Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Wheels27
Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 1
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?Page 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Im a 27 yr old male that is in a wheelchair and it seems like 90% of women im interested in either say they just want to be my friend or they say im not there type. Now i know that im not every girls type and yes i know im not attractive to all women but come on there has to be another reason. I would really like other peoples opinions on this subject and i would like everyone to be honest even if it hurts my feelings. Thanks and hope to here from everyone soon.
 ChaoticDreamer
Joined: 8/25/2006
Msg: 2
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 12:19:26 AM
That's because we live in a world with selfish, callous and shallow people. Not all women are afraid to date a man that's in a wheelchair...it's not the chair or lack of that makes the man. Honestly, I think that some women feel it's going to be a burden on them to be with a man that has any type of handicap. It's wong to think that way but, unfortunately, some do. It's going to be like looking for a needle in a haystack..but, I do believe with time and patience you'll find that needle.

Good luck hun
 subtle_savage
Joined: 11/13/2006
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 12:34:24 AM
Sup wheels.

You seem cool man, active, good natured.

I used to run an archery range and eventually handed the reins over to a guy in a chair. He was one of the most involved people on my range; learned a lot about the sport and was helpful and kind to everyone else. When it came time for me to pass the helm, he was a natural choice.

Lot of people liked him for who he was, and after getting over the initial, natural hesitancy we all have when dealing with handicapped people, a lot of those people became good friends of his. One of them ended up marrying him.

Just comes down to exposure and who you are, I guess.

I'm sure there are a number of women in here who have disabilities. Perhaps you could approach POF about starting a forum area for people in your situation? Sounds weird to say that, like I'm suggesting you should have some kind of special-needs area, and I don't mean it in a derogatory way at all. Hopefully you'll take that with how it's intended and run with it. I think it would go over well. If you make money out of it, let me know

Good luck mang

ss
 Chef_Charles
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 1:07:17 AM
my second wife was in a wheelchair most of the time in public, int he house she could walk most, or walker, or bad days, bed to bathroom by chair.

I loved making love to her in her chair. She had never had a guy willing to do that.

I have dated other's in wheel chairs I make a point of looking chair bound folks in the eyes and asking them things only I could know if I have had to deal with them with before.

People are afraid ofthe different. Like my 20 inch ponytail, finally my parents said, it's still charles and we love him, we aren't going to kick him out just because of the pony tail.

I cut it off then cause of a tangle I could not get out, I had been sick for a few days and bam tangle,, have it in a box, and have short hair, brush and go hair.

have all your friends that walk, spend a day at the mall in a mall provided wheelchair and that should give them a fuller understanding of the issues. I have been trained as an Architecture draftsmen, and I have planned several wheelchair friendly malls, and bed and breakfast's and other venues. and the world is slowly changing, but the change has to happen enmass and it will happen, just so slow we cringe at the slowness those of us working for the changes.

They are missing out on you dude, but they miss out on a lot. do what I have been doing. expanding my searchs, to 100 miles local and ages going to go up to 20 to 60 soon, but I have about 50 more e.mails to send out, at my rate of typing and thinking about 4 days and filtering them into my cicrle of friends. Massive numbers of fish out there and you can fish all day long and all night just be patient and the fish will come to you in time.

Hugs my man, and keep the rolling stock in prime working order.
Charles.
 METALLlC BLUE
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 5
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 3:02:21 AM

Im a 27 yr old male that is in a wheelchair and it seems like 90% of women im interested in either say they just want to be my friend or they say im not there type. Now i know that im not every girls type and yes i know im not attractive to all women but come on there has to be another reason. I would really like other peoples opinions on this subject and i would like everyone to be honest even if it hurts my feelings. Thanks and hope to here from everyone soon.


You want honesty, even if it hurts your feelings? Alright let me tell you the truth.

Your not meeting women because you think you're a victim in a wheel chair who women won't adore and love, and you're blaiming the chair for shortcomings that were already present before the chair came along.

