cjmj
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Joined: 12/23/2006
Msg: 1 | |
| Intimidated by high numbers in the "members favorites lists"
Posted: 12/26/2006 5:01:42 PM | I am pretty open to most things but I am a one woman kind of guy. No I am not the jealous type. I also am not shy. Just seems like the girls I send a message to have a better chance of sending a reply if their members favorites lists count is low.
For that reason I dont even send messages to some who already have alot of friends. The count is the first thing I check before I read any of the rest.
I was here for a long time as LOW DRAMA and met a lot of really nice people, fell in love but it did not work out, so here I am again. | |
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| Intimidated by high numbers in the members favorites lists
Posted: 12/26/2006 5:12:12 PM | | I clear my favorites out every once and awhile. I think they can give the wrong impression. I don't think the number has anything to do with the person, though. Unless the ladies are watching, their favorites can fill up without them ever knowing it. If you read messages about favorites in the forum, most people will tell you that we hardly ever write to them, or hear from them. | |
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| Intimidated by high numbers in the members favorites lists
Posted: 12/27/2006 3:32:36 AM | | I sometimes add people to my favorites who I just like to read in the forums. It doesn't have a lot to do with people I'm interested in. I have women on my list as well. I do have people on my favorites list that I'm interested in, but remove them when it's clear we're not a match, or when one or the other of us is no longer interested. Don't let those numbers intimidate you! I even had one guy who added me to his list who lived across the country. I wondered why and asked. He asked me to add him to mine because he wanted his numbers up. LMAO..pretty funny really. I removed myself from his list and didn't add him to mine. | |
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| Intimidated by high numbers in the members favorites lists
Posted: 1/3/2007 3:31:45 PM | | I kind of agree here. I will hesitate contacting a guy who is on a lot of women's favorites list, but it's because I AM shy. It's kind of silly on my part I suppose, since I know I am rarely, if ever in contact with any of the men that add me to their list. | |
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| Intimidated by high numbers in the members favorites lists
Posted: 2/9/2007 9:42:39 AM | now, there is something about going though an amazing profile, thinking all the checks are checked and I'll send this one a message, and right above it "****appears on 488 favorites lists"...
I move on right away, whether or not they are "perfect". I think it's stupid. it's not intimidating, it just shows how much attention that person pays to their profile. and, I've sent a few messages despite the high number, and never got a response... I don't just send out "hey, how's it goin?", I put effort into my messages, so if it was even read, there would be a response. but... "read deleted" | |
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| Intimidated by high numbers in the members favorites lists
Posted: 2/9/2007 8:42:39 PM | Well I for one use favorites for a few reasons:
1) looking and want to read again before deciding whether to contact,
2) liked what I read but unable to contact due to my long teeth
3) wondering if what I read might make sense in another time space continuum ummm
Now WHO are these people who have added me to their favorites but never written to me?
How rude!!
I delete the so-called favorites that apparently accidentally* added me.
*how can I be your favorite if you don't even say 'hey!'? | |
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| Intimidated by high numbers in the members favorites lists
Posted: 2/16/2007 3:09:49 PM | I am intimidated by high numbers too. I looked at a profile today of a man that I find extremely interesting, and I think might be friends material, even though he lives too far away to likely be a potential relationship. I was ready to write and say hello and remark on his intriguing profile, but....'is on 488 favorites lists?" Good grief! If he only spends time with a tenth of them, he isn't going to have time to write to me. My ego isn't tough enough to send out a lot of letters that get no response.
I actually didn't think until then about how many people's favorite list I'm on...I checked, I'm on 25. Most of those are friends that I know in real life or from elsewhere on the net, and at least 8 or 9 are women. A couple are men I met in person, we decided to be friends but no romantic interest, and the rest are people who put me on their list and then never wrote. Hmmm. How rude indeed! So, I went to my own list of favorites, and I admit *blush* that oops, I'm guilty of doing the same. A huge string of men that I apparently noticed at some time and put on my favorites, and then never wrote to them. I guess I hoped they'd write to me when they saw I'd 'favorited' them? But, if they haven't yet, they likely ain't gonna, so I'm clearing it off tonight.
I think the whole 'favorites' thing should be abolished, and instead just give us the option of sending a wink like all other sites do.
