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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 figuremeout123
Joined: 4/16/2006
Msg: 1
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with himPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I need some advice on how to get over this. Never felt heartbroken like this before. He cheated on me and went to a girls house for 4 days and now hes moving in with her because i won't take him back. He says he still loves me but tells her he loves her too. But also says he doesn't mean it when he tell her those words. He told me hed stop talking to her if i take him back. Does he actually mean it or is he playin mind games with me. I always thought i was smarter and braver than to let a man do this to me but i guess when love takes over, your mind doean't work the same. Can someone pls give me a lil advice on how to get over this.
 loyal T
Joined: 8/10/2006
Msg: 2
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 11/27/2006 9:37:05 AM
Try keeping busy, hang around with friends.
Talk to someone else you know when and if
you want to contact him. DO NOT talk about him.

It SOUNDS like he is just interested in having
his cake and eating it too..that he just wants
to play both of you and has no real interest
in either one from what you wrote.

I would NOT call or email him and I would not
spend my time wondering what he is doing.
He OBVIOUSLY does not care what you feel
or he would not have done this.

I feel when one door closes another opens.
Take some time away to clear your head of him
and look for someone new.
Doing that SOON after can usually ONLY lead to
more disappointment and disaster as you may
end up trying to replace him only and that is
not fair to the next new person.

Take time for yourself and doing things you enjoy.
Keep busy and keep your distance.

BTW..If he saw your profile how it is listed now,
he may not feel you are seriously looking for someone.
How you worded your interests and first date are going
to only lead to a risk of getting players it looks like.
 Creativguy
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 3
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 11/27/2006 9:38:28 AM

Does he actually mean it


You see, you can't tell because his words and actions are mixed. Words are easy, so you have to look at his actions to see what the truth is:

He cheated on me,
tells her he loves her too,
now he's moving in with her

These aren't the actions of someone who really loves you.
 MISTYCURLS
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 4
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 11/27/2006 9:50:33 AM
men are all cheaters in some way or another if they dont cheat on you its crossed thier mind daily .dont take him back or youll always feel second best
 figuremeout123
Joined: 4/16/2006
Msg: 5
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 11/27/2006 9:52:05 AM
I realize you're right bout my profile. But i haven't used this site since we started the relationship so i didn't change my profile till now....thx for the advice.
 figuremeout123
Joined: 4/16/2006
Msg: 6
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 11/27/2006 10:33:20 AM
These aren't the actions of someone who really loves you

I guess they're not but unfortunately doesn't make the hurt go away knowing that. But i know yr right.
 tanyat9wonbear
Joined: 11/12/2006
Msg: 7
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 11/27/2006 10:53:34 AM
u dont hun guys wil continue to be curious but later they relize they have forgotten the one thing in there life was good they let go when they realize this they will return but then they may or may not wonder again if he does ur choice is the hardest see if u want to be the one he always comes home to but allows him to stray ,or move on with him in ur heart this hurts the most but i know i will always be in his thoughts for life cause he let u go ,but he may persue if u show him u can move on he may get his act together or not unfortunately we suffer either way ladies ,keep goin dont hold on keep him in ur heart,i still do mine has been gone 3yrs now ,but i know he will never stop lovin me i have that piece of his heart with me
 Jarbarian
Joined: 2/9/2006
Msg: 8
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 11/27/2006 10:57:28 AM

These aren't the actions of someone who really loves you.


The old rule goes...

"Never believe what someone tells you, believe what they do. For their mouth will lie but their actions prove to you where their heart is..."
 Arita-77
Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 9
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 11/27/2006 11:02:49 AM
Once a cheater, always a cheater. When we first got together, my ex told me he cheated on every girlfriend he'd ever had. Unfortunately, I didn't listen and believed that he wouldn't cheat on me. He has betrayed me in every way possible since day one. I'm just hearing now about all the different girls he's slept with.
Your man will justify it every way he can think of, but in the end it all boils down to one thing - his love is not true.
Run as fast as you can and save yourself from any more hurt that he can inflict upon you. One can never be too careful as to whom they trust with their heart.
 nemoanimum
Joined: 11/1/2006
Msg: 10
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 11/27/2006 1:07:35 PM
Nice blanket statement- "All men are cheaters"...thanks-ever heard of misandry?

Just because you've chosen and tolerated jerks a number of times doesn't make ALL men jerks...just the one's you've chosen. Sounds like your radar is tuned to jerks...

Now the ad-hominem attacks are done, let's get on to this poor gals difficulty: someone is treating her in a way she doesn't want-what to do?

Tell them no, and don't tolerate mistreatment. Tell them to change or be gone. Period, end of story.

