| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/7/2007 8:24:31 PM | We all have good and bad experiences that mold us as people through life. When I look at myself now and think about what I was 10 years ago I see more changes than I care to admit. Many of these I relate to dating and relationships and I find that the walls that have been forced up around me have made me much less trusting and closed off to people. Maybe it protects me in the long run but sometimes I wish I could just step out of myself and just experience the person I used to be.
Now there were good things as well and I feel that I've learned alot about people and I'm more able to accept, love and comprimise the idiosyncrasies in people.
So what about you? How have you changed? | |
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| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/7/2007 9:14:23 PM | Same here, I've had a wall up for many years because it is so hard to trust.....especially these days. I've seen so many women, engaged and married, go out and act like single women. Hooking up with guys, sexing them and the whole nine....it makes me think....I could be that guy that's engaged or married to them. WICKED!!!!!!  | |
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| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/7/2007 9:59:28 PM | Yep, my confidence in a group is shot. I don't trust people at all, and I don't think the best of the majority of the world like I used to... and I'm only 23.
Every girl has cheated (being young, I guess thats normal for them) and I haven't dated in a few years now due to how shallow females are...
Great guys can kick them in the ass and they will still be fascinated by the "bad boy" ***hole with a pretty face thats been stringing them along... | |
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| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/7/2007 10:28:24 PM | Dating, marriage, and relationships have all taught me a very important lesson.....that the only person I can really depend on is myself.
At first that was kind of scary but now I'm used to being my own person and find it liberating.....comforting actually. | |
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| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/7/2007 11:26:56 PM | | Wow 23 And your confidence is shot?? you say being young it is normal to cheat? NO!@!!! If a person has integrity they will let you know when things aren't right. Either they have it or not!!Great men have asked me out and I do not accept PEOPLE in general! I have been,lied to, stolen from and AGAIN LIED too. I had a g friend of 30 yrs steal my jewelry. For- Bingo tried to make me feel like I was the one that was wrong!! You are 23 trust me there are a s=it load of things you are going to HAVE TO DEAL WITH. You SHOULD FEEL LUCKY!!! You Are 23 You still have time to waste! But you really DON'T! Don't waste time. Trust Me 5 yrs (Or so it may seem) you will be 40 and it goes so quickly you don't even know it. iTS Cute when you are 25 and are single. When you are 45 ,55 it takes more explaination. Which is sometimes very logical. Sometimes you are the one who was done wrong. I think most of us realize we wish we were 23 with the brains we have now!!! WE WOULD RULE THE WORLD!!! | |
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| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/8/2007 3:12:42 AM | "I find that the walls that have been forced up around me have made me much less trusting and closed off to people. Maybe it protects me in the long run ......"
I find this behavior more and more common ....when guys know they have a good thing but continue to prowl the dating sites on the side. When the female they are with sticks with you and you realize your really having a good time and she decides it's time to make it official....a bf/gf thing..exclusive dating....The walls kick in and the games begin.
I find that I have changed because now that I know that 90 percent on the men on these sites are not looking for relationships but casual relationships with more than one gal..and the relationship does not go anywhere but just casual....I have just decided to sit on the dock of a bay....observing for now..until the disfunctionality has become functional again... | |
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| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/8/2007 6:09:58 AM | There are two things that have changed in my life... Firstly, tomorrow I'll be 24. In those 24 years, I've done a hell of a lot more than most people will have by my age. I've tried to get out and have as many experiences as possible, in as many places as possible. I've done my best to travel, meet people and try new things. Apperently, I've done a good job.
Because of having been so many places and having met so many people, I've learned that people from different cultures can have VAST differences. That has led me to a better understanding of my interaction with other people and how that can effect both them as well as myself. Its made me much more sensitive to the needs of other people and more attentive to their problems.
