| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 1/12/2007 9:00:04 AM | Before I pose the question...I have searched this subject, and found all results to be either work related, involving children, If You Would..., Dealing With...,or state specific.
Due to the sparse population in my area I state I am willing to relocate for the 'One'. Of course this would not go into effect until we have established friendship, and met in person.
As a prospective match would my willingess to relocate affect your initial decision to pursue an interest? Am I being realistic, or should I move to a more populated area where relocation would not be an issue? Thanks in advance for all comments.
-Mtn | |
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| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 1/12/2007 9:03:58 AM | I'm not sure what you're asking. Do you mean, "does the other person's willingness to relocate affect whether or not you will date them?"
If so, my answer... no, it's not something I look for. But maybe it should be. :P | |
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| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 1/12/2007 9:07:12 AM | | I don't pursue anyone who's more than 30 minutes halfway between us. But that's just me. I'm not into weekend relationships. I'm not willing to relocate, but if someone was in a situation like you and they were willing to do the legwork I might be interested. | |
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| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 1/12/2007 9:09:13 AM | "I'm not sure what you're asking. Do you mean, "does the other person's willingness to relocate affect whether or not you will date them?"
If by 'you' you are referring to someone receiving my email then yes. :) I revised my question, so hopefully it is easier to understand. | |
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| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 1/12/2007 9:56:08 AM | My best friend met a guy in oregon, he sold his biz, moved here and their relationship fell apart, those weekend getaways, month long vacations were just not the same as living together 24/7...plus he didn't do much in the way of reestablishing his biz here...and he could have made more money
now her brother is moving a woman here from Idaho along with two of her children...they are marrying first then moving here...I dont believe she's even come to visit here, as he has there...i see a disaster waiting to happen...
i contemplated moving down south to be with a man i fell in love with last year, on the condition he clean up from his alcohol addiction...i'm lucky that i have a job that can go anywhere with me...however, I would not have sold my house, but rented it out, just in case...things like this are just too iffy...you really need a solid understanding of how that person is 24/7...not just take weekend trips where you do fun stuff and go to exciting places when together, you need to also do the mundane such as cooking, cleaning, and just watching tv at the house...then you get a more realistic view of how that person is...
i might move for the right person myself...but i'd be damn well sure of what i was getting myself into first...i dont want to go through what my friend did | |
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| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 1/12/2007 10:07:16 AM | belly18dancer,
Thank you for sharing your friend's experience. I find it odd that they spent so much time together, yet it still did not work out. Maybe it is my online-dating naivete speaking, but they must not have 'covered all their bases'.
I agree with your 24/7 statement. Once a relationship has reached a certain maturity one thing I am adamant about is openly sharing all personal issues with each other. While this may not be a comfortable exchange of information, ie. quirks, bad habits, etc. hopefully it will make or break a possible long-term commitment before the life-changing decision is even made.
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| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 1/12/2007 10:30:40 AM | | OP like you I am in a area of sparse population. Right now I can't just get up and leave due to family commitments. Other then that, I would be willing to consider such a move myself for the right one. | |
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| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 1/12/2007 10:42:12 AM | Well I'm willing to relocate, but the only reason can't be for one man. There has to be other advantages. I also would not want it to all be on me to move. I think it has to be a mutual decision between both people as to who should move where based on what is best for the couple over all.
For example if I were involved with someone who had a great job, and he expected me to move where ever he is, but there wasn't a job in my field there...but where I am there is lots of opertunity for him....yet he still insisted I move to him.....lets just say there better be a damn good reason.
Otherwise, I'm also a firm believer in that love doesn't always happen next door, and it can happen across town/city/province/country. And I won't let a good thing go easily. | |
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| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 1/12/2007 10:42:42 AM | Being open to moving is good but I think it's important to be independent when you get there, don't burn all your boats etc. My experience has been interesting. I have very strong feelings for this little patch of North Wales and I thought I would never leave it since I returned after a few years away through work. I also thought I would never want to contemplate living with anyone again after a horrible experience. I also hate travelling and had no wish to go anywhere.
So then I fell in love with someone who lives in Canada... He already had plans to move to the UK/Ireland so I didn't have to worry about my feeling rooted to Wales. But after spending a week with him, I've found someone I can be with in a way I've never been able to be with anyone. This time last week I was flying back from Canada, to 'home' that no longer seemed like home because how can anywhere be home without him? We can still talk for hours upon hours online, as we did for months before, but my heart aches to be near him again.
