| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 10:35:39 AM | Hey everyone...
Let's say you meet a guy around 32...what would you think if he told you that he has never been in a serious long term relationship in his life?
He is reasonably attractive,not hot but not bad looking, smart, funny, has had plenty of one night stands and short term flings but no long term girlfriend. Is this a red flag?
Also...he seems to like checking out women in front of you......wherever you walk with him....if an attractive woman comes to view, he will look, for sure.
Sometimes, he will even ask if you think that woman is pretty/cute/hot.
What if you are watching TV with him, and he is cuddling on you, his face buried in your collarbone, and you hear the TV announcer say "what a beautiful woman", and the guy lifts his head and twists his head around to look at the Tv. (yes this happened)
I would like the perspective of males and females please. Is this normal?
I'm starting to feel as if I am not hot enough for this guy. | |
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 10:39:25 AM |
.....has had plenty of one night stands and short term flings
Add one more to the growing list me thinks!! | |
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 10:39:35 AM | | Wow! I think if I were in your position, I would get out of there. Of course, it also depends on what you are looking for. If you don't want long term, then no big deal. I have seen other people write on here (and I agree with them) that if a person is with someone, they really shouldn't be looking to see what else is available. Even if he is just "checking them out" Would it always be in the back of your mind if he was always like this? If so, find someone who won't make you wonder if you are beautiful enough for him. | |
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 10:40:47 AM | NEXT!
Never let a man feel you are not 'hot' enough for him.
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 10:40:47 AM | | You could try explaining that his behavior leaves you feeling " " (fill in the blank). Maybe it hasn't occurred to him that it might be an issue for you. | |
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 10:42:46 AM | I think its okay to look. As humans its in our nature to look at and enjoy beautiful things.
But you do it respectfully. I think the obviouls oogling is a bit much and I highly doubt this guy has any intention of settling down. If he did he would be more respectful of who he is with and how you feel. | |
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 10:43:38 AM | Sorry, horseraddish, but that is just junk. He knows damn well that he shouldn't be eyeballing other chicks when she is there. If he doesn't he has NO EMPATHY or feelings for other people, and that is not bf material in my book.
Once again:
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 10:47:15 AM | How about you do the same thing. Make a point of checking out the men as they walk by. When he comments on it to you (and he will) you can ask him how it makes him feel. Then explain that he does this to you.
Chances are he has absolutely no idea he is doing it. It is out of habit. Once it is brought to his attention he won't have an excuse. I don't think I would just "dump" him....at least not until it is brought to his attention and he is given the opportunity to change his behavior.
I personally have found I am not good at being "the jealous girlfriend"...I tend to notice the "eye candy" and point it out to them. Nothing wrong with and appreciative look as long as it is not disrespectful to you. It is alright to look as long as they don't touch. | |
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 10:47:23 AM | let me get this straight.....you are telling us this guy has had plenty of one night stands, short term flings, and no long term relationships at the age of 32, on top of this, he routinely disrespects you in front of your face by pointing out all the woman he sees that hotter than you...and you're asking if there's any red flags?
here's a tip, reread what you posted, sometimes it takes awhile to sink in even after you have put it out in writing...meeehhh...its hopeless...it sounds like you're the typical immature girl who loves it that way...you want a guy thats a challenge right? *rolleyes*......
ps...plenty of one night stands eh...have you had him checked out yet? | |
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 10:47:39 AM | It is possible to disagree without using epithets. Give the guy a chance! It is entirely possible he's dense. I'm not defending it but to go out to ask other people their opinions without letting the guy know how she feels is shortsighted. Of course everyone is going to jump on it and tell her he's a dawg, but none of us are in the relationship. At least if she tells him her opinion she's tried, otherwise why bother with a relationship? Communication is key.
and that is not bf material in my book.
Could be why you're not dating him. | |
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 10:51:45 AM | Based on the entire post, it looks like he acts like a dog. Not just an isolated incident.
The junk I was referring to is the guys behavior. | |
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 10:53:47 AM | okay well the best answer is always,
what would you tell your best friend if she was in the same situation?
that's the advice you should follow.
then again, I'm usually pointing out someone who's attractive to my guy... and I'll point out men or women, and he's free to point cute women out to me... for me it's no big deal. I'd rather talk about what we find attractive than have him sneak overt looks while he "thinks" I can't see him.
I think it's crazy to assume that because we are in a relationship that we wouldn't find other people attractive. My guy knows I think my doc is drop dead gorgeous... it's become a running joke with us. There's a line though... I don't wanna hear him say he thinks my cousin is hot or my friend has a nice ass... you have to have a certain amount of couth methinks. | |
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 10:54:31 AM | id point out attractive woman to him every chance i got comment on her perfect breast or her nice ass..lol | |
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 10:55:47 AM | When he looks at other women, he does it with his eyes, I don't actually see him turning his head to do it. I do notice he does it because I look to see and sure enough, he's looking.
Now, I've been told that men are visual and will always look at attractive women even with a partner,
I would like to know some more opinions of this from men as well. | |
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 10:56:27 AM | Not having a long term relationship by itself shouldn't be an issue...maybe he just never met the right person...
