| "Madly" in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 12:09:23 AM | I hope maybe someone here can give me some good advice about a situation I have going on right now.
Last week I met a man from this site. We went out and had a cup of coffee, and wound up talking for hours till the place had to kick us out because they were closing. It was kind of sweet that we got along so well.
We went on a second date a few days later, same thing, coffee, talked for hours, laughed and laughed and closed the place.
Third date, he offered to take me to dinner. So off we went to the Olive Garden. Yet another great night. I think maybe we both drank a little too much wine, but still we talked and laughed and even debated a little about music and movies.
A few days pass, and I get a card in the mail. It's from him. The card, seemed so nice and friendly at first, till I got to the part he wrote... which was long, and strange, and it ended with...
"Delia ... I am so madly in love with you. Everything
about you makes me want to be with you."
Madly in love with me after 3 dates?? Madly???? This can't be normal. And I admit now I am scared and don't even know what to say to this dude. Even though I was really starting to like him, I am sure not in love with him.
I'm a total coward now and I can't even bring myself to calling him. He's left messages for me, and I just delete them.
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 12:20:05 AM | | If you met him here he already knows how you feel about it all since you posted this on a public forum but you should definitely talk to him about it. Especially since you said you were really starting to like him. Maybefor him it was one of those "love at first sight" deals and although he says he's madly in love he may not mean it that literally. Talk with him for clarification though. | |
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 12:23:04 AM | | I doubt he will ever see what I posted because he doesn't have a home computer just one at work and he is on vacation right now. If he does see it it will be a few days from now and by then I hope to have figured out how to handle him. | |
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 12:36:07 AM | I agree with brokensmulensj -- you need to talk with him, find out exactly what he meant. Ten different people talking about love to someone else can certainly mean ten different things, and the only way you will know for sure is by talking to him. You are what ... 32? Sorry, but why don't you start acting your age? You delete his messages and you won't talk to him ... come on ... hell's bell's ... I'd love something like this to happen to me! Of course, I would then talk to him and find out exactly what he meant and see where we'd go from there.  
Happy New Year ... I wish you all the best.
BCAngel  | |
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 12:42:00 AM | Yeah..... it's bad I know. I'm 32. I really should just talk to him. I guess I'm just freaked out over the madly in love thing. I was not expecting that at all. And it feels weird to me. But I don't know......
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 12:50:25 AM | Talk to him, some guys use the love word like it's nothing whether he said madly or not, I'm sure he probably just meant it in a nice way of saying he's crazy mad about you. Seems to me since you had 3 decent dates without him trying or saying anything vulgar that he may actually be a really nice guy overall. So just talk to him, you won't know until you get the answer straight from his mouth rather then ours.
Good luck! ;)
Ciao ~ Gina | |
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 12:56:40 AM | thanx paid4byx ...... that's the whole deal here. We did have 3 really nice dates. He just really caught me off guard, know what I mean??? I know I should talk to him..... I just really need to think about what to say if he asks me if I love him, too. Obviously the answer is no, but, I can't just blurt out NO...... I was thinking of maybe just saying, "I am very flattered by your feelings for me. Flattered and a little overwhelmed."
and that's where I freeze up and don't know what else to say. | |
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 12:58:53 AM | Once he reads this, whether you have talked to him or not, he's going to be out of your life. Talk to your close friends at home, don't put things like this into the public. Seriously immature. Good luck on your search from here on.  | |
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 3:09:08 AM | | Send him a card...A FRIEND card to let him know that you can be friends but it's too soon for say I love you yet...that's all... | |
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 4:42:46 AM | OP - I entirely understand your situation (being in the same predicament myself at the moment)! Entertain the possibility that he, too, enjoyed your dates as much as you did and was probably overwhelmed by his own feelings - and expressed them in the only way he knew how at that moment... That doesn't mean you should treat him badly by ignoring him nor does it mean that you must reciprocate or feel the same way he says he does. Be honest and fair to both of you by talking to him about how the card and his words made you feel. Tell him it was ovewhelming for you to read those words so soon and you'd like to slow things down to a comfortable pace. If he's able to talk with you about it and you can both agree on how to proceed from here - great... if not - then smile warmly, thank him, and move on. Good luck to you and  | |
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 4:48:51 AM | | Try madly in love after just meeting in an airport and being married now for 10+ years and still going strong? I know of a couple like that. | |
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 5:11:44 AM | Just my 2 cents....for what it's worth...you seem to me to send mixed messages...even your profile photo is of two womem (which one is you???) Only you know what the conversation was on your dates, and the context of the conversations...no one on this site knows or ever will.
