Renda
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Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 1 | |
| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 12/13/2006 2:51:08 PM | | This is happening to a friend of mine. She has been going with this man for almost two years and she loves him very much and he says he loves her. He is always commenting on beautiful women in front of her. If he sees one walking by, he stares and makes a comment about how beautiful she is. If he is in a bar by himself and a beautiful woman comes on to him, he makes sure he tells his girlfriend. He constantly tells her about all the beautiful women who try to pick him up. She gets upset about all of this and I do not blame her, but he thinks she should be perfectly ok with it. Any ideas on this matter? | |
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| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 12/13/2006 2:55:02 PM | | She could start pointing out all the handsome hunks that cross her path....maybe he will get the hint that she's not crazy about being told how beautiful all those other women are? | |
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| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 12/13/2006 3:02:52 PM | It's totally natural for men to continue admiring and appreciating the female form even when they're in love and content. I've grappled with this one before and tried to squash the feelings of jealousy that arose. The thing is, I knew that my man was being faithful and adored me, and from what I've read about on forums and talked about with other men and women, the honesty about their admiration for other women is a good sign. I think you have to be more wary of men who pretend they're never clocking other women! Having said that, it's insensitive to bang on about other women's beauty - it's not necessary, and a little subtlety wouldn't go amiss.  | |
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| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 12/13/2006 3:38:35 PM | | You could address this with him, but if you've accepted the behaviour for 2 yrs he's not going to understand why the complaining now? Better for you to work on your self-esteem issues, but also realize he's just feeding his ego. | |
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| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 12/13/2006 3:44:46 PM | I have come to accept that men will most likely always look at other women. Looking doesn't equal acting on impulse. If a relationship is strong enough and built on solid communication, then 'looking' at other women shouldn't bother you. However, I also believe in moderation, and constant oogling with no regard of the other persons feelings sort of quashes the 'solid relationship' bit, especially if she has asked him to keep it to a minimum.
I think, keeping in mind that i am no Dr.Phil, that he is overcompensating. I would guess that he is probably insecure about their relationship and by constantly asserting that other females find him attractive. Essentially telling his woman how lucky she is that he is with her. Another point of view could be that he is a commitment-phobe, and by constantly looking and talking about other women, he is letting her know that she is not the only one for him.
And i'm not doubting that he loves her, but being an outsider to this situation, i'd be leary of someone who said they loved me, and yet completely disregarding my feelings. Sounds like the feeling might be a little one-sided. | |
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| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 12/13/2006 3:52:43 PM | When you say, "he loves her", I have to believe this is completely false 100%. There is your problem. He would boink anyone if he could. I can only comment on what you have writen and do not know this man.
I AM A MAN AND I am capable of having sex ongoing every hour for 24 hours a day with my (ex)spouse and I can tell you HONESTLY THAT I WOULD NEVER LOOK OVER MY SHOULDER AT ANOTHER WOMEN no matter who pretty she might be to the rest of the world. I know love.
This is not a man thing. | |
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| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 12/13/2006 3:54:11 PM | | He's been a victim of what his exes have done to him in his past, which is bring up men that has tried to talk to them or have made sexual comments to them......which always happens. So he figures he'll get a jump on things and start the b.s. first. If that is the case, he's doing the WRONG thing because that would drive her away. NOT COOL!!! | |
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| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 12/13/2006 4:16:06 PM | There is nothing wrong with 'looking', but bragging? Sounds like psychological abuse to the significant other....or insecurity and boastful self-assurance on the man's part.
I do not suggest that your friend stoop to his level and point out the eye-candy to him, but she definitly does not have to put up with it.
Perhaps take the reverse approach and "man-up" to the situation when the next time he brags to her...state that if she is so beautiful, sexy, whatever....why don't you go talk to her?
Your friend will send a confident message to the boy that if he is always looking for greener grass, then perhaps he should pursue.
If he truly loves her...that should reign him in a bit. If not, then your friend needs to look for greener grass herself.
Just my thought  | |
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| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 12/13/2006 4:17:29 PM | | She should start picking out handsome men and pointing them out.. You know they say.. whomever they are... that the day you stop looking, is the day they bury you.. So a bit of his own medicine wont be amiss here | |
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| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 12/13/2006 4:29:03 PM | It's cruel and insecure. The beautiful women aren't coming on to him but he's guaranteed a reaction no matter how negative if he throws it in her face.
This is one of my greatest relationship 'hates'. If you both go to dinner for example and someone makes a lovely meal -- unsurpassed -- then fine, compliments from both are in order. But to me, the way to handle the situation is NOT to mention that your partner couldn't cook like that to save her life even if it's true.
I'm extremely adept at making a fool of myself. Want an emotional reaction? Play me...it's a guaranteed win. But you can't buy loyalty and you those who won't deliberately attempt to make YOU look bad or feel bad are few and far between. | |
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| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 12/13/2006 4:34:18 PM | | an "eye for an eye" is not attractive........as long as I get the respect and attention I need, I won't complain...........In the past, I found myself doing that as well, but I have realized it was because he wasn't making me "feel good, or special or needed"......I have have also learned the hard way, I won't do it again.....it only made me out to look like someone I don't want to be catagorized as....it's cheap, and unfortunately less attractive when a woman does it..............maybe you are not giving him a 'sense of security'.....that's all I figure......but then again....it all depends on what he does with those little "hits" | |
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| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 12/13/2006 6:55:05 PM | | It's obvious...the guy is insecure. healthy self esteem does not require a person to share with their significant other every female they find attractive or appears to find them attractive...ever thought of just talking to him about his insecurities and if he's intersted in doing anything about it?? | |
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| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 12/13/2006 7:12:49 PM | It's highly likely he's not getting "hit on" as much as he thinks. I knew a married guy like that who accused me of it to my guy friends. I laughed, wow I was hitting on him because I said hi, how's it going? Men imagine getting hit on when a woman is just being friendly. This guy gets some power trip out of thinking there's tons of women interested in him, as many said, it's his insecurity and nothing I'd put up with myself. An out of control overblown ego is a pain to deal with.  | |
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| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 12/13/2006 7:46:33 PM | I'm with Ace - If they are looking and commenting whilst with you, they have no respect for you whatsoever.
