| rebuilding Self Esteem/Confidence
Posted: 12/27/2006 9:55:24 PM | Rebuilding Self Esteem/Confidence
After three years down in the dumps....
I got dumped out of a 17 year marriage - right out of the blue - by someone I loved very much.
The two girls I helped raise were her kids - pOOf - me and my dog.
Then my only friend died - my mom.
So ... after three years of 18 hour days 7 days a week working on my offices files - just to get the days to pass - I finally started coming out of it.
The lights started to come back on at my house. I liked the little taste of ... “hey I am still here”.
I started doing things - thinking of ways to start trying to give a hoot about the next day or even the next hour.
I gave my effort a name I named it Reduxx - I am bringing back the person I use to be (and doing great at it I might add)
That was about six months ago and ....... baby - I have came a loooooooooooong way - YAY
I’ve done many many things. Lucky for me at one time I had a good amount of pride/self esteem/confidence. It was all needed in my line of work (which also went down the tubes).
Some of the things I have done.
Acquired about 50gigs of e-books. I am going to leave it at “acquired”
Typical day for me now. I have FOUR - yes four sources of positive information coming at me for about 16-18 hours a day.
My desk computer has one of the e-books running thru iTunes (long time Mac geek here)
My lap top is sitting next to this computer doing two different positive information pushes at me - one is a subliminal set of information - and I will tell you about the other in a minute.
I have in iPod pushing another set of subliminal information from speakers behind me.
That is four sources of positive info coming at me all at the same time. The subliminal messages are mask by a nice ocean sound.
During work hours (I am on the phone all day) - I change things just a touch but still have 3 different streams of positive info coming at me - to set up nice a soft background sound. Two streams of subliminal and a touch of classical - it blends very nice with the ocean sounds. It is all soft and very nice.
I made folders full of pictures (any simple graphics program would do)
- Quotes - it has 600 quotes they are pictures but the focus is the quote. I can run this (and all of these) as a changing screen saver - or a data base file and change pictures at any setting I set - one min - five min or anything else.
- Words - this has about 125 large white words on a black background (one word per picture) - in screen saver mode it displays the words (pictures) and they “float” and fade to the next one. The words are things like - resiliency - esteem and other words that have meaning to me - and remind me of some lesson from the e-books.
- Ron ‘07 - this had hundreds of pictures with a message they all have some nice color to them - and some have some clip art - for example of people going up the ladder of success - and there is at least some message on all of them that again remind me of a lesson or thought or something very positive.
This information is coming from people like
Brian Tracy
Anthony Robbins
Any Rand
Caroline Myss
Dale Carnegie
Deepak Chopra
Denis Waitley
James Allen (a man thinketh)
Jim Rohn
Joseph Campbell
Paul McKeena (just learned a fantastic “Power Nap” today - takes about 5 minutes and is just wonderful)
Paul Scheele
Robert Kiyosaki
SCWL (some good subliminals) Waitley also has some good ones
Stephen COvey
And many many more.
I was ask to make a post in this section and I hope it helps someone - helping others is a very nice feeling so .......
If I can help anyone feel free email me I will try to help you get going if I can. I’ve been on Apple computers (heavy user) since 1981 and don’t know much about other brands and how they work - so I can’t talk technical about Windows OS in terms of how to get desktop pictures or screen savers to change - or how to use some database. I’ve been using FileMaker Pro for years and years and know it very well.
Happy New Year to you all | |
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| rebuilding Self Esteem/Confidence
Posted: 12/28/2006 8:43:58 AM | Regarding the Power Nap ...
I just typed this out for an email from a POFer’s inquiry. I have no idea if my typed words will work for anyone. I made up pictures of they typed words - those pictures will show up as a desktop picture three or four times a day to remind me. When I get reminded I will play it thru iTunes until I no longer need to listen to the words. It is pretty simple to learn so I will not need the spoken words after three or four times.
If anyone would like one of the pictures I am talking about - email me some throw away hotmail or yahoo or something email addy. I would prefer (esp females) NOT to use an email addy that includes their name (over the last three years I have convinced many females to NOT use their name in their email address - two of them used their first and last name ugg).
Below is what I just typed up for a gal - I have no idea if my text gives enough info to work right.
I’ve been pulling information out of all this stuff for a couple of months now and this little jewel ranks high on my treasured finds. He also has a “boost your immune system” that looks great. I’ve done all the “flash cards” on it as well.
Actually hearing the words would be best but ....... you would have to dig that up yourself - it starts at 8 minutes into his “Radiant Health” section.
DO NOT TRY THIS WHILE DRIVING - I got so relaxed I would have fallen over if I had been standing up.
Over simplified you .......