~Bobbin | |
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| Intimidated by high numbers in the members favorites lists
Posted: 2/17/2007 9:01:16 AM | | If someone has 400 favorites, I'd think that they weren't here to meet someone at all. Also, lots of people do put fake pics up, and play some sort of bizarre game with it. There's one guy who has a fairly nice profile up and has pics of some really fit guy on it. He was in Baltimore, then Harrisburg PA...and I saw this week that he was now in Chicago. I've reported him, but his profile is still there. And he sounds like a really good guy from reading his profile. Too bad people want to play games like that. | |
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| Intimidated by high numbers in the members favorites lists
Posted: 2/21/2007 7:58:27 AM | *how can I be your favorite if you don't even say 'hey!'?
I think I just found my new philosophy on favorites. I've been debating what to do with my number. I think from now on...I'll wait a week or so, see if someone contacts me, and if not, I'll remove myself from their list. I certainly wouldn't want to dissuade anyone from contacting me because I have a high number. (at last check it was 38)...I will also remove men from my personal faves list if I haven't started a dialogue with them.
Otherwise, what's the point of being on there? This isn't a popularity contest for me. | |
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| Intimidated by high numbers in the members favorites lists
Posted: 2/21/2007 8:35:29 AM | ^^^
I think it's kind of funny when they don't contact you. I just know that it's because they have been bad boys and have messaged others for intimate encounters. lol They're hoping you'll contact them first, which releases them from pervert prison and allows them to try to convince you what a good guy they are.
If it's someone from the forums, I assume they read my posts, and I'll ask them why they favorited me..but a local person who isn't a forum poster....no way. | |
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| Intimidated by high numbers in the members favorites lists
Posted: 3/2/2007 11:48:46 PM | | I wonder as well,I havent added anyone to my list and have no adds from others,I am just lurking mostly but speak on occasion.I am separated for a couple more months then the d will be final.So that has some to do with that,And my pics aren't good either But then i'm not really trying to date just yet....And yes I would be more inclined to try to talk to a lower friend count lady over a high one.. just me | |
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| Intimidated by high numbers in the members favorites lists
Posted: 3/4/2007 7:52:28 PM | | I have a high number of people who have me on their favorite list. I have not been contacted by most of them. I haven't had time to clear them all off, but really what difference does it make. I certainly wouldn't let something like the number of people who have someone on their favorite list discourage me from contacting them if I found their profile interesting. It is quite possible that some people have many friends, I do. | |
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| Intimidated by high numbers in the members favorites lists
Posted: 3/13/2007 6:56:51 AM | 2 of the 3 people who call me a "favorite" have never e-mailed me. So I'm inclined to think that if a person has 200+ people favoriting them they've heard from 1/3 or less.
It's still kind of intimidating for shy people to see someone that they consider v. interesting and v. attractive having 2-500 favorites. | |
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| Intimidated by high numbers in the members favorites lists
Posted: 3/13/2007 7:10:47 AM | OMG, people are still going on about this topic?
Some people REALLY lack the fundamentals of clear and proper thinking.
LET ME EXPLAIN THIS FOR EVERYONE THIS ONE TIME ONLY!
THE NUMBER OF FAVORITES ON SOMEONE LIST MEANS NOTHING!!!!
N-O-T-H-I-N-G
I'm here laughing right now. Why am I doing so you ask?
Well because it seems that the more options/choices you give people, the more you confuse them.
I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT MANY PEOPLE ON THIS SITE THINK THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE ON ONE'S FAVORITES LIST, IS THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE THAT PERSON HAS ADDED AND THAT'S NOT THE CASE AT ALL.
If you still don't follow what I'm saying then take a look at my profile. I have 3 people. THAT MEANS THAT 3 PEOPLE HAVE PUT ME ON THEIR FAVORITES LIST!!!!
NOT the other way around. If it were the other way around I would have over 100 on there instead of 3. Heck, I'd probably have more than 200 LOL!!!
WHY? Simple, because sometimes I come on here but don't always have the time to e-mail people. Therefore, if I see someone I'm interested in communicating with I add them to MY favorites list (it's kind of like writing their name down but you don't have to worry about losing it). It's like "bookmarking" their profile. That way when I do have time to write others I come on here, go to my favorites list and start sending e-mails out. I don't have to keep looking through profiles as I already have them saves.
Now imagine if many people are like me, and do the same thing (as I'm sure there are).
If someone on here was named "JANE DOE" and her profile/picture(s) attracted many others, they may have a big favorites list. Meaning, MANY people have added Jane Doe to their fav's list. That doesn't mean Jane Doe knows any of them or has even communicated with ANY of them.
It may say 500 on her profile but that's just how many people have added her. NOT how many people she added to her list!
WITH ALL THAT BEING SAID:
There's NO reason to be intimdated by something like that. It just means that person has many admirers. *wink*
It's like the misunderstanding many people have when they put this stupid restriction on their profile:
"Must not have messaged users looking for intimate encounters or sex."