I couldn't wait until Easter when he will visit here and will be flying out again at half term, in 5 weeks. I normally miss Wales when I leave it, and am glad to return to its peace, but now I miss him so badly, I just want to be with him. If he didn't already want to get out of the frozen city he lives in, I'd be making my plans to move there. I'm glad I don't need to because Wales is so much nicer and it would upset my parents a lot for me to move... but I would, and I'm glad to have that instinct because it's how love should be -- all important.
So at the end of the day, I think being 'willing to relocate' is meaningless. If you meet one who really means something to you, you will find yourself being willing to relocate anyway, because your heart will be loud and childishly fail to understand any reason why you cannot be with the one it is filled with.
Back to the independence thing. If possible I think one should move to their area and live independently, so that the practical risks are minimised and the relationship is not put under pressure for financial reasons. I feel that I do want to live with the one I love, somewhat to my surprise, but I don't want us to be together for any reason other than we both freely choose to be each day, not for there to be any possibility that he or I would ever feel trapped. That's a personal thing, but I think that in the early stages of a new dimension of a relationship, it's best for anyone. | |
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| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 1/12/2007 12:00:46 PM | kerrymh wrote:
I think it has to be a mutual decision between both people as to who should move where based on what is best for the couple over all.
Agreed, although in my particular situation there would be no advantage to moving to my area, short of intent to raise family in a low-crime environment. I would not wish that upon someone who appreciates life experience and a variety of everything in general.
Rune3 wrote:
I think being 'willing to relocate' is meaningless. If you meet one who really means something to you, you will find yourself being willing to relocate anyway, because your heart will be loud and childishly fail to understand any reason why you cannot be with the one it is filled with.
A romantic notion, which I do appreciate as a Romantic, but if you were doing a world-wide search, and you happen upon an interesting profile of one who lives across the ocean would you even consider them a possible love interest? Forgive me if that is how you met your significant other.
Rune3 wrote:
If possible I think one should move to their area and live independently, so that the practical risks are minimised and the relationship is not put under pressure for financial reasons.
Well put, and definitely something to give serious thought should the occasion ever arise.
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| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 1/12/2007 12:33:53 PM | I too am in a sparsely populated area.
Living out of a suitcase on the weekends,
for one or the other is a real drag!
However, relocating to accommodate a
relationship, is NOT a good idea. It can
add undue pressure to a relationship,
and can cause resentment and/or
feelings of being indebted to the other
person.
I have had a couple of women, offer to
relocate to be with me, and I told them
quite clearly, that if they want to move
up here, don't do it for me! Do it because
you want to live here! | |
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uk28
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Joined: 8/9/2006
Msg: 12 | |
| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 1/12/2007 12:41:40 PM | Stranger things have happened!
My mom and I moved from Indianapolis to England. She met my step-father here...at a dinner party. Two years of letter writing, phone calls and a couple of trips to see eachother and we were off! I was 16. They're still happily married. | |
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| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 1/12/2007 1:49:27 PM |
A romantic notion, which I do appreciate as a Romantic, but if you were doing a world-wide search, and you happen upon an interesting profile of one who lives across the ocean would you even consider them a possible love interest? Forgive me if that is how you met your significant other.
Happened across him in these forums and no, I didn't think of him as a possible love interest, just someone who seemed on the same wavelength, who I wanted to talk with. Actually the distance and the thought of a relationship being ruled out helped us in opening up to each other. Love grew out of that. As for it being a romantic idea... not sure about that, perhaps it is, but I don't recommend settling for less now I know this strength of feeling exists.
Before I met my special someone I would have agreed with metaphysical man's comment -- don't move for anyone, it's too much pressure on a relationship, move because you want to make your life in a place. But now I revise that: move if your heart cries out for you to be with someone, but be sure you can make your own life independently in the place you are going to in order not to put pressure on the relationship. And if you see it as a sacrifice for one moment... don't do it. | |
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| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 1/12/2007 3:21:18 PM | rune3 wrote:
Actually the distance and the thought of a relationship being ruled out helped us in opening up to each other.
This really hit home, and has given me a new perspective on internet dating. Perhaps it is best to initially keep the 'idea' of romance out of the picture, or maybe even take dating out entirely. If nothing develops beyond friendship then one has made a new friend without risking rejection. A definite positive.
metaphysical man wrote:
However, relocating to accommodate a
relationship, is NOT a good idea. It can
add undue pressure to a relationship,
and can cause resentment and/or
feelings of being indebted to the other
person.
