| Cheaters
Posted: 12/14/2006 8:32:46 PM | I know this subject has been touched on before but hey- history repeats its self.
Now as a person how has been cheated on (like you wouldn't believe there has to be writing on my forehead that says "please cheat on me") helped someone cheat on her old man (young and stupid) and cheated on someone( long distance relationship and the dumbest ****ing thing i ever did) i've been wondering if my head is wired right because i find the easiest way to resolve it is anger. anger at myself for allowing myself to fall into the same ****ing trap time and again, anger at the other person for no trespecting me as a person and treating themselves like a piece of meat and finally anger at everyone who knew and didn't tell me. just curious if you guys feel anger helps resolve the problem or if i'm just lopy and if people who get cheated on find that it always happens to them? like do we know how to pick them or what? so any replies would be appreciated. oh yeah and before you go and judge me examine your own backyard and if it's perfect then rember people are not perfect. Also if your wondering the girl i cheated on i was feeling so guilty i broke up with her and told her why and she forgave me but i felt like i was shit and not worth her and now she is in a wonderful relationship as far as i know and very happy so it was probably for the best but i still, felt like shit for it and i haven't cheated on or allowed someone to cheat on their significant other with me since. (they were the one in the same) | |
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| Cheaters
Posted: 12/14/2006 10:38:09 PM | | cheating sux. some people do it some people dont. i guess u never really can tell what type of guy/ girl will or wont. i for one have never cheated on anyone that i have been with.. i just feel so strongly about it.. if ur not happy then yeah maybe u want to cheat.. but best to just move on if ur not happy, or fix things. all comes down to openeness and communication. but i never found myself getting really angry when i was cheated on. i just picked my shit up and walked out the door. theirs more problems going on if that happens in first place.. and it aint worth sticking it out for me. | |
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| Cheaters
Posted: 12/15/2006 4:33:40 PM | | oh i totally agree that packing up and moving on is the best but i find that most people (myself included) will always be like what di i do wrong? why didn't they love me like i love them? thats all and i found the easiest way to get over that stage is to get pissed. but thanks for your input | |
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| Cheaters
Posted: 12/16/2006 1:14:43 AM | I think being angry can be quite damaging for a person... but I know it can also be part of healing. However, it's just one stage and at some point you'll be able to let the anger flow away from you and you will feel better when you do.
I think that cheating is just a symptom of a bigger problem -- it's just a potential side-effect of your relationship being troubled. So in my opinion, I think you're focusing on something too superficial: it's not the behaviour that is the real problem, it's the lack of love and connection in the relationship that is the problem.
Your "why didn't they love me like I loved them" question is easy to answer really. People are different, they love in different ways, have different ideas of what is good and what is not. All you can do is be yourself, love in the best way you can and at some point you will find someone who resonates with that and knows what it is all about. Don't worry about all the ones that don't. | |
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| Cheaters
Posted: 12/16/2006 1:42:48 AM | I know those feelings to well Draconus. Though i have not cheated on the women I have had relationships with. I have been cheated on and lied to. Personally I wonder myself where I go wrong and why I chose to get involved in the first place. Was it a bad choice, no. We had a lot of good times and I have a lot of great memories.
It will be a while before I feel like putting myself out there again. I also find it hard to be freindly and outgoing right now, am I bitter, yes a bit. Am i angry, yes mostly at myself. You see these things dont happen all of a sudden. I did not or I chose not to see that things changed. Guess I realised that they had when I found her with another guy in her room, he was packing his over night bag. Humph ba humbug.
After talking with her later that night I realised I could no longer invest those feelings in our relationship, going back to that level hurts. She calls me regularly, but we do not hang out right now. My choice. I dont really know how I feel cuz we were friends for many years before getting serious. There are moments I hate her passionatly yet I still have big love in my heart for her so I am conflicted.
I need space to sort myself out right now and gain a new perspective. One of my buddies says You cant get over her until you get under somone else, thats not my style though as I just see that as using somone, which I will not do.