Secondly, relationship wise, my walls have come down a bit. I'm more open to getting myself hurt emotionally, because thats a part of life. We can't go through life with a shield up around us ALL the time. If I did that, I'd reach 85, look back at my life and think, "What the hell was I doing?" I don't want to experience that. I want to live a long, happy life, full of people I care about and who care about me as well. To do that sort of thing, we have to be willing to accept pain, loss and sorrow into our lives. I have no problem with that, because in the end, my truest friends will be standing beside me and a person can't ask for more than that. | |
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| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/8/2007 6:53:15 AM | | It seems from what I've seen the people that become the most bitter and jaded by their experiences are those who think that the world owes them something. It doesn't. If things don't work out you made a poor choice in that person, You messed up somehow, Or you didn't fight hard enough to keep a good thing. It's all about responsibility if you want a healthy ego. We are all in charge of our own lives. We are all defined by our choices. | |
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| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/8/2007 1:07:13 PM | Well, I picked up a nasty drug habit for a few years because of one girl...that's right one girl. Other than that, I have overcome most my relationships...kinda in a slump right now though, but I have some A1 prospects locally so hopefully........
Adam | |
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| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/8/2007 1:33:05 PM | Dating has made me MORE aware and intune with others.......If I knew then what I know now, I think I would have been more of a nicer person than a Bit**. It also made me realize friendships are far more valuble. | |
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| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/8/2007 3:56:10 PM | It's made me more agressive in life. I don't like it. I've normally been gentle, and I've been happy with that.
Women see that as boring and passive though. I want to be boring and passive! *sigh* Oh well, if it keeps up, I think my level of aggression will cause me to form a militia of freedom fighters or something. 
I'm also getting a sour taste for the way women work. What they find attractive and are attracted to, versus what they SAY they want tend to be completely different. I like women, I really do. I think they're the best thing ever created. But I can't stand to watch them make retarded decisions when it comes to men.
It's like I want to say, if you want a decent guy, just ask me. I'm not talking about myself here. I'm talking about the oceans of decent guys that get passed up for some reason.
And as dumb as this sounds, if a woman is interested in me, these days I start questioning their judgement, because on the whole, women don't have a good track record when it comes to chosing men. Then I have to ask, "Ok, what's wrong with me that you find me interesting." | |
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| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/8/2007 5:34:44 PM | I wouldn't say that dating has ruined me but I guess it has exausted me!
When it comes to dating and meeting new people I try to see it as a new experiance each time. Meaning that every one is different, no guys aren't all the same and neither are girls, when meeting some one new for the first time, it's a whole new experiance each and every time. I wont make the new guy suffer because of what the pasts guys did, it's just not fair. Of course I have learned and grown from the heart aches and learned a few tricks here and there, but i don't beleive in putting walls or not being so trusty. I beleive that when you meet a new person, get to know them for yourself before making any jugements, take it as a new begining, a fresh start.
When it comes to feelings and "what other people did to you" you are the only one responsible for your own feelings, no one can make you feel anything but yourself and remember, you are responsible for your own actions and decisions, don't blame your pain on the other person and don't make the next one suffer because of it.
but that's just what I thinnk!  | |
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| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/8/2007 5:49:56 PM | | Hey y'all.....we have ALL experienced hurts and disappointments in dating scene. I speak also to myself as I say this....don't let yesterdays pain and experiences poison or muck up our futures....we too have probably hurt others as well...it's just the human condition. Forgive both others and ourselves and get on with living. Let's be cautious in dating and romance but lets not strangle it either with negativity.....like Jesus said, "dont put new wine in old wineskins". Bury the past and deep. | |
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| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/8/2007 5:59:00 PM | I'm only 18, so maybe pain hasn't sunk in long enough to thicken my skin...
In any case, bear with me.
I've had quite a share of heartbreak and pain, both from without and within. I let it get to me sometimes, but I know that the best way to find friends and lovers is to always keep the child-like trust in humanity that I was born with.
Maybe my childhood was too sheltered... Maybe I was born too wealthy relative to most people...
But I still love everything about life, and to this day, I have not said no to a person who wanted to talk a while and get to know me. Because of that, I've had many a sex-less affair, and enjoyed much of the kindness that a person can give without giving her body to mine.
I still think true love exists, even though I process my surroundings faster and harder than the average person does mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I have to keep believing, because giving up is akin to letting a less deserving soul win.
