| Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
Posted: 1/8/2007 5:22:14 AM | I'm sure this is an eternal dilemma spanning all dating/meeting sites.
I'm flattered that I have received messages from woman, I'm very happy woman are confident enough to make first contact (some would say here "If we waited for you guys we'd all be dead!!)
My dilemma, if I can see that the person is "not my type", do I reply with some sort of gentle letdown message or not reply at all and hope they "get the message".
I have done both and neither is any easier. I tried a very polite "I don't think we're a match" and got a snappy message in reply. I feel bad if I don't reply because I know how I feel when I send and get nothing back. Although I must say that most women on POF have been polite enough to indulge in conversation at least.
How do others cope? feel? What do you expect? | |
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| Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
Posted: 1/8/2007 6:55:38 AM | just be yourself and do what feels right at the time.
what works for some doesn't work for everyone but the closer we get to the truth the easier things generally become. if they're not your type then they're not your type.
it's not a crime.
i've been told that and have said that.
the air was a lot clearer, a lot sooner.
as for do you reply to messeges if there's no attraction?
check my opening line again,
the end. | |
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mutha
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Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 3 | |
| Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
Posted: 1/8/2007 7:27:10 AM | Photo,
Firstly, would you not think it rude if the situation was the other way around and NOT getting a reply? If a person shows interest, of course it deserves a reply. They may know your future partner and it wouldn't go down well with a 'didn't even give me the time of day' message.
And there's nothing wrong with straight to the point. | |
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| Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
Posted: 1/8/2007 12:12:06 PM | I'd always reply if it seemed a reply might be expected.
My reply might range from a neutral "No, thanks.", or "Sorry, not interested." to a slight putdown, "Not interested.", to a major putdown "Sorry, not interested at all.", and, I'd delete their message (which they'd see as confirmation of your view, and not leaving any residual doubt that you were hanging onto it, to send a follow-up: "Oops! Changed my mind." sort of message.).
(you've a knockout Profile pic, no wonder the ladies are knocking on your door!) | |
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| Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
Posted: 1/8/2007 3:42:28 PM | I find it difficult to comprehend that anyone could gauge any level of attraction or otherwise from a profile (often written or polished by someone else)
If someone on the street talks to me...I talk back
I dont date them all
It becomes evident in conversation if it will build to other conversations or meetings
Most fizzle out after a few sentences, but I have met some FASCINATING people, understated geniuses.
He (or she) who has it, feels no need to flaunt it. They are 'enough'.
Blow hards are a dime a dozen and usually seekiing attention. Talk to people. Let the conversations decide :) | |
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mutha
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Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 7 | |
| Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
Posted: 1/8/2007 5:49:07 PM | Saddens me to read some of these replies.
Sorry guys, common courtesy and respect is something I'm not throwing in the bin.
Some people only work on what pleases the eye. Sad is on both sides. | |
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| Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
Posted: 1/8/2007 9:20:16 PM | I always like to be polite and courteous and respond to all messages and say
'thankyou for the message, but im sorry I dont think that we would be a match, but wish you well in your find'
nothing wrong with taking a minute to respond without being rude or demeaning | |
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| Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
Posted: 1/8/2007 10:23:57 PM | I don't think I should have to reply if it is painfully obvious he has not read my profile, or if he has sent me the same message he sent me weeks before.
Otherwise I reply to all messages. | |
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| Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
Posted: 1/9/2007 4:21:44 PM | I've found this a tough one to juggle. Generally I believe in replying to everyone who contacts me.
However, I usually cannot bring myself to reply to a carelessly written one-liner from someone who has a carelessly written two line profile without a photo.
What you give is what you get! | |
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| Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
Posted: 1/9/2007 8:39:55 PM | ^I think that says a lot about U there Mark...lol.
Say what you're looking for in your profile, tweak who can mail U.
That's another of the good things about POF; U shouldn't get too much mail from ppl U don't want to talk to.
I tend to agree though, these issues have been done to death. | |
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| Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
Posted: 1/9/2007 8:57:04 PM | Scenario 1.
Scene 1.
I send a one liner to someone in response to something written on his profile (disagreeing with something he had said)
Scene 2.
He replies some days later
Scene 3.
We talk by phone and begin emailing, and its suggested we catch up on the weekend for coffee/meal to chat about some of the subjects in person.
Scene 4.
After time and date and place is set, at the last minute I realise he hasnt seen a pic and has no idea who to look for at the rendezvous. I send a pic on the same day we are to meet so he knows who to look out for.
Scene 5.
We meet and have a meal and talk, then go for a walk and talk some more. Then say goodbye.
Scene 6.
We meet again. Just a get together.
Scene 7.
We end up liking each other enough to actually DATE!
Scene 8.
We date some more and actually like each other more.
Scene 9.
We are in a relationship.
Scene 10.
We are discussing other aspects of a more committed relationship.
It came out of a one liner and without us knowing anything about each other really and him not even having seen a photo until quite some time after the 'date' was made.
A person meeting up with another person, and we just happened to like each other enough to want to catch up again...and then again....
Years ago (and I know I'm sounding old here) thats what DATING was.
Now its almost like you have to decide you can live with them before you go out? lol
Scenario 2.
Scene 1.
I send a one liner to someone in response to something written on his profile (disagreeing with something he had said)
Scene 2.
He never replies because I dont have personal information on my profile and there is no photograph. We never meet or talk.