I dont know if any of that helps or even makes sense. Its my hope that next time i will be a bit wiser. yet then again I allways seem to end up in the same place. I find it is impossible not to invest in somone if you love them but it does no good to become lost in your feelings for that person. I remember somthing I read recently, Love and being in love is a projection of your feelings on another. Right or wrong thats how I feel right now. Though hard I will forgive her and let go of my hurt in time and hopfully we can still remain friends.
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| Cheaters
Posted: 12/16/2006 3:35:41 AM | Ok...one more post before I head off to work.......... ....Your young...don't take life too seriously and don't take relationships serious either...you too young to settle down anyway...get a GOOD education..be all you can be...and succeed in your goals...the gal will be dripping all over you....k?....have a super duper day now......cya........................ | |
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| Cheaters
Posted: 12/16/2006 4:40:10 AM | Cheaters suk! I am freshly broken up 1 week now....my man cheated on me not just at the beginning of our relationship but during too. What makes me so ****ing mad about it is this.....You men who cheat then when your woman is catching on, what do you do? convince her that she is crazy, unstable, jealous,stupid,and a whole shit load of other things...why cant you either stay out of relationships or just ****ing tell the truth! Its bad enough that your already cheating, but now you also have to take away her sanity too!!!! Make her question who she is.....NO WAY! And this also applies to women who cheat too! And ya it does feel better to hate for a while....but I am walking away from this idiot fully intact of my senses. He isnt bringing me down another step. Why? cause Im better than him!  | |
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| Cheaters
Posted: 12/16/2006 5:06:33 PM | | Sorry for the misconception rune but i don't ask those questions. other guys i've talked to do. me i found out after we were broken up and no the anger flows still and it is hard for me to let go of anger. to many people have treated me like dirt all my life and anger is the only way i find the strength and courage to keep putting myself out there because i won't allow their insults to ruin my life. and i understand people are different but yeah i'm not sure where i'm going with this so just realise i agree and thank you all for your input so far. | |
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| Cheaters
Posted: 12/16/2006 5:29:28 PM | Well, let me say for the record, I don't like cheating, either. In my opinion it is a reflection of one's insecurities, or just poor self esteem! I could not hurt another human being that way.
I am sure those who have clearly stated that they felt bad after cheating, well I am glad to hear it, cuz you should feel guilty! You hurt someone, and also yourself in the process. No one likes to be hurt, right? You don't!
Also I have to add that everyone does make mistakes, so hopefully this was a long time ago and it can be left in the past, but you know not to do it again.
Now to answer your question about anger. No, it won't help you at all, in fact anger will bring you down more. It is not healthy for you.
A lot of us have been treated badly at times in our lives, it is important that you learn to deal with things in a healthy way, instead of becoming angry.
Sure you are human, and you can get angry like the rest of us, but just don't become a bitter person for life. Choose to live!
Oh, and btw, I just saw that you are only 21! You have a long life ahead, make it a good one! | |
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| Cheaters
Posted: 12/17/2006 5:19:18 AM | | I guess it depends on our perception of "cheat". We don't own anyone and no one owns us ...love is giving freedom and trust to our partner. If the individual goes out and meets someone else "cheats"...who did they cheat? you or themselves? We can only be the best we can be and be true to ourselves. If the individual is "cheating" why is it we think it's about us? When really it's not ...it is something within them. Cheating happens all the time it's the way we define cheating thats the difference. | |
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| Cheaters
Posted: 12/17/2006 5:39:01 AM | Cheating happens all the time it's the way we define cheating thats the difference.
Webster defines cheating as - 1: (noun) the act or and instance of fraudulently decieving ; 2: (verb) to be sexually unfaithful
Ok...... how else should it be defined? Cheating is cheating is cheating. Goes along with lying and stealing. All three are WRONG.
