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 nodice83
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 1
Why does sex complicate things?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Ladies, Why is having sex with a good friend complicated? Now I know this is not always true because there are some women out there mature enough to handle a "friends with benefits" type of relationship with no problem. However, sometimes women feel that having sex with a friend would cause more trouble than pleasure. If mutual feelings of emoitional attachment develop isnt that a good thing or is the 'friends before lovers' montra more of a good line in a love song than what women REALLY want. and if the feelings arent mutual or non existent why cant we return to being good friends with an understanding that there are emotional limitations on the situation and carry on accordingly.
 Clover705
Joined: 11/15/2005
Msg: 2
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Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/24/2006 7:26:33 PM
freinds with benefits is fine as long as both people are mature enough to deal with that kind of relationship. In my experience it doesn't usually end up well. As for sex, it doesn't have to be complicated we just tend to make it complicated.

Slainte
 mybad
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 3
Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/24/2006 7:45:20 PM
Doesn't take immaturity to
want more than "friends with benefits"

Carrying on accordingly: why would
a person want to stare into a face
if it causes them emotional pain?

Wait, are we talking about robots? Oh,
then that's a different story...

 Pink_Salmon
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 4
Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/24/2006 7:52:07 PM
Men and women have sex differently. It's about the physical for most men, the mental for most women.
Of course there are exceptions to every rule.
 Practically Housebroken
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 5
Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/24/2006 8:36:21 PM
It’s been my experience that a FWB situation typically starts out with the benefits…not the other way around. For you to question your “friends” level of maturity on this issue is probably closer to the real answer. Some gals simply don’t want to be a booty call. Especially considering, by your own statements, it’s probably not going to work out anyway.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 6
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Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/24/2006 8:44:04 PM
I agree with mybad, maturity has nothing to do with whether someone is ready for a "friends with benefits" kind of relationship. Some people just want emotional love and others do not care.

In fact I think it is a sign of maturity that people would stop having those kinds of relationships because they are dangerous for their health. If someone is not in love with you, who's to say they are not having benefits with 5 other people at the same time?
 MEGA_CHULO2007
Joined: 11/15/2006
Msg: 7
Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/24/2006 8:58:20 PM
The women's hearts always come into play. You're fine with the way things are...then all of a sudden.....she wants more. But very rarely you find a woman player that will play the game and not catch feelings at all. That's cool because you get no b.s. from her and you can do your thing with no stress.
 Jesiebunnies
Joined: 7/10/2005
Msg: 8
Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/24/2006 9:10:11 PM
Sex is an intimate behavior at least for most women. When women have sex they share both their mind and body. This is not something your share with everyone therefore sex and feelings get linked up together.

In my opinion it has nothing to do with maturity but rather with being human and having emotions. Being mature is realizing that friends with benefits rarely works. When it's all said and done you have lost a wonderful friendship. Most of us who are "mature" realize this and avoid the ugly pain that comes when these relationships end.
 nodice83
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 9
Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/24/2006 10:02:37 PM
It does take maturity to properly identify the boundaries of a relationship and it takes maturity to compromise and keep your emotions in check.

mybad, i am inclined to agree with you but only partially. However, it does take maturiy to stare someone in the face and know that your feelings for that someone you care about are not going to be returned and accept it.

jesiebunnies, why must we lose "the wonderful friendship" if doesnt work out. why cant we continue being friends. why must it be so ugly when you want to stop having sex?
 Jesiebunnies
Joined: 7/10/2005
Msg: 10
Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/25/2006 7:07:14 PM
Because you are no longer just friends but have moved into a different realm called lovers. Lovers breakup and they move on. Being just friends does not involve sex. Last time I checked my best friends and I don't have sex together.

I believe someone above explained the differences between men and women pretty clearly. There are exceptions to the rule but generally women need to have the emotional and the physical in a sexual relationship while men only need the physical. This is why two people who meet at a bar and have a one night stand, the women will go home feeling guilty/negative while the guy goes home happy he just got laid and can't remember her name!
 silver-surfer
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 11
Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/25/2006 7:25:28 PM
I think you'd probably have to actually experience within yourself , hrrrrrrrrrm a changing of emotion for another that your having a "fwb" situation with.....guessing that's never happend to you in the situation?? but could be asuming to much :)

.... imagine if you will, your having this romp'n session free from all typical disclaimers......... then for reasons seemingly even un imaginable to your self, you develop a deeper emotion.......... the on going intimacy, with said hypathetical person, which in this hypathetical example is even subconsciously deepening for you and not them; however, leaves you feeling quite comfortable to express this to them........when all of a sudden upon rejection by them to your self expressions, and unbenounced to even you this just creeps in and contadicts your very own understanding of why this rejection seems to have hurt you emotionally since in your own mind, you've always imagine it could never happen to you, espescially if you played within your own moral rules.......... but yeah, simply, understanding the other does not really matter, if they aren't down, you can't play

any way, guess'n you'd have to feel the other point of view to really "get" why some avoid it
 real12luv
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 12
Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/25/2006 7:47:55 PM
Hmm, dont think the sex is whats complicating things here. Its more the individuals involved. Your obviously not having casual sex with the right partners.

