| can people change?
Posted: 12/2/2006 6:37:21 PM | say someone you know has been a certain way forever.....but then they change, want to change, are trying to change and make things different....do you think they can?
do you think you would ever believe them?
do you think you would always, no matter what, think they are the same person and not believe them?
how does this work? | |
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| can people change?
Posted: 12/2/2006 6:47:11 PM | I believe if someone wants to change something bad enough they can do it.
Actions speak louder than words and it is up to you to watch if their actions match what they say they have changed.
Good luck with it. | |
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| can people change?
Posted: 12/2/2006 6:51:21 PM | yes people can and will change as they grow older.........and in many ways they may change some or most of the things that you wanted them to change when you were together....the only problem is now you have changed......everything that you wanted them to be is what they are now........only to no avail...you want and need something different....
past experience.... | |
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| can people change?
Posted: 12/2/2006 6:58:01 PM | hmmm
jmo
the easy answer is no
the harder more complicated answer is some things, sometimes, depends on what it is, and what the price is for them to change
as I go along this journey, I find I am more of who I really am, not less. I become more comfortable with who I am, so let the real me come out more...I don't want to change that...but.....if there is something that is not working for my mate...then I would be willing to change that...as long as it is not in the fibers of who I am..as in what makes me tick.
I would change;
my spending habits
try not to snore..lol..
try some things he likes
talk to him first about something
some cooking things
the layout of the furniture
from missionary to doggie and back
saying what is on my mind
I would not change;
my nutso humor
who I am
my friends
my postal code
being effectionate, even if he doesn't like it, and it messes his hair..hehe
my hair colour
saying whats is on my mind
we are who we are, take it or leave it...if he is willing to change something that is destructive for the relationship, then I would give him the benefit of the doubt... but not very many times... | |
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| can people change?
Posted: 12/2/2006 6:59:50 PM | | a person can definately change .. as long as they are changing for themselves .. not for sumthing .. or someone ... gotta be for them and them alone otherwise .. they can change for a bit but will fall back into the habbit | |
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| can people change?
Posted: 12/2/2006 7:19:08 PM | I completely agree with compudagurl...change is something...not someone.
What i mean is the morals, values and ethics one has are pretty instilled into ones character.
We all have character flaws as well.
I realize I am a woman, and emotion plays into that automatically, but I emotionally connect with people FAR too easy.
And frankly it sucks. It bites me in the ass the majority of the time.
I am loving and giving...and do so with all that I have in my heart...to all of the people in my life...that is just who I am.
I have tried to change it...but it just won't happen...it's who I am!
I can change the color of my tooth brush...but NOT change who I AM. | |
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| can people change?
Posted: 12/2/2006 8:00:22 PM | and emotion plays into that automatically, but I emotionally connect with people FAR too easy.
And frankly it sucks. It bites me in the ass the majority of the time.
Please post a photo so we can check the damaged area!!
All kidding aside, I have to agree with the enclosed quote. Men, believe it or, can also be very quickly attached with emotional aspects, and for this reason will make changes to the way in which we are accustomed. Later on when the realness of life comes back to them, they will revert to their former ways, and therefore cause a delimma.
I for one have changed my lifestyle and the way I connect with people for a SO, and look where it got me!! Singledom in the twilight years
I am now well on my way to becoming the REAL me again, and I am finding I am not that bad after all, at least from the feedback I have received from known  pond inhabitants.
Change of habits is good, change in character may or may not be good, it depends on which way the change is migrating.
I would change;
my spending habits
try not to snore..lol..
try some things he likes
talk to him first about something
some cooking things
the layout of the furniture
from missionary to doggie and back
saying what is on my mind
I would not change;
my nutso humor
who I am
my friends
my postal code
being effectionate, even if he doesn't like it, and it messes his hair..hehe
my hair colour
saying whats is on my mind
These are all good things mentioned, I unfortunately changed most of what is in the 'would not change' to appeaze my SO, I definately can see I should not have done it all.