There beautiful people men and women on the street 24.7 - he can look when hes alone and comment all he likes. To do it In front of your partner means basically no respect for her. To those who think It means their open and honest - well maybe but I go the other way. Theres a big diff between saying I think shes a very attractive woman ( whoever ) than going on about " hot " women with heads like a bobbing dog for a back look whilst out with their partner. Have had a man like this only once In my life, told him If they were so damn hot obv worth more than the one on his arm ( me ) then go for them as I was outa there. LMAO the other good tactic to try ( depending on their severity of comments ) Is the old - gee wouldnt mind a bit of that In me tonight next time some young built bloke walks past - believe me - since they are norm the ones who couldnt get them and u could with a wink - will pull them up short believe me  | |
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| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 12/13/2006 9:07:32 PM | | Well as a member of the opposit sex,I appreciate a nice looking woman and i like to let my partner no that I have an appreciation for all women, and i have an opinion on how they look dress and present themselves. I appreciate beauty in all things, and as an art major in scholl and a photographer for some time, The female form has always been one of Gods greatest works in my opinion. Hopefully my partner/mate will understand this. I also welcom her opinion on other males and how they cary themselves and apear in public. knowing her opinion gives me a feeling of how she looks at the world and what her likes and dislikes are. I think open discussion is good for a relationship, but blatent staring and flirting is a deffinate NO NO. | |
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| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 12/13/2006 9:19:14 PM | This is definitely disrespectful and should not be tolerated. Have a nice talk with him and if he doesn't stop find anew guy.
Life is to short to put up with bull. Honor is necessary for a long term relationship to succeed.
If it's just an affair who cares but he won't change unless you put a lot of effort into it. He's a low self esteem player and he is hedging his bet. This is a form of psychological abuse.
Tell your friend good luck. I wish her well.
Sorry I've seen this type before. Blu.  | |
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| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 12/13/2006 9:31:43 PM | If it bothers her, he should stop. She should tell him. I have pointed out beautiful women to the men in my life ~ but I will admit, they were very casual about it. I love to look at gorgeous men ~ but I certainly don't feel the need to tell anyone what I see.  | |
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| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 12/13/2006 9:43:18 PM | Well I have to oppose many views on here.
It is fine if a guy checks out women when he is having a guy's night out. But he should not report back home. Neither should he be checking out other women in her presence unless she points them out first. It is disrespectful. Also, in addition to him disrespecting her, the woman he would be checking out would see that he is with his girlfriend, yet still looking at her. What a degrading feeling, as the girlfriend.
I see this all the time being the single girl, when passing couples walking down the street and the guy will check me out and the woman will grab his arm out of insecurity. I feel sorry for those women, and discusted with those men.
Many guys I have gone out with will not check out other girls in my presence. If a guy feels the need to do so, he is not someone I will date. | |
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| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 12/13/2006 10:37:54 PM | It's perfectly natural for all of us to admire beautiful/attractive people. To go making comments about these people directly to the one whom you love is totally disresectful. Next time he makes such a comment, walk away and tell him to go shove it, you don't need this crap in a relationship, and you shouldn't have to accept it. Very bad boyfriend.  | |
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| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 3/14/2007 2:33:56 AM | | For me this issue can be compartmentalised into two areas. When I am in love the female form changes, for example I could look at a girl and appreciate her good looks but more in the way I would appreciate a nice building, car or even some guy walking past with funky dress sense (a tad extreme I know but highlights the difference), more like people watching. Of course when single this changes to hoping for a smile. I think some people (male and female) are addicted to the buzz of initial contacts which is not healthy. Of course others are just obsessed with beauty. If anything in a relationship is damaging the other partner is should be discussed and resolved. But looking is most definitely better than touching so I agree with the comment it’s most probably the ones not talking about it that you must worry about. | |
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| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 3/14/2007 7:05:59 AM | Oh, I'd probably try something like :
"Gee, hun...that guys ass is really hot in those jeans of his. Why can't you have an ass like that? What's wrong with you?"
But seriously? If my man is doing that kind of weird behavior...I'd just tell him I'm glad he finds her hot, because she's the one he's walking out of there with, and not me.
Tootles...pffft! | |
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| always talking about beautiful women around you
Posted: 3/14/2007 8:54:20 AM | *Cough Cough...Welder, honey, are you reading this? *
Welder does something similar...he does admire other females more than other guys in my past have. Sometimes it makes me a little uneasy considering the way my marriage ended (cheating)....BUT, I know he is with ME, not THEM! We have talked about this and bless his heart, he has cut back on his comments and gives me a lot more compliments too.
I think if it is something that she can't discuss with him and she doesn't trust him, then she doesn't need to be with him. I trust Welder and I trust that his comments are just that....words. He saves the rest for me.
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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