Very likly that he was just playfully telling you he likes you and you are over reacting. You by acting the way you are, have demonstrated to me anyway, that you could be an emotional rollercoaster and quite frankly more trouble than anything........If I were him I'd be thinking "see yaaaa, bye bye!!" You need to call him apologize for not returning his calls and talk about the letter or whatever......that is of course if you want to see this guy again.....if not you don't need to do anything else, you have already soured it. Go fish | |
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 5:21:49 AM | talk to him, and take things
slowly if you decide to date him again,,,,
if he still seems rational after awhile it means
he was just using the word 'madly' in a poetic way
and didnt actually take leave of his senses | |
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 10:25:09 AM | Here be the update......I wound up telling him how overwhelmed I was about his words and I told him I posted her...... then I SHOWED him my post here and it actually helped the situation. We had a long talk about it all, and he actually apologized for scaring me the way he did. Long story short..... everything is better now. Poor guy he was even more scared for having told me than I was being told.
funny how these things work. I'm so glad I just talked to him!!! thank you for the advice folks!!!!!! | |
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 11:23:23 AM | Talking to him about it was the best thing you did. I'm glad you have been able to work through it all. Are you going to continue seeing him?
I was in a similar situation about a year ago. Met a nice guy. we emailed and chatted back and forth, then started talking on the phone. He would phone incessantly throughout the day ... five, six, or seven times. I told him to quit phoning so often, but still we made plans to go on our first date.
The date started out okay, but midway through the evening he told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say to him at that point. I couldn't and wouldn't say it back to him. He started crying and was upset when I was trying to explain that he was moving way too fast.
Our situation didn't end on a positive note like yours did. We ended the date and when we spoke the next day, we both decided it would be best if we didn't see each other again.
He emailed me a few times after that, but I thought it best that we just make a clean break. We haven't spoken since. | |
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 12:04:28 PM |
I wound up telling him how overwhelmed I was about his words
This is exactly what I would have suggested. You know this guy a little bit after three dates; PoFers really don't know anything about the dude. Quality relationships require good communication skills. If you have a question, ASK IT.
He either really meant it (it is possible), could be playing you (is a player), or believes you might be corresponding with lots of other guys (is this possible?). If it is the last reason, it is probably true; an internet dating guy who is savvy understands that most women's profiles get bombarded with inquiries.
Good luck with this guy SitD! | |
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 1:26:28 PM | | I learned a lot from this situation actually. but you know what is kind of sad? That the truth of the matter is that talking to some people, isn't always the solutuion. In a perfect world it would be, but there are some people who totally get defensive and bent out of shape when you try to talk to them about things. you just never know what you're going to get. with this guy i was lucky. he was very receptive and even felt bad. but talking to people is worth the chance because you can find out right then and there if they're the kind of person you CAN talk to. it's just hard to do when you're freaked out. i just needed a little encouragement and i am so glad i got it from some of you people. it really did help. sometimes people here try way too hard to psychoanalize other people who ask questions when all that person needs is a little help or some encouragement. | |
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 1:32:19 PM | there are some people who totally get defensive and bent out of shape when you try to talk to them about things. you just never know what you're going to get. with this guy i was lucky. he was very receptive and even felt bad. but talking to people is worth the chance because you can find out right then and there if they're the kind of person you CAN talk to.
Hey this is something I value in a partner. The ability to communicate effectively. If I have a question and get a runaround, that's a red flag. Sounds like SitD's guy is a good communicator. SitD, if you value that in a partner, and you have a good thing going so far, maybe this dude is a keeper. I hope this scenario works out for you!  Keep talking to him. | |
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 1:50:02 PM | Run little doggie run!!!! 
You are either dealing with a co-dependent or someone with an anxious attachment disorder. | |
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 2:23:51 PM | | Well, I believe in love at first sight? He is a romantic man.........why freak? Romance is not dead! Come on....give the guy a chance.......he isn't stalking you?! | |
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 2:27:54 PM | | I guess all women aren't romantic! I know I am. That is a great story about the airport!!!!! Now that is romantic!!!!! | |
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 2:40:02 PM | Madly in love = really wants a blowjob.
Still, i dunno... Some people are just really passionate, i dont think thats a bad thing, ask yourself this though... if he had used "starting to fall for you" rather then "madly in love with you" wouldn't you feel totally different now?
Don't be afraid of a word, but still yes the guy should know better.
Still you can look at it one of two ways...
1) You're so amazing that people really -do- fall in love with you in such a short time frame.
2) The guys completely ****ed in the head and / or desperate for a lay.
3) The guy's a dumbass with words.
Damn I dunno, just ask yourself was it just the "L" word that scared you or his entire attitude with you? If its just one word ignore it, you can reply with "Thank you" rather then "i love you too". | |
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| Madly in love after... 3 dates??
Posted: 1/4/2007 4:07:36 PM | | In my experience- anyone who drops the "L" word in such a short time has low self esteem, is co-dependent, and usually controlling to the point of jealousy and force. Run. | |
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