calaf
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Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 1 | |
| The just friends list
Posted: 12/18/2006 3:58:12 PM | | How many women put guys in the "just friends" list and won't move the guy up to boyfriend status and have sex with the guy? If he is a really good friend, wouldn't he make a really good boyfriend? | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/18/2006 4:01:50 PM | The fact that you pointed out having sex as the role of being a boyfriend would explain why you would only stay on the "just friends" list.
Just because someone's an amazing friend, doesn't mean that they'd necessarily be a good partner.
But, it definitely helps to have a foundation of friendship with whoever you choose to be with. | |
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calaf
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Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 3 | |
| The just friends list
Posted: 12/18/2006 4:04:54 PM | | Yes - having sex and giving a woman many many orgasms - it is the boyfriends duty, right? What is wrong with that? | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/18/2006 4:09:17 PM | Pleasing your love in any way possible is part of being a true boyfriend... but that's not the main reason you're with someone... at least not just the sex...
Maybe you should focus on the love and nurturing that comes from a happy relationship. Not just the physical pleasure? | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/18/2006 4:09:23 PM | "If he is a really good friend, wouldn't he make a really good boyfriend?" Glad not all men think that way. And what, sex is the reward for promotion to boyfriend? Seems you haven't learned much about women in your 39 years. You don't need to be able to think like a woman, but you do need to understand at least a little about how women think. Talking to them and listening is usually a good start.  | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/18/2006 4:15:57 PM | Adam's right. The basis of any good relationship is friendship. The love and nurturing is all part of it.
Friends sometimes become more than friends as the friendship grows, but not that should not be the objective. What's wrong with making new friends?
And, if any boyfriend of mine considered the physical part his 'duty', I'd be
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/18/2006 4:16:30 PM | Listen to the lady. She gives great advice.
Plus she's oh so easy on the eyes. 
Heh, there's a lot more to a relationship than just "dating" and sex.
It's about love and respect and devotion and compassion and understanding and compromise...
Being there for each other... supporting each other...
Helping each other grow as people... and helping one another experience the glories of life. | |
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calaf
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Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 9 | |
| The just friends list
Posted: 12/18/2006 4:31:49 PM | | I was looking for some women to vote on this guys. This is the ask a GIRL forum! And you know I have lots of women friends. In fact I have more female than male friends. | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/18/2006 4:38:07 PM | It's not a graduated scale. Just because a guy is a friend does not mean he is in the running for boyfriend. I can have a man as a friend that I have no sexual or romantic interest in at all. That's why I can be friends with a married guy or a guy with a girlfriend. Being a good friend doesn't mean that maybe someday you'll "get a shot". That kind of expectation will pull you right off the friend list.
Sure a guy is a guy and I know they think about sex in a differnt manner than we do, but a real friend wouldn't have alterier motives or expect that if they are your friend long enough they are owed sex. There is another term for that sort of thinking. "Player" and a player isn't really your friend, they are only out for the next booty call. | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/18/2006 4:51:04 PM | Wow, I just read through that "Ladder theory" and it sounds like it is written by a guy who truly see's all women as whores (his term) and as he refers to them "****es". This type of guy isn't worth arguing with because he has already made up his mind about all women and no one is going to convince him otherwise.
WOW what a close minded view point. | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/18/2006 4:59:03 PM | I don't have guy friends. A guy doesn't want to be your friend, he wants to sleep with you. I don't have them because I see it as leading a guy on for no good reason. Even if you tell a guy that you don't want to have a relationship with them, they will still try to sleep with you if you let them hang around long enough.
I see other women do it and it's because they want attention. The ones who do it the most are the ones who crave attention because they just can't get it anywhere else and they have to hoard it with the few guys that will give it to them.
If you want my advice, if you meet a girl with alot of friends who are guys, then it would be easier on your life if you just avoided her. As for moving guys outside of the friend zone, only if you win the state lottery with most girls. Or when those girls get old, fat and desperate and can't get anyone else. | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/18/2006 5:00:14 PM | | The main reason as to why a man is in a " good friends " list for me is simply bc I am not attracted to him that way. Just bc we click in every single way, we laugh, we have a good time, he's there for emotional support and so forth....it does not mean I want him as a boyfriend, simply bc the other part is missing : physical attraction. Now could I eventually get physically attracted to him? Maybe...but rarely. | |
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calaf
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Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 14 | |
| The just friends list
Posted: 12/18/2006 5:06:48 PM | I would not want to risk getting put off the friends list! It is not really an expectation - just a question.
So Temptress, the physical thing is really important too? I find that I get more physically attracted to women when I like their personality. This does not work for the women?
And Dancing queen has quite the attitude! Tell it like it is!! | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/18/2006 5:19:45 PM | To say that the only reason a guy is around a woman is to sleep with them is completly sexist and biased.
