| Question for the ladies
Posted: 12/8/2006 8:00:53 PM | Hello,
Now it may be that I have been out of the dating game for far too long and somewhere along the way the rules changed. The reason I ask is that each woman I have emailed in my region except one has just outright eleted my e-mails without even the courtesy of a "Thanks but no thanks" response.
My question was whether any of the ladies here would look at one of the recent e-mails I sent and critique it for where I am going wrong.
"Hey there,
Was looking through the profiles of the ladies nearby and coam across yours. You sound like a girl I would like to get to know better.
Do you have more tattoos? The ones I saw in your pics look really cool.
Who is your favorite Blues musician or group? I like heading down to the Union Club when I get the chance to listen to some good music and dance but most times can't find a decent dance partner.
I haven't taken the kids to play folf yet but we do go camping and fishing is planned for this next year now that they are a bit older.
Write back,
Kevin "
Now I was wondering if there is something wrong with what I am writing here? Any help form the ladies would be appreciated.
Kevin | |
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| Question for the ladies
Posted: 12/8/2006 8:52:39 PM | This may just be me....but first of all, I don't make it a habit to send "generic" e-mails to everyone....I personalize my messages....but I was uncertain if you send this kind of message to everyone or not...?
Secondly, you have a few typos in your message. Spelling errors may seem minor but remember this is the first impression they will get of you, which could indicate that you hurried to blurt out your message to them or that you may not be able to communicate well.
Lastly, the first impression I got was that you might be inquiring about the tatoo in a way that is suggesting that she may have one in a "hidden place" that you wish to see....which wouldn't be appropriate for a first e-mail. I do realize that this may not have been your intention. Regardless, it may have been interpreted that way.
I think first e-mails should be very short, sweet, and to the point....then again, this is only just my opinion...
...
ccf | |
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| Question for the ladies
Posted: 12/8/2006 9:07:24 PM | Thanks CCF,
No it isn't a generic e-mail, it is just an example. I always try to personalize the e-mail. And no it wasn't intended to sound that way about the tattoo. I just like tattoos since I have a few myself.
Thank you for your input.
Kevin | |
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| Question for the ladies
Posted: 12/8/2006 9:12:06 PM | Kevin--- first of all I want to say that no one owes you a response. You chose to write these people of your own free will not theirs, therefore there is no obiligation to make you feel justified in writing emails. Understand that there are many reasons why women don't write back and say no thankyou. THe biggest one is that many men take rejection badly and write horrible things and even stalk you. Do you honestly need to hear "no thankyou not interested in you?" Would this make you feel better about yourself? Just assume if it's deleted then for whatever reason you two are not compatable.
Now onto your email
1)Your spelling needs some work. I know I am being picky but if you type four sentences and mispell a word in every sentence it's a big turn off.
2)Girls don't like to know they are in a contest with other women. I know it's silly but us girlies like to feel like we are special and beautiful in our own way and that is why you picked us to write to. In other words you saying you were looking for other ladies isn't what I would want to hear. Way to much info. Something like "I noticed your profile and liked what you had to say" would suffice. Catch my drift here.
3)I do like how you say that you would like to get to know her better. GOOD!!!!
4)The dance partner thing and choice of music is ok. Exclude that you can't find a good dance partner. This creates questions and smells a bit like desperation. It's ok to talk about what you like for example you like Jazz, fine wine, amazing company and cooking are good ideas. Leave out negative issues such as your troubles in finding people to be with.
5)The whole kid thing threw me off track the way it is written. Personally I don't like when people include topics such as their children in the first message. This is an adult dating site and you are engaging in adult activities. They can see from your profile that you have kids so that is not an issue. I would save such things for later dates. People want to date you not your kids that will come later on.
6)Your ending needs to be trashed instantly. "write back" no no no no don't say it like this. This is very controling, demanding, cold and lastly doesnt' offer a choice. Saying something like " I look forward to hearing back from you" or "when you have time I would love to know more about you" is a little better.
7)Forget the tattoo's it reaks of sexual tones. Focus on something else that probably more than likely has nothing to do with her looks, like maybe her excellent writting, her talent for cooking or her love for animals.
Women on this site recieve lots of mail usually. You need to have a cutting edge to be honest. Don't write "HI" on your message line, be creative. In your messages talk about the positive things you have to offer someone. Are you romantic? Do you like sports or have hobbies? Things you are good at perhaps? Education? Sell yourpositives. I always like when people ask questions. I noticed you asked one which is good but ask more it gives us something to go off of and write about. In addition please read profiles and refer to them in your emails. I hate hate hate hate it when someone sends me a cookie cutter message or hasn't read my profile and believe me I know. It doesnt make you feel any more special than the last 10 other girls that got that same message from you. I haven't looked at your profile but perhaps you should submit it for a review to fix it as well. Good luck in your search! | |
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| Question for the ladies
Posted: 12/8/2006 9:43:56 PM | | Try reading their whole profile...see if maybe there is something that you are not fitting into. Age requirements, smoking habits, kids, distance, etc. | |
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| Question for the ladies
Posted: 12/9/2006 4:42:12 AM | I would have to agree with Jesiebunnies in many ways.
I would suggest that a man never misspells the word come/came unless it's intentional. Most women notice that jump right off the page. Some spelling can be looked over for the sake of being a typo, or a typical mistake in mind to hand. But certian particular ones, don't sit well at all. (if you do tend to spell wrong often, sign your name then put sorry for the typo's, or dyslexic as a p.s.)
