| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 8:55:17 AM | | I was dating a woman that told me three months later that she wasn't Physically Attracted to me and didn't think she ever could be. I asked her then why did she date me in the first place she said because she thought it would grow and there is more than just physical attraction. So ladies can Physical Attraction Grow? I don't think it can either you are or your not attracted to someone your not just going to wake up and oh now I am. Just curious as to your thoughts. | |
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diit
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Joined: 12/26/2006
Msg: 2 | |
| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 9:02:34 AM | I can't speak for all women, but for me, yes it can grow. For me, if a man meets a minimal threshold of attractiveness (for me, not hot, but doesn't hurt my eyes to look at him, his appearance is in the ok-acceptable range).... he can actually become more attractive to me based on his character, sense of humor, reliability-- the things about the inside of him. If those things are present, then the outside of him can actually become more attractive to me.
Similarly, a totally HOT man, can become physically repulsive based on his bad behavior.
I may not be representative of all women, but that has been my own experience. | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 9:08:10 AM | | It has happend to me only once. I was friends with a guy for about 6 months and he was not my type at all or anywhere near the range of even nice looking, but he had such an amazing personality that after 6 months of friendship I did find myself attracted to him and we dated for about 6 months. But that is the only time this has happened, so in my case it was an exception, usually for me if there is no initial spark there won't be anything later on. | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 9:11:17 AM | Diit... I think you hit it on the nailhead!!
Physical beauty is only skin deep... internal beauty is only apparent after you have spent time, and in some cases considerable time, with someone. | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 9:11:46 AM | I agree with Diit... except from a males perspective. When you get to know the inner beauty of someone, that is what gets you to be physically attracted, and the bonus to that one is that your beauty does not age...lol. But, I do know that to be 100 percent true. Unless of course someone is strictly looking for looks wich when that person finds someone for looks they end up losing the attraction.
Ro | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 9:15:08 AM | | Well more to the Story is that she told the its not you its me line. I was attraced to her both for who she was on the inside and outside. But she is the one that told me about not being and never could be Physically Attracted to me. Probably more to the story than she was telling me. | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 9:17:39 AM | Physical attraction is what catches your eye...then other things come into play. Like how comfortable you feel with that person, do you respect them, do you have fun. Those are important things... Here is the catch. Its the skin smell. You can be totally happy in your realtionship but if you dont like the way your partners skin smells...no body oder or cologne, their natural skin smell the relationship will go no where. Its a instintive clue to our sub consious that can be denied.
If you have had several dates... it isnt because she finds you un attractive... the fact that she said that she never will... i believe it to be deeper. | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 9:22:42 AM | Well here is my thought on this topic from experience: I was married to a man that I was never really attracted to. I had told him this in the beginning of our dating relationship and he just didn't care and told me that maybe I will grow attracted to him. Soooo we ended up getting married and the physical chemistry never came. I really never wanted to have sex with him- well there were times that I was attracted to him because of his inner qualities but the physical attraction was never there. I tried................ Needless to say we are divorced now.
PHYSICAL CHEMISTRY IS SOOO IMPORTANT AS WELL AS EMOTIONAL CHEMISTRY!!! | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 9:30:53 AM | For myself...there was a man that I worked with...he's was on different days then me...so we didn't directly work together...anyway, we were very good friends.....I was not attracted to him at all....just good friends with him....he was a little heavier set....balding on top...just not someone that I would normallydate....but what hooked me was his personality.... he had an amazing personality....and frikking funny......it got to the point that I was hot over this guy.....we dated for about 6 months....and the only reason I ended it was because we never saw each other...my days off he worked and his days off, I worked....anyway, we re stsill bet friends and I love him dearly....any woman would be lucky to have him in her life.....
so OP, Yes....attraction can grow, if his personality shines through..... | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 9:32:00 AM | I think it can grow.....
I dated someone that the 1st date I didn't think I'd EVER go out with him again.... I wasn't physically attracted to him and he talked about his ex WAY too much.
I accepted a 2nd date still wasn't all that attracted to him... but by the 4th date I was totally hooked! He became sexier and hotter as our relationship grew... I can only hope I find a relationship like that again! DAYUM!!!!
I have gone out with men... that have been wonderful, attractive, funny, kind... but for some reason I wasn't physically attracted to them. I kept going out with them because I couldn't figure out why I wasn't attracted I felt like I should be! I just couldn't put my finger on why I wasn't........... When I look back the men this has happened with... were a bit needy... would ask me if I missed them..... would call all the time wondering what I was doing where I was going when we would be together again. (I think that was a huge.... factor in NOT being physically attracted) | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 9:44:25 AM | | For me personally, it has with some in the past and not with others. It has more to do with how attracted I am to what's inside the guy. There are no guarantees that physical beauty will last, sometimes due to life circumstances...so for myself, the outside is not the only attraction I look for. | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 9:47:24 AM | | Ok so if Physical attraction can grow. Then what do you look for in a man at first. Is it not physical? I mean there has to be that first wow factor or I like factor what is it if it is not that your phyically attracted to someone? Curoius | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 9:54:13 AM | Yes, it can grow. For me, physical attraction can be anything I like about that person. Their laugh, voice, sense of humor or smile etc. It doesn't have to be the entire package. It just has to be that special something I find attractive about that individual.  | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 9:56:27 AM | I find that it goes through stages. Assuming your partner is not physically changing as you move forward, it goes something like this:
1) When you first meet someone you can tell if the person meets your baseline requirement in the looks department. If so you look for some potential in other personal factors. If the potential appears to be there, you start going out.
2)You start dating the person and get to know them better. If you find that you are liking the peson more and more, then their "physical" attractiveness goes up. Of course, it is only physical in the sense that you want to get physical with them.