Remember attraction is not a choice-so while you may feel attracted to this person, you can choose to walk away if they don't meet other requirements (like integrity).

Stop reinforcing his behavior or he'll continue...
 AREALANGEL
Joined: 2/5/2006
Msg: 11
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 11/27/2006 1:28:43 PM
Geez....does this guy move in with any women?....he sounds like a spongebob squarepants...he does not love you....sink that in your brain....using women for his purpose...
 Willowstar
Joined: 11/1/2006
Msg: 12
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 11/27/2006 1:45:39 PM
Well you can still be in love with him, your allowed.
But ask yourself each time that you miss him, or are hurting by his actions.
Why would someone do this to me, IF they love Me?
Ask yourself if you took him back, WOuld you trust him? Can you handle that?
I had the same problem, and No i wouldnt take him back for all the tea in CHina.
And it still hurts but i have to deal with it, and go on.
I picked him in the first place ( thats worse to deal with i think )
And i dont hate all men, and i dont think that all men are cheaters.
woman cheat too.
I just wish the cheaters stuck to the cheaters. (you know what i mean )
Use the pain you feel right now, to pick a winner next time
 figuremeout123
Joined: 4/16/2006
Msg: 13
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 11/27/2006 1:47:07 PM
its just hard to let go but i know i have to.....i know in my heart he'll do it again. But unfortunately knowing that doesn't make the pain go away. Thx again everyone for your input.
 Creativguy
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 14
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 11/27/2006 2:04:32 PM
You want to get rid of the pain, that's understandable. The key is there is no magic pill for getting rid of the pain, and only you can get rid of your own pain. So, it's hard work, but you can do it.

It's all in the mind. We keep dwelling on the events over and over, and of course, because they're hurtful events, everytime we dwell on them we feel the hurt again. Animals, on the other hand, get hurt once, feel the pain, and limp away, nurse their wound and soon forget that they were ever hurt. Why can't we be like that? We have to train our minds to stop dwelling on past events that can't be changed and accept that all we really have is right now and the choice to continue be miserable because of something that's already happened, is just that: a choice.

It helps to get active and do things in order to keep your mind busy and focussed on yourself. It helps to think about your ex as not exactly good for you, given their propensity to lie to you and hurt you. Realize that what you really miss about him is not him, but things about him that you liked, and these things you can find in other people. Remember that you were just fine before you ever met this person, and so you can be fine again. You can be even better, because now you're wiser too. Think of how nuts it is to let one person, one solitary person out of all the world, and not such a nice person either, to have that much power over your feelings. Don't think about him, if such a thought enters your head, dismiss it, think of something else. Think of yourself and what you can do to treat yourself today. Don't speculate, imagine, assume, conclude anything about him. let that all go, he's not spending his brain power on you. And know that this was not about you at all, but all about how immaturely he goes about things and tries to take advantage of people. Don't think that he ends up happier because of it, unless there's a drastic change, his will just be a sequence of broken relationships and bad feelings as he goes through life.

Yours doesn't have to be that way.
 killerdogsmooch
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 15
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 11/27/2006 2:11:20 PM
He is playing mind games. So far he is playing heart break games at your expense. Best to concentrate on other things, and don't think of him again. The best way to get over this is by new good experiences where you are constantly NOT THINKING ABOUT HIM and keep living life because before you know it a whole hour will go by without thinking of him, and then soon a whole day and then a couple of days and then soon it gets less and less thinking of him. It lingers forever but eventually lingers small enough where you can live normal again.

DON'T WORRY THESE FEELINGS WILL PASS and you will be left intact again.
 figuremeout123
Joined: 4/16/2006
Msg: 16
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 11/27/2006 2:20:50 PM
thx creativguy,

You are definitly right. I know i deserve better, in fact everyone does. Women do this to guys also so i would never judge every guy on what has happened to me. In fact if anything you restore my faith that they're are nice guys out there......I just haven't met the right one yet.

As the old saying goes i guess..... "What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger."

I just have to keep telling myself that.
 Sadie415
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 17
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 11/27/2006 7:52:45 PM
All the while your heart is hurting, he did you a favor. Keep telling yourself "the hell with him."
 indrinita
Joined: 9/18/2006
Msg: 18
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 11/27/2006 11:25:38 PM
I think the "No Contact" rule applies really well here.
 singleguy64
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 19
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 11/27/2006 11:35:18 PM
men are all cheaters in some way or another if they dont cheat on you its crossed thier mind daily


First off, to mistycurls, I find that horribly insulting. "All men" are not any one thing. I have never cheated on a woman, and never will... but I *have* been cheated *on* by a woman before. But you won't find me posting "All women are cheaters in some way", because I know that the only thing "all women" are is... different.

