| when an affair with a man has ended badly
Posted: 12/23/2006 2:34:08 PM | | I am broken hearted - been seeing a man who lives with a women for 3 years and it has all gone wrong - i never wanted to have an affair, it just happened and i fell in love. Now he says he doesnt love me and has told his partner about me and its made them closer. I am so bitter and hurt. What will i do to get over this and get my self respect back?? | |
|
| when an affair with a man has ended badly
Posted: 12/23/2006 2:39:57 PM | affairs are never good sweetheart but he couldnt of loved as much as he said .. some men are out for wot they can get NOT all but a small majority .. take it and learn that u can do better and try and meet that special person so u dont care wot he's doing...actually i gotta take my own advice there!! lets give it a go!! take care x | |
|
| when an affair with a man has ended badly
Posted: 12/23/2006 2:44:25 PM | Well, I am no therapist, but you have to know when getting into any relationship with a married individual that you risk this outcome....
[/i never wanted to have an affair]
i dont want to judge but you knew he was with someone right, so you had to know that you were having an affair from the getgo??
As far as respect, you earn respect and you need to evaluate your relationships, and pros and cons of what the results of your actions could be, because if you thought about the possible outcome of this relationship chances are you wouldnt have pursued it in the first place, and if you still did then you would have known the risks before hand
Mike | |
|
| when an affair with a man has ended badly
Posted: 12/23/2006 2:49:25 PM | Just out of curiosity how did you think this was going to end?
Spend some time alone before you start dating again. Then DO NOT date someone who is involved with someone else. In that situation OP at best you're not enough. If his attentions are balanced you're only getting 50% of his efforts, and at worst (which it seems you have come to now) you're second best.
Couple of points:
1) If a man seems like a cheating ar$ehole with no respect for women, 99.99% that is exactly, and all, that he is.
2) If a man seems like a cheating ar$ehole with no respect for women, 99.99% that is exactly, and all, that he is. I appreciate this is the same point as Point 1, but it's such a BIG point it's worth making twice.
You cheated too though - tell me, have you spared a shred of thought or compassion for this man's partner who just had a bomb dropped on her life?
Take a long, hard look in the mirror. Don't allow yourself to be drawn into this situation again. You want your self respect back? The first step is to deserve it. | |
|
arri
|
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 5 | |
| |
| when an affair with a man has ended badly
Posted: 12/23/2006 3:20:01 PM | Ok have just read your post, and not going to say anything nasty or slag you of, about being the little bit on the side, and all the stuff that comes with that, as guess you'v heard it all already, from some of the people that know you and I'm also sure that at somepoint you's going to get it from others that don't know you ... but what I will say, is that I don't think you are the first or will you be the last woman that this fine ( lmao) man has had in bed, and I don't think you are the first or again nore do I think you will be the last woman that his wife is told about..he is not yours nore would it seem hers...but i have to say that this chap will more than likey end up alone,, and you will find happyness in someone single. | |
|
| when an affair with a man has ended badly
Posted: 12/23/2006 3:25:02 PM |
What will i do to get over this and get my self respect back??
"Back"?? Personally, it seems to me that if you're willing to take a back seat to another woman who is a priority to him, the self-respect was never there to begin with.
Have you tried to examine the reasons that you may not feel you deserve a whole relationship? | |
|
| when an affair with a man has ended badly
Posted: 12/23/2006 3:53:17 PM | I know a lady who did the same thing you did, but the affair went on for over 10 years. He swore up and down he was going to leave his wife and get a divorce, but it was just never the right time. There was always an excuse, but in the meantime my friend went everywhere with this guy, they were seen all over town, spent weekends together, holidays, everyone knew.
For 3 years he said he was packing up his things and he was going to move in with my friend, well she got tired of broken promises, so she drove up to his house one afternoon. There he was, playing with his grandkids just as usual. Nothing was packed, he had no intention of leaving his wife, a divorce would cost him way too much. His wife weighed over 300 lbs. but she had a wack of money she had inherited sitting in the bank.
My friend was heartbroken, came home and cried her eyes out for days on end, until she could cry no more. She felt like a complete fool, and then she decided enough was enough, she better get on with her life and while she is still single, she has at least found some self-respect. It takes time and determination, but you'll get there one day, too. Good luck. | |
|
| when an affair with a man has ended badly
Posted: 12/23/2006 3:57:49 PM | Get your self respect back??? I'm not sure you had any to begin with.
So you didn't win??? I bet you'd be happy if you did....sorry-looks good on ya. | |
|
| when an affair with a man has ended badly
Posted: 12/23/2006 5:47:38 PM | Wow!! Self Righteous anyone? With a side order of smug?
