| | Where do i go from here?Page 1 of 1 | | I am 28 years old and 10 months ago started to see a 50 year old man who was seperated. Over the past 10 months i have totally fallen in love with this guy and would give everything up just to be with him. He has 3 children and decided to spend christmas at home with his family, which almost killed me, but on the 27 December he moved back out and said that that short period of time had really shown him that he could not live with his wife anymore, that she hurt him too much and that he loved me. He has now moved back in to the family home for circumstances which can not be helped. I love this man and would do anything for him, but i don't know what to do, i know i should walk away, but can not, if anyone has any advise or has been in this situation, please help, i feel like i am being torn apart. | |
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| Where do i go from here?
Posted: 1/7/2007 2:33:38 AM | Tink:
Like I posted on the other thread, I wouldn't give him the time of day. He keeps testing the waters and going back which allows him to have choices and alternatives: A luxury that you can't afford thanks to having your life on hold for him.
You are far too valuable for this creep. I say you ditch him ASAP. | |
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| Where do i go from here?
Posted: 1/7/2007 2:38:02 AM | | Walk away and fast. I know it willhurt, but if you stay with this creep it will h urt you even more in the long run. This guy is wanting the best of both worlds and you are letting him get away with it! | |
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| Where do i go from here?
Posted: 1/7/2007 2:46:58 AM | Love hurts hun...and I found out recently...that you cant make someone stay in love with you....it just cant happen. You may always love him forever or have a special place in your heart for him...but its nothing if he doesnt feel the same. Move on, enjoy the time you've spent together and learn from it. My advice to you ....and to me!  | |
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| Where do i go from here?
Posted: 1/7/2007 2:56:02 AM | Only you can know the depth of your love, Tink. Spend some time with yourself to appreciate that love. Smile, laugh, cry. Approach that place with care and tenderness, for it deserves to be treated gently and with respect.
Only after you've embraced that love with acceptance can you then practically assess how valuable it is, how much of it your lover can share. Both you and he have to care for that fragile flame with the greatest of delicacy. If he cannot, for whatever extenuating circumstances, then you know it will not live with but your care. Let it drift and let yourself cry. The tears will cleanse your soul and you will soon have peace and be able to hold aloft a wick of love with another.
ss | |
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| Where do i go from here?
Posted: 1/7/2007 3:00:15 AM | Does peace ever come though?? Great advice...dont get me wrong....but Im starting to think...for myself...peace never happens... | |
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| Where do i go from here?
Posted: 1/7/2007 3:11:29 AM |
his wife
Hello?
50 year old man who was seperated
Are ya sure? Sounds more like he's a bullshit artist who used you
for a fling.
He has now moved back in to the family home for circumstances which can not be helped
Beyond his control??? He's 50 frickin' years old!! He went home to bang his wife.
He lied to you.
i know i should walk away, but can not,
Don't just walk away from it, Run like Hell !!!!
He's married!!! If his wife can't trust him, why the Hell should you? | |
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| Where do i go from here?
Posted: 1/7/2007 3:11:52 AM | Peace can only come when we let drift those things or those people we let lay claim, or try to lay claim, on our own love.
In other words, if you are not at peace, then you continue to hold on to a love once had for fear you cannot find another.
I think this lesson was most painfully learned for me when someone I've loved the most died in my arms. I lost a limb of my soul that day. I will never get that limb back, or that love, but I must welcome new love, new growth, or else why do we live this thing called life? We have an eternity to enjoy death, but only the tinest briefest moments to shine in this thing called life. | |
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tink28
| | Joined: 9/18/2006
Msg: 10 | |
| Where do i go from here?
Posted: 1/7/2007 4:04:32 AM | Thank you all for your replies, i always thought and said, never get involved with a married man, but you can not help who you fall in love with and this is a love i have never felt before. I agree with what many of yu are saying, that i should walk away, that he is having his cake and eating in, but my heart tells me that i love him and our relationship can work, over the past 24 hours (which i know is not that long) i have not contacted him at all, text messages i have received i have ignored, this has been the hardest thing i have ever done and the pain that i feel is unbearable. I have also done a lot of thinking, but yet still can not come to a conclusion. I do think i need some me time though, away from it all, it is just if i can stand the pain! thanks again for your comments and keep them coming if you have anything else to say, it is appreciated. | |
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| Where do i go from here?
Posted: 1/7/2007 4:57:15 AM | There is his story, and then the truth.. Why not contact his soon to be ex and get her story too.. Somewhere between both of them is the truth.
If he's truly going to get a divorce it shouldn't hurt a thing to have a conversation with the soon to be ex. I would never date anyone who listed himself as seperated or married. It aint over till it's over.. | |
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| Where do i go from here?