I assure you, women in general don't give a rat's ass about your wheel chair, as long as "you" don't give a rat's ass about it. Find away to love the chair rather than resent it, and make nice with it and yourself, and chicks will "Love ya."
 TakeU2FunkyTown
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 6
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 4:53:05 AM
I have to agree with Metallic on this one. Women want someone who is comfortable with themselves and can accept themselves. How can you accept a partner and be completely comfortable with her if you aren't with yourself. Once you start to look past your chair you'll see alot of women willing to be with you. And also you say these women told you they just want to be friends with you. Well maybe they just want to start off as friends and not dive right into a relationship

Don't bite my head off, you asked for honesty.
 blueidgirl67
Joined: 10/29/2005
Msg: 7
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 5:22:55 AM
I can only speak for myself here. You are a good looking guy and seem intelligent. I would definitely talk to you, become friends. But I would have some really (?) personal questions for you that would be crass to ask. I would want to know the extent of your impairment, if you are capable of intercourse, of toileting issues---SEE? There is no way I could just come out and ask you those types of questions. I think that may keep some women away. My advice to you is to go ahead and develop friendships with women, until those concerns come up in time, and maybe it will evolve from there. Hope this helps.
 CityWoman
Joined: 10/18/2006
Msg: 8
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 6:03:08 AM
I don't think he see's himself as a victim of a wheel chair at all. If you read his profile he is trying out for the Canadian paralympic team and stated in his profile that he is in a wheelchair but that doesn't stop him from getting out and enjoying himself. I think that he has accept what fate has thrown him.

I think the problem is that alot of people just see the "wheel chair" and don't bother to look beyond that. I don't see the chair, I see someone who is extremely good looking, who has a incredible drive, who hasn't let his handicap stand in his way of his dreams, he just works around the obstacles. But most importantly I see someone who want's society to accept him for who he is.

If I met someone and there was a definite connection, I wouldn't let some handicap stand in the way.

I hope you make the team OP. You have the drive to succeed and in time you will meet that special someone. I know you will.

~CityWoman~
 angelab
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 9
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 6:13:19 AM
Some people, myself included, would be leery of the possibility of having to become someone's caretaker.
 Queen_Mab
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 10
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 7:02:39 AM
My favorite person to come my way from being on PoF happens to be a T6 paraplegic, in a chair for about two years since breaking his back. When we first started communicating I told him that he would not get sympathy for his situation from me, life's a b!tch, sh!t happens, we adjust and move on. He is very candid regarding his situation and answers questions openly but does not expect pity nor sympathy. He is not bitter nor whiny about his new life, he knows he is an amazing man who just happens to be sitting rather than walking now.

We have gone from the first cautious emails to amazing friends, it could progress further, but right now we treasure each other too much to screw it up by becoming involved any more intimately. He has dated some amazingly gorgeous, wonderful women since I've met him but he is as picky as me and needs extreme intelligence to go along with the beauty and laughter he finds in his dates.

A lot of it has to do with attitude, if the chair is not the focus of how you perceive yourself it will not be the focus of how most others perceive you either. If you are independent, have accepted your situation, are happy and well-adjusted then perhaps you need to work on overcoming the shyness you wrote of in your profile. Friendship is not a bad place to start with women you are interested in. Hearing the dreaded "I want to be friends" is not limited to people in chairs, everyone gets that phrase thrown at them more than they would like. Perhaps you need to focus on other aspects of your life when it comes to attracting women. Being in a chair should not be the end-all excuse you fall back on for lack of dates.

Good Luck!!
 Queen_Mab
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 11
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 7:02:49 AM
My favorite person to come my way from being on PoF happens to be a T6 paraplegic, in a chair for about two years since breaking his back. When we first started communicating I told him that he would not get sympathy for his situation from me, life's a b!tch, sh!t happens, we adjust and move on. He is very candid regarding his situation and answers questions openly but does not expect pity nor sympathy. He is not bitter nor whiny about his new life, he knows he is an amazing man who just happens to be sitting rather than walking now.