If your minds are not disassociated or aloof from your hearts there will always be problems, no turnin back once you past the line over to the darkside there OP.
 JenGG
Joined: 11/16/2006
Msg: 13
Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/25/2006 8:04:24 PM
Some women get their hearts in the way of their belts:)
 Hottest_of_the_Hot
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 14
Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/27/2006 6:33:40 AM
" Friends with benefits " is a great and wonderful thing...but it's rare, bc both people really have to be close and UNDERSTAND each other well. It should be on the get go, that you two are doing something fun and pleasurable...and not as " testing the waters to see where this friendship goes ". Sex is a natural stress reliever....so, it shouldn't be the strain in a friendship if both people are mature and understanding of the NATURE of your relationship.
 Jennajana
Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 15
Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/27/2006 9:26:07 AM
Women can have a one night stand easier than they can carry on a "friends with benefits" type of relationship. Women tend to get more emotionally involved when continuing to have a sexual relationship with the same person, generally speaking anyways.
 kmhstx
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 16
Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/27/2006 10:48:39 AM
To me fwb is the opposite of maturity. I think it takes alot more maturity to make and emotional bond and commitment to another person that to just use them for a buddy to bang and hang with. That doesn't scream maturity it screams laziness to me.
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 17
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Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/27/2006 11:58:44 AM
Never enter into a sexual FWB relationship if you cannot distinguish between sex for activity and sex for love!!! You indeed have to be completely mature in making the choice to indulge!!
 leo_goddess
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 18
Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/27/2006 5:23:53 PM
sex is a very intimate... it opens up emotions for me... it creates a bonding to that person feeling for me... I can try to control them... but sometimes trying to control them means shutting parts of me down that need to be open to really enjoy myself sexually.

If I care about a person as a friend or whatever.... and I allow myself to let go and really enjoy myself... I'll suddenly feel myself on the verge of tears for no reason when they get up and leave after... it sometimes can be managed but sometimes I'll find myself trying to figure out ways to make things work between us or something. Scientists have actually said there is a nero connection between the female genitals and their emotions that doesn't exist in men...

That being said... I've still had a fwb with my best friend... that's over.. he's in a LTR and we're still terrific friends. It's just unpredictable I find... I can control it sometimes with some people and not others... or think i'm controlling it but then I get hurt
 Jarbarian
Joined: 2/9/2006
Msg: 19
Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/27/2006 5:35:45 PM
Sex wasn't made for "friends with benefits", period.

It complicates things because sex was intended for two loving, married people. It complicates things because sex CHANGES FEELINGS. No matter how hard you try to say to yourself "It's just sex", sex to most means LOVE. And if you aren't in love or married, it will certainly end up hurting one of the people involved.

It's the main reason why sex before weddings ruins the long term potential of a marriage.
It's the main reason why relationships based on sex fail.
It's the main reason why FWB's never work.

Sex was never intended to be a hobby, a sport or an 'act.'
 belly18dancer
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 20
Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/27/2006 5:57:00 PM
So let's say you are friends with benefits with a woman....just friends...having sex...since there is no emotional bind, no feelings, no real relationship, is it ok for her to be having sex with her other friends as well?

men always want their cake and eat it too, but when a woman is truly liberated with her sexuality they get very uncomfortable and upset...we are expected to wait around for them while they sew their wild oats....

i've had too many circumstances of trying to be just a ''friend with benefits'' the guy didn't want to get serious but he sure as hell got pissed when he found out he wasn't the only guy i was seeing...yet he could go out and date and have his fun...

women may get emotionally attached, but men get territorial...
 silver-surfer
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 21
Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/27/2006 6:27:41 PM
belly' ............. perhaps this guy potentially wanted to respectfully pursue his "dates" without the overwhelming desire to sleep with them prematurely......... hav'n the booty call in the bag with you would allow him to do just such........ potentially had he known up front that he wasn't the only current booty call for you, he just may have abstained all together and found himself a different hiney ;)

perhaps the above scenario doesn't fit that situation at all, twas jus hypathetical.......... however, I do know that if I was in that situation with a woman, I'd certainly wanna know up front if I was gonna be part of a "he"rim ...... or just a one man toy


 brokensmilensj
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 22
Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/27/2006 6:46:27 PM

Sex wasn't made for "friends with benefits", period.

It complicates things because sex was intended for two loving, married people. It complicates things because sex CHANGES FEELINGS. No matter how hard you try to say to yourself "It's just sex", sex to most means LOVE. And if you aren't in love or married, it will certainly end up hurting one of the people involved.

It's the main reason why sex before weddings ruins the long term potential of a marriage.
It's the main reason why relationships based on sex fail.
It's the main reason why FWB's never work.

Sex was never intended to be a hobby, a sport or an 'act.'


I'm with Jarbarian on this. Well said.
 littlerockstar
Joined: 10/15/2006
Msg: 23
Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/28/2006 5:08:12 AM
Friendship first and foremost is the most important thing - its when we start putting expections/obligations on our relationships (any relationship) that things get messed up.

Being "friends with benefits" can - and should be fantastic
all you need is trust, honesty and no expectations - haha and all is good :)
 Jarbarian
Joined: 2/9/2006
Msg: 24
Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/28/2006 9:37:40 AM

Being "friends with benefits" can - and should be fantastic
all you need is trust, honesty and no expectations - haha and all is good :)


I completely disagree. In nearly every case, someone gets hurt. Feelings change, expectations change. Hearts are broken.

Sex is NOT a hobby. It has always been intended for loving, married couples.

Just browse the forums searching for FWB topics and look at how many people have been hurt because of it.

And let's not even start on the STDs that are being transmitted because of it....
 carefully
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 25
Why does sex complicate things?
Posted: 11/28/2006 1:03:36 PM
I also agree with Jarbarian...great sex begins in the mind,which involves feelings...I have to feel in order to give completely.If no feeling then it's a pretty dry run........pun intended.
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