But for me, I thought the comment on the tattoo that she is probably obviously showing off, is okay as long as it is toned down a bit. Something along the lines of, I was looking at profiles and when I saw yours I noticed you have an unusual/beautiful/unique tattoo, which caught my eye. Don't ask if she has any more of them, if she likes your compliment she will be sure to tell you in her mail. It would give her something to say back.
But that was the only comment you made on her, the rest of the email was about you. How she should fit into the opening you gave her. You like to dance, need a partner. You have children, she may think need a mother. Just be light.
I personally reply to all email, even bad ones. So it's hard for me to understand why a anyone would not respond, but they don't.
Best to you, and try several different types of approaches from the women's ideas in this thread. But never make a cut and paste email, then never seem to covey sincerity.
JMHO | |
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| Question for the ladies
Posted: 12/9/2006 5:24:02 AM | well it depends on the people you are writing to. Some people on here may get quite a few msg's per day and therefore would only have time or the energy to write back to the people they are interested in and just delete the rest.
And i dunno if its just me but should someone your age use the word "cool"????? | |
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| Question for the ladies
Posted: 12/9/2006 5:48:00 AM | | Too many questions for a first email, and some women don't like being called a "girl". | |
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| Question for the ladies
Posted: 12/9/2006 8:54:47 AM | I am not the only one on here with the type of feedback I had for you. I think it has very constructively given to you.
You responded with defensive undertones yet, asked for people's opinions. I think the feedback that you have been given has been really good and should be taken into consideration if you are not getting responses.
The truth may sting a bit but be helpful to you in the end.
sincerely,
ccf | |
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| Question for the ladies
Posted: 12/9/2006 9:24:40 AM | Maybe she didn't reply cause you spelt came and golf wrong... maybe she's still trying to google folf to see what it is that you're into...
She didn't reply cause she didn't know what to say to what your wrote and she is not interested... Nuff said move along... so many more women to choose from... sheesh...
I think POF needs to start a male mail rejection hotline. | |
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| Question for the ladies
Posted: 12/9/2006 1:28:17 PM | Thank you to those with constructive criticisms. It will be a great help. For thsoe who don't know folf is a sport that is at least played here in Montana. Kind of like golf but with a frisbee and targets.
While it is true that no one "owes" anyone a reply and I haven't been in a position where I was recieving umpteen e-mails a day, I was raised to give a reply of some sort to a query. As I said it appears that much has changed.
Again, Thank You to those who gave constructive criticisms. I shall be sure and run a spell checker on my e-mails before sending them as well.
Happy Holidays
Kevin | |
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| Question for the ladies
Posted: 12/9/2006 3:20:39 PM | I would spell check the e-mail before sending it there are a couple of mis-spellings, folf, and caom stand out.
Also your profile needs a bit of fine tuning in the writeup about yourself.
About the tats. I would leave the photos of them off, let them come in later, after meeting someone.
I would rewrite the e-mail something like this -
"Hey there, (insert best guess on name)
I was looking through the profiles of ladies nearby and CAME across yours. (insert a comment about what in her profile was most attracting you) if it REALLY was the tats, "The tattoos I saw in your pics look really cool." is good but, this is not the stage to look for more intimate areas for tats, is too much of a rush...
I would eliminate the following bits because they possibly rush the getting acquainted bit too much. It should be more about exchanging enough information BEFORE she is comfortable about planning meetings and activities.
"Who is your favorite Blues musician or group? I like heading down to the Union Club when I get the chance to listen to some good music and dance but most times can't find a decent dance partner.
I haven't taken the kids to play GOLF yet but we do go camping and fishing is planned for this next year now that they are a bit older."
PLEASE write back,
Kevin "
It never hurts to say please.
Of course I am not one o the ladies, but I do have a high write-back ratio. | |
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| Question for the ladies
Posted: 12/9/2006 4:25:55 PM | I actually thought it was pretty good with just a couple of little things, Kevin. Many of us don't like the use of the word "girl" because... heck... we're woman, not girls. It can sound condescending depending on the tone that's used, and of course you can't tell the tone in an email. I didn't like the command at the end at all, and probably wouldn't have written back after reading it because it really hit a nerve. I hope to hear from you soon... would love to chat with you some time... would love to hear more about XYZ... anything like that would work better as it expresses a hope, rather than a demand that you aren't in a position to make.
Good Luck! | |
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| Question for the ladies
Posted: 12/10/2006 12:05:06 AM | | Hi Kevin... I read your profile and post. I have no clue why someone wouldn't write back Fear of kids is all I can come up with. Keep looking..she's out there! (: Fritzie | |
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| Question for the ladies
Posted: 12/10/2006 3:44:33 AM | Hi, Kevin. Long time no speak!
OP: I thought the letter was nice. I like how it seemed to touch on several things from her profile (or so I am assuming). It was not a one-line email and did not use any of those horribly annoying abbreviations like "u r" or "c u l8tr". I would respond to an email like that because it is conversational and gave several opportunities for a similar reply.
I imagine that it was something aside from the email -- just not her type for some reason. | |
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| Question for the ladies
Posted: 12/10/2006 3:51:23 AM | | 'write back' seems needy and desperate. it's a command and no one likes those. try saying 'hope to hear from you' or something like that. | |
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| Question for the ladies
Posted: 12/10/2006 5:41:44 AM | | So you more are less teach P.E. So your around kids, and there parents at events, and you need to know what your doing wrong. Thats odd. I would think you would know what to say, and do. | |
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