Posted: 1/7/2007 5:14:38 AM | I wonder mostly WHY YOU STARTED A 2ND THREAD ON THE SAME SUBJECT????
You put yourself out there with your pleas for help, don't like your feed back, think you can start over on another thread.? I think not. Now do I hear whining? You are in way over your head and of course he'll keep heading back to you because you are there and you don't make him responsible for his actions. The other thing I have to make very clear to you is that men don't successful marry the person involved during the post marriage period. I'd be thinking about yourself more than anyone else. You are way to young to be getting serious about anyone let alone a father figure who abuses and uses you. | |
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| Where do i go from here?
Posted: 1/7/2007 5:14:51 AM | 50 and 28 - not very common in north america but common in the rest fo the world. I am looking for someone 28 and above .
You love him - Does he love you and what is his status vis a vis his children and his wife. Is he going through a divorce? Lady you need to sit down with him and discuss all this until you are clear before you make a decision. That would be the wisest thing to do. | |
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| Where do i go from here?
Posted: 1/7/2007 5:22:40 AM | I had a 2 + year relationship and all that I could think of when it was ending (and it took me a long time to end it) is ALL I WANT IS PEACE! It was the most important entity during that traumatic emotional time. My emotions weren't just for ending the relationship, my emotions were "how could I have been such an azz? or how did I ever get involved here"? Let me tell you it is harder to make the permanent break and even harder to stick to it BUT hang a peace sign up to remind you. You'lll NEVER EVER be able to move on to something better because you not only are establishing your own baggage but the bl**dy heavy anchor too!
Ultimately only you can make the decision and friends who really care for you, people who are really true friends will give you emotional support as long as they see you being true to yourself. | |
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jo~
| | Joined: 1/2/2007
Msg: 15 | |
| Where do i go from here?
Posted: 1/7/2007 5:33:14 AM | | tink28.........You do not say how long he had been separated from the wife before you met him........He could be on the rebound if he has not given himself enough time away from his current situation.......And if he is back at home then...........What are the sleeping arrangements there?????.......Has he told you?????.......You are young and pretty.......He know's it........Has the best of both worlds right now........Think long and hard about being second best if he stays in the marital home!!!!.......YOU deserve better!!!!!..........jo~ | |
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| Where do i go from here?
Posted: 1/7/2007 5:45:34 AM | You should read the threads on here about guys who play ping pong with the wife and the lover...she is not about to let him go anytime soon..and it's going to take YEARS until he gets the balls to actually get a divorce from her...IF he does.
My advice??? REALLY??? Get yourself to the gym...go for brisk walks..and get yourself into a class or two and be all you can be. The longer your with him...the lower your self esteem will go because his wife will win in the long run......the bond is too strong to run away now that they have a home/kids/marital bed....and you think your going to be the one to help him BREAK that bond???
This is what we called STEPPING STONES...someone to help him tear away from the marital home and drama...then dump the stepping stone once he finds himself free and able to look at other women and get into the dating scene again.
Don't be a STEPPING STONE...ok? | |
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| Where do i go from here?
Posted: 1/7/2007 5:58:35 AM | | I suggest you give him and yourself time out to make minds up of a concrete kind so the ping ponging stops , at the end of the day he is married YOU knew that , it might take him months to break free and even after that many more months to cut the emotional ties and thats IF he even takes the plunge , at the end of the day we all have choices then have to deal with the consequences , good luck !!!!! | |
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| Where do i go from here?
Posted: 1/7/2007 6:00:24 AM | | hi tink.well to be honest,he will always go back to his wife.dont ask me why but they do.due to the kids,the money.mean the money that he would hav to pay out for his kids.also it is safe for him.good luck hope you find happnes in the futher. | |
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| Where do i go from here?
Posted: 1/7/2007 6:23:49 AM | tink,
Someone posted the following quote here a while ago. Can't remember who, but I thought they were very wise words:
"Never make someone a priority when they only consider you an option."
All the best to you my dear,
hugs, WD | |
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| Where do i go from here?
Posted: 1/7/2007 8:40:46 AM | Bubbum:
They don't always go back to the wife...
But, in all fairness I can see that you are bringing a very good point and finances can be a motivator to go back for this guy. | |
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| Where do i go from here?
Posted: 1/7/2007 10:43:41 AM | Tink,
I feel for you girl, but you were a fling. You did not specify the circumstances that could not be helped, but if he made the effort to move out in the first place and suddenly moved back in....more than liekly the wife has a financial grip on him in some aspect.
I think you should move on and enjoy life with another. | |
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