| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 3:22:36 PM | i am in a relationship right now where i find myself picking fights. i don't know why i do it, and i resolve every time not to do it again. but for some reason i always end up picking fights with him. i love him, and i don't want to ruin the r/s, but i can't seem to stop.
has this ever happened to anyone else? anyone have any insight into why this happens? | |
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| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 3:25:13 PM | hmm, sounds funny. I suspect you get a lot of attention from him when you fight. And that you find yourself looking for ways to get and maintain his attention.
But you are getting some kind of reward for acting this way.
good luck | |
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| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 3:27:04 PM | | Usually if you are picking fights with someone, you aren't enjoying their company. If you aren't enjoying the person's company, perhaps your subconscious is trying to tell you something... | |
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| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 3:28:49 PM | Ask yourself what the pay off is? There is one or you wouldn't do it. | |
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| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 3:30:26 PM | OP likes "make-up" sex....
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| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 3:47:09 PM | | OP needs therapy. | |
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| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 4:08:07 PM | ^^^ I agree, there's something you can't cope with, and because you can't cope with it, you react with anger..
... not enough information to even try to help.. but maybe asking yourself what's really wrong would at least give YOU the idea why it's happening.. ;) | |
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ulao
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Joined: 6/10/2006
Msg: 8 | |
| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 4:18:04 PM | | Just try to calm your self down, find things to do that mellow you out. My EX did that crap, after are falling out we talk for a bit. The one thing she said the most was how it was so dumb that she purposely tried to fight. She never really understood why she did it, and that she though it would have made things better if she learned to control it. | |
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| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 4:20:32 PM | Sorry OP, but there is something wrong in the relationship. My history dictates that if/when bored with someone, I'd pick a fight just for something to do. When I was finally in a completely fulfilling relationship, there was no fighting. For some reason, you crave drama, most likely because negative attention is better than no attention at all. Everyone claims to "love" the other person, it doesn't mean you are right for each other. JMO  | |
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| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 4:32:06 PM | | Of COURSE you know why you do it ... because he is as dysfunctional as you by willing to put up with your behaviour ... | |
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| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 4:51:38 PM | It may be that you are too comfortable with what you have and now you are at the point where you aren't satisfied anymore... someone once told me a quote, it was really good but of course I can't remember it. Something about girls trying to change women and men just trying to stay out of trouble.
I wish I could remember it... but maybe that was enough for you to get the point.
When someone is "new" their annoying habits and silly ways seem great, but as time goes y some of things that you love the most become the things that drive you crazy. Maybe, you could start to keep a record on your fights... and lits (1) what you pick fights about, (2) what were you doing when you got upset, (3) say how he reacted. By looking at patterns, you may realize what the REAL problems are... maybe it's when you don't see him much or too much, could be when you are over tired, and the reasons go on.
Good luck!!! | |
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| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 5:00:17 PM | | Since you are exhibiting hostile behavior and cannot control it, you have a personality disorder and should find out what, so make an appointment and see a psychologist. | |
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ya472
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Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 13 | |
| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 5:11:24 PM | I have a couple of ideas:
1) This is a learned behavior. If you come from an alcoholic or abusive type of home, most issues were handled by yelling. The easiest excuse for yelling, is pick a fight.
2) It is a reactional behavior. There is probably some emotional pain which you have endured for years, so acting irrational helps you diffuse the build up of 'energy'.
A more severe reaction is called 'cutting', where someone will deliberatly cut their skin, to divert their emotional pain into physical pain.
Either way, it is an unhealthy behavior, and it will take a lot of work and probably some professional councelling to help you channel your energies and change your behaviors.
Actually, the first step is to recognize you have this destructive behavior, then commit yourself to finding a "safe way" to redirect this energy. | |
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| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 5:27:01 PM | I do not think you do it intentionally, it is possible to get so frustrated and get mad and things like that happen when there is a communication problem or you are not getting what you want out of a/the relationship. It gets bottled up and you just blow up..yes it happens it is called frustration and hurt....
