| Losing a Social Life For The One Your Dating
Posted: 11/30/2006 8:19:56 PM | I'm going to pose a question to you from an observation that I've noticed about the difference between men and women !!
Do you ever notice that men are more reluctant to give up their friendships than women are? Men can raise their voice, debate and fist fight and a week later they are still buddy buddy, but women will hold grudges and lie like there is no tomorrow so they won't hurt their best friend's feelings.
Recently, I've come to the realization that relationships tend to ruin friendships for women. Women seem so eager to give up their social life just because they found a man. If a women tells her boyfriend that she doesn't like so and so the man won't even think twice about not being friends with him, but if her boyfriend says that he doesn't like so and so a women seems to be more willing to loosen their grasp on that friendship.
It seems like women let their relationship dominate their life. Many women find themselves in a situation where their boyfriend's friends start to become their only source of friendship. However, it seems to be never the other way around. A girlfriend's friends are less likely to become your boyfriend's only source of friendship.
Of course, I'm not saying all relationships are like this. I was just wondering if you have noticed this particular aspect of the relationship/friendship correlation?.
Enlighten me on this????
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| Losing a Social Life For The One Your Dating
Posted: 11/30/2006 8:27:37 PM |
Women seem so eager to give up their social life just because they found a man.
Sigh - this is so true of so many women, then if the relationship does not work out they wonder where all their friends went? I frankly don't get most women anyway, this is another thing I'll never understand.
Everyone needs friends outside of their relationship, both men and women. The key is balance. If I didn't have my girl time, I'd feel awful. I'd love my man and the relationship, but would never let him become everything. I don't think it's healthy or good for the relationship. People need other people in their lives, other stimuli, other things to talk about it. Men need their time with the boys too, wheteher it's a b-ball game, or something else. Besides, I hate sports - if he doesn't have his friends then I'd be stuck watching them with him LOL
I value my personal relationships and my personal space, and expect a man in my life would appreciate that and understand it's importance. | |
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| Losing a Social Life For The One Your Dating
Posted: 11/30/2006 8:44:18 PM | | There is nothing wrong with one wanting their space,but when two people finally meet and a freindship begins or even a love affair then i do believe you should both make each other top priority,if you start giving each other to much space and want to continue the social life you had before then this could dampen the relationship,making each other feel like their wanted and loved is far more important then a social life of freedom as a couple two can still do this but with understang,ive no issues if a man wants to go fishing for 3 days or hang out in his garage or have a beer with his buddies as long as he also makes me his social prority and we know wheer both stand then all is well | |
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| Losing a Social Life For The One Your Dating
Posted: 11/30/2006 11:23:50 PM | | I personally would not give up ANY friends for a guy. If I guy even suggests I do he can hit the road. I would never suggest that he give up any of his. Regardless of my feeling. I think to accept someone is to accept everything about them. Don't expect to change anything the person is or is about. This includes friends. I mean after all who has been there longer, the friends or the guy.... And who will be there afterwards... | |
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| Losing a Social Life For The One Your Dating
Posted: 12/1/2006 12:04:52 AM | As we all know, men and women are built differently on many levels, which is part of what makes this whole game fun.
Most of my female friends readily admit that girls hold grudges, are quick to internalize and take things personally, and always let emotion/drama get the better of them in some way shape or form relative to guys.
It is what it is......just another mystery that I'll probably never figure out. | |
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| Losing a Social Life For The One Your Dating
Posted: 12/1/2006 12:12:41 AM | What you say sounds very true...
But as I have always been the odd one out, I always seemed to have more female friends when I am in a relationship. I hadn't thought about that before so thanks for the thought provoking idea. I get so busy doing nonrelationship stuff when not in one that I lose my time for me female friends. In a relationship I tend to look to female friends to share time with while my guy is busy with his friends.
Gonna have to work on all that I guess. | |
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| Losing a Social Life For The One Your Dating
Posted: 12/1/2006 12:43:33 AM | Well i wouldn't give my friendships up just because i have a man.
And i wouldn't expect a guy to do it either.
Why would anyone give their social life up just because they are in a relationship?
Maybe i would spend more time going out with my fella and stuff.
But hell no would i give my mates up.