To the OP, I know it sucks. My situation was similar, she cheated on me, said she loved me and "he's just a friend", but moved out of my house to move right in with him. We were together for 4-1/2 years, and yeah, I was *very* much in love with her, and it was very painful. And I actually tried initially (she'd slept with him the night before, to her credit she was honest about it the next morning, she was crying because she knew how much it would hurt me) to get her to stay and we could try and work through it, because I loved her so much, but that wasn't in her plan. When she said it was over, she wanted to be with him, she walked out the door and I changed the locks. (Pissed her off there, all her stuff was in my house, made her get a truck and get it all in one day - but it was the first of several "heathy" moves I made for *myself* in the aftermath of that).

The few bits of advice I can give you...

1) Put anything personal that reminds you of him away. Either throw it away, or put it in a box somewhere in a closet for the next year. If there is still any of *his* stuff in your place, put it in a box and have someone you know give it to him (I would advice against doing that yourself).
2) If you feel like it, rearrange the furniture, or if you can afford it buy something new, change the decor - for me (I own a house), I tore up the wall-to-wall carpet and had the hardwood floors underneath refinished (something I'd wanted to do for a while), and painted the entire upstairs.
2) Go out with friends, don't sit in the house pining over him, keep busy. It might be hard at first, I know I felt awkward and "empty" for a while, even with friends, but over time you'll begin to enjoy yourself without them.
3) Realize that if he loved you, he wouldn't have cheated or left. And remember that his cheating is *not* your fault in any way.
4) Remind yourself that you deserve someone who will be faithful and truely love you.
5) Read 3 & 4, again, and whatever you do *don't* take him back.

oh yeah, and #6) There *is* a future, you will love again. I've had some wonderful relationships since. Don't let his actions poison your future relationships with bitterness or anger, everyone is different, there are people out there who are faithful and honest.
 kelly_101
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 20
"The queen"
Posted: 1/24/2008 9:19:10 AM
I know being cheated on feels like the worst thing that can happen, trust me i know. A person puts so much into a realationship and bang, one day it's all over. I feel like the queen of being cheated on. I had my ex of 6 yrs cheat on me, I was so devistated. I didn't think I would survive. That was not the worst of it. I was also 5 months pregnant with his baby. I was so stressed out and upset about what happened, i lost the baby. That was a few yrs back. Now i just got out of another 3 year realationship. This man was my heart, I loved him so much and we were to be married. one month before the wedding, he calls off the wedding and breaks up with me. one week later I found out that he was messing around with my sister, whom i was very close with. My heart was shattered. How could this be, the man i loved, cherished, and trusted has hurt me this way. I didn't think i was going to survive this one for sure. But I did and guess what........The love of my life has dumped my sister and is now trying to get me back. Well the satisfaction of having him beg me is very helpful. But he can kiss my ass. come on girls......we are much stronger than that. we were born to survive. Never let a man bring you down. everyone makes mistakes don't get me wrong and if you love him and want to make it work. thats what it will take "WORK" Remember my friends time heals all. you may forgive, but you won't forget. goodluck all
 PostPunk
Joined: 11/15/2006
Msg: 21
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 1/24/2008 10:02:36 AM
I suggest no contact for several weeks.

Cry, scream, wail, beat your head against a wall, but do NOT have any contact with him.

In a few weeks, you'll be feeling better.
 ciscoj33
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 22
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 1/24/2008 6:03:35 PM
put the guy out of your mind. he's obviously not worthy of you or he wouldn't of cheated on you in the first place. let it be a lesson. go forth and do'nt go after those kind of losers anymore.
 warrior in woolworths
Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 23
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 1/25/2008 11:47:01 AM
Calll him by another man,s name. He is a jerk and arrogant you can do better, well you could not do much worse.
 warrior in woolworths
Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 24
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 1/25/2008 11:47:23 AM
Calll him by another man,s name. He is a jerk and arrogant you can do better, well you could not do much worse.
 cdn27
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 25
how do u get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him
Posted: 1/27/2008 10:39:16 AM
I find it pretty ridiculous how woman just standardize men when they do something wrong. He did this, he did that.....he's a..........., .........., .........., get rid of him. Nobody is perfect out there male or female, some have there reasons and may not only be the males at fault. You talk like were the only dirty ones out of a relationship. When there gone your right back here looking for something else or crying about it. He may have cheated on you, it doesn't mean the relationship is over or he's a low life of a man. Things can still be worked out between you or anyone in this situation, treading carefully though you need to communicate and trust one another. If it keeps happening and no sign of change than make a move. Even with our mistakes in life we are not perfect but us "guys" do care more than you give us credit for.
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