Yes I have had that problem, but are you picking the fights or is he telling you that, there is a difference.... | |
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| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 5:33:14 PM | | Fighting zaps energy....I think once you realize that you'll direct yourself to a more positive way to zap energy, lol. Seriously, I'm never more tired after a nasty fight.....presently I'm never zapped. I opt to remove that negativity out of my life. Bordom is no reason to pick a fight. Fighting and arguing is normal in a relationship but not to the point where you find yourself picking them. You need to count to 10 before you "find" yourself getting to the point where you're gonna start a knock down drag out and decide if it's reallyworth it....at some point your SO is going to get sick and tired of it and you're gonna be kicking yourself....jmho. | |
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| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 5:33:17 PM |
i am in a relationship right now where i find myself picking fights. i don't know why i do it, and i resolve every time not to do it again. but for some reason i always end up picking fights with him. i love him, and i don't want to ruin the r/s, but i can't seem to stop.
well statistically, women start 50% of the fights and 50% of the time strike the first blow, so you are in that group. go get help. leave the guy alone. go get professional help. leave the guy alone. leave all men alone until you figure out why you need to fight with them. | |
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| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 6:11:05 PM | Fighting is bad.
Beer is good.
Happy Holidays. | |
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| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 8:29:03 PM |
anyone have any insight into why this happens
if you're "picking fights", then I'd say that you're the problem
sounds like a pretty pethetic relationship to me | |
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| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 8:38:16 PM | | Just a thought...sometimes when we pick at others, it's cause we're unhappy with ourselves. | |
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| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 9:23:09 PM | Hi
It is healthy that every one has their opinion?
Now I wonder if people pick fights to get attention?
If it is anger then undersand where that anger comes from?
Anger comes from 3 locations pain fear or frustration, or combination of all 3?
Pain fear are our responsability. Pain of the past not healed?
Fear due to insecurities?
Frustration is covered by sernity prayer and usually it means some one or some thing you do not control so you learn to accept that one?
But the question what is it you expect from your actions?
If you are frustrated with him then let it go you can not change another person?
If it is frustration with your self then that is your responsability?
Thank you for sharing your self with us.
Your honesty and you being able to expose your self to us is a sign of strength.
The old saying that honesty is the best policy?
If we have a good relationship it is usually because both partners are being honest?
Regards
Dave | |
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| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 10:25:06 PM | | I only had one relationship where I picked fights. In fact it was the only one where there were fights. It was the loneliest 10 years of my life. Fighting with him was absolutely the only time I wasn't totally ignored. I had young children, and I honestly believed that it was possible to make things work, if you just tried hard enough. I eventually grew out of that notion. He was stunned when I finally left him. He was happy. | |
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| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 10:47:15 PM | | Another aspect that someone brought out earlier this week on a news show...Some relationships are about the comflict and need it. Is it healthy or not, I don't know. But, some of the posters are correct, maybe you should seek some counciling first on your own and then as a couple. The last thing (I am figuring from your question), you need is to go into a deeper part of the relationship where picking fights can lead to abuse or worst. Good luck in what you decide to do. | |
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| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 11:35:19 PM | As others have suggested, seek therapy ASAP.
Best wishes | |
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neil89
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Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 24 | |
| fighting
Posted: 12/23/2006 11:55:34 PM | I'd say the OP is psychotic. | |
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| fighting
Posted: 12/24/2006 7:10:58 AM | Just crusing through your profile, and it's full of 'prefer not to say' which seems to leave a lot of unanswered questions. What's the go? Are you married? or would you prefer not to say?
Sounds to me as if you are frustrated with yourself, and taking it out on your b/f for some reason, your profile reeks with 'frustration'. I think you need to work on yourself, and annalyse the person you have become, I don't think YOU are happy with yourself, and YOU need to change that.   | |
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