It sounds like you are in a predicament. How are you dealing with your situation? Are you waiting for the right woman to relocate to you, or will you make an exception?
uk28 wrote:
My mom and I moved from Indianapolis to England. She met my step-father here...at a dinner party. Two years of letter writing, phone calls and a couple of trips to see eachother and we were off! I was 16. They're still happily married.
Great story! I found it inspiring, and am sure other Location-Challenged people will too. | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 16 | |
| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 1/12/2007 3:26:31 PM | Not sure I'd relocate at this time of my life.
Let me put it this way, I simply wouldn't relocate for a man especially if there are no opportunities for me. I've been down that road when I was married, my ex hubby (due to his job) relocated us every other year. It sucked because some of the places we moved to, there were no job opportunities. Hence, I had to drive 98 miles one way to work!
The beautiful thing about my part time business that I'm building, is I could relocate anywhere in the USA or parts of Canada and take my business with me.
Another thing that's complicating the equation of love, is where to spend retirement? That's becoming a can of worms for those are are nearing or are already retired. It's not too uncommon where the spouses can't agree on where to retire, therefore marriages have broken up.
If you relocate, you have to do it for yourself! Do your due diligence and make sure that you can earn a living wherever you move to. Sure, a romantic partner is icing on the cake but don't count on them to financially support you if you can't find work. Make sure you have a safety net! | |
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| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 1/12/2007 3:38:59 PM | ksue44 wrote:
I had to drive 98 miles one way to work!
Ok...I do have my limits! I will relocate to a reasonable, agreeable situation.
It's not too uncommon where the spouses can't agree on where to retire, therefore marriages have broken up.
This is unfortunate. I would question the integrity of their love for each other.
Sure, a romantic partner is icing on the cake but don't count on them to financially support you if you can't find work. Make sure you have a safety net!
Since the issue of finances seems to be a reccuring, albeit subtle theme I feel I should make something clear. I AM NOT looking for someone to financially support me in any circumstance. Is this something that needs to be conveyed in a profile when relocation is an issue? Maybe it would be best to remove the 'relocation bit'. | |
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| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 1/12/2007 4:42:22 PM | Hello there,
great thread. If you would of asked me four months ago i would of laughed and told you that anyone moving for a relationship would end in disaster. Now though I not only see it as a possibility but some thing that i'm compelled to do. I was planning to move to another part of the world before i even became a member of POF. And wasn't looking for anyone but friends. And having a friend that was in a distant land close to the area i was going to move to changed everything in my life. A lot of beliefs i held about relationships also changed. I knew that if i was to ever be in any relationship that it would have to be different then any relationship i had ever heard of or seen in action. And didn't really think i would ever find a person that would see things even remotely close to how i seen them so being alone was the only option in my mind. I Won't Settle...
We were clear at the begining that we wouldn't be even thinking about being in any relationship with each other or anyone else for that matter. But I've never met anyone like her nor would of i even thought anyone existed like her. What do you do with that???
We decided to meet. and set a date for easter. As this is when she would have two weeks off and we could get to know each other. However the more we shared the more we wanted to meet because our feelings were growing to an illogical point that seemed to much for the medium we shared in. Meeting was the most incredible most meaningful and will be the most cherished time for as long as i will live.
Any how her going back home was the hardest moment in my life. The air port is such an inhumane place and had to say our bye byes an hour before her flight. That aside...*sighs* Ever since she left nothing has been the same. I can't move for a year or so because my son is still growing up and doesn't want to move with me. Now I feel compelled to be with her. What we shared in our time together was more then I could of ever dreamed of. The way we related the way we were together we fit together so amazingly that it is hard to understand how we even met but so greatful we did.
Moving is the next step to plan. We will visit as much as we can in the mean time. Thanks her for coming to see me before the planned time. It is extremely important in my opinion to be independent when moving to another country to be with someone. Having your own place and space so to say. This allows the relationship to grow at its natural pace without any stress. Even though i can't imagine my life without her. Its the right thing to do. And shows that we are being together because we are free to be together. The daily choice to be with each other or not. New relationships especially one of this quality are precious and need to be nurtured and not pushed to the limits of our abilities. When the time is right to move in together you will both know. Not all couples live together. but are together a lot.
Its important to allow a relationship to develope into what will be instead of what could be. no need to force anything, the river will flow at the speed it does no matter how much we paddle.
