| Am i expected to wait for him to get out and continue dating him?
Posted: 12/29/2006 5:53:21 AM | I need some help guys.
I was with this guy for 2weeks and then he got arrested. The reason he was arrested is because he has a criminal record (youth offender) and he is not allowed to be around other with a criminal record. WHen a friend came down to visit they headed to the bar where the cops were called, (called for another reason nothing to do with this guy) WHen they saw the guy i was seeing they ran a check on the other guy he was with and found he had a criminal record so my guy was arrested and is now in jail for 3mnths.
My question is since we were only together for about 2wks, Am i expected to wait for him to get out and continue dating him? Or is 2wks too short for him to think i should wait? | |
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| So lost
Posted: 12/29/2006 5:57:24 AM | All I have to say is let criminals date criminals.. More then likely they dont change.... This is coming from experience with them.
- best of luck | |
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| So lost
Posted: 12/29/2006 5:59:01 AM | Sorry, something doesn't quite make sense for me.
The court actually wrote an order prohibiting him from socializing with anyone who has a criminal record? So basically if he goes to a bar/sporting event/party/shopping mall he is supposed to ask every person he encounters if they have a criminal record and then walk away if they do?
That just doesn't make much sense to me, never heard of such a thing.
To answer your question though, I personally wouldn't be interested in someone who has those kind of legal problems and since there are no 'rules' when it comes to dating, I would likely walk away.
Clone. | |
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| So lost
Posted: 12/29/2006 5:59:13 AM | What did he do in the first place?
Kids make mistakes.
Only you can tell if he is worth waiting for...we've never even met the guy. | |
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| So lost
Posted: 12/29/2006 6:05:31 AM | Clonealone: IT means that he can not be with someone who has a record. He can be in a bar or somewhere but he can not be socializing with someone who has one. Just saying hi doesnt count but to hangout with them does.
Smith: He got into a fight with another guy and knives were pulled. He is 19 now so this was 1yr ago. He would have been off probation in 1week. | |
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| So lost
Posted: 12/29/2006 6:07:48 AM |
The court actually wrote an order prohibiting him from socializing with anyone who has a criminal record? So basically if he goes to a bar/sporting event/party/shopping mall he is supposed to ask every person he encounters if they have a criminal record and then walk away if they do?
That just doesn't make much sense to me, never heard of such a thing. To clarify what is expected of the person on probation...
When the court implements this stipulation, it means the person is on probation or under a suspended sentence.
It means, the probationary person may not associate with a known offender, it does not mean that the probationary person is excluded from social gatherings unless otherwise stipulated. So if you go to a party in the company of another criminal, then you are in violation... if you are aware of another person that is in the same social group with a criminal record, you have the onus to remove yourself from the company of that person.
There's a reason the courts impose this on a person and it isn't just because they feel like it...
As to the original question... he had so little respect for you that he knowingly broke the conditions of the courts... so yeah, wait for him as long as it takes... and hope like hell his sentence isn't increased because he partakes in illegal activities while incarcerated...  | |
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| So lost
Posted: 12/29/2006 6:12:48 AM | | Thats the thing though. He didn't KNOWINGLY do it. This guy came down from a different province to visit. And so my guy had no way of knowing if he had a criminal record or not. Especially since this guy said he had never been in trouble with the law before when we were talking about my guys probation. | |
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| So lost
Posted: 12/29/2006 6:13:40 AM | | You didn't mention the probation in your OP but it makes sense now. That is a stipulation on any parole or probation. He knew the rules and violated them which shows a trend for ignoring the law, which got him arrested in the first place. Now...to answer your question..to wait or not to wait...that is entirely up to you. There would be factors such as how serious you were and the fact that you even ask the question to begin with tells me that you were not serious and you want to move on and are looking for validation. If you were serious, we would have never known about your problem and you would have just waited. What you should be asking is if you WANT to be with someone that have a violent criminal record and then violates his parole..only 19 y/o? Sounds like you would be doing a lot of waiting in the future for this guy. | |
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| So lost
Posted: 12/29/2006 6:15:55 AM |
Thats the thing though. He didn't KNOWINGLY do it. This guy came down from a different province to visit. And so my guy had no way of knowing if he had a criminal record or not. Especially since this guy said he had never been in trouble with the law before when we were talking about my guys probation. To me, this shows a huge lack of good judgement on behalf of the gentleman you were dating...
The courts impose that stipulation and any judge would have advised him to not associate with people he wasn't sure of... and is it really a big surprise that a criminal lied about his past?
Give me a break on this one... this really is a no brainer... | |
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| So lost
Posted: 12/29/2006 6:19:13 AM | Must someone paint the room red before you see the flags?
Red flag #1. He committed (or at least attempted) assault with a deadly weapon only one year ago. This not only means that he probably has serious anger management issues, but that he is also prone to carry weapons.
Red flag #2. He knowingly broke the terms of his probation. He obviously knew that he only needed to wait a week for his probation to expire, so why would he take this unnecessary risk? It makes one believe that he has done this before and gotten away with it.
Red flag #3. the guy sounds extremely immature, even for a 19-year-old.
I am a little concerned why you would even want to date a person like this in the first place, but am appalled by the fact that you are even considering waiting for him to get out of jail to continue this relationship.
And people wonder why abused women remain with their husbands... | |
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| So lost
Posted: 12/29/2006 7:19:09 AM |
He got into a fight with another guy and knives were pulled
You tell me if you should wait for someone who decides that knives should be in their backpocket and ready to be pulled for those "special" occasions??? Don't care how old he is, or how old he was, seems like a no brainer to me,,,,but then again maybe that's the type of person you like to hang around with???? | |
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| So lost
Posted: 12/29/2006 8:13:00 AM | Disregard the probation, disregard the previous record or how he is in jail.
