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Posted: 1/10/2007 12:33:12 AM | Many of us have been single for a long while. A lot of us haven't dated for a significant amount of time, which means that we have probably not been affectionate with someone of the opposite sex (other than friendly hugs/kisses and family members) in a long time.
I'm wondering if anyone has ventured into the world of hugging/kissing and felt icky/devasted/lost/lonely afterwards (no sex, just two adults doing the kissy-kissy stuff) ? Like the broken heart you were so carefully nursing was re-broken in some way? You know it's not guilt because there is no need for guilt, yet you just can't shake this feeling of despair when you think about what transpired. (LOL and no, the kissing wasn't icky, it was above average....LOL) I'm really curious to know if this happens to all people who have stayed away from affection or if it's maybe something deeper? Maybe a reminder of what once was? And if it has happened to you ~ were you willing to see the abover-average- kisser again? | |
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Posted: 1/21/2007 1:13:05 AM |
I'm wondering if anyone has ventured into the world of hugging/kissing and felt icky/devasted/lost/lonely afterwards (no sex, just two adults doing the kissy-kissy stuff) ? Like the broken heart you were so carefully nursing was re-broken in some way? You know it's not guilt because there is no need for guilt, yet you just can't shake this feeling of despair when you think about what transpired. (LOL and no, the kissing wasn't icky, it was above average....LOL)
actually Yes it has happened to Me the kisses were way above average with a lot of energy, I made clear that I wanted no sex just some spooning and petting which We did it was great I think it is a form of respect for some, it doesn't always have to be about sex . | |
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Posted: 1/21/2007 3:16:13 AM | | no i've never felt that way but i have wondered during the first kiss how long it would take for her to tear my heart out like everyone else. that kinda ruins the mood | |
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Posted: 2/2/2007 2:18:59 PM | | I think that there is nothing more personal than a kiss and if you are attracted to a person, then what are you waiting for. There is nothing wrong with telling that other person that you are interested. | |
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Posted: 2/3/2007 8:23:13 AM | Dear VeryGreenEyez:
I am only commenting because your post touched my heart and made me a little bit sad because I think I understand what you are saying between the lines and after reading your profile I realize that:
1) you are not ready to date so therefore every date seems like a waste of time
2) although the kissing was great it does not come close to filling the void that you have in your heart (it just reminds you more of that void)
3) something (someone) really really hurt you and you are NOT over it yet, regardless of the time that has passed
4) you DO feel Guilty and icky/devasted/lost/lonely after those kisses you talk about because you are still attached to someone who still has your heart, maybe everytime you try to move on it remains you of that other person and moving on, means that things are 100% over and it hurts to acknowledge that
5) good kisses just remind you how many other wonderful things you don't have, like a deep intimacy, best-friendishness (lol), making-love with someone you love, etc... etc...
Here's a hug to you and if I have read you totally wrong, I apologize.
It is MY belief that someday when our heart has trully healed, we will meet someone who will enter our lives and our hearts smoothly and softly and before we know it we will be the happiest we have ever been.... (*crossing fingers*)
Good luck to you and God bless.
FFG | |
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Posted: 2/3/2007 10:55:41 AM | No I'm just the opposite...
When I have to work a horror convention I hug and kiss all those monster's that most people see on the screen and then after it closes at night to the public...we party
I laugh and have a ball ..but when it's over it's kinda a let down and I can't wait til the next one I'm working at...
It's when I'm alone at the wee hours of the night and I can't sleep is when I feel lonely and want to cuddle with someone besides my pillow =/
Bella | |
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Posted: 2/3/2007 12:25:19 PM | Some times people who have had, very bad experiences in relationships can be
in a state of PTSD and not even realize it...Then, they meet someone
and as they become closer to this person, feelings of anxiety, guilt, depression kick in.
The intimacy trips the PTSD, "flash backs"...If this is the case, with any one, I highly recommend some form of counseling or therapy...PTSD is a serious mental disorder...
It can with hold you from your potentials and lead you into utter despair...
