| things I didn't expect to happen today!
Posted: 1/14/2007 8:14:12 PM | There I was, doing my Sunday morning thing, home from church, back to bed to watch old films on Turner when my door bell rings! So I go answer the door and the little lady asks for me, I say, "I am she." She hands me a set of papers, very thick and stapled at the top left corner, there is a round printed seal type stamp on the front of this handfull of papers, my blood literally drained and I felt weak and sick at the same time.
I've been served with divorce papers, my first reaction is desperate fear, that grows into terror as I read what he is pettitioning for. He wants everything I have. HE even wants the jewelery my Mother left to me when she died!
This isn't him, I tell myself. It's that wh*re he's living with. She's putting him up to this. He's so deep in debt from showering her with everything she's ever wanted for the past 3+ years, and now he wants me to assume his debts since he's out of work, can't get a job and life is suddenly tough for him. I tell myself that he's still the same guy I married over 25 years ago, but I'm only fooling myself.
Any man who would do this isn't a man, he's a **** whipped no good who expects me to be stupid enough to let him/her get away with this!
Any body know a good(dirty) lawyer who will get me out of the marriage with my home and belongings intact and take him for everything he may have left, and for icing on the cake help me to counter sue naming HER as co-respondant? | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| things I didn't expect to happen today!
Posted: 1/14/2007 8:51:49 PM | Talk to SweetnPassionate about a lawyer. She has a good one I think.
As far as I'm concerned, the Judge will look at this, look at him, look at his situation, laugh and say "Whatever..." and humiliate him the way he should be humiliated. Just wish we could video tape that. | |
|
| |
| things I didn't expect to happen today!
Posted: 1/14/2007 9:53:47 PM | Some people are just plain losers! I was in a similar situation many years ago. I had two babies. One of them was ill, as some might know from my previous posts. I was receiving no support, working for $7 bucks an hour, and dealing with the true definition of a a**hole. For some reason, and I've yet to figure it out, he got legal aid, I had to pay the $120/hr for a lawyer. He got to declare bankruptcy, I got to pay the bills. He had a excellent paying job, and I had to pay a Sherriff $500 to have him served???
I realize the details are different, but these two a**holes must be related! He gained financial freedom, I inherited debt. He had a great job, I had two babies in daycare, and a lousy job. (I was pregnant and unemployed when he left, so I had to take what I could get.) He had peace of mind, I almost had a mental breakdown.
Definitely, and I mean definitely get a very good lawyer, and don't give in. There are many myths in our laws today, or at least their seem to be. The fact that my ex was living with a woman from the time he walked out on me, was not even considered during our very lengthy battle of a divorce.
Do you want to hear something ironic? We haven't spoken or seen him in 18 years. Today my sister called me. He called her, wanting my phone number??? He wants to talk??? Thankfully she never gave it to him, but it has me curious. I'm also thankful I am long over the anger. | |
|
| things I didn't expect to happen today!
Posted: 1/14/2007 10:49:52 PM | Ouch I'm so sorry! I can't believe he even wants family jewelry!
You need to make sure you get a GOOD lawyer!!!
Did he cheat on you with this woman before you seperated? | |
|
| things I didn't expect to happen today!
Posted: 1/14/2007 11:36:33 PM | Hey sweetie... Try Arlene Glencross. She is good. And tell her I sent u. She helps out some of the women we have at the house. I hope she can help some. I know she does free consultations on Tues and Thurs. Try that. I don't know her # offhand... but I know she is good.
Norma | |
|
| things I didn't expect to happen today!
Posted: 1/15/2007 3:14:55 AM | I hear ya sweetie, by soon-to-be-ex served me with divorce papers just before Christmas too and there was some pretty shitty stuff in there so I called him on it and he said he was going on the advice of his lawyer. He said that some of the stuff that he was demanding was suggested by his lawyer and that he wouldn't have even thought about it and he knows that I really don't apply, but again that he was going on the advice of his lawyer. Men can be such asses!!!!  | |
|
| things I didn't expect to happen today!
Posted: 1/15/2007 4:31:08 AM | Get a good lawyer,,,,then a second and a third,,,,
This can happen Mira,,,I was left with nothing but bills, bills, and more bills I did not know even existed, and because I was working and he wasn't I was responsible.