Now the postal code I may want to change as we have several in Calgary, and it might be to my advantage (and a new SOs)to do so.
As for hair colour, I like the silver coming in and it may be appealing to that unfound love waitng in the wings for me
The snoring!, Well I have invested $2 000.00 to help in that , and no-one is around to tell me if it works!! | |
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| can people change?
Posted: 12/2/2006 8:19:02 PM | I do believe a person can change, but needs a little support and understanding......
I believe that if the person changing, is not changing for themselves, it will not last...
but if that person is changing for themselves (because they see it is a bad "trait" to have) they sometimes do need a little help and positive feedback from their SO......
saying that though......
do you think that if your SO was "trying to change" something that may be destructive to their relationship....and you do not REALLY believe they will....do you stay?
if you seriously think it can never happen (but will destroy the relationship if it doesn't)....do you tell them? and end it?
do you stay? and pretend it is all ok untill the next "arguement"? | |
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| can people change?
Posted: 12/2/2006 8:28:20 PM | Backie, if it's something huge and/or is something that can become huge you and only you can decide if it's worth staying for. Of course communication with the SO about your concerns are in order as well. Only you know what you can and will tolerate.
Sometimes hope/faith isn't a bad thing, but keep in mind it can also blind you to the reality of what's going on (I can give clarification on this in private). See the efforts the other person is making and evaluate if he/she really is trying to change, and if he/she is making the changes on his/her own accord. | |
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| can people change?
Posted: 12/2/2006 8:29:38 PM | It is best to clear the air before time allows a permanent disruption to a harmonious union.
Changing for the sake of a relationship, without discussing and agreeing to a halfway meeting point, whereby both parties are agreeing to meet in the middle of the pending change, will in the long haul, not be benicficial.
A good relationship will have both parties making some minor changes. This will be seen in the future, but an occasional discussion on each others progress may be required at regular intervals, at least until both are satisfied with the results of what has transpired to that time.
As indicated above, if only you are changeing and the SO not, it won't work. It may take a long time for things to happen (32 years for me) but it will happen.
Keep the waters flowing smoothly and don't keep the dams over filled, cause when that happens, a lot of flood waters ruin many a person around you and you end up floating so far from where you were you may not make it back. | |
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| can people change?
Posted: 12/2/2006 9:32:23 PM | YES!!!!
Mistakes occur. People who are wise (and I like to think that most are... *as jaws drop at my foolishness LOL*) will take life's lessons and learn from them. I have. Others have. People that are willing to learn and evolve past things they've done are people I would like to know | |
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| can people change?
Posted: 12/3/2006 2:43:23 AM | People learn from their mistakes, and people can improve themselves, if they truly want too...
but when it comes to cheating, thats a sketchy subject. Almost everyone I know (including guys I dated who cheated) - swore up and down they wouldn't do it again, and it does happen.
A guy I dated married the girl he cheated on me with - and now divorced, because he cheated on her.
Some people never learn, or don't want to learn....
but don't ever try to change someone yourself.
This is bs 'oh but once I get my hands on him - I will change him' - wake up - it only happens in fairy tales. | |
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| can people change?
Posted: 12/3/2006 4:05:41 AM | My day is not complete until I've posted a quote from a Sylveth-ter(it just doesn't sound right to me without a lisp) Stallone movie:
"During the fight, I've seen a lot of changing, in the way I feel about you, and the way you feel about me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if I can change, and you can change, everyone can change."
- Rocky Balboa
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089927/quotes
*NorCalShyGuy rubs a solitary tear from his eye and ponders the splendor of Stallone's intellect.*
Any questions? | |
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| can people change?
Posted: 12/3/2006 7:27:55 AM | | i don't think people can change their core values and personality. what you/they can do is control it and be aware of how you affect those around you. everybody is molded by genetics and the social situation they were raised in. down deep you are what you are. | |
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| can people change?