Just some food for thought...There is no reason why kissing someone, who you enjoy kissing should be anything but, a pleasurable experience..if it is not..then the probability of you having PTSD is very high... | |
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Posted: 2/3/2007 9:44:16 PM | Happened just a day or so ago. It almost felt like I was living some else's life. Snatched right up and kissed thoroughly.An above average kisser. He gets kissing so very right. Stepping back was a bit difficult.Taken aback slightly,as I wasn't expecting it. Oh my. sign me up to his lips & assertion anytime. despair/lost? Oh my no.
Have you healed from your prior relationship? It doesn't sound like it, or your holding onto memories from something past..
A kiss is one of the most incredible things you can share/experience. What once was, is just that, what WAS. I hope you have the insight to let go and move on someday soon, so you may once again enjoy the warmth of another's wonderful kiss. | |
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Posted: 2/3/2007 11:59:43 PM | Yes
I have been divorced for one year this second time. As of Feb 1st. I have dated exactly 6 women. I could not make myself kiss the first one. An I REALLY wanted to. Why? After my 1st divorce a very close friend told me that," you know you will be OK" after you get that first kiss.
SO getting that first kiss after my divorce seemed to be important to me. The first woman I went out with 5 times..She tried to kiss me...I wouldn't let it happen. I know now that I just was not ready to give any type of commitment to her. I felt a kiss would have started it. The 2ND was not much different. I did kiss the 3RD It wasn't all that great, she kissed like a wood pecker. I went home feeling Iky and lost and a bit lonely. BUT the 4TH....WOW! I still can't get that kiss out of my head. I had to go back for more from her.
I don't want to get seriously involved this year. So I have dated 2 other women. I don't kiss on the first date. I don't and didn't have sex with any of them.
I don't want to get to personal here...I will say I am trying to stay away emotionally...so I know what you are saying. The only one I really want to see again is the one who kissed me passionately enough for me to consider letting my guard down. That by the way is not an easy thing for any person to get me to do.
I thought I could date multiple women. Like juggle 3 or 4. I have come to realize this really is not working, very well. I don't want to use anyone or get attached. This wasn't this difficult when I was a kid. | |
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Posted: 2/7/2007 10:59:11 PM | Well..... now the great kisser is out of my life. Funny how some things, just work theirselves out.
Back to the pond....Looking for another great kisser.
With Valentines Day coming.....Would it help to bait the hook with CHOCOLATE? | |
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Posted: 2/9/2007 2:19:01 PM | | The problem here for most men (myself included) is that kissing someone and hugging them leads to a state of arousal. Men can't engage in such things without it leading to sex or it can be physically painful (aka blue balls) Kind of like eating without swallowing, kinda pointless. Yes, we all need love and affection but the physical stuff has to lead somewhere for men or it feels like an anvil is being dropped on your testicles. | |
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Posted: 2/9/2007 4:17:54 PM | Op- I think I know what you are saying. My problem is that I am a total sucker for a good kisser, and when I meet one, I am in big trouble. I am a very affectionate and passionate guy, and when a woman trips my trigger like that, I am likely to get infatuated very quickly and lose my head. I'm easily trapped in that way. I miss the physical connection so much that when it is given to me, I feel very empty when I lose it. And I hate that feeling, so I can feel a little lost.
When I say lose my head, I mean that I become attached sooner than I should. I should guard my heart a little more carefully....but I don't. So if it doesn't work out, then It hurts, because i built an emotional attachment that I then lose. | |
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kmhstx
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Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 13 | |
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Posted: 2/9/2007 4:29:53 PM | Well I have never felt guilty, or heart broken.
But perhaps after long periods of time in my life with out physical affection I have jumped the gun and become more lol enthusiastic than I should be considering I just met someone.
So far the way my love/sex life has worked...I go through very long periods of time with out any physical affection (including now even in a relationship due to it being long distance) that I orgasimed once just from a guy kissing me....lol no not there.....just on the lips and my hand....my body goes into over drive once it realizes I'm not the one giving the pleasure lol.
Eitherway I don't feel guilty but I don't base my decision to date the person again only on that chemistry...there has to be something else...sadly often apparently there wasn't anything else.....until the guy I'm seeing....lol I just wish we lived closer. | |
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Israd
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Joined: 10/10/2006
Msg: 14 | |
| Kissing
Posted: 2/9/2007 5:05:44 PM | | kissing dictates a lot to me, but I'm just an affectionate retard like that. The holding the side of the face kissing that I adore will just forever remind me of a certain someone. I wish I could make those memories fade so I could enjoy the kiss, but the moment someone goes to hold my face in a kiss I am just sent back to remembering what it was like kissing "him" | |
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Posted: 2/9/2007 8:21:15 PM | | It's been a while for me and I'm afraid I forgot how. Hope it's like riding a bike. | |
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Posted: 2/12/2007 1:42:28 AM | Heartso: You make me laugh! Thanks!
