| Did you have ' the talk' with your teenaged children?
Posted: 11/26/2006 2:56:32 PM | | Did you accept and embrace your parental responsibilities by having a frank, honest and open discussion with them about sex or did you leave it to school counsellors, doctors, and Playboy? If you did...how difficult was it? | |
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| Did you have ' the talk' with your teenaged children?
Posted: 11/26/2006 3:00:30 PM | POF posters could just let their teenagers read their post in the threads, and say "Do as I say, not as I do".
Just teasing.
Having no children myself, this is just one more thing I don't have to deal with. | |
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| Did you have ' the talk' with your teenaged children?
Posted: 11/26/2006 3:12:57 PM | | Sure did. Around age 12/13. I have always had great communication with my children but this was really awkward for me. But I did it. The question and answer session afterwards was the real killer. lol I even went one step further with the birth control talk. Did you know that you can put a condom over your fist and wrist? Never ever let a boy tell you that he is too big to fit into one. Now, they are the ones having the talk with ME. Nothing is off-limits for us to talk about. Although I do have to tell them at times "that is more than a mother needs to know". Now what did I do with that there condom....... | |
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| Did you have ' the talk' with your teenaged children?
Posted: 11/26/2006 3:39:29 PM | | I had good communication with my sons, and their father wouldn't talk to them. I started early, if they asked a question, I gave them a straight answer but didn't sit down and go over every little detail until they asked. My oldest son came home one day from school when he was 10 and asked me if a girl could get pregnant without being married... LOL... So I sat him down and explained, in his terms, and he said ok, and went out to play baseball, LOL | |
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| Did you have ' the talk' with your teenaged children?
Posted: 11/26/2006 3:45:12 PM | ...Oh yes...I have had the talk, two of my children are older and on their own but I still have a 15 yr old and a 17 yr old at home both girls. My 17 year old just recently aquired a boyfriend and she showed me a picture of them smooching. Soon as I saw the pic I said oh oh...looks like we need a refresher my girl. She just laughed and said," Mom I know what you taught me and I'm not ready to go there, I'll let you know." I couldn't believe she saud that. They have since broke off, much to my relief.
...maeflowers | |
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| Did you have ' the talk' with your teenaged children?
Posted: 11/26/2006 3:57:33 PM | | I have always talked openly with my children. In my opinion the topic of sex is not something that should be put off until a child reaches a certain age and then sit them down to have "THE TALK". If we answer our children's sexual questions openly and honestly as they grow up, we are already teaching them about sex in a healthy manner. I have three children, two boys and a girl. My youngest is 17 and I have not sat either one of them down at a certain point in their life to have "the talk". I feel it is an everyday teaching/learning experience. | |
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| Did you have ' the talk' with your teenaged children?
Posted: 11/26/2006 5:07:00 PM | | I am also one who did not have a sit down for "the talk". I raised 1 girl and 2 boys alone. I answered all their questions as they came up and on the level the child was at when they asked. So far, so good. My daughter is 31 and has an 8 yo son who was born after she had been married 3 years. One son is 26 and married for 4 years and has a 2 yo son. The other son is 24 and to date has not fathered any illegitimate children. None of them are substance abusers either. | |
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| Did you have ' the talk' with your teenaged children?
Posted: 11/26/2006 6:57:14 PM | Having 2 lovely daughters myself, my fears started pretty early on about what should be discussed before things had a chance to get outta hand. I've always tried to keep a very open dialogue with my girls and insured they always got straight up facts without any sidestepping of difficult issues no matter how "challenging" the topic was.
I really just tried to dispell any myths and misconceptions and yes we absolutely DID have the BC talk too, which as a single Dad was at times difficult, yet not nearly as difficult as a discussion would have been after the fact, so ....
At this point my 2 girls are 24 and 17 and neither have presented me with any grand children, though I fear my oldest is actually infertile. My youngest who lives with me and is a senior this year has such a great head on her shoulders and is very focused on finishing HS sucessfully and getting through college before starting a family !!