However, because he's checking out other women right in front of you and making an effort to even check out the women on TV while he is with you...seems to me he has no respect for you at all. In my opinion, he's not ready for any relationship at this point and probably why he has never had a long term relationship.
I wouldn't waste anymore time with this guy as he's the type that thinks the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, and has very little respect with whomever happens to be with him. Don't let this guy make you feel any less 'hot'.
Just my two bits worth!
Edit: VVVVV "We have been dating over a year, I am obviously his first long term relationship. I just find it unusual that at his age, he hasn't had more long term relationships."
Oh, so you're his first LTR. But how does it make you feel having him check out other women while he's with you? I wonder how he acts when he isn't with you...in my opinion, I still think he doesn't respect you. But hey, if you're fine with it, that's your perogative. | |
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~lime~
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Joined: 5/14/2006
Msg: 16 | |
| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 10:58:24 AM | take out a sheet of paper and draw a line down the center. on one side list his flaws, all the things you cant stand about him. on the other side, list the things that you love about him, all those the things he does that make you feel good and wanted.
now compare sides. are some of the things on the bad side fixable? can you work on them? and remember, you have to be willing to live with a few flaws... thats why we are called "men".
try this with other issues in your life as well... jobs, friends. it helps.
bradley | |
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 11:00:07 AM | Actually Jay, I don't enjoy a challenge. Far from it.
As far as the one night stands, short term flings, most were from when he was 20 in college and what boy has not gone through that stage?
We have been dating over a year, I am obviously his first long term relationship. I just find it unusual that at his age, he hasn't had more long term relationships. | |
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 11:00:49 AM | This part is the red flag for me...
Also...he seems to like checking out women in front of you......wherever you walk with him....if an attractive woman comes to view, he will look, for sure.
Sometimes, he will even ask if you think that woman is pretty/cute/hot.
It sounds like he's trying to make you feel insecure. Maybe that's why he hasn't been in a long term relationship - the grass is always greener. Looking isn't cheating but it almost sounds like he makes a point of doing it in front of you. Then again it could just be habit with him since he's done it for so long. Since you've been going for over a year maybe you need to talk to him about it though. I like lime's idea about the for/against list.
If you're making out he should be focused on you, not on what's going on on TV. Your guy should think you're sexy and not be trying to make you feel worse about yourself. You're probably too good for him and he knows it.
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 11:01:40 AM | When I am in a relationship.. I am secure enough within myself and my partner not to let "looking" even be an issue..
Please do not think that I am saying you're insecure.. that is not the case..
I am explaining from my stand point.
I expect my partner to look and I look as well..
I'm a people watcher.. looking is inevitable..
Honestly.. OP.. if I were in the same situation.. feeling the same way..
I would explain to him what you're feeling..
But I'd also be a very happy woman in knowing that I met up to the "Standard" of woman he stops to look at..
After all.. it's you he's spending time with! | |
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 11:04:52 AM |
has had plenty of one night stands and short term flings but no long term girlfriend. Is this a red flag?
Mr. Winkie is not working up to the girls standard and they do not want another ride on the "disappointing coaster"
Also...he seems to like checking out women in front of you
He obviously is looking for the next girl to reject him once they have experienced the "disappointing coaster" ride...
What if you are watching TV with him, and he is cuddling on you, his face buried in your collarbone, and you hear the TV announcer say "what a beautiful woman", and the guy lifts his head and twists his head around to look at the Tv. (yes this happened)
Must not be a breast man... | |
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 11:13:14 AM | | Men are always going to be curious and look at other women; it’s no big deal. I would be more concerned about a man who didn’t look. | |
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 11:16:47 AM | I go with try to do it....point out the pretty boys when you see some. Explain the situation and try to make him understand. Dumping someone before you can even speak to them about an issue is kinda dumb if you ask me. Give a chance to the runner if you care about him i say!
Anyway, that's how i would like to be treated if i did that so much that it annoyed my partner. I am dense at times......
I just find it unusual that at his age, he hasn't had more long term relationships
I am 35 and i've had 2 really long lasting relationships.... How many are needed to be considered normal? | |
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 11:17:28 AM | The looking wouldn't be the worry for me..
Being 32 years old and never having been in a serious relationship raises all kinds of red flags for me. Committphobe or what?
Holding out for the 10? Or a serial sex addict ??? | |
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 11:22:22 AM | /\/\
I'm 35.. never married.. I was engaged once.. thank god I woke up!!
In retrospect.. none of my relationships were "serious" enough to continue..
Does that mean I am a red flag?
No.. it means that I knew when to get out and move on before someone I wasn't that into.. got too attached..
Perhaps the OP has to ask why he's chosen or hasn't been in a "Serious" relationship..
I have made my choices and if that makes me a target for a "Red Flag"
I'll wear it proudly.. knowing I didn't screw anyone over! | |
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| The Wandering Eye
Posted: 1/4/2007 11:23:48 AM |
As far as the one night stands, short term flings, most were from when he was 20 in college and what boy has not gone through that stage?
I can answer that question, if you REALLY want me to.
I don't know quite what to think. I'm thinking red flag, but maybe he's just insensitive and tactless [which could also be a red flag in the long run]
Being 32 years old and never having been in a serious relationship raises all kinds of red flags for me. Committphobe or what?
I could answer that one too. | |
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