if you go into it not thinking that anyone is going to be Mr. Perfect, and if both parties understand that we're all out shopping, we're all in this fishbowl together.
 greenfeather
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 20
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 3:44:08 PM
What makes it difficult is that we can't really say what we want. Of course we'd like to "have fun" and meet people who like to dance or hike. And maybe we will be serial daters and date lots of folks that we have fun with. But if we start to really like the person we're 'having fun' with, and if there's "physical chemistry", then maybe we will want a longer term relationship. There's a lot if unknowns and "if"s here. IF I not only have fun with the person and like them a lot but they also live in the next town and our economic and living situations match, then I'd consider marriage. BUT there are way too many if's for me to say, as a blank check 'I'm looking for long term/marriage."
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 10/12/2006
Msg: 21
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 4:54:10 PM
What is all of this? What does anyone care? Haven't we all agreed that we are all too good for anybody born on planet Earth anyway?

Then again, when we tell them what crap they are and how little they would ever mean to us, how dare they take offense and see someone else instead? There needs to be some tough federal laws against any of these incects who try to find someone who would actually care for them.
 aNgeLiCbLoNdiE
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 22
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 5:01:45 PM
wouldn't it be nice to just FALL IN LOVE????? Heavens to Betsy, what is THAT???
 greenfeather
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 23
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/22/2006 4:12:30 PM
"Fall in love"? I don't know what that is. I've had "crushes", and I recently met someone I was just about to fall in love with when they went off fishing and found someone else.

As I wrote on a post called "chemistry", I just don't know how to make it happen. If this were some sort of ideal world, we'd meet people at local community things, school, church or work, and we would just know this person for a long time, work with them, share the events of life. That would make it a lot easier for "love" to happen in the natural way.

But how do you just meet someone out of the blue from a dating site, and have that Love thing happen?
 Realist59
Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 24
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/22/2006 8:57:36 PM
There must be some studies out there somewhere that show the percentage of people who fall in love and stay in a long-term relationship after meeting on the internet. My impression too is that people are very reluctant to commit because someone better might come along, and that the success rate is low. There's really nothing you can do other than to make a decision to call it quits if you sense you're being strung along and hope you'll eventually find someone who is actually serious about a relationship and they think you are perfect (oops, wasn't that another thread? - hee, hee!). My hope is that I won't be so old by the time something actually happens that I'll be too demented to understand what's going on
 eye4light
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 25
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/24/2006 12:50:39 AM
Oh these categories are making less and less sense to me.

There's Dating, Long-Term, Intimate Encounter, Friends, Hang Out...hey, aren't these ALL things that one goes through to develop a life-long relationship. The boundaries are so fuzzy that I don't pay much attention this part of the profiles anymore.

I know, by doing this I run the risk of someday accidentally emailing someone who has listed themselves as seeking an "intimate encounter" and thereby being excommunicated from the half of serious daters who have filters in their email to keep out anyone who has ever talked to someone of that category.

Oh well. If someone wants to pre-judge me for having had a conversation with a "Typhoid Mary", so be it. I've talked to all kinds of people from Big Shot politicians to homeless crackheads; high-profile celebrities to unknown common heroes; and saintly people to international smugglers and it has not changed who I am.

As for determining whether someone is seriously seeking a long-term commitment, taking it easy and just dating, or has some kind of commitment issue, I have no magic answer other than to take a little time to get to know them. I think their true nature will be revealed soon enough.

Being too impatient to find a life-long savior can bring disappointment and stress. Being open to serendipity seems more relaxing and healthier to me.

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