All in all I feel very proud and fortunate to have 2 such wonderful girls and am certainly glad we had "the talks" we did  | |
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| Did you have ' the talk' with your teenaged children?
Posted: 11/26/2006 9:53:11 PM | | Teenagers??? OMG I started wayyyyy before that. My 2 a boy and a girl understood how babies were created by the time they were 6 or 7. You know, the nature and animal planet channels etc. They understood that we are mammals too so it wasn't much of a leap. I have a very open relationship with both of them and they know they can talk to me about anything and I won't balk. FUNNY STORY....my son came home on the school bus when he was 12 and wanted to know what 69 was. ERRRRR a number divisable by 3?? NOOO I know it has to do with sex because of the way the boys were talking. I explained it as SIMPLY as possible and got the response EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!! PHEWWWW....I told him to keep thinking that for a few more years LOL. These days there are even jokes about rosie palm type things LOL. My daughter is less open but heard a lot when I was answering questions from my son. They know what I think is right. BUT I am not naive, they know where condoms are and I don't check them. (HMMM I probably should get a new pack) Right now they are 15 and 17 and I can say that although I know they have made out, I am 99.9 percent sure they have not actually had sex. My daughter even asked about the HPV innoculations that work best before intercourse. :) I think I have done pretty well. | |
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| Did you have ' the talk' with your teenaged children?
Posted: 11/27/2006 3:01:19 AM | "Having no children myself, this is just one more thing I don't have to deal with."
Well....having no children myself as well, it still didn't exonerate me from knowing that all the women my age were more than likely going to have some from previous marriages. And I had absolutely NO problem in assuming the role of 'the talk' giver if I was going to be helping raising said kids.....
I'm still a firm believer that the more kids know in open honest ways from their parents, at the earliest ages possible (maturity levels pending, of course, that determine which level they can handle next) the less likely they are to be practicing a lot of bad behaviors that would lead to a lot of trouble.
And to this day, the reason I remained a virgin well into my twenties was simply because of the healthy talks with my mother at the earliest ages. If I had a question, she had the answer, without so much as a flinch. No topic was left tabu.... It was healthy talk, without shame or guilt. I knew more than any kid my age, at any age level. Books were given to me on top of our discussions (including books by Dear Abbey....back in the seventies, she had books broken down by age group to discuss the topic......later on....I was given "The Sensuous Man" to learn about 'techniques' when I was sixteen.....my friends wanted to borrow it.....I said 'no way'...I wasn't giving them ANY edge.....) To this day I wish more kids had had those type talks I did......and that was exactly why I welcomed with open arms the moment I was asked to give 'the talks'.......
The story is funny in and of itself...it's too long to go into here. I also gave him books by Dr. Drew....and we used to listen and watcht "Love Line" on radio and MTV, and then talk....he was no dummy. I know for a fact the oldest did not engage in any activity during his high school years...(I kept tabs...)...and he was a very popular kid, who was also quite the ladies man....part of his charm was actually the fact that he didn't 'give in' to pressure from anybody......I mean....COME ON!! A sixteen year old kid who drives a 1959 Ford Fairlane, plays guitar, listens to "Music by The Mob", and has a poster of Dean Martin holding a Martini glass on his bedroom door......who doesn't have sex.....now THAT's COOL!! | |
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| Did you have ' the talk' with your teenaged children?
Posted: 11/27/2006 5:25:22 PM | Agree with Bryantinfl. One of my kids was 10,when she started asking Questions I sat her down and explained what I thought she needed to know? The other two were 11,and I did the same I answered their questions as to what I thought they needed to know for their age. At 12 I sat with them again,totaly different Questions and answers Amazing what 12 and 13 yr olds can come up with nowadays. I was a little uncomfortable to begin with,but once we started to get talking,I was so proud that my kids could talk openly to me about these things I had a point to go on "I was married at 16,first kid at 17" So wanted my kids to know exactly what it was all about. I told them after the talk they could come to me at any time and ask me ANYTHING,and they did. A 12 yr old in Scotland "pregnant at 11" had a little boy last year who was taken straight into care after the birth "long story",but it is happening all over the world in this day and age sad but true. Waiting till they are in their teens is to late In my opinion,what doesent a teen know about sex,etc etc. you all take care. | |
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| Did you have ' the talk' with your teenaged children?