Posted: 12/3/2006 7:49:01 PM | Everyone has the ability to change in their own way, if they choose to. Being told to change, they will but they'll resent it and you and then do it half-assed. If they're expected to, they'll resent it and hate themselves for selling out, and d0o it half-assed. If they do it to try and impress someone (or in some cases con someone...c'mon we all know these people) then they'll be resented, and end up on their asses.
If you choose to change for whatever reason, then it has to be your choice and you have to make it work. You can't quit and you can't pass the buck on emotions if you fail. Only quitters quit. | |
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| can people change?
Posted: 12/3/2006 9:44:35 PM |
say someone you know has been a certain way forever.....but then they change, want to change, are trying to change and make things different....do you think they can?
People can change, but only if they truly want to. That is: change can only come from within.
do you think you would ever believe them?
That would depend on the circumstances. You can only really know someone by their actions. If, over time, they demonstrate change (not just talk about it), you may come to believe they have actually changed. However, if they did something in the past to hurt you, or something quite egregious, then you may not be willing to give them that time.
It's fine to say everyone deserves a second chance, but I think that's a choice you have to make for yourself. | |
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| can people change?
Posted: 12/3/2006 9:49:04 PM | | People can change tires, their underwear, light bulbs, but the toughest one is to change behavior and or personality. The latter two can only be done if the individual wants to change. | |
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fi_ona
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Joined: 3/10/2006
Msg: 18 | |
| can people change?
Posted: 12/3/2006 9:53:31 PM | if someone has been the same way their entire life, why would you want them to change?
that's taking something that makes them the person you know them as and changing it, and changing one thing is gonna have effects on other aspects of their life... therefore becoming a completely different person... might as well date a robot | |
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| can people change?
Posted: 12/3/2006 9:58:08 PM | yes, they can. They do... are you the same person you were 10 or even 5 years ago?
People change all the time.. for the better or for the worse... its called growing up and evolution.
Most people do learn from mistakes as they get older. Some dont. such is life.
Nobody can make someone change but themselves but, people can be a catylist to change.
The trick is learning to avoid those who dont change for the better.
I change everyday... hopefully to become a better person.
Those that dont change are doomed... | |
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fi_ona
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Joined: 3/10/2006
Msg: 20 | |
| can people change?
Posted: 12/3/2006 10:03:49 PM | well yah evolving, but you have some traits that you have had your entire life...
it's just part of who you are and how you deal with things | |
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| can people change?
Posted: 12/5/2006 6:09:31 PM | I read that core values are instilled in a person by age five so based on that people's basic makeup won't change.
Behaviours can change though.
Some people seem to think they are changing when in fact they are growing. People may seem one way when in fact they are conforming to their peers vision of how they should be. Eventually most (not all) people grow up and become true to who they are inside. | |
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| can people change?
Posted: 12/5/2006 6:53:37 PM | I did not mean changing the "who" they are so much.......
more of the changing the "what" they have become.......
it was not something that needed change that was always around.....it was done without before..... | |
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| can people change?
Posted: 12/5/2006 6:58:06 PM | Hi Back 
I think that if a person truly wants to change what they've become..
That they can and will accordingly..
I also believe that if a person wants to change who they've become..
That they can too.
The changes just have to come when we're ready.. not when someone else wants us to be.
If I saw honest effort and progress in their changing themself..
I'd have no reason not to believe it's what they wanted to do..
However.. there are limits and boundaries as to what I'll accept back into my life..
Happy Holidays!
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| can people change?
Posted: 12/6/2006 4:13:44 PM | Most people can change yes, as long as they put in an effort... some people are beyond help though. depends on what the change is?!  | |
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| can people change?
Posted: 9/22/2008 12:08:54 PM | I saw this quote somewhere else on POF...
Leopard's never change their spots...they just get darker... | |
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