| Moving on from a Break Up
Posted: 12/5/2006 11:02:25 AM | Just curious to get some feedback, hear some stories from the folks out there.
My ex-fiancee and I broke up about 7 months ago after almost 4 years of dating and a year and half engagement. Its been a while but I can't help feeling a loss in my life. There's no chance to reconcile, I tried moving on -getting out with friends, started dating again after a few months etc.
Guess I'm just curious to hear others' thoughts on the moving on process and how they handle it.
Thanks, Dan.  | |
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| Moving on from a Break Up
Posted: 12/5/2006 11:17:23 AM | Well for me,
It's only been....5 days....yeeah..
But me and my girl were together for over 2 years...our anniversary would have been on Xmas..2 years, 8 months..
The people on here really help i find, they give LOADS of wicked advice...
Right now, im just giving her space, going to get some things on the go with my friends, try and have a good time...
Nothing will ever fill the space that belongs to that special one....it's hard to deal with..
I guess thats what you kinda look for after awhile of being seperated from the woman you love. | |
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| Moving on from a Break Up
Posted: 12/5/2006 11:21:57 AM | I personly didn't go out right away to find a replacement. One it betrays the memory of the time I had, and two its not fair to start up a relationship with an other so soon. I handle moveing on by improving myself and not looking at the loss and not trying to replace it. I do go out and find new connections with people.
I try to relearn how to be single again and enjoy the value solitude. | |
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| Moving on from a Break Up
Posted: 12/5/2006 11:27:38 AM | It takes time to get over someone you really care about. If you are not comfortable dating another person then chances are they would probably just end up being your rebound. That special someone will eventually come along just take your time. Don't rush into it. For now just enjoy the company of family and friends..... Good Luck! | |
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| Moving on from a Break Up
Posted: 12/5/2006 11:34:20 AM | I hear you on the time and the company. Its putting together the logic with the loss/absence that doesn't always add up. That formula = time, I suppose. Thanks on the good luck.  | |
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| Moving on from a Break Up
Posted: 12/5/2006 12:55:21 PM | Break ups are definitely not fun, no matter the reason. I just went through one..a little over 3 weeks ago. The first week is always the hardest, in my opinion. But as the weeks keep going by, I've been noticing my thought processes changing. At first, I was terribly upset, on the verge of tears at all times, yet I refused to cry. The second week, I was simply bitter. Constantly asking myself why I was with him anyways, and summing up all the bad points. As the third week began, I noticed my thoughts drifted to him less and less, and I got used to my new found freedom. I could come and go as I like, didn't have to worry about upsetting someone and didn't have to make time for someone else. I am now able to focus completely on myself and my school. My free time is spent doing whatever I feel like. There's also been a lot of reflection. Not on why it ended, but what -I- did to not allow this relationship to be as successful as possible. I sat down, thought about everything I did wrong, and began to steps to self-improvement.
It's never easy to say goodbye. When you're with someone, and in love with them, and have hopes for future days, it's terribly hard to feel that hope die. At first, I was so resistant..I didn't want him out of my life...even after all the shitty things he did. I refused to care so much for someone just to let them walk away. But I soothed my torments, commenced the no-contact as soon as I kicked him out. Sometimes, you just have to realize that all sorts of people come into your life. Some of them stay for a short while, some of them walk along the journey with you for quite awhile. Nonetheless, they came into your life for a reason. & you need to find that reason. I believe everyone has a purpose in your life. Once they fulfilled that purpose, there's no reason left for them to stay. It hurts. I know it does. It's frustrating, and confusing.
But if that person was supposed to still be there with you, they would be. But be happy about this, at least you had your moment. You loved them & they loved you to the best of their ability. Maybe it wasn't the kind you wanted, but it was the only kind they knew.
Everything in this life happens for a reason. I don't fully believe in destiny & fate. I like to feel that I'm in control of my life. But now I feel that I'm in control with HOW I live my life, I can't prevent everything that happens to me. But I can choose how I deal with it.
I'm sorry that your relationship ended. But realize...this is YOUR life. They were just with you for part of the ride. They've done what they were supposed to, and now all you can do is simply continue along. There'll be other people to walk along with you. But for now..just live your life, and try and be happy doing it. If you're not happy with your life, -find- things to do that make you happy. And I hope this helps. :) | |
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| Moving on from a Break Up
Posted: 12/5/2006 2:54:12 PM | WIRENTH
Thanks so much for your response I too am going through a break up and your words really brought me comfort | |
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| Moving on from a Break Up
Posted: 12/5/2006 2:58:40 PM | LISTEN TO EVERYTHING "SESHIRO" TYPED OUT!!!!!