We have gone from the first cautious emails to amazing friends, it could progress further, but right now we treasure each other too much to screw it up by becoming involved any more intimately. He has dated some amazingly gorgeous, wonderful women since I've met him but he is as picky as me and needs extreme intelligence to go along with the beauty and laughter he finds in his dates.

A lot of it has to do with attitude, if the chair is not the focus of how you perceive yourself it will not be the focus of how most others perceive you either. If you are independent, have accepted your situation, are happy and well-adjusted then perhaps you need to work on overcoming the shyness you wrote of in your profile. Friendship is not a bad place to start with women you are interested in. Hearing the dreaded "I want to be friends" is not limited to people in chairs, everyone gets that phrase thrown at them more than they would like. Perhaps you need to focus on other aspects of your life when it comes to attracting women. Being in a chair should not be the end-all excuse you fall back on for lack of dates.

Good Luck!!
 42moonglow42
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 12
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 7:13:57 AM
Good morning wheels,
I feel for you, people can be mean, maybe they don't mean to, maybe they think you need a friend, have you let them know you could be interested in them in more than a friend?
Think postive, they are someone out there just for you and when you find her, the chair won't be a problem, she will look at you and what's inside, if not, look at it like she just don't deserve you anyway, and move on, good luck to you, don't give up or become bitter, it will only ruin your personality and that is not good, I wish you the best of luck and good wishes, happy thanksgiving, moonglow
 ya472
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 13
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 7:16:19 AM
YOU WANT F'N HONESTY !



90% of the women aren't interested in me either, maybe 94%, but you know, I will be happy when just one finds me. Dating isn't easy for anyone, men or women.




 TUPHIVE
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 14
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 9:24:02 AM
Everyone that has replied already made the vaild points. And this is coming from a guy in the same situation. Women see what you see. IT's like back in the day when you had that first big date and woke up with the biggest bump on your face in your whole life. You try everything to hide it but nothing works so before your date arrives you call ahead of time sad and tell them about this huge bump. They say don't worry about it so you go on the date and feel them staring at it all night. Now the moral to the story is....Don't focus so hard on trying to hide or cover the obvious, the other person will see it and accept it as you do. If you don't accept the things about yourself that you can not change how in the world could you expect someone else to. My wheelchair doen't stop me from dating, hell I think I'm just not attractive....

Good Luck!!!
 Sombient
Joined: 9/29/2006
Msg: 15
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 10:14:52 AM
The comment about caregiving is dead on. You know you are very independent, but they don't. Most women don't have a clue of the extent of either the abilities or needs of paraplegics - they need to be gently educated. The hesitation is from ignorance, not knowing how to approach you. The more self-confident and relaxed you are in social settings, the more willing they will be to meet your invitation to friendship and more.

You're looking for a subset of women who are willing to think outside of the narrow confines of typical physical preferences. There will be hit and misses as you move within larger social circles and meet women attracted to your basic qualities (both you and Tuphive appear to be very attractive and well spoken); be patient - three of four paraplegic men I know quite well are in solid LTRs after a slow start in dating.
 Serendipityone
Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 16
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 10:24:42 AM

I assure you, women in general don't give a rat's ass about your wheel chair, as long as "you" don't give a rat's ass about it. Find away to love the chair rather than resent it, and make nice with it and yourself, and chicks will "Love ya."


I agree with this. Speaking as a woman there is nothing more sexy in the world then a man with self confidense..and a nice smile:) That chair your're in will become invisible.
 METALLlC BLUE
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 17
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 10:26:21 AM



I agree with this. Speaking as a woman there is nothing more sexy in the world then a man with self confidense..and a nice smile:) That chair your're in will become invisible.


Agreeing with me is the first step. Step two is making out with me.
 ashley1861
Joined: 11/6/2004
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 10:42:13 AM
I've dated men with polio; one half leg; two half legs; huge scars; and even one with half a brain but he didn't know it. I date the guys who came back from Vietnam with emotional scars. There is something worthwile and loveable in every human being.