That doesn't mean the person is blocked from messaging you because they have sent people e-mails saying "Hi, do you want to have sex"!!!
Not anything of the sort.
It means they have messaged users who have "intimate encounter" listed as what they are looking for on their profile. Therefore, they have chosen to block someone that has messaged people with "intimate encounters" on their profile because of what could be a misunderstanding or just non-sense!
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| Intimidated by high numbers in the members favorites lists
Posted: 3/13/2007 7:16:37 AM | I fully understand the concept. It's not difficult to grasp.
Some of have lower self esteem than others and are easily intimidated.
Many of us think that "many admirers" are something that we can't compete with.
I don't know how I feel about it. . . I just thought I'd throw that out there. | |
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| Intimidated by high numbers in the members favorites lists
Posted: 3/13/2007 7:30:36 AM | Many of us think that "many admirers" are something that we can't compete with.
I'm sorry to say but that's a bad mindset to have. You've already failed if you have that mentality.
Why not just give up on dating period if that's how you feel?
Good luck finding a woman that has no admirers and is just willing to settle for any guy that gives them attention; AND if you do find someone, is that what you want?
Someone who is just "settling" for you because no one else finds her attractive?
You might as well never apply for a job anywhere either!
I'm sure you won't be the only person apply for the job!
I'm not jumping down your throat or anything. I'm just trying to shed some insight.
You can't look at things that way. If you do then you have already failed. You have failed in your mind and that reflects from you, whether you know it or not.
You could go to a singles party with 50 girls and only 5 guys and still not manage to find a girl there. Meanwhile you could end up at one with 100 guys and 2 girls and one of them could end up choosing you.
DON'T BE ONE OF A MILLION, BE ONE IN A MILLION!
Yes your chances may be lower but you still have a chance and that's what's important!
They say you have better odd of being hit by lightening than winning the lottery meanwhile someone at my father's work had one it not just once but twice!!!!
Imagine if he thought like you and just gave up and didn't bother? | |
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| Intimidated by high numbers in the members favorites lists
Posted: 3/13/2007 7:33:23 AM | ^ You sound like a self help video... or Richard Simmons.
If I didn't know it was a retarded thing to think I wouldn't have posted it. Any time something is written off as something that people with low self esteem think (even if my self esteem is low) it is stupid. Low self esteem in and of itself is dumb.
There is a difference between intellectually recognizing that something is a stupid thought and not thinking that stupid thought. | |
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| Intimidated by high numbers in the members favorites lists
Posted: 3/13/2007 7:41:25 AM | LOL at Self help video.
It's very true though. Talk to some of the most successful people and see what you get out of most of them. Some of them can be dumb as an ox but they're attained success.
Not just monetarily. Success in every aspect of their life.
They've had the right mindset.
There's a book you should read. It's an old book but a best seller.
"Think and grow rich" by Napoleon Hill.
You'd be suprised what the power of positive thinking is capable of!
Do you know Thomas Edison failed MANY MANY MANY times before he reached success? Can you imagine what would have (not) happened if after even 100 tries he gave up and said "well I tried"?
That's just one example. Don't get me wrong. I've had (and still do) have low self-esteem many times too. But trust me, it's something you have to try and learn to over come because it affects you not just in your love life but in all aspects of life. | |
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| Intimidated by high numbers in the members favorites lists
Posted: 4/7/2007 12:22:39 PM | On internet dating we call them favorite lists, in the real world we call them "Players"
I always take people off my favorite lists, cleaning house I call it. Why leave people hanging when you know you will never contact them, not sure why people do this, popularity contest I guess. The last one that put me on their favorites had 85 already on there, no thanks, plus he was from a different province, off he went. I am thinking maybe they think if they put me on theirs I will put them on mine, now you have 86. Kind of juvenile thinking but does go past my mind. | |
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| Intimidated by high numbers in the members favorites lists
Posted: 4/7/2007 1:39:13 PM | | I only talk to one person that has me as a favorite. All of the others, I assume, either like my message board posts or my profile. I'm not sure why though, as none of them ever write and say, "Hey, how's it goin'?" | |
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| Intimidated by high numbers in the members favorites lists
Posted: 12/21/2008 10:24:24 AM | i think that some people think that this is some sort of popularity contest...and that the more people that adds them to their favorites...the cooler they are...or something like that. Im wondering, though, how many is too many? 10? 50?...100?
Its all relative, its like asking different people "how many cd's is alot of cds". Youd be amazed at the different answers you would get.
Maybe i should start clearing out my fav's lists, just in case its scaring people away :( | |
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