| Fool Me Twice Shame on me
Posted: 11/23/2006 6:50:57 AM | Looking to see if I am crazy and completely overreacted, or if I am just finally getting the balls to stand up for myself.
About two months ago I got back together with an ex who had in the past seriously burnt me with his lies. He truly seemed like he had changed. His behaviours his attitude, his demeanor towards me and our relationship seemed like he had really grown up and realized what he had lost. Then a couple of days ago he was at my house and I noticed he had left himself signed in on this site, (which he told me he never came on anymore) and since it was up on my screen on my computer I also noticed he had several emails from one specific girl on this site. I never read the emails but I was very upset that he was even on this site let alone emailing one specific girl numerous times. We got in a huge fight about it, he swore it was all innocent conversation and nothing more, so I let it go. Till she called his cell phone....that I bought and pay for...what the hell? He gave out his number? or I guess I should say my number since it is on my bill on our family plan. Then that same day I find out he gave the number to his ex girlfriend as well. (who he swears he doesn't see or talk to anymore) Now just to get this straight I don't care who he talks to, I really don't...it's the sneakiness and the lying that bothers me....so I broke up with him, enough is enough...right? | |
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| Fool Me Twice Shame on me
Posted: 11/23/2006 7:02:36 AM | Go with your gut feeling on this.. doesnt sound like he is being truthful again....just think of what else he could be lieing to you about....we all have x's.. if he is doing nothing with these girls he wouldnt have to sneak around or lie to you.I talk to a few of my x's and well anyone I may become involved with has to know that, well not to mention that one is an ex husband and we have 3 kids, but I am up front and honest about it, he should be too if this is innocent as he claims it is.
The best thing you could have done was dump him and now you can heal when the time is right to move on, and eventually you will find someone who will be truthful to you and love you the way you deserve.. best of luck to you. | |
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| Fool Me Twice Shame on me
Posted: 11/23/2006 7:13:35 AM | | That is exactly what I said to him. He knows I talk to some of my exes and that I talk to a lot of male friends....I never hide anything from him, that is what makes this hurt that much more is that I guess he doesn't feel that same level of trust with me. We promised each other this time would be different, that we would work thru anything and be honest with each other, we both agreed we wanted a best friend in each other, then all this. Yesterday when I told him it was over I just knew it was the right decision....so why today am I second guessing myself and missing him like crazy? | |
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| Fool Me Twice Shame on me
Posted: 11/23/2006 7:15:56 AM | You already know the answer. Right now you're just hurt and confused and that tends to cloud one's thoughts. Be strong, lean on family and friends, and move on.
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| Fool Me Twice Shame on me
Posted: 11/23/2006 7:29:42 AM |
so why today am I second guessing myself and missing him like crazy?
It's normal to doubt decisions and second guess them, but know that you made the right decision. People with nothing to hide have nothing to hide, and when they have conversations in secret, that's because they know it's not appropriate.
As to why you're missing him, realize that your brain gets used to having your "love object" around, there's a secretion of chemicals that happen that help you feel loving. When that love object is not there anymore (it doesn't matter who ended the relationship), your brain is still seeking that person, much like a drug addict needs a fix.
Busy yourself with things to do, and when a thought of him comes into your head, don't dwell on him but change your thoughts to other things, like how he was on the road to cheating on you. Oh yeah, by giving out his number, he was actively initiating an affair, if not already conducting one. | |
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| Fool Me Twice Shame on me
Posted: 11/23/2006 7:29:50 AM | | Both of these are great replies... and especially what Mystique said.. I know how you feel ... I was with someone a year and found out that he was talking to other girls .. I seen his text messages to them and they even told me things that he was doing or planning on doing....when we broke up of course I missed him and wanted him back.. it does get easier...it really does... sometimes it still hurts me a little.. especially when he wants to still be friends.. that line can not be crossed (meaning sex and kissing) makes things harder... best to cut your ties with him let him go and girl.. you will heal trust me...you may always love him but you can give someone your heart who will love you back the way you need to be loved.....love is never easy... | |
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| Fool Me Twice Shame on me
Posted: 11/23/2006 9:20:29 AM | | You have done the right thing by letting him go. Just make sure that he stays that way. People rarely change big things in their lives. They may learn to pick up laundry off the floor but they are not going to change being cheaters or liers. Besides that even if he did change there is to much water under the bridge you will never be able to trust him. Better if you find someone who is worthy or your love, devotion and cell phone! | |
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| Fool Me Twice Shame on me
Posted: 11/23/2006 10:47:54 AM | My favorite part of your story is where you say you saw the other girls emails but never read them. He is your boyfriend. Do you honestly feel you are breaking some moral rule by reading email sent to your boyfriend by another woman. I would have read it, memorized it, printed it off and posted it all over the house for him to see when he walked in. And when he tells you "how dare you read my email" reply "you're f.... right and you can get the f.... out".