Hun, we all do things that we later regret, find ourselves in situations that we thought we were too smart to get caught up in and are a little too trusting for our own good but that's the difference between the heart and the brain... one's logical, the other‘s emotional (I’ll explain for the other posters - emotions are sentiments, feelings… It’s what people who haven’t got a stone in place of their heart feel). One day all these feelings will be a disant memory, you'll be stronger, wiser and smarter and ready to face new challenges. Chin up babe - you're too foxy to pout.
And to the poster that claims OP cheated. No she didn't, she was single. It was the guy that cheated but for some reason, in this situation, the woman is always painted as the bad guy!! It's frickin unbelievable. It wouldn’t work that way in any other situation…
Somebody starts looking for another job whilst they’re still employed… they find a new job, leave the old one without giving notice and steal half their clients too. Nobody vilifies the new employer!!!
Nothing is black and white... would you guys all have the same opinions if you found out the guy's a money grabbing whore who's with his wife cause she's rich. His wife is a spoilt socialite who believes herself superior to everyone and is disdainful of "the under-classes" (as she calls it). She treats her husband like a possession and will not divorce him because there's no way she's gonna be a divorcee and the mistress was just minding her own business (quite literally - she's a dog walker or something) when husband asks her to walk his German Shepherd... they spend a lot of time together and, unintentionally, she develops feelings for him.
Me personally, I'd think the guy’s the ***hole. His relationship, if you can call it that, is over and he needs to develop a spine and move on. The wife's well weird for wanting to stay with a guy who doesn’t love her (personally, I’d kick HIM out!). The girl, well the girl’s a little naive but hey, nobody's born with the wisdom of Athene.
Instead, the automatic template here is that the wife’s some brownie baking soccer mom who soothes her husband’s furrowed brow every evening whilst cooking up a Martha Stewart-esque meal before finding a field to sing harmonies in and the guy’s just a poor sap who’s really in love with his wife but got distracted by a half dressed vixen who kept exposing her bosoms until he was too weak to refuse… that poor man, after all he’s only as God made him - he can’t be held accountable for his actions…
Haven’t you heard that song.... "ever fallen in love with someone you should never have fallen in love with"?
Compassion people. Never say never and all that….those horses are mighty high, make sure you don’t break your neck when you fall off em! | |
|
| when an affair with a man has ended badly
Posted: 12/23/2006 6:26:18 PM |
I am broken hearted - been seeing a man who lives with a women for 3 years and it has all gone wrong - i never wanted to have an affair, it just happened and i fell in love. Now he says he doesnt love me and has told his partner about me and its made them closer. I am so bitter and hurt. What will i do to get over this and get my self respect back??
"get my self respect back??"  !!! ....... HA! You did NOT have it to began with.
"it has all gone wrong" ............. It has always been WRONG. | |
|
| when an affair with a man has ended badly
Posted: 12/23/2006 7:17:32 PM |
it just happened
It sounds more like you made a choice and now you pay the price. Next time, stay out of other people's relationships, and you won't have this problem. That's what I would tell someone in your position if I couldn't think of anything better to say. It sounds like standard advice. | |
|
MISS13
|
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 13 | |
| when an affair with a man has ended badly
Posted: 12/24/2006 11:19:01 AM |
Hun, we all do things that we later regret,
3years--that's not a mistake or error in judgement....it was her intention to be the one still with him....desperately trying to get him from the person he was with.....again she got what she deserved.
Wow!! Self Righteous anyone? With a side order of smug?
Perfect definition for the OP.....and add a cup of selfishness. | |
|
| |
| when an affair with a man has ended badly
Posted: 1/2/2007 3:25:24 PM | Yep there was, he was useing her, just like he's useing his partner.. anyway, sorry to say this but you knew about this other woman when you went into things with him. and because he never though that much about you ( sorry but if he did he'd be with you now) you are more I think hurt by the facted that you fell in love with a lie, (I.E) he was never going to be anything more than a bed buddy, and again I'm sure that you never spent all your time in bed, ( hey maybe you did) but the point of the matter is, you gave this wonderfull man (  ) the space in your life, your heart & more important the space in your mind. and again I have to say at some point in life most of us are going to get hurt by someone we though loved us more than they do. ( myself got the magazine, instead of the book)  as covers more ,  but you know what they say, what dosen't kill us, makes us stronger... and hun it's up to you how stronge you wish to become. but by wanting to get back at him, you are giveing him the power to controll your live. and your mind.. as said up to you, but myself, I have taken back my power, and now controll my life 100% . | |
|
Home
login 