You've dated him two weeks and now he is in jail for three months. Two options, both of which are dead simple and probably the easiest course of action.
1. If your really interested in this guy as a potential long term partner, write him a polite letter to look you up when he is released but that your going to have to continue on without him. Then live life and see what happens.
2. Write him a polite letter telling him your sorry but it's over.
Bottom line let him know something so he has no expectations either way and you have no obligations either way and to both of you that's clearly understood.
But seriously your 19 years old and it's best you probably move onward and upward. | |
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| So lost
Posted: 12/29/2006 8:36:37 AM | | If you don't mind dating criminals/losers, then you shouldn't mind all that goes with it. | |
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| So lost
Posted: 12/29/2006 9:37:34 AM | Alot of you are missing the point of my post. My question was not really should i stay with him.. my question was, if you were him, and we had only been together 2wks would you expect me to be waiting when you got out or would it be a given that i would move on seeing as we were only together such a short time.
I know i shouldn't stay with him, as i have a 15mnth old son and dont need that in my life, but i want to know how he is going to be thinking, i know you can't answer that for me but you can tell me what you would think if you were in his position. That way at least i have a small idea of what to expect when he gets out. | |
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| So lost
Posted: 12/29/2006 9:53:13 AM |
what you would think if you were in his position.
I would'nt be, so no reason for me to even think I can give any ideas what the HELL he is thinking???? | |
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| So lost
Posted: 12/29/2006 9:57:21 AM | 3 months isn't a long sentence.
but 2 weeks isn't very long either.
he can't expect you to sit home every night. when he's released, give him a friendly call and take it from there. | |
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| So lost
Posted: 12/29/2006 10:11:15 AM |
Am i expected to wait for him to get out and continue dating him?
Actually..you should rent a limo and pick him and Julian up when they get out..wait that's a tv show
JMO..3 monthes seems lengthy for just hanging out with other criminals. Anyways.. I would take this time as valuable thinking time. You really dont owe him anything after only 2 weeks. When he gets out and he calls...go from there. I'd just be careful..especially when you got a baby to raise.
JMHO
MAPT | |
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| So lost
Posted: 12/29/2006 1:57:32 PM | | In one of your posts you call him "my guy" - it seems to me that you have already made up your mind? | |
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| So lost
Posted: 12/29/2006 2:02:46 PM | do you want to wait for him??????????
hmmm how can we answer that only you can : /
if you have strong feelings for him and you feel it is not going to be something that will keep happening then wait....if you dont or if you feel he is a trouble maker dont!
wifey  | |
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| Am i expected to wait for him to get out and continue dating him?
Posted: 12/29/2006 4:00:18 PM |
My question is since we were only together for about 2wks, Am i expected to wait for him to get out and continue dating him? Or is 2wks too short for him to think i should wait?
#1) Question: "What do YOU WANT?"
#2) Question: "What he EXPECTS/NEEDS are MORE important than YOURS?"
#3) Question: "What DO YOU DESERVE?"
You are only 19 and it is clear that you are not sure of what you want or what YOU DESERVE . . . until then it might be safer not to date for now.
Best of luck,
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| Am i expected to wait for him to get out and continue dating him?
Posted: 12/29/2006 4:18:39 PM | I think you might be right Angel.
I think i might take some time off from the dating scene and concentrate on getting my school done and focusing on my son and my new place.
I guess when he gets out we'll see what happens but i don't think i'm gonna be dating him again, although i do like him alot i believe it'll be better in the long run on both my son and my emotions. Thanks for all those who had constructive advice for me. | |
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Smjle
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Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 22 | |
| Am i expected to wait for him to get out and continue dating him?
Posted: 12/29/2006 4:38:52 PM | Look, if you like him and he appears to be a good person then I see no reason for you not to date him when he gets out. Don't let a little youthful indiscretion cause you to judge someone overly harshly.
The U.S. jails people at 5 times the average rate of other countries and more than any other country including China with a much larger population. That is because getting tough with criminals is the way to get elected and not because the person deserves to be in jail. He should not be in jail because he unknowingly associated with someone with a criminal record. However, the courts and obviously that particular court wish to show that they are tough on criminals.
Now should he mistreat you or if you feel you have any reason to distrust or fear him then don't date him. | |
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RJB888
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Joined: 11/23/2005
Msg: 23 | |
| So lost
Posted: 12/29/2006 5:59:44 PM | | OP: 2 weeks does not make a relationship. My answer to you....NO do not wait. You've known him 2 weeks and he has a record, violated probation, knowingly did it, will be gone 3 months. Start to date men that lead a clean life. Your to young to mess with these types of men. Unless you plan on waiting your entire life for men in jail. Change your pattern of men to date. Good Luck to you. | |
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| Am i expected to wait for him to get out and continue dating him?
Posted: 12/29/2006 8:34:55 PM | | Unless, after two weeks, you had already made some form of committment to this guy, then no, you don't need to wait for him. Dating doesn't have to be monogamous, unless you so choose. Relationships can be, unless you choose otherwise. Now, personally, I try to only date one woman at a time, but on sites like this, when you can meet people quite often, it's tough to implement that until you've had a few dates under your belt. | |
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| Am i expected to wait for him to get out and continue dating him?
Posted: 12/30/2006 1:02:54 AM | Guys get into fights...but guys with sense avoid situations where knives will be pulled.
He sounds like a hoodlum.
Hey, we could turn this into a "why do girls like bad boys" thread!
PS OP, I just noticed that you have a son. Seriously think about the male role models you want to expose him to!! | |
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