I'm always amazed that people take back cheaters, liars, and even worse sometimes. Have you no self respect. I would be disgusted in anyone that lied or cheated on me so much that I would be repulsed by the sight of them.
Yes stand up for yourself and you will find that men will be less likely to lie to you and treat you like dirt. | |
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| Fool Me Twice Shame on me
Posted: 11/23/2006 3:48:37 PM | Seems funny...I think this is what happened to a gal in my area..There was a new guy on here in my local area..and he put in his profile that he went on vacation with his girlfriend and his three dogs. I casually said hello, and if he had a girlfriend why is he on here?
He sent me a scathing email because his girlfriend saw the email and was quite upset over it..and it's ALL MY FAULT....huh???? Two emails went by and I blocked him because hacked inside this site and got my REAL email address and spewed evil venum on this email that I better watch out....so I quickly changed emails and sent this site a not that this is hackable... | |
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| Fool Me Twice Shame on me
Posted: 11/24/2006 12:04:45 PM | | Athletic2222: You are too funny....and you are right I really should have read the emails, memorized it and posted it all over the house....maybe then I would feel better and more empowered. But either way thank you for the advice everyone, I have stood by my decision, there will be no round 3 for this man. This isn't baseball and there are not 3 strikes before you are out. Game over.....moving on! | |
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| Fool Me Twice Shame on me
Posted: 11/24/2006 12:15:14 PM | You go girl !
Seriously, guys like this make it harder for the rest of us who don't pull this crap !
Good luck ! | |
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| Fool Me Twice Shame on me
Posted: 11/24/2006 12:35:00 PM | MSG 10
That's great to hear. You will feel better more and more each day that you don't take crap from people. And trust me guys like a girl that stands up for herself unless he's insecure and he needs someone he can walk all over to make himself feel big. | |
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| Fool Me Twice Shame on me
Posted: 11/24/2006 2:36:27 PM | | More on the brain chemicals and "when love is gone". Two really great books that would benefit anyone on this topic are: "The Female Brain" and "The Truth About Love". Amazon carries both of them and they both discuss the role of brain chemistry involved with falling in love. Put simply, being rejected causes a drop in "feel good" brain chemicals (dopamine) and causes withdrawal. Sometimes it's easier to deal with stuff like this is you understand what is happening internally. | |
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| Fool Me Twice Shame on me
Posted: 11/24/2006 5:46:27 PM | | Oh My God I just had to add this to the story because I just can't get over the nerve of this guy. So after I thru him out I made him leave his phone behind since I paid for it. Well tonight I was switching the sim card in the phone and found 3 phone numbers stuck in behind the battery of the phone. I decided this time to do something about it, so I called the numbers. One is his ex, and two are broads from this site, so I just let them all know what a loser this guy is. I can not believe how sneaky this guy is......it is certainly making it easier to get over him the more stuff I keep finding. | |
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| Fool Me Twice Shame on me
Posted: 11/24/2006 6:39:53 PM | after reading that post i wonder if you read the emails? hmmm!
it's ok if you did, the guy was busted......
you need to let it go and redirect your anger calling those other women is a revenge emotion.
you broke the golden rule! never go back!
i tried the go back and try again when i was younger it's a waste of time....
people always revert back to who they truely are.
good luck and don't let this maget impair your judgement! | |
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| Fool Me Twice Shame on me
Posted: 11/24/2006 6:42:40 PM | Singdiva,
You are being a doormat.
He is stepping all over you, and not showing you any respect!
Lose him, fast! | |
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