| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/29/2006 6:58:20 PM | | K, need some help here! So I meet this guy, we go out have a great time and have an above average connection. He starts calling a few times a day. Emails are coming a feew times a day. He asks me to delete my profile off here. Keep in mind i had met him once for a couple hrs. He knew where I lived bc he had driven me home after our date. The next week I went out with friends, next day I had a guy friend pick me up to take me to my car and the suspected stalker guy leaves messages saying that he just happened to be going by my house and saw me get into a mans car. He was really angryy calling me a liar. Emails & phone calls non stop. He went away finally and then msg'd me again a few weeks later from a different account. Explained it was a misunderstanding. I agreed (stupidly) to give him another shot but told him to slow it down big time. Getting on average 5-6 calls per day and about 5-6 emails per day. I saw him only one more time and he wanted to be exclusive. I wasnt ready. I had agreed to join for a date the next day. When 5pm hit I got non stop emails and msg's insulting me and callling me a liar....even though a time hadnt been set for our date. He keeps saying how much he cares about me and that I am really hurting him and he is miserable. We only met twice! Is this guy a potential stalker or do men fall that fast and Im just being paranoid? | |
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| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/29/2006 7:10:07 PM | Why would people vote to delete this thread? This seems like a very good question to ask if you somehow don't know the answer already.
There are two possibilities here.
a) The guy has a NEED for a woman, and latches on very quickly. Let him go - he's trouble.
b) The guy is obsessive/stalker material. Let him go.
See a common trend? Let him go... there is no other option for you. | |
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| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/29/2006 7:18:35 PM | Sounds like obsessive...I mean you did say 'I do' after a few hours right? 
The emails can be sent to junk or spam, and the IM's can be deleted and blocked...
Have you made it clear? If not it sounds like you need to...LEAVE ME ALONE!  | |
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| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/29/2006 7:29:01 PM |
He was really angryy calling me a liar.
When 5pm hit I got non stop emails and msg's insulting me and callling me a liar
Even putting aside all of the "attention" (~coughs~) both of these statements indicate an abusive tendency.
The fact that you let him go and then let him back in is bad news. I would suggest letting him go in a FIRM manner (specifically telling him that you won't let him back in again like LAST TIME) and then NOT looking back!
WHATEVER you do.... don't let him back "in" again once you let him go. You'll be in over your head, I'm pretty sure. | |
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| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/29/2006 8:42:26 PM | run! run away!! run away fast!!!
no...faster, faster, faster!! you're not far enough yet! keep running!!!! | |
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| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/29/2006 9:02:29 PM | Stalker. Start keeping a log of all his communications with you. Dont respond in anyway excpet one email that says "please leave me alone I am not interested". Keep to an email for a paper trail.
Log what time he calls, the date and try to keep the messages, as well as the emails and anytime you see him pass your place. If he persists after telling him to go away, go to the police.
And next time, dont let someone you dont know well drive you home. | |
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| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/29/2006 9:12:51 PM | Whoa! Get away from that guy and never look back.
Doesn't matter if he's really fallen or not, no one should be acting that way. | |
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| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/29/2006 9:32:14 PM | Holy!! I had a similiar occurrance..First off, let's take a close look at his anger issue. HUGE red flag there..Secondly..His need to have control over you and what you're doing, where you go and who u go there with..HUGE red flag. My concern is that he knows where you live. It may not be easy to shake this guy but I'd do it as quickly as you can. None of these qualities are what you want in a guy.. Ever....
I wouldn't answer any of his calls or his e-mails and with any kind of luck he'll move on. Good luck.... | |
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| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/29/2006 9:37:45 PM | | And as "i love hockey" stated....keep a running log of any further calls and e-mails. You may need them.. with any kind of luck he'll back off quickly... | |
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ya472
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Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 12 | |
| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/29/2006 10:40:24 PM | It is extremely difficult for me to understand occassional dating.
Every one of my 'relationships' were fairly quick and intense. I moved in with my wife of 18 years basically on the first day we met, and have three wonderful adult children.
I have not put my 'trust' into a relationship for over ten years and now I might be starting a good relationship, with someone whom I connect with.
I want to be with her every day, but she is 1000 miles away... and I don't usually believe long distance relationships can work. However, if we can work it through, and maintain our individualism and built a sincere and honest bond, it could be wonderful.
