| Why do ladies have kids with some one that they leave later
Posted: 12/11/2006 10:29:24 PM | Why do ladies have kids with some one that they leave later, because the man turns out no good or some other reason? Then when one comes along that is a good person & caring, they want to settle down but if the man would like to have a child with them, they don't want to have one with them?
I don't understand is not a valid thread subject - read the rules  | |
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| Don't understand !
Posted: 12/11/2006 10:41:46 PM | Sself-protection.
It is possible that the first man appeared just as sweet and friendly as the second presently does.
Even just conceiving and giving birth to a child - never mind once the kid's out - is an enormous investment physically, mentally, and emotionally for a woman.. Far more than it is for a man. A man can walk off from a woman that's 6 months pregnant... The job that he physically HAS to carry out is over in a few orgasmic seconds.
But a woman who doesn't want to abort - or if it's too late to so - can't just walk off from the responsibility.. At least, not until she's already spent the 9 months wreacking serious havoc on her body, having to take time off from work, have regular medical checkups, change her diet, etc.
So I'd take it as a GOOD sign that these women are a bit more cautious now that they've learned their lesson... All #2 can really do is keep doing things to build their trust and show them that he's there to stay. | |
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Posted: 12/11/2006 10:53:37 PM | I don't have kids....
It's not like a woman says... I'm gonna have a baby then leave the baby's daddy! It's just something that happens.
A lot of women don't want to have more kids..... it doesn't mean they don't want to have them because they don't want to with you.... it just means they don't want more.
Find a woman that wants to have kids! | |
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Posted: 12/11/2006 11:49:43 PM | | I think you need to be clear first and foremost about what you want. Just like a woman has the right to refuse to have a child for you, you can just as easily say they are not who you want. But, you have to want to be a father. If you think the woman is open to having a child for you but are afraid. Show her you can be a father to the child(ren) she already has (that is if she lets you). Another things, if you are looking online for a partner...Maybe there is some wisdom of avoiding the one's that say they don't wish to have children. Really think wisely before you get a woman pregnant...They legally don't have not responsibility to you if they are carrying your child (meaning they can keep it or abort it at will), but should she choose to keep the child, no matter what, your stuck with 18 years of child support. | |
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Posted: 12/12/2006 12:34:32 AM | | I want either 1 or 2 children. After I have them... I hope to be with the father forever... but if that doesn't work out.... no more no matter who I meet and wants to have kids with me there will be no more. | |
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Posted: 12/12/2006 1:00:59 AM | Raising a child from the first day she is born, until she leaves the nest takes about 20 years. And it's usually the Mom who gets to change the diapers, feed them, look after them when they are sick, make sure they get to school, and there are no days off for good behaviour. It's cooking, cleaning, laundry, driving them all over, birthday parties, sleepovers, holidays and teaching them things they will need to know to become successful. Then there's discipline, refereeing fights, bandaging skinned knees, getting check-ups, it is a long haul.
There are too many exes who do not want to pay child support after a break-up, so the responsibility falls on the Mom to make sure her child gets everything she needs to grow up to be healthy, happy and safe. I know of too many Dads who just refuse to help out, or they bugger off somewhere.
Working full-time and raising kids alone is the most challenging position any woman can find herself to be in. Nobody plans it this way, but it happens all the time. Moms can never complain they are tired, who cares? So not only does she have go to bring the bacon home, she has to cook it for everyone too, and you want her to have more kids?
I don't think so. How do I know? I am a single Mom. | |
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Posted: 2/12/2008 6:49:17 PM | | So you don't think there are any men who might enjoy sharing raising the kids ? | |
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Posted: 2/12/2008 7:00:24 PM |
Why do ladies have kids with some one that they leave later, because the man turns out no good or some other reason? Then when one comes along that is a good person & caring, they want to settle down but if the man would like to have a child with them, they don't want to have one with them?
Maybe they've learnt the lesson, moves with children is a bit harder than doing it alone, so they don't want excess luggage when they move again | |
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Posted: 2/12/2008 7:31:12 PM | On thing I have found in this online dating world is that more men are waiting until mid to late 40's (some later) to start families.
I can't have more children. So it isn't an option for me. Women can't always be able to have children as late as men for many reason.
And my kid's father and I divorced because of several reasons, the biggest one was immaturity on both our parts. But we are both very involved parents. | |
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Posted: 2/12/2008 7:40:06 PM | | you're 58 and still worried about having children??? | |
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Posted: 2/12/2008 7:57:42 PM | | Sorry, but I kind of had to agree with raiderfan18 on this one. I read your profile and was like.......would like to meet a lady with kids that are age 1-2? I kind of got a bit creeped out reading that to be honest. | |
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Posted: 2/12/2008 8:09:23 PM | maybe because after working at their relationship with the ex that they had children with, before it finally ended, they are now too old for more children (or feel they are)
or maybe they have *however many children* and that was the number they wanted to have
i'd suggest talking with whoever you meet near the beginning of dating her and finding out if she's willing/wanting to have more children before you get serious - that way you can avoid disappointment later | |
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Posted: 2/12/2008 8:47:32 PM |
would like to meet a lady with kids that are age 1-2?