Relax and moved your attention to your feet
you imagine a very pleasant relaxing feeling in all areas of your feet - it is a warm very nice feeling
you then take a nice breath and start to move that pleasant relaxing feeling up toward your knees and as you do that you say the number 1 to yourself after you enjoy that for a few moments you take a nice relaxing breath and start to pull the relaxing pleasant feelings up to your waist as it moves up to your waist you say to yourself the number 2
You take another nice relaxing breath and pull that feeling up to your shoulders and say (to yourself) the number 3 enjoy that for a few moments and let the relaxing feelings flow up your body into your arms and on into your hands - breath in and let the feeling move go right to the top of your head as you say number 4 - you spread those good feelings all around your body and say in your mind number 5
Now imagine that feeling double as a new sense of relaxation is joining in from of above your head and as you are enjoying this relaxation - imagine all any and all tension draining down your body and out through the bottoms of your feet while you are being refilled with relaxing refreshing energy.
At that point I was melting with this wonderful feeling of all the tension/stress leaving my body - it was incredible how well it worked. | |
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| rebuilding Self Esteem/Confidence
Posted: 12/28/2006 10:41:54 AM | The Power Nap you describe is one of several whole body relaxation techniques. Its a good one. What it does: uses conscious commands to suggest to the subconscious (autonomic system) to reduce muscle tension -and vascular tension.
Few of us recognize that we may tense us during long periods of physical inactivity while working at a desk, engaged in mentally demanding work.
Large muscle groups tense. In inactive individuals, the weak chest muscles and under developed lower back muscles cause us to hunch over. We are looking downward - this results in partially closed airway. Result? Poor posture, with a drawn, hunched body position. This causes a remarkable autonomic response ---> protective position assumed during predator attack ---> fight or flight release of adrenaline and cortisol ----and insulin.
The beta-nergic nervous system receptors are chronically activated.
This is the low grade stress that sucks dry - depletes - important reserves that combat simple oxidative stress (a byproduct of respiration, air breathing).
And this over stimulation of the CNS has many important consequences.
So, straighten the body in repose by laying down, and then using simple suggestion to 'turn off' a stress response that affects the body negatively, head to toes, is a GREAT idea.
Should be done daily, at least once, if not twice per day.
We should talk about other simple stress management habits, Ron. And we should talk about over stimulation of the neural cortex by computers.
Its a problem many of us face who work daily at our desktop computers, for many hours at a sitting. | |
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| rebuilding Self Esteem/Confidence
Posted: 12/31/2006 2:45:47 AM | This topic did not get much chit chat lol huh Sombient.
Anyway folks - it finally dawned on me that here may be some software out there - I looked and there was.
I was able to cut that Power Nap out of the 30mg section.
It is 2.9 mgs - and run time is 3 minutes. I put it in my doc (Mac OSX speak) and now I can just click on it and it is playing.
If anyone wants the actual spoken words - sent me a message with the place to send it. At 2.9 megs it is about like downloading a medium sized picture (large to some but I deal with 100mg pictures all the time).
Happy New Year everyone | |
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| rebuilding Self Esteem/Confidence
Posted: 12/31/2006 8:53:29 AM | After such a long wonderful post the only thing spoke of was the power nap and stress management? Are you kidding me, Ron has done an outstanding job here.
Seems your stress is under control and you are doing well ron. Nice job!
Oustanding work on your're come back. I loved the read and the techniques you spoke of.
Fantastic  | |
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| rebuilding Self Esteem/Confidence
Posted: 12/31/2006 9:07:36 AM | hi,
Sounds like you've shaken off the bad mood from your former family. And, for that, I'm glad for you.
I'd wonder about all this subliminal stuff, though. ( GIGO )
Are you just pushing uneditted stuff from all these 'great' (well, prolific & popular anyway) self-promoters and authors into your conscious/subconscious mind, or do you first 'filter' their writings by cherry picking the few words of wisdom from each, that you recognize as especially valid and useful to you at your present stage of life? | |
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| rebuilding Self Esteem/Confidence
Posted: 12/31/2006 11:28:38 AM |
I change things just a touch but still have 3 different streams of positive info coming at me - to set up nice a soft background sound. Two streams of subliminal and a touch of classical - it blends very nice with the ocean sounds. It is all soft and very nice.
This is the potential blessing and curse. Constantly bombarding the brain with inputs, for upto 18 hours a day. On the phone, the computer..and receiving multiple subliminal suggestion inputs, along with background music.
Too much brain activity, not enough time for brain recovery. Thats why I advocate periods of restful silence and brain inactivity through meditation.
I also wonder of certain salesmanship suggested along with the helpful material on these self help audio files. Since you can't directly perceive that is being said..the possibility of deliberate (self serving) manipulation by the selfhelp program purveyors is a concern.