Boyfriends/girlfriends will come and go but friends are there for life and i'll always have and make time for them.  | |
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| Losing a Social Life For The One Your Dating
Posted: 12/1/2006 5:07:52 AM | Our friends will always be our friends if they respect and love us as a couple,They too are a prioity as well as family,Life in general is priority,But if one is going to start dating and things start to click,Then you spend the time to work on something,And social lives can still continue ,thats when you both will become a part of a new social life,And be welcomed by all friends and family,Your dating maybe the most important person in your lifetime so make changes and make it work,
Merry Christmas
shiloh | |
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| Losing a Social Life For The One Your Dating
Posted: 12/1/2006 5:49:22 AM | | I have friends that are like that. When they start dating a guy, suddenly, I never hear from them. Now I will admit, that I don't go out as often with my friends when I'm dating someone, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to give up the friendship. These are friends that have been there through thick and thin, so I would never get rid of them. | |
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| Losing a Social Life For The One Your Dating
Posted: 12/1/2006 5:53:09 AM | | ive made the mistake of not seeing my friends anymore after i started a serious relationship....truth is....friends are VERY important even if your in a relationship....their the ones who are there when u n ur man break up or have a fight or anything....i was lucky enough to have friends who forgave me when i stoped calling and stoped hangin out with them | |
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| Losing a Social Life For The One Your Dating
Posted: 12/1/2006 7:59:00 AM | | I've seen this type of phenomenon with some friends where they will not be spending as much time with the girls/boys, and even asking "permission" to do things. Whipped. | |
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biznit
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Joined: 6/28/2006
Msg: 14 | |
| Losing a Social Life For The One Your Dating
Posted: 1/4/2007 12:33:39 PM | | I think it all depends on your character. If you're insacure, you will probably do everything to please your partner. It happened to a buddy of mine. Really sad. | |
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| Losing a Social Life For The One Your Dating
Posted: 1/4/2007 12:51:27 PM | | Nope, I don't give up my friends and social life when I'm in a relationship. Instead, I incorporate him into my circle of friends and vice versa. If he wants a guys night out - go for it. I don't ever dictate who he can and cannot see. The only problems I have had with this is guys who feel I should "care" more about the time they spend away and who want to give up the time they are spending with their friends to spend more time with me. Now that raises a red flag for me because eventually, I find that their attention becomes smothering and then they start to have a problem with me spending time with my friends - even if they are invited to come along. | |
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| Losing a Social Life For The One Your Dating
Posted: 1/4/2007 1:25:41 PM | | I could not imagine giving up my friends for someone i am dating. More often than not its your friends that stick around. Not something I could even concider | |
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| Losing a Social Life For The One Your Dating
Posted: 1/4/2007 1:27:43 PM | I give up NOTHING - especially my life and my friends!!! If you find the right partner you should never have to give anything up. Your lives should meld into one and you should be able to have your own life as well!! Perfect harmony. I would think that if you do give up who you are and your life you should work on your self esteem and trust issues as well as your neediness. | |
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| Losing a Social Life For The One Your Dating
Posted: 1/4/2007 5:20:13 PM | | If I ever found the right girl to be with, I would definitely not want her to give up her other friends and I know she wouldn't want me to give up mine either. I personally think she should have time for her friends because they are just as important to her like her family. If a girl asked me to give up some friends, I'd be outta there so fast, it would make her head spin. Just because a girl is with me, doesn't mean that I wouldn't want her to not have her freedom. She should do whatever she feels like, as long as she knows what she is doing. | |
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| Losing a Social Life For The One Your Dating
Posted: 2/1/2007 10:12:47 PM | I can relate to this somewhat. I have had a countless amount of girlfriends that inevitably find a man and forget about our friendship. The get so gung ho on the idea that they have "finally found the one," that they become MISSING IN ACTION. When the relationship with their guy sours then you are the open arms and ears that they come running back to. I don't quite get this.
I think it is healthy for a man to have friends and a social life as well as a woman to have friends and a social life during a relationship. A girls night out every now and again is so refreshing. While I enjoy bonding, I need to know that at some level I am still an individual.
Some people tend to forget that bringing two people together means BLENDING lives and not forsaking one for the other. If my boyfriend does not like my friend or friends, we talk about it so that I can understand why he feels this way. If his reasonsing behind how he feels is valid then it is what it is. I would never merely dismiss a friendship on the basis that my guy just does not like her but cannot substantiate WHY. That's just silly.
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| Losing a Social Life For The One Your Dating
Posted: 2/24/2007 2:38:58 AM | A social life? Perhaps I'm a bit "aloof", but I would prefer to keep most people at arms length. I don't make friends too easily (those I do have are carefully selected). I really don't feel comfortable in large groups, but that's just me. I don't expect my significant other to give up her friends for me... I just don't want to "hang out" with her friends, that's all. She can do whatever she wants, but if she chose to leave me behind too often, I'm sure I would begin to feel "lonely" again... (yeah, I know, one can argue that "I actually left myself behind", hence the reason I am so lonely, but in truth, every statement is like a double edge sword; and can be turned upon it's user.) Or maybe I would just learn to accept it (so long as she can accept me for who/what I am).
I guess it's very important for me to find someone who could share my interests to the point where we would only have to rely on each other and no one else to make our way through life. I would prefer to only have ONE best friend, romantic partner and eternal lover in one package than to include "other" people in my life... But then again, these are just typical traits of what I am. | |
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| Losing a Social Life For The One Your Dating
Posted: 2/24/2007 4:39:15 AM | | My last boyfriend told me he'd break up with me if I remained friends with... well, a shitload of people. Then he hacked into my My Space account and deleted every straight man. Then he deleted every guy's number out of my phone. None of this was done with permission. I think a lot of it is just the fact that a lot of men are very controlling in that area. | |
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| Losing a Social Life For The One Your Dating
Posted: 2/24/2007 5:02:09 AM | I got rid of my friend when she slept with my fiance, then I got rid of him.....Does that count?
Everyones needs friends, so why would we want to give them up? My friends (except the one I lost along the way ) are important to me. I cannot recall ditching a friend over a guy I was dating (except HER ), but the good thing is I had other friends shoulders to cry on, and without them how would I have coped?
Who wants a guy that can't or won't accept your friends? | |
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