| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/11/2007 7:24:06 PM | Maybe it's just me ...or could it be just a sign of the times?
I will try not to generalize here and my apologies if I am pointing fingers at the male populace but since I am female it is just my prespective.
One of the things that really impresses me in a guy are the little things that don't seem to matter to many people any more...like allowing me to walk through the door first, opening my car door for me, saying thanks..helping me with my coat ...you know what I mean I am sure.
Then there is the paying compliments...sincere compliments.
It has been my experience that most men "play" at this role of being a gentlemen. They can keep the act goi9ng for a short while but then it fizzles out.
Has this "etiquette" gone the way of the dinasour? Or is it a sign that perhaps your guy has grown complacent and feels it's not neccesary anymore?
Ladies whats your thoughts on the whole "gentlemen" thing?
Guys whats your take on why that ends? | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/11/2007 7:38:40 PM | Then theres the other side where women want to be treated as an equal. Maybe the opening doors all the time and helping with the coat thing demonstrates to some that they "need" the help. As far as walking through the door first, thats a polite thing to do for someone either male or female.
Come on Camelot, get with the times, lol. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/11/2007 9:28:52 PM | | I work with a building full of professional women, and worse they are therapist, so most of them are very offended in any hint of a male out doing a female, in my life it just feels the need to treat a woman like she needs something is over, open a door,,most of them just look at me like I lost my mind, or say" uh I can open my own door thank you" and get huffy about it, the roles are all a little messed up where I live,,I am not sure what is suppose to be going on there and It appears that most of the rest of us are not sure either. honestly parts of me miss it and parts of me understand why it can be belittling, it usually represents your the weaker sex, you cant lift something,,lucky for you the man is here,,,that kind of stuff. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/11/2007 9:57:26 PM | A sign of the times, as in forgotten ??? Hopefully not.
I think it all depends on the person, how they were raised, and the respect that they have for other people. I have had lots of men, mostly strangers, open doors for me lately, and I think it is sweet.
My thoughts are that there are not probably enough gentlemen in the world. Maybe it is being lost a little, with each generation. How DO kids these days, learn etiquette ? Probably from their parents, or by observing other adults.
But why is it that only men are expected to hold doors open for women ? Why can't ladies do the same for men, and also for other ladies. It depends on who is going out, when another person is going in. It's common courtesy, be it a man or a woman holding the door.
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/11/2007 10:31:02 PM | My opinion is... that unfortunately it is a sign of the times, but that doesn't mean that we should do away with something that was actually very enjoyable for both sexes. At the office it is a difficult call because there is such a mix of people. The rule of thumb is that kindness is always appreciated and a smile or a gesture can uplift a person's spirit, so why not be kind.
Dating and relationships are a different subject. I think that if men really realized how much that behavior is appreciated they would hold the door for the woman to go through the door first, open car doors, help you with your coat, remember what you like, etc. It creates romance because when she is smiling and happy then he is more attracted. When he is more attracted he is willing to do more little things to make her smile.
So my bottom line advice is...guys just give it a try...and ladies make sure you smile and say thank you so they will know you appreciate it and don't just take it for granted.  | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/11/2007 10:52:18 PM | | I prefer to open doors for a woman, help her with her coat and so on, but if she prefers to do them for herself, so be it. Part of being a gentleman is to recognize a ladies preference and treat her accordingly. But that's just me. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/11/2007 11:35:57 PM | | Gentlemanly manners haven't gone totally. True, the women's "equality" idea has put a major dent in it, but it's also due to the general fact that a guy that has learned some manners usually doesn't get the girl. Sorry, ladies, it's just what mother nature has dealt you---an instinct to go first for the guy that strikes sparks, rather than the "gentleman." Being gentlemanly just isn't a consideration in whether or not you'll want this guy or that one. The men see who "gets the women" and instinct kicks in: this is what you have to do to get a woman, so become that in her mind. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/11/2007 11:52:48 PM | The big problem with this situation is that women say things like they want a guy who you've described. The "nice guy" type, but I always end up seeing you girls with mean guys or "bad boys".
Sometimes I feel the other gender is being hypocritical. I mean out of all the dumb things I've ever done I don't think I've ever cheated any of my ex's. Thats just not my nature.
The traits you're describng can still be foundin a man, but you have to remember something... Those kinds of guys are not going to be found in bars and pubs. I don't think the gentlemanly type would want to go there. Try looking for a guy who's not into what is known as "the now" | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 3:54:02 AM | | Lack of etiquette and/or manners always puts me off. Especially on a date. Should my date not show me the little courtesies such as opening doors, car doors, holding my coat for me while I put it on, etc., I put it down to lack of interest in my comfort and happiness and assume he's not 'that into' me. End of story really. I do keep an open mind about it but it's definitely a bad start. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 3:59:25 AM | Nothing will endear me to a man more quickly and completely than for him to exhibit chivalry.