35 days till we are together again *beams a huge smile* and sends a warm hug
crazyllilging | |
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| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 1/18/2007 10:42:41 PM | I can't relocate for the next few years..I have to do all of my "apprentcieship" in the same state or start from zero again if I move.
To be honest I am not interested in a LDR right now.. I don't think phone n e mail give an accurate picture of whether we;d be compatiblee. and I like getting to know someone by spending ever increasing amounts of time together..not sporadic blocks of time n nothing in between.
I have to say the example of the woman who moved to England Was very romantic though. | |
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| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 2/11/2008 11:18:38 AM | men who put in there profile " willing to relocate" for the right woman. What he means is ,
I have no job, if I do it's not worthwhile.
I have no home
I am running from the law
I am running from the wife and kids
I want to live off you , give me your car and accounts
ect...
for women it can be the same.
If you have a good job, family, friends , decent home why in the hell would you throw that away
sometimes what you are really for is right next door. | |
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| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 2/11/2008 11:22:35 AM | | I was never willing to relocate - my life is very established where I am! There would have to be many enticing reasons added to simply being in love with someone. Job security being one of them! | |
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| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 2/11/2008 11:27:54 AM | Since you bothered to dig up an old thread just so you could declare your prejudices, here's some additional info to tear apart.
I don't feel like anywhere I am is home when I am alone. I might just as well be one place as the next, and so I go by climate, scenery and work opportunities. I can work pretty much anywhere there is an internet connection and I make a good living. To me what makes a house a home is love. Love comes first. Finding a woman to make a home with is worth moving for, and anywhere else I live in the meanwhile is temporary. Also, the woman I settle down with would like travel. Being willing to relocate is not a sign of evil. It is about being not a plant with roots stuck into the ground. Planes, trains, automobiles, and motorcycles. Millions of miles of paved roads. 50 states, thousands of cities, hundreds of countries. It's a big world with many places. One need not sit tight in one spot opening their little internet window onto the world to piss on passers by who lead a more mobile kind of life. But go for it on this rainy Monday if that's what puts a smile on your face.
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| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 2/11/2008 11:46:45 AM | wow longleggedbeauty that's quite a statement.
I have to say I wouldn't of relocated for anyone before meeting my special someone. I didn't think I would ever find anyone I could get on well enough to move to another country.
If you have a good job, family, friends , decent home why in the hell would you throw that away
sometimes what you are really for is right next door.
I had a very well paying job, and although i didn't own If I would of stayed i would of eventually built as i had built two homes prior. I didn't see my moving to be with my special someone a sacrifice at all. In fact even though i only make a fraction of what I used to make I am happier then i've ever been in my entire life.
Your post reflects your own issues based on the experiences you've already been through or have heard. That doesn't reflect the whole truth. Finding someone so special that they could be considered the one even though i don't believe in such a concept means more then money and possessions. I will eventually make more money as i build my business up, but I could never find the happiness i'm experiencing as a result of finding my special someone.
Being cautious is a good idea. If we are not questioning ourselves all the time then we are giving our power away to our beliefs about the situations we find ourselves in.
You may not need to question your beliefs about meeting someone living far from you unless you are in the situation. However challenging the beliefs is a 'one of' because no situation is exactly the same as the last. If you treat life that way you limit your choices and freedom to be, but again that is your choice.
I think its wrong for you to poison other peoples hopes and dreams with your lack of being able to appropriately making choices based on each situation that comes along in your life. Making sweeping assumptions is fine if you keep them to yourself. | |
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| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 2/11/2008 5:15:36 PM | Honestly, I don't know if I'd be willing to relocate. It's not as easy as one thinks. Unless you're loaded, there's the issue of finding employment; how your bills are paid (if unemployed); selling any real estate; finances; moving away from friends and family.
If you're going to relocate for ANY reason, you have to be prepared that things won't always work out the way you want. Sometimes things are better than expected, other times, it's worse. I'm a firm believer of having some sort of safety net (financial cushion; support system; etc) when you do relocate. Bottom line, do it for all of the right reasons, and make sure you do your homework. | |
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| The Willingness to Relocate - Topic Search = Negative
Posted: 2/11/2008 6:16:55 PM |
I don't feel like anywhere I am is home when I am alone. I happen to love my job, but for me, anywhere I happen to be is home, and I make my family there out of the people I meet. I wish it was a case of where my guy would relocate here for me, but I know that's not possible, and the only thing keeping me here is my job. I don't really like much else about this area. If I had a job I didn't like much, I would be flooding his area with resumes. | |
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