I'll have you know that most of my friends are women and the farthest thing from my mind with them is sex. I enjoy the company of women, I have more intelligent converasations with women, sorry guys but it's true..I can only stand the I kicked the s*** out of this guy and I tapped this ass last night conversations for so long.
I think that there is a distinct possiblity of moving out of the so called "friend zone" and most women are observant to your intentions, you just need to show them that you are the type of guy that they may want to be with.
And I agree...just because you're in a realtionship with someone doesn't mean that you need to have a sexual relationship. I mean it's nice to have a sharing and deep experiance with someone but it's not nessacerally needed. | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/18/2006 7:49:29 PM |
the farthest thing from my mind with them is sex
I want a sensitive man who can cry.
I think that there is a distinct possiblity of moving out of the so called "friend zone"
I want someone who is in touch with his feelings.
I mean it's nice to have a sharing and deep experiance with someone
Good looks aren't everything, it's the person deep down inside that really counts.
I have more intelligent converasations with women, sorry guys but it's true
I really don't care how much money a man makes, I just want to find REAL love.
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were having a tired old cliche with a double scoop of bullshit contest.
I'm competitive by nature. | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/18/2006 9:43:58 PM | There is also a train of thought by some relationship
researchers, that if a woman isn't interested in a man
romantically, right from the very first meeting, that it's
IMPOSSIBLE for her to ever increase her feelings.
She may go out with you and even have an ongoing
relationship with the guy, but she will never become
madly in love with him!
I generally, tend to believe this! | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/18/2006 9:50:58 PM |
Wow, I just read through that "Ladder theory" and it sounds like it is written by a guy who truly see's all women as whores (his term) and as he refers to them "****es". This type of guy isn't worth arguing with because he has already made up his mind about all women and no one is going to convince him otherwise.
WOW what a close minded view point.
I don't agree with his opinions of women but I do believe women have 2 ladders where men have just one.... | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/18/2006 10:45:10 PM | | I just heard the other day that for many women, a great relationship leads to great sex and for most men, great sex makes for a great relationship. Not sure if that works for us all, but I believe for the women I know, the relationship has to be there first. And yes, we can have guys in our lives who will always be 'just' friends, and nothing more. There could be deal-breakers happening that make it impossible to go further. | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/18/2006 11:48:15 PM |
So Temptress, the physical thing is really important too? I find that I get more physically attracted to women when I like their personality. This does not work for the women?
It's NOT that I don't find my male friends physically attractive...it's just that there is no physical chemistry between them and me. That's what I am getting at. I can look at a guy and say, " Wow, he's attractive and we get along "...but there has to be much more than that for me to consider him on the " dating category ". There has to be a serious, sexual attraction. | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/19/2006 1:52:03 AM | In regard to the completely insensitive Dancing Queen, I really am sorry for what ever happened to you that made you so completely and utterly jaded.
There ARE nice guys out there who just enjoy the company of someone else and arent just looking to get into someones pants.
For you to completely blast me, someone whom you dont know by the way, for my beliefs and feelings is complete bullshit.
No I'm not trying to drown everyone in a lake of cliche's and bullshit. My friends are my friends, not people that I want to sleep with.
And belive it or not there are men out there who actually want to have caring relationships with people on an entirely plutonic level. | |
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kmhstx
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Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 23 | |
| The just friends list
Posted: 12/19/2006 4:08:22 AM | | If he's a really good friend, then he's a really good friend......if you are ATTRACTED to him then maybe it can be more. Attraction/chemistry is needed on both sides. If I don't have any physical attraction, you are never going to be more than a brother to me. Although there is the senario where if I always had a little crush, but never think its returned, so a great friendship develops. Thats the only way I could think it would turn into more, because the initial attraction was there on my part atleast. | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/19/2006 4:48:51 AM | Pasquel wrote:
Just because a guy is a friend does not mean he is in the running for boyfriend.
Sexy Temptress wrote:
The main reason as to why a man is in a " good friends " list for me is simply bc I am not attracted to him that way
See, this is what confuses me. There are a million posts of women who say 'I won't just jump into dating someone. They have to be friends first'. Then there are a million posts from women that say the EXACT OPPOSITE....'i could never date a friend...I just don't see them in that way'
This is why I stay away from the women who say 'friends first'. We ALL know how hard it is to transition from friends to boyfriends....so why meet a woman who lets you know right away she plans on sticking you in the friends category?
I'm here for a relationship.....not to be on the friends list. I have enough friends. | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/19/2006 9:35:35 AM | | I hate to say this, but you wouldn't know what an intelligent conversation is if it hit you in the head. Just from reading this forum, it appears the only conversation you are capable of having is a superficial one. And the guy you are insulting is right on. Maybe you'll realize that when you grow out of your naiveté. | |
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