Not knocking it, but I've reviewed some of these programs. Their approach is not rocket science - but their mechanism for implanting suggestion is not exactly above board. Deliberate use of subliminal suggestion processes has a history of consumer abuses.
The big problem here is that they are band aiding a larger problem with an addictive pattern of brain stimulation. You cannot have simultaneous stimulation and relaxation, ts they are countering effects. You tend to have one dominate over the other, and typically, these swing back and forth many times over an hour.
A big problem with many modern lifestyles is the preponderance of brain stimulating sensory inputs and a shortage of calming influences. | |
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| rebuilding Self Esteem/Confidence
Posted: 12/31/2006 12:41:08 PM | Thanks Ron and Sombient for give us the benefit of your knowledge in this area. I like to be informed and several points of view (or, in this case, two) are better as the more information the more informed I will be.
Thanks again, especially you Sombient. Your posts are always very detailed and informative. I checked out your profile and am very impressed with the pics - those are killer delts... 
Well done Ron. Wishing you all the best. | |
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| rebuilding Self Esteem/Confidence
Posted: 12/31/2006 12:49:41 PM | DonInVictoria - I have no idea if any of this subliminal stuff works. That is only part of what I’ve been doing. I like to have some background sounds anyway. These are all masked by ocean sounds - I toss in a touch of classical and create a very nice ambient setting. It sure beats having CNN running all day on my desk TV for background sound ...... yuck.
My best guess is - it works if you THINK it works. Placebos are 30% as effective as medications. I have my doubts if Denis Waitley is pushing some bad messages in his subliminal messages.
As far as the spoken word of all these people. I don’t “hang” on every word - but much of it makes very logical sense.
In my case all of this positivity/self esteem rebuilding was the absolute perfect way to end my stages of getting dumped out of a 17 year marriage. It was the tail end - closing the curtain part - the take action part - the it is no longer about her - it is now about me part.
I love being positive .............................
Happy New Year to us all  | |
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| rebuilding Self Esteem/Confidence
Posted: 12/31/2006 1:26:27 PM | Ron, I like your idea of using positive suggestion through the words in the screen saver and the pictures. Another poster mentioned in a thread in OT the use of photo montage of positive images, goal based or of people we care about - to help motivate us into positive thinking states.
[quote' As far as the spoken word of all these people. I don’t “hang” on every word - but much of it makes very logical sense.
I quite agree about the positive benefits of the motivational programs. Many are very good - they get us out of circular, self defeating logic and help us define our desires, and set goals and priorities - and, they hellp us understand self-esteem and self respect. Very theraputic when these are shattered when our longterm relationships dissolve, as you point out.
The calming music is a very good idea. May I suggest you try a technique called 'belly breathing' - its related to your power naps stress reduction technique. I can send you a website link if you'd like to try it. It might make for a nice break each hour, to give your eyes and mind a rest from the constant stimulation you describe.
The fact that you are feeling upbeat and better about yourself than you have in years is great. Have you set health and wellness goals for yourself for next year? | |
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| rebuilding Self Esteem/Confidence
Posted: 12/31/2006 3:27:20 PM | I had forgotten about belly breathing. That is one of the things I did after I died in 1998 and landed right in the middle of horrible panic attacks. Also counting my breathing - reducing it to 12 times a minute.
I studied the problem of anxiety/panic and learned my way out of them. Hyperventilation and all of the ways it effects us was a good thing to learn about.
A few words a Dr. said was actually the thought that finished them off. He said “I just hold my breath for a bit” - bingo. Whenever he started feeling anxious/anxiety he just held is breath a bit. It works great.
That gives our system time to catch up and convert oxygen into a transportable form to get it to our brain. It is more technical than that but that is what needs to be done to get us to calm down.
Holding your breath has the same end results of breathing in a paper bag - it reduces the oxygen intake enough to allow the conversion process for transporting it. Many people just don’t get that. | |
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| rebuilding Self Esteem/Confidence
Posted: 12/31/2006 4:05:01 PM | There is a counter-reflex to hyperventilation, equally bad for you when it becomes chronic:
breath holding and very shallow breathing. Hard to even catch, its so subtle. You only notice it when you are driven to sigh or suddenly inhale hard..from a state of barely breathing.
So what belly breathing does, is it stops the reflexive breath holding response to fight/or flight stress hormone release at the solar plexus nerve center over the diaphragm.
This breath holding can take years to develop. Some are more susceptible to it than others. Smokers have an interesting chemical response, due to nicotine.
Hypoxia protection. Ironically, the loss of available oxygen due to cigarette smoking is offset by nicotine binding to specific receptors that also compensate for low oxygen damage in cells.