We don't own anyone and no one owns us
True statement - but when you get married there is an expectation of limited freedom. "To love and to HONOR (my interpretation is to be faithful)
I could bring up one more example but I am not going to put my religeous beliefs in this forum.
But this is JMO and what do I know, I've only been married twice and divorced twice because my ex's decided that it WAS OK to cheat!
nuff said
~k~ | |
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| Cheaters
Posted: 12/17/2006 7:40:34 AM | Cheaters = bad. :) Temptation is out there everywhere, but it's what you do with it...if you want more then one person, here is my suggestion, don't commit to anyone! Cheating will rip at the very foundation of a relationship and leave all parties bruised and battered and who wants that? It may be your biggest mistake, you may be sorry as hell but let me tell you it will take more then that to rebuild the relationship you ruined by cheating. The girl/guy may decide they never want to see your face let alone enter another "loving" relationship with you. This is the price you might have to pay. Breakup and avoid the cheat or be single. Simple.  | |
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| Cheaters
Posted: 12/17/2006 8:01:24 AM | I have to agree with hippycick!
If you know you want more than one sexual partner, then be upfront about that, don't lie and deceive. You only tear away at your own soul. | |
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| Cheaters
Posted: 12/18/2006 12:13:34 PM | HippyChick....yer the bomb girl!!!! I would have said it as well as you did....but ahhhhh I was ahhh a little bitter about my recent break up. LMAO I agree with you 100 %.... Way to put the truth out there!  | |
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| Cheaters
Posted: 12/18/2006 2:15:18 PM | <<<<<< bows graciously
Thanks.... i just call it like I see it and I am glad to make someones day!
Keep on keepin on!
~k~ | |
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| Cheaters
Posted: 12/18/2006 4:05:09 PM | Hippychick. I like your definition.
I have a question for you and others...do you count non-physical relationships as cheating? I'm talking about a friendship which the husband involved has since admitted is building and the wife isn't allowed to be involved in the friendship. I consider it cheating -- the husband does not because nothing physical has happend -- yet. | |
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| Cheaters
Posted: 12/18/2006 4:48:08 PM | | Emotional affairs are as bad as physical ones. If it was innocent, the wife would be included in the friendship. | |
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| Cheaters
Posted: 12/18/2006 6:27:17 PM | | A friendship in which your wife doesnt know? Ya buddy thats cheating on the emotional side! Is there any faithful men out there????????????? If so drop me a line ffs.... | |
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| Cheaters
Posted: 12/18/2006 8:42:28 PM | I'd like to recommend at least glancing through these articles...
“Why I cheated”: Women fess up
By Chelsea Kaplan
From: http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=6906
7 reasons men cheat
By Tom Milnes
From: http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=1889
Now look carefully and you'll notice that mostly, the reason are about the same and generally boil down to several key factors in each situation whether male or female. Basically lack of communication, fear of confrontation, and general disinterest or lack of interest in their partner can peg just about every reason given. Just food for thought on the subject. | |
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| Cheaters
Posted: 12/19/2006 5:05:12 PM | hey Hippychick29,
I totally respect your view on the subject. I guess it all depends on our morals, and spirituality/faith regarding this topic. I have never "cheated" ...although I was "cheated" on a long time ago. Every life experience is a learning experience. The choice I made to take away from the experience and learn is that his actions has nothing to do with me ...only whats within him. I live by three things in life .. 1. never assume... 2. take nothing personal and 3. be the best I can be. I learned along time ago we can not control other people only ourselves. :) it's all good. | |
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| Cheaters
Posted: 12/20/2006 5:45:55 PM | Lao tzu said mastering others is strength but mastering yourself makes you invincible.
and then sun tzu in "The Art of War" has many good sayings but the one most relevent (and shortest) is "know the enemy, know yourself and victory is never in doubt" but the thing he goes on to say is about people who know not themselves. so you must know yourself to be able to succed. i do highly recommend "the art of war" to everyone (no its not about war at it's ideal. it is very helpful for just getting through life) | |
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