If not, go to Plan 2 !
However OT: Anyone who exhibits behavior unbecoming of their status, is someone you need to distance yourself from. Behavior as described is juvenile and often leads to greater issues later. No one want a full time Surveillance Unit checking you out !
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| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/29/2006 10:49:48 PM | Thanks for the input. I felt like it was strange...but he kept coming up with excuses...and telling me I had thick walls up and that I was just being scared for nothing. I have sent a straight forward email asking him not to contact me by phone, email or at my house. The messages are still there. Fortunately Im moving 
So, when we went out the first time the big red flag that I saw was him confessing the strong feelings he had, asking me to delete my profile right away. Then on the phone asking all kinds of questions if I mentioned a guys name....is that a typical red flag? He told me it was because I "blew him away" and he had butterflies when he thought about me...and just wanted me to give it an honest shot before I looked elsewhere.... | |
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kame
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Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 14 | |
| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/29/2006 11:10:01 PM | | No your not paranoid the guy defiantly is trouble..seeing how he knows were you live be extra cautious..I wouldnt be reading emails or taking phone calls just cease all contact with him period. | |
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| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/29/2006 11:16:43 PM | GOOD! My thoughts are the same....just didnt wanna push away someone who is normal because they showed me too much affection...but the gut instinct prooves right again!  | |
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| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/29/2006 11:25:47 PM | Stalker. He's an excited stalker, but a stalker.
If you asked him to slow down, and he didn't... and/or he was angry and calling you names?
Stalker. Be careful. | |
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| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/30/2006 12:27:59 AM | : K, need some help here! So I meet this guy, we go out have a great time and have an above average connection. He starts calling a few times a day. Emails are coming a feew times a day. He asks me to delete my profile off here. Keep in mind i had met him once for a couple hrs. He knew where I lived bc he had driven me home after our date.
The e-mails you can block,phone calls you can stop,however,your mistake is you let him know where you live before you ever met the guy or did you met him for two hours and then set a date up and let him come to your home? ...Why would you let a stranger have your home address and him pick you up take you on a date and afterward take you home,especially having met him for only two hours?
If he claims your really hurting him by ignoring him,you should hurt him a hell of lot more and turn his no good stalking butt in to the authorities...Block his e-mail and stop his phone calls.
My 1/2 cent worth,,,but next time don't let any man come to your home before you really know him.... | |
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| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/30/2006 1:12:06 AM | I agree... the guy has issues and thank goodness you didn't get involved or he would be an even bigger problem. Scary isn't it? I have dated men that wanted a relationship after the first date, but they weren't mean about it, just smoothering. | |
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| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/30/2006 1:18:05 AM | Definately Stalker material.
Send one last email, telling him that you are not interested and ask him to stop contacting you.
Then keep a log of all contact he makes to you in the future.
And be careful. | |
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| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/30/2006 2:37:03 AM | | He is picking up where he left off from the last woman he was with...she moved or died..who know's but he is not ready to meet ANYONE because of the baggage he is carrying...tell hiim this..he is not ready to be on the personals yet so quit reacting and go get some counseling on how to handle his hurts. In the meantime TELL him the way it is...BE BLUNT... | |
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| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/30/2006 3:31:55 AM | in the first place, i dont' think that's normal at all and i reccomend you running far, far away.
but even if he were behaving in some "normal" way, and you felt the need to come post on a message board asking if his behavior was acceptable... i'd say break up with him. IMO in that case you're just looking for an excuse! If there's no problem, there's no problem. | |
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| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/30/2006 3:34:22 AM | | I would say very very controlling and obsessive...cut off all contact asap...seriously, if he is leaving messages on your vehicle after a single date..that is frightening. | |
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| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/30/2006 3:44:04 AM | Then again there are the ones who after 10 minutes on IM are saying I love you.... whats up with that>>> My advice.... run don't walk away from this one and if neccesary get a restraining order to keep him from your place. Best of luck to you. | |
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| Excited or stalker material?
Posted: 11/30/2006 10:55:48 AM | K, this is part of the email I got today....still think stalker or sweet & excited?
"Wow – Talk about a lot of thinking the past few days.