Kinda cool, in its way. I about fell outta my seat when I read a dozen papers on it last year. You would never have expected it. Its not observed in nonsmokers under hypoxic (low oxygen, say from breath holding) conditions.
The downside is that nicotine depletes the body of stress fighting capacity, by overstimulating the beta-adrenergic circuits in the brain and nerves of the body. | |
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| rebuilding Self Esteem/Confidence
Posted: 10/24/2007 12:04:43 PM | I'm curious if anyone out there has had any luck in building confidence in a different way than Ron? Nothing against it, I just don't have the opportunity to sit and listen to whatever I want ... maybe 20 minutes a day would I be able to do that, and only while driving.
In my case, i'm quite confident about most aspects of my life - my career, as a father, etc. The one area i'm anything but confident and never have been is around my looks, and therefore around women.
Has anyone has had experience with therapy as a solution? I've tried many things on my own including losing weight/getting in shape, reading many self help books, and trying to banish the negative self talk, but never with any real success.
Going to a therapist seems so petty - all the things other people have to deal with in their lives, and somehow I need to see a therapist because I don't like what I see in the mirror? But if it will help i'll do it because i'm tired of feeling cr*ppy all the time and tired of listening to myself about it.
So.. anyone? Therapy useful or not? Any other suggestions? | |
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| rebuilding Self Esteem/Confidence
Posted: 9/13/2008 2:19:17 PM | | I love the idea of naming your "effort". If you start to go off track you can use the name to bring you the positive focus you want, instead of the negative one you don't want. | |
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| rebuilding Self Esteem/Confidence
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:26:10 PM | | Don't know if this will work for anyone else, but, I realized a little while ago that I am always more understanding and compassionate with others than I am myself. So now when I worry over something I did wrong or just didn't do - I try to give myself the same kind of peptalk that I would give a friend or acquaintance. I find that by being kind to myself and going over whatever accomplishments I had that day (no matter how small or trivial) and congratulating myself: I am rebuilding my self image . | |
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| rebuilding Self Esteem/Confidence
Posted: 7/5/2009 2:11:05 PM | I love being positive .............................
Try dropping the "I" and the "positive."
"Love being" is all you need.
Actually, "love being" is kind of redundant.
"Being." That's enough.
All the rest is just content. Stories. Sure, a "positive" story is more helpful than a "negative" story. But a story is a story. Just a veil, a filter.
I'm glad that what you're doing has helped you come out of depression. That's wonderful.
However, is it sustainable? Are the stories, veils and filters enough? Or are they merely pacifiers, which you keep having to get more and more of? Are they setting you free or are they merely chaining you down to another type of addiction?
Consider a different perspective: Reality is elsewhere. Beyond content, beyond words and concepts.
"Peace," "happiness," "negative/positive"---those are just words and ideas. They can be helpful...provided you don't cling to them.
But: there is nothing to cling to, and no one doing the clinging to begin with.
A book I'd recommend: "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron. | |
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| rebuilding Self Esteem/Confidence
Posted: 7/10/2009 1:21:10 PM | Edsta I totally hear you, especially about "our stories", but what I think Ekart Tolle suggests the perspective is all we truly can be is the consciousness behind the veil. That the stories good or bad are only stories, to find peace in our minds & hearts is to let go of our emotional connection with "our stories." It goes way deeper and I am only wanting to help stillooking62 because I too do still have opportunities to "battle" depression. Plus my Father would go above and beyond for his employer or just random people but when it came to himself and his family... Shit was a big deal. Letting go seems to be part of the key. A high school friend has returned from living in a Thai Buddhism Monastery for 7 yrs. and has brought some books back with him. Venerable Acariya Mun Bhuridatta Thera "A Spiritual Biography by Acariya Maha Boowa Nanasampanno. They are totally free and discuss the life of the Monk's life. Very inspirational the work he has done meditating to find Dhamma and guide others to Dhamma. Mostly what has giving me strength from this book is that through this monk's teachings he mentions lay people and the importance of maintaining a community. Meaning we are not expected to become totally enlightened or walk on water. What we should expect from ourselves I believe he is saying, as sentient beings we have a responsibility to be caretakers of the Earth, the creatures (accepting their roles and intelligence) and the human race. That our state of mind is an integral part of human consciousness. Love People ''' ' | |
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| rebuilding Self Esteem/Confidence
Posted: 7/10/2009 1:35:41 PM | Ohh yeah Great Job Ron9, it seems there are some of us who are interested in taking control of our lives. I have not been able to get interested in another person because of my emotional burns. Or maybe I have just found a greater love, still I'm not a monk and part of a healthy life style is healthy sex. It's been a party of one for awhile unless I'm looking in the full length mirror ' '
Okay on a different note here's the website if anyone is interested. The Official Maha Boowa website: www.luangta.com/english '' | |
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