Posted: 11/27/2006 5:48:17 PM | | Teenagers??????????????? You can't wait that long anymore! In fact the 70's was the last generation in which you could wait that long. I started talking to my kids from the age of ten and on.. It worked. No grand babies.. No drug use.. failed one with cigarettes but I'm still trying. They are both in their early twenties now | |
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| Did you have ' the talk' with your teenaged children?
Posted: 11/27/2006 5:48:29 PM | | I was pretty frank with my children once they got to be about 10. Geez, kids in kindergarten today know all about sex. I have a grandson who is in Grade 1 and the stuff he knows would make your hair curl. He learned it from his classmates. I've had to run to my room so he wouldn't see me laughing and one time my daughter threw a blanket over her head so he wouldn't see her laughing uncontrollably. I'm pretty frank also with my grandson, who is 14, and so is my daughter. As a result, we all can have discussions about "responsible" behaviour. My children saw me as a "person" besides being "mom". They also knew they could ask me anything and get the truth. | |
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| Did you have ' the talk' with your teenaged children?
Posted: 11/27/2006 6:30:13 PM | I was watching my 3 yr old Grandson one day last week,and put a DVD on for him while I tidied up Anyway it must have finished and its went on to a TV programme "I had not noticed". Next thing my g/son was shouting for me,I went in and he asked me, Nana why cant I have what a lady has?? I asked him what he meant and he pointed to the TV. It was a sex education programme that was on. I kept trying to avoid his Question for an hour,then had to give in and tell him his mum would explain when she got in from work. In she came,and he had a kind of small tantrum,saying he wanted a flower,instead of his wee man "daughter uses these words to him for sexual parts well my daughter teaches 3 to 5 yr olds in nursery school,I was so proud the way she sat him down,got his full attension,and explained the difference between male and female,he was satisfied with the answers he got and toddled off to play with his toys But I couldent stop thinking about it for days,hes 3 so was curious about the difference yes,but it was sooooo touching watching my daughter explaning to her 3 yr old . PS And I cant wait till he is a teenagerand I will tell him he threw a tantrum coz he wanted a flower. | |
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| Did you have ' the talk' with your teenaged children?
Posted: 11/27/2006 7:10:23 PM | I have two grown girls and I had the "talk" with them and even showed them how to use a condom properly, reviewed birth control methods, discussed personal things about their bodies and near the end, they were so relaxed, they started to correct me.
How is that for shocking!
All three of us ended up howling with laughter.
And they are pretty good gals now.
Although they still like to tease me.....all the time.
Give 'em an inch eh?
^^BG^^ | |
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| Did you have ' the talk' with your teenaged children?
Posted: 11/27/2006 7:13:30 PM | I raised one son. We were always open about sex. When he was eleven he had his male friends over and they were all looking at my anatomy books. I walked in to see what all the "quiet" boys were up to and they all looked just sick when I saw what they were doing. I just leaned over and said "you should really read Chapter X...thats got the one on how babies are made"...you could have heard a pen drop. We were in a very fundementalist christian community and I was the rogue parent!
I was partnered with a fellow for awhile who brought his two teenaged kids into the home. My son came into the living room one night and asked me a question he already knew the answer too...but I caught a glimpse of my "stepson" hiding in the hall way. My guy got very upset with my son. I calmed him down and answered the question so the hidden son could hear. Later, the "stepdaughter" wanted to know about birth control. I told her I would gladly take her to Planned Parenthood whenever she liked. She froze and said her father would never approve. So, I corned dear ol' dad and asked him what was more important...his daughter remaining innocent and pure in his eyes only with a baby on the way or a well informed intellegent young lady possibly college bound? He relaxed...sort of.