Yes, I am quite capable of opening my own door, but the fact that he would prefer to do it for me speaks volumes about his respect for my gender. It also says alot about the way he was raised.
Conversley, I too open doors for seniors, or anyone who happens to be following me upon entering a door. It is basic courtesy. That's where chivalry comes from.
Good manners, being polite, being respectful and practicing chivalry are outstanding traits in any human being. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 4:19:09 AM | If you're a feminist you'll hate gentlemen's courtesy. It's weird to me but I think it reflects their profound insecurity and their man wanna-be.
If you love to be a woman, you'll be touched by a gentleman's courtesy.
Gentlemen are genuine, these litle things are not fake. I actaully enjoy being a gentleman even with feminists (do they get pissed!!! ) | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 4:19:15 AM | | If you want to be treated like ladies, quit acting like men.And dont expect me to come charging to your rescue on a galloping steed. I would fall off and bust my ass. I can manage opening doors for you, and if you are nice I might even wrap my coat around you when you are cold. My momma taught me manners. It would be nice if someone appreciated that. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 4:47:35 AM | The feminist movement and equal rights for women...does not mean treating women like your male counterparts or buddies!
The feminist movement means equal pay for equal work....the rights to vote for women, etc. etc. I think men are using the feminist movement as an excuse to justify their poor etiquette and bad manners.
I appreciate men with good manners....I have good manners...and will continue to extend the courtesy of good manners to anyone and everyone....young, old, male or female. Bad manners repulses me....I was raised to respect people....and I think that men who continue to open doors for women, etc. were also raised with the same values....something you carry with you through life! | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 7:03:21 AM | I get so confused. 
Some women like it. Some women take offense to it. Wouldn't it be nice if they wore signs...
"Appreciates a nice man who appreciates me."  
or
"P!ss Off! I'm a better woman than you'll ever be as a man. Just ask me!"  
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 7:21:12 AM | see this is one of those things that always makes me want to vomit.
Men if you open doors, are in general courteous and do it sincerely than the reaction of the woman or other person is irrelevant.
You do it because thats who you are...not because of the reaction you anticipate. IF you are requiring a positive response than you are not really doing out of respect or courtesy...you are expecting a certain reaction..ie..praise...well than you will probally stop doing at some point becuase like many have pointed out...not everyone reacts well to it.
Chivalry and good manners are there own reward..it is not dependant on the reaction.
This so similar to the men who claim to be "good guys" but when their "good guy" act doesnt win them the woman...they get all "pissy". Again if your "goodness" is dependant on others reactions (esp women)...well than you are only playing at a "good guy" in order to manipulate a woman...the same way a "bad boy" would...
Im certainley not saying it isnt nice when someone says: "hey thanks"...it surely is...but if you are doing becuase that is who you are...peoples reactions are irrelevant...you do it because thats who you are..
Now excuse me while i go vomit in my mouth... | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 7:26:47 AM |
The feminist movement and equal rights for women...does not mean treating women like your male counterparts or buddies!
The feminist movement means equal pay for equal work....the rights to vote for women, etc. etc. I think men are using the feminist movement as an excuse to justify their poor etiquette and bad manners.
Exactly my thoughts...my bf does it all and I truly appreciate it. I don't see it as a sign of weakness as one post said. I see it as a strength because there aren't to many gentlemen left in this world. Yes ladies I did meet him here, so don't give up hope.
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 7:35:28 AM |
Chivalry and good manners are there own reward..it is not dependant on the reaction.
I agree, either you are a gentleman or your not. It's the ones that pretend to be that annoy me. I view it as all part of the "putting your best foot forward" to impress the girl mentality.
and ladies a "bad" boy can still be a gentleman... | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 12:38:55 PM | | Its not that no guys are gentleman anymroe. Women in this generation want that bad ass. The guy that breaks all the rules, treats woman like and just cause he has a great body or cute face its ok. When yall finally met a nice guy, you treat him like he's just another ass untill he's tired of it, making him an ass. To answer your question, yes gentlemen dates and genuine compliments do still exist. But the guy who can use them and still get the are gone. So whats the point in being like that anymore? | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 12:59:27 PM | OP, honestly I can say so much about this, and I want to because I know what you mean. But at same time I don't feel like saying anything at all, thiese are issues that come up alot and even though alot is said.....in essense nothing is said at all.
I agree with what you say as it relates to what you wish was happening more and I do too and I wish alot of things that are nowadays ignored were seen with some more light and appreciation of common courtesy. In some ways it is sad and in other ways it just makes someone want to give up and not try anymore.
Again I can go on but I'll leave it at that. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 1:02:53 PM | | I agree angel, but I am not sure what woman really want, when they are so picky, about age, looks, etc. I consider myself a gentleman, eager to treat a lady like a lady. But I am new to this dating thing on line, and I have yet to have any lady respond, to my profile, or even look at it in Michigan. Maybe I am too old for most ladies. sorry. JJ | |
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