Roldgold: I hear you on the "it's been so long" thing. I'm actually wondering whether I should start practising on my bathroom mirror...you know, like we did when we were "kids." Or maybe I should follow Heartso's lead and get a mannequin. Hmmm..... | |
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Posted: 2/22/2007 1:38:31 PM | I forgot this thread was here. 
funfungirll ~ thank you for the input and the hug. Yes, you were very close to getting my meaning, in full and nearly dead on. 
~OT~ I actually started this thread the day after the kissing incident and to be quite honest, I was feeling rather frantic. In re-reading it, I can remember that feeling like it just happened again.
You are all correct on the account that I was NOT ready to move on with my personal life. Fortunately, that despair feeling didn't last long, thankfully. I did learn something ~ it wasn't the kiss that was the problem, it was the person attached to the lips I happened to kiss. It confirmed, within my own self, that the only man I had dated in the past three years, was the only person I wanted to kiss. I wasn't ready to move on.
I really do appreciate all of the input here ~ and I don't wish anyone to feel as I did, but it sure was nice to read I have not been the only person to feel such an odd feeling from something that should make us feel so good.
Thanks again all ~ (Oh, and I have officially passed the icky-kissing phase! LMAO)  | |
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Posted: 2/22/2007 3:41:42 PM | ^THANK GOD^
       
"Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle." Amy Bloom | |
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Posted: 2/22/2007 9:06:57 PM | | you have a great out look and you seem to be positve an i believe in my heart that when you are positive good things will follow. what kind of advice do u have for my situation | |
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Posted: 2/22/2007 9:07:05 PM | | you have a great out look and you seem to be positve an i believe in my heart that when you are positive good things will follow. what kind of advice do u have for my situation | |
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Posted: 2/22/2007 9:09:01 PM | my thing is he doesnt know i havent approached him yet give me advice please | |
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Posted: 2/22/2007 11:07:03 PM | | Sex has made me cry which is different then kissing but for some reason it made me cry. | |
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Posted: 2/23/2007 1:01:38 PM | | ^^^^That was so weird for me to read today. I was just telling a close friend that when I knew my marriage was over was when alligator tears were rolling down my face during sex. It was the very last time I was intimate with him. Like you, I'm not sure what promoted the tears, but it clearly spelled out that I didn't want him touching me ever again. It was such a terrible feeling ~ yet sort of liberating all at the same time for me. It hasn't happened since (7 + years, now.) | |
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Posted: 2/23/2007 7:42:34 PM | Saw this on another site (no ... I didn't write it) but thought I would share it here. 
*Kiss on the stomach-----"lets have sex"
*Kiss on the Forehead ----"Forever you will be mine"
*Kiss on the Ear ---"I'm horny"
*Kiss on the Cheek ---We're friends"
*Kiss on the Hand ---"I adore you"
*Kiss on the Neck ---"We belong together"
*Kiss on the Shoulder ---"I want you"
*Kiss on the Lips ---"I love you" OR "I want you"
*Holding Hands ---"We can learn to love each other"
*Slap on the Butt ---"That's mine"
*Playing with the Ear ---"I can't live without you"
*Holding on tight ---"Don't let go"
*Looking into each other's Eyes ---"Don't leave me"
*Playing with Hair on Head ---"Tell me you love me"
*Arms around the Waist ---"I love you too much to let go"
*Laughing while Kissing ---"I am completely Comfortable with you" | |
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Posted: 2/23/2007 8:29:04 PM | Guess I got lucky then. It had been 21+ years since I'd been kissed when I got kissed just a few weeks ago. I'm telling ya it was awesome! And I felt GREAT after. Certainly not "icky" or devastated or lost or lonely or anything negative. I felt fantastic, like a woman, excited, etc. And, yes, I'd see the kisser again.
I guess it's all about whether you're ready or not. Boy, was I READY!!!! | |
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