THAT'S ALL ANYONE SHOULD DO!!!!!!
MAKE NEW FRIENDS IS GOOD, BUT TO REPLACE, CAN'T BE DONE. DON'T EVEN TRY TILL YOU YOURSELF ARE READY TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE. | |
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| Moving on from a Break Up
Posted: 12/5/2006 3:20:36 PM | I got dumped a few weeks ago and did not see it coming at all. We were together for about 5 months. Lots of affection back and forth. I saw the rest of my life with this woman. Then one day out of nowhere she says she loves someone else and it's best we don't talk anymore. Just like that! So I let her go without begging her to stay with me. Why bother? I was very depressed for awhile but then I asked myself why am I depressed over this cruel witch? To stay with her would have meant I wouldn't have trusted her.
People said to me the same things. 'It wasn't meant to be' and 'Time will heal your wound.' Both are so true. I am feeling alot better these days and am ready to replace that loser with someone even better. So hang in there. I believe that everything in life happens for a reason. You'll see. | |
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| Moving on from a Break Up
Posted: 12/6/2006 10:53:21 AM | | Well for me it wasn't too hard this time. I was with my ex a year and a half, very rocky relationship and finally in july we just went our separate ways. mind you i was 6 months pregnant. I finally realized he was no good for me or for the baby and that was the biggest factor in being able to move on, the realization i had and complete honesty with myself. We havent spoke since the day we broke up and that has helped alot too because i'm not stupid, i know if we talk its going to make it alot harder. seeing him would make it hard too. so having no contact has really helped me. | |
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| Moving on from a Break Up
Posted: 12/6/2006 11:10:32 AM | wirenth thank you for that beautiful piece. So lovely - it has helped me to realise and I am sure many other people. Really lovely and spoken from your heart. Well done - you are a beautiful person.
Katie x | |
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| Moving on from a Break Up
Posted: 12/6/2006 3:00:39 PM | "Break ups are definitely not fun, no matter the reason. I just went through one..a little over 3 weeks ago...."
wirenth: What you have said makes so much sense to me! It's been just over three weeks for me too, since my boyfriend and I broke up. We were only together for 6 months, but we were in love and planned to get engaged over the holidays. Unfortunately though, things came crashing down during the last few weeks of our relationship and we both realized after all the arguing that we just weren't meant to be. During the first week after the breakup I did cry a lot, and wished I were still with him. I even wanted to get back together with him. After two weeks of breaking up, I called him and we talked about everything that happened. We're going to try to be friends after the holidays, but we realize that we both need time to heal first. It's been very hard trying to let go of him, but I'm starting to feel like myself again. | |
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| Moving on from a Break Up
Posted: 12/6/2006 3:17:03 PM | "wirenth thank you for that beautiful piece. So lovely - it has helped me to realise and I am sure many other people. Really lovely and spoken from your heart. Well done - you are a beautiful person."
Thank you, Katie. :) It really helps to know that what I've dealt with in regards to pain can help other people. It was a learning experience for myself, and it feels nice to share that newfound knowledge with other people and have it make a difference. So thank you again! =) | |
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| Moving on from a Break Up
Posted: 12/6/2006 3:22:57 PM | | First thing anyone should do after a breakup is listen to the song "King of Wishfull Thinking" by Go West. It's a good pick me upper! | |
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| Moving on from a Break Up
Posted: 12/7/2006 2:39:55 AM | | hello dan sorry to here about your break up how sad is this then it took me 8 years to get over my ex i still ask myself why the pain was so bad and why did it take me so long my advise is the past is the past leave it there . try to have a goal every day take care be happy xxx | |
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| Moving on from a Break Up
Posted: 12/7/2006 10:42:13 PM | | Heartaches are the worst.I used to be in the army and had been trained to deal with stress,hardship,pain ect I don't drink,smoke or do drugs either.So when a woman I loved broke my heart and left me I had absolutely no defense or way to deal with it.I felt like a caged animal that was clausterphobic.I barely ate or slept,I cried from time to time and felt I needed to go somewhere anywhere but here.She was always on my mind and I'd constantly check my cell phone for a text or message.I always seen myself as a hard as nails man who some of my friends called the man of steel when she left I got melted down.Its not what I did its what I didn't do.Here's what I recommend ,play happy fast music,go out and be with your friends and family don't be alone and be as busy as possible.Time will heal it eventually.Jumping into someone elses bed too soon won't help either.If she's a classy woman she might help you deal with the pain but don't count on this.If shes gone accept it and distract your mind.Being super busy with work our friends is the best thing to do. | |
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