| How much effort and chasing are people worth before meeting them from here?
Posted: 12/12/2006 12:52:28 PM | I was suppose to meet two POFers this week... both first meets... both kind of are MIA now... I'm not sure if I want to press to see if we're still on or not. However I've been known to be a little unforgiving too soon. 
One of them was an exchange of maybe 10 messages arranging the details of a first meet. This was at their request. We decided what we want to do, where, what day... the last question was exact time and the exact location at the meeting spot so we don't miss eachother... I reply with the time and the spot on Saturday for a meeting on Wed. Said i'm driving and willing to pick them up if they don't drive. Also asked a get to know you question at the end to keep the convo rolling. Message is read but no reply. To me the details are all finalized but not confirmed so is it on or not? I'm assuming they changed their mind but I guess potentially they might be waiting for me at that time and place indicated.... but if they are how retarded to just not communicate with me for 4 full days if you're interested in dating me and expecting me to remember them. I am not planning on being there at this point as I'm assuming it's off. Do I have a responsiblity to chase them and get a confirmation if all the details are out there and arranged?
The second one... their suggestion... we pick a general area... a time... a day and an activity.... I reply pose the 2 options for the activity in the area we're talking about since it's by me. Then continue on with the rest of the questions being asked. That e-mail is replied to... the final detail of the meeting are not answered but all my questions are answered and they keep communicating a couple times after. I have to assume they no longer want to meet me... and the meet is cancelled... but yet... I'm not wanting an e-mail buddy and also won't be suggesting seeing them again so potentially i'm going to stop replying to them because they are a waste of time.
Are they flakes? Am I making crazy assumptions and really have more responsibilities here? Are my expectations in courtousy just too high? :P | |
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| How much effort and chasing are people worth before meeting them from here?
Posted: 12/12/2006 1:07:04 PM | Hmmmm.... that's interesting. In the first case, I would send a follow-up email stating that if you don't hear back that you will assume he is unable to make the meeting (be very friendly and open about it). In the second case, I would do the same kind of thing. Write to him, but ONLY discuss the possible meeting. If he ignores that, then I would give up.
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| How much effort and chasing are people worth before meeting them from here?
Posted: 12/12/2006 1:20:41 PM | I'd give them both the benefit of the doubt and send a follow-up mail as Athulatha has suggested, making sure the only thing you mention is the meeting, so it can't be overlooked.
The chances that both of them have just forgotten to reply or had an email go missing are pretty slim, but it's possible that at least one of them wants to meet you and there's been some kind of snafu. If you hear nothing back, and finding people to meet in person is your goal, I'd write them off. | |
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Navee
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Joined: 6/27/2007
Msg: 7 | |
| How much effort and chasing are people worth before meeting them from here?
Posted: 1/22/2008 4:23:08 AM | First of all, this IS the Internet and nothing in life has as many flakes than it other than cereal, biscuits and literally snow. The first thing is to NOT take it too serious, and if you are being open and hones- minded; by stating to these men that you are seeing others here and arranging dates--you are cooking your own goose and producing the effect of a flake. From a reply by me to another one of your post: this is the effect bouncing back on you dear and you should try my suggestion really soon.
The possibilities could be that another woman has intervened here with a better offer, less dramatic in details and arrangements (and without a lip service of expectations about how a woman deserves or sack-chasing.) A good offer today could be a not-so-good offer tomorrow. I think it is time for me to check out your profile to see (in my own opinion only) if there is something misguiding on your end.
I know, I know, you did state the details and the times and the places, but sweetheart if you take a moment to feel me these disappointments are designed for you for a real good reason. Not so much that it IS dealing with karma, but it can also be an angel tapping you on the shoulder to lure you away from fate in its most destructive format. The fact that you aren't pushing more than likely means that you don't need to anyway and you're being saved. When something becomes worth it you will make and take the necessary actions without hesitation because you are in sync with your emotions and the universe.
And enough with the "playing games" theme that is the easiest thing for every Tom, Jane, Paul and Janice to say. Play games people as you always do because they will never die nor go away. What is there to say that a happy couple who love and respect each other are not playing the "happy and healthy love" game? And why does game have to be associated with negativity (at least in the relationship domain?) Just play the RIGHT game for change...try it by asking a partner to play the game of RESPECT with you (and the winner gets a prize!!!) I bet (good money) that the results of that game will produce more RESPECT than just flying solo and ruling out the concept of games in a relationship. There are equally the same amount of good games to play in a relationship as there are bad ones. Let's play the game of "Who Wants To Keep It Real?"
I mean really, duh, no wonder people are so screwed in the head...Are there really humans on earth or just mind-controlled puppets who rely on television and injected-drama to convey, control and constrain (in-the-box) their ideas? | |
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| How much effort and chasing are people worth before meeting them from here?
Posted: 1/22/2008 4:38:17 AM | You email to confirm the date, they don't respond, then I would assume the date is cancelled and was probably never going to happen. I've found many people who lie about themselves online, get cold feet when it comes to actually meeting. A lot of married people get cold feet too. I've had guys not show up for dates too. It sucks but that's the way it goes.
I don't rush things. I email on here, move to messenger, then to phone and if everything is still going well I say we can meet. But frankly i haven't met anyone from online in a year. I've met people in other ways. | |
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| How much effort and chasing are people worth before meeting them from here?
Posted: 1/22/2008 5:21:25 AM | i wouldn't do a darn thing about it.they should have had the courtesy to reply.if they do show up and you're not there...let them chase you..and then you can explain that you didn't receive a reply of confirmation so you assumed they weren't interested.
why should you have to chase them?you did your part now just sit back and see what happens..if nothing does then move on.maybe think of it this way,would you reply right away?the answer is probably yes,because you are excited over the prospect of finally meeting this person and you don't want anything to go wrong.they should feel the same way. | |
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| How much effort and chasing are people worth before meeting them from here?
Posted: 1/22/2008 6:15:06 AM | Yes, they are.
To get a successful date, it has to include:
1) messages, picture and phone call beforehand
2) confirmation the day before it' s due to happen that it's still on
3) something else for you to do by yourself if the date is a total disaster
Break any of those rules at your peril.. | |
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| How much effort and chasing are people worth before meeting them from here?
Posted: 1/22/2008 6:38:42 AM |
To get a successful date, it has to include:
1) messages, picture and phone call beforehand
2) confirmation the day before it' s due to happen that it's still on
3) something else for you to do by yourself if the date is a total disaster
Break any of those rules at your peril..
Dead on target.
I recommend that #2 be a phone call - "Hey, just wanted to see how you're doing. How's your day? Good, mine was good too. OK, so I'll see you tomorrow at (location)! Right, take care then..." | |
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| How much effort and chasing are people worth before meeting them from here?
Posted: 1/22/2008 10:41:02 AM | Sweetheart - the only thing a girl should chase is her vodka ;)
Sometimes, what people percieve as "playing games" is really just knowing how to socially interact the best and get what you want (ugh! I know I'm going to get chastised for that comment). So next time, be sure you take the upper hand. Show a little interest, but don't give it all away at first. Then they'll be the ones in your position ... except boys are a little crazier, so they'll actively pursue confirming details ;)
and always always always get a phone number :) | |
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