I have told you this in the past and it’s in my profile – I truly believe people come into your life for a reason – and maybe the reason you entered my life was to give me a slap to the head and a kick in the pants. Maybe I wont know why you came in to my life for some time or maybe it was to do some self analyzing (odd I would be analyzing ? ) I don’t know it is what it is….
I have a good friend that is a certified life coach and he and I are planning a weekly get together. Why am I telling you this – well I had lost touch with him and your last email made me reach out – we had a great conversation last night and again this morning. He suggested that I look into taking the course as well.
I am not going to make an excuse for how I acted and what I said – I was wrong. I have reread your email probably 4 times a day since you sent it – why - to punish myself ? - no seriously to grow and learn. For our little time together you hit the nail on the head – I am an emotional person – and react without thinking – I guess I am a true Sagittarius (bold, blunt, caring, honest, loyal, and trustworthy – sometimes more of one then any other). I thought I had actually grown out of that – and quickly realized that I hadn’t. Unfortunately it took offending you and driving you away to learn that. I am hoping that meeting with *Name* will ground me again and give me perspective.
Emotion is great if channeled – I have always thrown myself head first into something or someone I enjoy – does it come across strong – yes – is it always a negative – no – Has made me very successful in business – has made my personal life a complete abomination.
I told you I suck at dating – well thanks anyway for at least making an effort at dating me. (Big gold star beside your name ;P ) You told me you were scared and it was moving to fast and I immediately tried to fix it – which meant me coming on stronger – and you ran faster.
I guess it takes two people to recognize this and make changes to make it work – I don’t think honestly you wanted it to work with me – maybe its how we were together, what was going on in our lives or our pasts that give us our guards – I guess if something happens to me when I am with someone (no matter a week or a year) I deal with it and move on – I try not to bring it up repeatedly.
I will give you a little insight on my jealousy issues – The woman I moved across Canada for – when we were together in BC she was married / separated but still living with the guy. She and I had an amazing mental relationship and physical relationship – but I could never get close to her family or son due to the fact that she could not tell anyone about me. I moved across Canada for her only to find out all the while she was living with someone else and was using me essentially as a “backup” – have I learned from this yes – will it affect future relationships – apparently it has – but now I know and I can grow – will it change in the future – gawd I hope so.
Yes its insecurity and *Name* you are right – it would have come out in the wash anyway. I know I didn’t know you well enough to question or to come to any conclusion.
I told you in my last email to you – you were right – you were right in the fact that I am emotional and I have to learn to step back – you were right that I offended you – and I cant take back those words – should you allow me in your life again I don’t know if you would ever forget that – I don’t blame you – that’s your choice – just know I would welcome it. We never did get to spend a lot of time together – I should have recognized that sign. You were right (sort of) in the way I made an excuse – xmas / bday – it wasn’t suppose to come off as an excuse – but honestly I looked forward everyday to seeing you and making you smile. You were right – I built you up in my head – but *Name* I saw something and felt something when we talked that I hadn’t felt before – I got excited and again went head first and that was on my mind and you were right that you don’t need any more drama in your life
Where I think you might have been wrong was in thinking that in knowing you for such a short period of time that I couldn’t feel what I felt – it was what it was and you excited me. I am truly sadden not to have you in my life – I don’t know if that is because of the guilt of what I did or the fact that we never got to see where this went – for one reason or another – me coming on too strong for sure and maybe you had a guard up. I have heard that men (in general) know if they want to be with someone very quickly – where women it takes sometime – I know this to be true with you – I just either wasn’t allowed the time or more likely drove you away before you got to know the real me – you said that to me – how can I feel that way I don’t know the real you – well what I did know rocked my world and gave me a new and exciting perspective – can I ask – did you know the real me – negative quick emotion aside – would you ever want to ….
The past is the past and it makes us who we are – to grow we learn from it and try not to make the same mistakes again. Yet if we are constantly guarded we can never truly let someone in.
This really is an email about nothing in particular – take it for what it is – I do miss you – I am disgusted with myself – have I learned yes – will it make a difference with us – who knows doubtful – with me personally – I hope so …. time will tell…..
You are an amazing woman – I wish I would have not driven you away
Thanks for reading (if you have)
Take care Beautiful
You made my heart smile - I didnt think that was possible
I just wanted you and I to be simple - so much for that" | |
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