But I do have to share this one part...wayyy funny. My son knew where the egg was. He knew where the sperm was and what it was for. That was as far as he had asked me...up until the day we were standing on the showroom floor of the main Chevy dealership in our city. He asked (loudly, of course...and he was only 9).."Mommy, just exactly how does the sperm get to the egg?" I asked him to wait until we got home, as everyone there stopped whatever they were doing and stared aghast at us. Later, when a few days had gone by and he had not brought it up, I explained to him we had to talk about the greatest grown up thing he will ever here. When I told him...he rolled back his eyes, covered his face and burst out in hysterical laughter. "No way!" he said. We laughed and rolled on the floor after that and I filled him in on the finer details after the belly laughing finally stopped.
At the tender age of 35 he still has to deal with the fact that his mommy is a sexual being...it still makes him laugh. Kids. | |
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| Did you have ' the talk' with your teenaged children?
Posted: 11/27/2006 8:08:31 PM | | "the talk" started before he was a teen and still continues now that he is 19. It covers more than abstaining and safe sex. It covers more than drugs. I want my son to feel he can talk to me about anything and sometimes I have wished over the years I didnt open myself for some of the things he has come to me with, but I know that the open line of communication between us has kept him on the straight and narrow. I count my blessings everyday that we get closer to 25 years of age (which I consider the age of maturity for a male and where we enter more of a safe haven) without any problems since the older they get the bigger a consequence a single mistake can make for them. Best place and time I have found to talk to my son is in the car, me driving when he is my trapped prisoner and has no choice but to communicate or jump from my high speed moving vehicle. | |
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| Did you have ' the talk' with your teenaged children?
Posted: 11/27/2006 10:54:43 PM | I sure have spoken to my sons, not just about the birds and the bees, but about life in general. I have taught my boys, that if they choose to make stupid decisions in their lives against better judgement, then they must live with the consequences.
'Alcohol' and 'Youth' are not excuses to make wrong decisions. When a child hits a certain age (say 16), maybe younger THEY KNOW right from wrong. The thing that annoys me the most is people who say 'Oh it's not their fault, they are only a youngen', thus giving the child something to hide behind. (Ammunition).
It's vital that a child takes responsibility into their own hands, and knows that if they mess up, there is only so much a parent can do, the rest they have to deal with themselves.
And yes, I have found the roodie mags behind the couch, and the video's hidden in a dark corner!  | |
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| Did you have ' the talk' with your teenaged children?
Posted: 11/28/2006 12:54:03 AM | I have 2 sons: 24 & 30-they were given "the talk" over a period of several years. I always used proper language so they always called their anatomy by the given name (i.e. a penis is a penis is a penis). So we were pretty open and I and their Dad answered their questions openly and without hesitation. We offered details as age and time permitted. My youngest son had 3 friends and they apparently were always asking him questions about girls/boys. So at the age of 12 I was asked by all the mothers of these children to give them a medical talk (I'm a nurse) regarding sex, sexuality STD's, etc. So we had a group discussion complete with pictures, etc. Now that was a trip-I felt like Dr. Ruth without having to go into detail about satisfaction, positions, etc.!
Once when my oldest was 7 I was preparing a chicken dinner when he asked what we were having. I answered 'chicken breasts'. He looked dumbfounded, had to look at them and when he realized he'd had this delicacy before offered some information and a question. He said his friend at school told him that girls didn't have breasts they had "boobies". Then he asked "why do chicken have breasts and not boobies like all girls do?". It was so funny at the time I laughed until I almost cried. Then I explained that they were the same & that people use different words to describe, etc. After that he never asked me a specific anatomical question again. I often wondered if he corrected others when they used slang to describe male & female parts or if he just took it in to use later!
lucidmoments | |
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| Did you have ' the talk' with your teenaged children?
Posted: 11/28/2006 2:19:10 AM | I really just tried to dispell any myths and misconceptions
That's it in a nutshell .. had the talks to avoid (mis)conceptions. Left "Sex for Dummies" on an open bookshelf for years. I answered questions as they came up and 'we' referred to the book as well. Have no idea where it went after all these years but it is a great book as it covers relationship values, emotions, health and the physical aspects very well.
I have two boys in their 20s and they tell me they have no plans for kids full stop, period. Ahh but times will change and so will minds, no doubt.
C-I | |
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