Scene 3.
Well there is no scene 3.... | |
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| Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
Posted: 1/9/2007 9:52:25 PM | Hmm, interesting post, Salty.
Maybe I should be reviewing my 'policies'?
However, you did say that you disagreed with something he said on his profile. Does that mean it was not just a one-liner as well?
I don't know. If there's a one line contact, with a two-line profile and no photo, there's not too much to help you work out whether a person is compatible or not.
I don't have a problem with a no-photo profile if there some decent information there. Some people are fairly private by nature, or maybe a bit embarrassed, so it's not a big deal. However, it might matter more to most men. | |
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| Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
Posted: 1/10/2007 2:59:32 AM | I reply to all messages
It really does come down to common curtesy and how you would like to be treated in return
The one liner replies were interesting too
i had a guy emailing one liners......3 emails in total....so i basically laid it on the line....told him i hate one liner responses especially when i put so much effort into my emails
basically laid it on the line for him
said i hoped that didnt scare him off
Next email.......smile
He did a fantastic job....great email.....and all is good in the world
Like they say.....you cant judge a book by its cover
lifes too short to throw away chances
so
give everyone a chance....you never know....they just might be the one
smile | |
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| Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
Posted: 1/10/2007 3:53:19 AM | ^Sorry Gyp', disagree. If U gave everyone who emailed u a chance U'd never get out of your inbox.
Thanks for sharing though, no really...lol.
If you're so sure of this U wouldn't need to be posting......smile. | |
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| Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
Posted: 1/10/2007 7:23:09 AM |
Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
How dose one define "Attraction?"
How can anyone make a decision based on a few written words and a Photograph. I believe that every stranger is a friend I have not yet met. (somebody wrote that, I have no idea who).
Many decisions that are based soley on a profile Photo, or age, are nothing more than lost Opportunities for one to discover the true inner being of another person. Okay one may not wish to enter into a relationship with that person, but many relationships start as just friendships, chance meetings, where looks are of little importance.
So yes I would reply to messages because there is an attraction in everybody, even if it's just collecting stamps. | |
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| Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
Posted: 1/10/2007 2:23:50 PM | LOL Dryspell
I WISH...i got so many emails i couldnt get out of my inbox.......lol
I dont get that many really....but when i do.....i make the most of them.....smile
And the reason i post here....is cos it makes people notice and then they do actually email me.......works doesnt it......lol
you just emailed me.......HAHAHAHAHA
Im so bad.....lol.....ok ide better go respond to your email now
and i guess ide better make it good......lol
Gypsy | |
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| Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
Posted: 1/11/2007 5:35:39 PM | LOL G
I was trying to say, as a general rule, if you gave everyone who mailed a real chance, you'd never get out of the inbox.
I'm sure that is worse for ladies.
I agree with the angle U can tell a lot about ppl from what they post; and that attraction can be on many different levels.
Only first contact I make here is apologies.
(And yes it was good).
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| Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
Posted: 1/13/2007 3:45:55 PM | I have this happen to me a lot, I send a message and then when I look in the sent message I see read/deleted or unread/deleted. It doesn't bother me too much I understand that people can be quite selfish and even inconsiderate but hey on the brightside at least I know what they're like as a person. When I've received messages, if the person isn't my type I write a thanks for the message but you're not what I'm looking and all the best in your search, reply to them.
Doesn't hurt to have consideration for the other person as they've put the time in to send you a message and risk the chance of a negative reply. | |
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| Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
Posted: 1/15/2007 4:31:04 AM | Couldnt agree more Sparticus
I think all my relationships started out as friendship....its the only way to go....smile
and the day i get toooooooo many emails i cant handle will be the day.....welll.......it just wont happen......lol....so wont even think about it
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| Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
Posted: 1/16/2007 2:15:40 AM | If a guy messages me and he is genuinely nice but I feel no attraction, then yes, I will reply and probably say something like "I think you sound like a nice guy but not for me".
As for other guys who sound sleazy or just plain dumb or rude or obnoxious, then I will either delete them immediately or I will make some sort of sarcastic reply along the lines of "did you not read my profile?" or "can you even read at all?" etc etc  | |
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| Do you reply to messages if there is no attraction?
Posted: 1/16/2007 9:21:01 PM | Although POF is primarily a dating site, I'm looking at it as an opportunity to meet new people after moving to Australia only a few months ago and would always respond to any message I receive.
I did feel a little jilted when I sent a friendly "hello" to a member and then saw she read and deleted my message with no response, but that's life. It's a bit like walking up to a stranger at a conference to introduce yourself and the other person simply turns and walks away. It hurts for a moment, but then you realize you wouldn't enjoy getting to know someone who treats others that way. Since this experience, I've refrained from initiating contact with members at POF as most women in my area (Cairns) are looking for romantic relationships and I fear they don't believe there are sincere, single guys on here looking to meet some new friends.
However, when I received a short hello ("I just wanted to say Hi") from a member whose one sentence profile was about just seeing what's out there, I still sent her a short hello back; the same as I would say Good Morning to someone on my morning beach walks and enjoy hearing a Good Morning back.
And there's always a gem in a valley of stones... she sent me a first contact message a few weeks ago and we've been sharing some great e-mails ever since; laughing our way along the path of getting to know each other.
The way I see it... if you make one good friend here at POF, everything else is icing on the cake.
Cheers, Matt | |
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