You don't have to finish first to win. You have to finish.
~ David | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 16 | |
| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/8/2007 6:09:29 PM | Nope dating hasn't ruined me. I don't date....so it CAN'T ruin me.
LIFE ruined me.
Any walls I have are not due to bad relationships with men...my walls or my lack of interest is simply due to life and other priorities. I often have other things on my mind or other obstacles and dating just isn't the most important thing to me.
But you are right, I've always said Love was Great at 20 years old!!! So free and easy!! It would be great to get back to that. ahhhhhhhhhhh maybe when I'm 60 I'll learn how to love like a 20 year old once again. Now that's my dream............ | |
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| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/8/2007 6:15:33 PM | | KIKI...go choke on a hairball.....Dating has not ruined me..any guy that has been out with me has been treated with honesty and respect..alas..they just can't handle respect from a L A D Y...geez... | |
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| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/8/2007 7:05:59 PM | Not all of them... I'm still relatively innocent, so maybe I'm not so bad! ;-D
I hope you do find someone worthwhile, and that it all works out.
~ David | |
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| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/8/2007 10:01:16 PM | Yes, dating ruined me. I am now a totally closed off, self centered, snotty, disgusting person who has given up on life and love..... woe is me, woe is me.
Srsly, dating is dating. Being a wuss in dating is a ruination in the process. | |
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| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/8/2007 10:49:42 PM | one thing you could do,,,,,,,,,,
is to win people over to
the good side of the force
trust the force, luke skywalker | |
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| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/8/2007 10:59:40 PM | Interesting thread OP.
~OT~ I don't believe it's the dating that has changed me, it was a failed marriage that lead to dating that did the most profound things in my life. I am constantly evolving. So much, in fact, that I have not dated nor am I wanting to date. It's not fair to someone else to date someone they won't know in a week. The whole "the world is your oyster" thing comes to mind. I just can't seem to break away from the peace of heart/mind/soul that has come to me while being without a man in my life. I bask in my aloneness. I've had one truly lonely day in three years. I guess that must mean that being entirely alone doesn't bother me.
And, I do think that one too many failed relationships finally sank in. Why do it again? I thought I had picked wonderful men to date or embark on a ltr with. The only thing those relationships had in common: Me. Until I decide if I'm wanting something or not, it wouldn't be fair to someone else. I do wish others well in their search, it's just no my deal.  | |
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| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/8/2007 11:07:45 PM | | I will say that internet dating has made me reanalize myself and how I act. All my experiences with men off this site have been disasters. Every single one. Either the guys were flaky and didn't show much interest, they were only interested in having sex, or they just didn't have enough in common. So far in the year plus I've been on here there is only one guy I talk to regularly, but nothing romantic will come of our knowing each other because I'm too young and not good looking enough for him. Sad how life works, but oh well his loss right? If he wants to let a great girl go because her age doesn't match his and she doesn't look a certain way then he is losing out. I've realized that I need to stop putting so much importance on looks as well. After being rejected by EVERY GUY I EMAIL(no joking) I told myself that I was going to get back up, dust myself off and keep trying. Also I decided to start replying to every email I get. If a guy emails me and wants to have coffee with me, I'm not going to go to his profile, look at his pictures and make my decision. I'm going to actually go read about him and then decide if I want to pursue anything. I can only control me and how I react to different situations, so when on here I treat people exactly how I want to be treated. I have a great deal of patience, but not too much tolerance. Whenever a guy rejects me I just wish him luck and carry on. People shouldn't be so hurt when guys turn them down on these sites. Would you want someone who doesn't want you? I know I wouldn't. So you send 10 emails and no one responds? Just 10 guys you can cross off your list! | |
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| Has Dating Ruined You? Self Analysis
Posted: 1/8/2007 11:19:14 PM | Dating has not ruined me -NO WAY! - Meeting people is great. I enjoy talking with people & learning about them. That always adds a new layer to my life.
What has messed me up is BUSINESS - I bring business partners into studios to meet with artists & producers(trusting them) and they create a scene.
I know what you mean, sometimes you think you know someone... ARGH! | |
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