3) After you have been going out you start to notice all the little imperfections. These are legion, so I won't go on about it, but the main point is that if you date a person long enough you will see them at their worst: in the morning, sick, unshaven, hungover, etc.
4)Finally, when all the cards are on the table, if the emotional relationship is strong enough then all of the physical imperfections just don't matter anymore.
So the key is in stage 2. Physical attraction grows as the emotional attraction grows. If you have been dating someone for a while and they end the relationship on the note that they are not physically attracted to you, it means two things.
First is that you are not James Bond, Jude Law or [insert appropriate female fantasy] such that the woman wants to jump into bed and have wild monkey sex based on your looks alone.
Second is that the emotional connection did not develop for them to want to be intimate for more substantial, down to earth reasons. | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 9:59:03 AM | | It definitely can. I remember learning that lesson when I was 18. A girl I worked with seemed so obnoxious and conceited. I wasnt attracted to her at all physically but later when we became friends I started see her in a more attractive way physically as well. :) | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 10:01:35 AM | NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just spent the last 11 months waiting for it to grow, it doesn't happen!!! No matter how nice the person is and is everything you think you are looking for in a man, if there is no physical attraction, it's just not going to work. Hence my return to the pond..
I strongly believe it's just not possible for attraction to grow..it's either there or it's not!!! | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 10:02:00 AM | Yes, it can grow. I've experienced it.
I like it because once you hate the person you no longer are attracted to them physically. Nice going away present. It sucks to still lust after someone you hate. Which I've also experienced. | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 10:16:46 AM | Yes it can grow, and it can also diminish.
I think this happens to women more than it does men. I have met and dated men who walking down the street would not turn my head, not unattractive, just not my normal physical 'type' but once I got to know them have been the sexiest men on the planet to me. It's truly what's on the inside that matters. But I also think you can't wait around for it to happen indefinitely. I will usually know in a short amount of time, within three dates, if I'm not feeling it by then I likely will never.
As for the flip side I have dated men whom I have drooled over, but once their personality (or lack thereof) arrogance, lack of intelligence or even the way they treat other people came through I would not touch them with a ten-foot pole. No thanks...not into anal sex (you know, screwing ***holes).
\/ \/ I totally agree about the intrigue \/ \/ | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 10:21:51 AM | I believe it can, yes, but not in all cases...
Sometimes you meet someone and it is just a definate NO, I could NEVER kiss him, but at others it is more of a maybe...
Something about him intrigues you to want to learn and see more... so you spend time around him to determine how you feel...
In that case, either what she sees builds the vague attraction and intrigue, or the opposite. I have experienced situations where the attraction grew, but also situations where the more time I spent, the less attraction I felt...
Bottom line is that it isn't always an instant thing IMO. | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 20 | |
| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 11:17:08 AM | | You bet! I have to be emotionally attracted first. If every time when he opens his mouth and he has nothing but critical and negativity flowing, it doesn't matter if he's Antonio Banderas, I'm not going to be attracted. On the flipside, if he's kind, considerate, honest, and looks like Jack Nicholson, he'd be downright sexy to me. At the end of the day, personality wins! | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 12:17:33 PM | May not have worded the OP the best....growing means there's at least a seed. Things don't grow from nothing. Personally, I've never had it develop from nothing, never dated someone there wasn't some sort of chemistry, spark ....whatever it is. People's personal presence is much more than strictly looks, some people have more of a "presence" than others. So grow..yes, from something. Grow from nothing...umm NO.  | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 12:25:35 PM | Yes, I think it can grow. As some other posters mentioned, there should be something appealing about the person's looks at first (if he/she rates a zero on your personal scale, its not gonna happen). The person can be subjectively homely, but there should be something appealing to start off with.
But when I get to know someone, they become more attractive. I like their mind/personality and that boosts how I perceive their physical appearance too. A 6 can jump up to a 8 or 9!
It works the other way though. There was this cute guy I had a crush on. I got to know him and he turned out to be a jerk. Suddenly he didn't look cute anymore. | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 12:50:27 PM | I work at a corporation with several hundred women at any given time. For me, an attractive woman is just that... attractive. It doesn't mean she is appealling... in some cases they are apaulling.
I have a tendency to inspect the personality moreso than the physical appeal..... working with attractive women has taught me their personality is similar to a mean pit bull. I would tend to believe if the emotional value is in tact, the rest may fall in to place and the physical relationship has as good a chance of growing just as you may hope that an attractive woman's personality may need to grow to an acceptable level... if it isn't already. | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 1:44:24 PM |
Ok so if Physical attraction can grow. Then what do you look for in a man at first. Is it not physical? I mean there has to be that first wow factor or I like factor what is it if it is not that your phyically attracted to someone? Curoius
I had no wow factor with my ex. I wasn't really even interested in him when we first met. I just thought... I could just kind of hang out with this guy.. We seemed to be pretty opposite. I could not and still can not put my finger on what turned me around.... but I fell hard for him.... My friends couldn't understand what I saw in him either... but they said they've NEVER seen me happier! | |
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| Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/14/2007 1:59:35 PM | | Hi goodguy302006, I can't speak for other woman, but no, I don't look for physical attraction in a man right away. I'm inclined to look more to his personality and whats in his heart and what he has done with his life so far ( His goals and ambition in life). Although there has to be some chemistry there for both of you to connect in some way-it doesn't have to come from their outward appearance. Haven't you ever met someone who you though was very nice looking-but they had a shody or lacking in personality and suddenly they no longer appealed to you or vice versa? I think that physical attraction can grow-but it usually takes time. The only advice that I can give is to tell people (men & women) to just be realistic in yourself and others. | |
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