A person who is only looking at the outside of others is a person who is missing some of the insides of themselves.
 hapeenurse
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 19
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 10:55:29 AM
I would date someone in a wheelchair no questions asked as long as he didn't view it as limiting or a big problem, I wouldn't either.

that being said , I've been approached by guys in wheelchairs here on POF and at my workplace thinking I will take care of them because I'm a nurse - I would gladly take care of a significant other if needed but I don't particularly want to just becuase it happens to be what I do for a living!

one of the coolest guys I've ever met was in a wheelchair and it didn't stop him from doing anything , hell he did more than any of his non wheelchair using friends (myself included)

so yes , it's all how *you* view your situation , that comes across to others ten fold!

Cheers !
 Serendipityone
Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 20
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 10:58:34 AM
Blue - your making me Blush!
 ImaDancingQueen
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 11:07:12 AM
This thread has been done several times over.

I never dated a man in a wheelchair, not because I couldn't see the good in him or because I didn't think we'd click, but because of the fact that I think of things long term.

For instance I want 6 kids, so is this man going to be able help me make my dreams of motherhood come true?

Does this man need assistance getting into and out of bed? Getting into and out the shower or on/off the toilet? Does he need every meal prepared for him, or is he as self sufficient as he can be?

Can he drive? How often does he need to see a physician? Does he have tools in place to help him such as a motorized wheel chair or does he rely on himself and others to get him where he needs to be?

Can he work, or does he live off disability and SSI? If he can't work he can probably barely support himself let alone, me and children. I am not saying I would rely solely on his income, but I am not rich by any means.

Does he use his chair as an excuse to do nothing or does he make the best of his life and his situation?

These reasons may be shallow to some, but for me they help me to decide two things. One if I could have a relationship with this man, and two if I were to have a relationship with this man would the physical demands be greater than I could handle.

I have no problem helping those who need it, I work in a Dr's office as a medical assistant. However I have my own physical limitations, I also have to work in order to support myself, but if the man needs to be waited on hand and foot, I won't be able to do both.

I simply see no point in getting attached to a person only to find out that it isn't going to work. Being friends sure that's great, but to fall in love with someone only to hurt them or you is just cruel. I chose not to inflict that great pain on anyone.

The girls you are talking to may not have said these things, but they are wondering them just the same. I hope this helps you. Perhaps you could ease some of these girls fears by giving them an example of a day in your life.

You can and will find someone out there, but it will probably take a while. I wish you all the best.
 alyosha
Joined: 11/13/2006
Msg: 22
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 12:15:23 PM
You want honesty, MetallicBlue, since you seem to relish handing it out - or rather, your own smug version of it:


Your not meeting women because you think you're a victim in a wheel chair who women won't adore and love, and you're blaiming the chair for shortcomings that were already present before the chair came along.


Where in Wheels original post do you infer he thinks he’s a victim? Since it’s not in there, it must be coming from your clever little head... In other words, it’s a projection. The guy’s got a handicap, a visible one. To judge from this and other of your posts, so do you. Only yours is not, apparently, physical.
 TheDancingQueen
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 23
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 12:28:14 PM

Im a 27 yr old male that is in a wheelchair and it seems like 90% of women im interested in either say they just want to be my friend or they say im not there type.



If you won the lottery then how many of the women who said they were not interested would suddenly become very interested?

It might be helpful to not think about how to get women to look past your disability and realize it might be simpler to have them look completely at something else you could offer.
 Wheels27
Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 24
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 12:57:14 PM
Thank you for all your comments and thank you very much for the people that are saying im not trying to be a victim because that is not what im trying to be at all. I will clear up some things that have been said, I do drive, i have my own car, i dont need help getting out of bed or in the shower or on the toilet, but yes i dont have a full time job and i do live off disability, but if money is a problem the you arent seeing the person inside and thats not the kind of person im looking for. I am more independent then most able body people. I have spina bifida i was born this way i can move my legs just not my ankles or toes. Well i hope that clears somethings up and helps out when people leave comments thanks again everyone.
 Jayor
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 25
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 3:35:05 PM
i have the same prb man im in a wheelchair
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?