I think he meant 1 or 2 younger kids, not kids that are one or two years old. | |
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Posted: 2/12/2008 8:58:41 PM | that is so totally untrue op..it depends on so many factors..does the lady want any more children?what are these childrens' ages etc...i myself have 5...i had the first 2 by my first husband..and when they were aged 13 and 15, i had met and married my 2nd and had 3 more with him...i've always had the desire for a large family..acutally even larger then i have..but unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you look at it...i didn't.
you just haven't found the right girl yet..if you are looking to have more children. | |
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Posted: 2/12/2008 9:28:23 PM | | op, you're best bet is to find a woman in her 20's that's ready to have children, most women in their 30's and up might be finished with having kids. the older the woman the more at risk they are for having a down syndrome baby as well. also, there are a lot of women that just don't want to take the chance anymore with bringing another baby into this world and things not working out as planned, then you have the ugly custody battle and support. not too many women want that to happen anymore either. imo | |
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Posted: 2/12/2008 9:38:47 PM | | Maybe they are afraid that at your age you wont live long enough to help with college expenses. | |
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Posted: 2/12/2008 10:59:40 PM | | They can't predict how people will be after you have a child. Either during or after, people change, they have different priorities/mind set. It's not just the man leaving that is the issue, but how you can't rely on someone who fathered the kids and not be involved,t hat's stressful, then it's stress to provide for your kids. Not to mention that the person whom you thought would be with you fo ra long time turns out he can't cut handle it, and isnt the person whom you thought he would be. So there are factors to why some women are wary of dating and the SO pushing for a child. | |
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Posted: 2/12/2008 11:30:42 PM | I am kinda agreeing with raiderfan and post punk sort of... not so much the college fund even but, how much of the childs life. How actively could we honestly parent a
little one as we age??? | |
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Posted: 2/12/2008 11:47:31 PM | Ron.. I looked at your profile... I note your age..and the age range of female you would like to meet.
well frankly my dear... I would love to have a baby with a special person...talked about it a few years ago... we could of done it... I was still young.
Now..well.. at 46.. I am still fertile...and I have 3 children already, it would not be my first child and I know what to expect healthwise.
I would choose for my health and sanity not to have a child today... I am too old.
Now if you hook up with a young mother in her 20s or 30s... the same applies...she may not want to go thru the whole pregnancy, birth and child rearing thing... kids are a lot of work. And most of those duties fall upon the moms. | |
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Posted: 2/12/2008 11:54:08 PM | Everything isn't about you, OP. She's had her kids, she doesn't want to go through the discomfort & restrictions of pregnancy or the exhaustion & mental gymnastics of infancy & toddlerhood again.
It doesn't have to have anything to do with the guy. She met the guy she thought she wanted to be with and they had some kids. It turned out she didn't want to be with him after all, it doesn't mean she's going to have kids with the next guy she wants to be with.
If you want kids, then find a woman who does, too, instead of asking why the one you found, doesn't. | |
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Posted: 2/13/2008 12:00:58 AM | I failed to notice the age range of the women he wants to meet.
Yeah he's dreamin, big time. Wake up dude. | |
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Posted: 2/13/2008 12:07:25 AM | Actually, the whole profile is a little too kid-focussed to not be creepy. I didn't want to be the first one to say it. Cause I just got back.
But, damn, OP, you're an old dude & that's a creepy profile.
I wouldn't let you meet my kids. | |
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Posted: 2/13/2008 1:55:06 AM | From your profile:
I like kids so I am looking for some one who has kids younger 1-2 ? OK, flat out, you sound like a child molester. I would grab my kids and run so fast the other way, I would likely pull a hamstring or something.
So, you are single at 58, and never had kids, and now suddenly you want to be an instadad®?
Ummm, how selfish can you get? Follow me here...
If you got married in the next two years, do you realize that as your child graduates high school, you would be close to 80? You may not even be there for that event, let alone paying for college. Is that fair to your child, and I mean even a little bit? Just exactly how can you rationalize this?
I had my last child at 37, and I was completely exhausted all the time, walking the floors with her when she had colic, keeping the house and chasing her around, having a baby is not the homey romantical notion you may think it is. They are one hell of a lot of work and it does not end when they are 18 either, despite information to the contrary.
If you want to make a meaningful contribution to the life of a child, you can volunteer in schools as a reading buddy (since you obviously cannot be a spelling and grammar buddy), where you will be supervised because frankly the kid oriented profile is more than just slightly creepy. | |
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Posted: 2/13/2008 2:38:03 AM | Gonna love the forums . . . .
Hey if movie stars (older men in their 60's) can have babies with 30 y/o . . . well OP . . . ya keep trying . . .
[*chills running down my back*] | |
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