He did not have to pay child support for 19 years, and because we lived together for 3 years and I was the sole supporter, he was entitled to spousal support, or alimony!!!
I only lucked out on a technicality as he did not file the papers correctly,,,the dumba$$!
His family has money, so needless to say, that's how he got away with it.
All the best to you, I know these things are terribly frustrating and stressful. I think my case is a rarity, but it can happen. If you have a bad judge anything goes. Be strong and stand up for what you have worked so hard for! I only wish I was more aggressive at the time, but it has made me who I am now,,,,no worries here, there will never be a little white dress for this chicky! | |
|
| things I didn't expect to happen today!
Posted: 1/15/2007 4:56:20 AM | Wow! Thanks for all this support! I'm getting the same very sound advice from you all and I'm going to act on it, today in fact. Fauz, S&P messaged me first thing this morning with the name of her lawyer and that's going to be my first call. I haven't been able to sleep, my eyes look like little red pools in a landscape of swollen, puffy eyelids! Everything hurts from being so tense, and I'm still so scared. I just want to curl up in a ball and pretend this isn't happening.
When we met, he had nothing but a broken down truck(still not paid for) and a broken down motorcycle which leaked oil. He came to me with nothing more than love and promise. I owned my home, car & motorcycle, had a good job and was raising my children, one in the Military, one in University and one in middle school. We weren't rich but we were doing OK.
He left me, taking with him all that I ever had to live for, and now he wants to take more, all that I have to live with. He took away my reason for living and now he wants me to give up what's left of my life. He told me a story(about a week before he walked out) about how a friend of his committed suicide, he said it was a pleasant and easy, pain free way of doing itl He described to me, in great detail how the friend had killed himself by sitting in his car with the motor running and a hose connected to the tail pipe and fed into the car. I know now that he was telling me what to do and how to do it.
Control freak to the very end, eh. | |
|
| things I didn't expect to happen today!
Posted: 1/15/2007 5:49:51 AM | OMG mara...this guy is in need of some serious counciling.DO NOT let him make you feel this way.He wants you to feel like this and you MUST not let him win.I know nothing of divorce as I have never been married but if he came in with nothing....he should end up with nothing.Plenty of good ;lawyer of advice on here and you are headed in the right direction.Best of luck to you hon and keep your chin up!!! You will come out of this thing just fine,I'm sure. | |
|
| things I didn't expect to happen today!
Posted: 1/15/2007 6:49:17 AM | Mara, if he is a control freak, this is a tactic to get you down...don't let it happen sweety. I wish I knew an excellent lawyer for you, but the ones I know are in Montreal. I'm sure that S&P and NB Native gave you two good references. Best of luck to you.
Please, don't let him get to you. That is when you might loose. Fight. Not dirty because no one ever wins in a situation like that, but fight. You know where you can come for support...so use us. We will be here for you. Stay strong, brave and remain the good person that you are...those are all winning factors.
Keep us posted. | |
|
| things I didn't expect to happen today!
Posted: 1/15/2007 7:01:53 AM | Lary Mara
Sent you a direct message with Lawyer and links to Divorce Act, Case Law in Nb etc
knowledge is Power
plus a good Lawyer
it'll all work out | |
|
| things I didn't expect to happen today!
Posted: 1/15/2007 7:54:32 AM | Lady Mara
sorry for name typo on previous message
I am seeing a lot of support for you here and that is good
support is always good
What You or I or others feel about the situation
if hes an ass or not is really not the issue
and won't be considered by legal system
The issue for you is how to Minamize the negative impact
on your mental and financial health
A good Lawyer will clearly lay out your options
once they have all the facts
be open, honest and truthful with your Lawyer
They will get you through this with the least damage
based upon facts, the law and case history in New Brunswick
issues such as adultry, mental crulty etc are not taken into consideration
only used as grounds for a divorce prior to one year of separation
after that its the division of "marital assests and Liabilities"
if there is no child or spoucal support being sought
hope the information I sent direct is of assistance
stay positive and all will work out | |
|
| things I didn't expect to happen today!
Posted: 1/15/2007 9:17:06 AM | Lady Mara,
If there would be hearings to settle the marital properties, other benefits and support issues, it would be wise to find a good lawyer to counter your ex's petition and go from there.
If I were you, I would do some checking around and do some research on the the divorce cases which your ex's lawyer had handled. Find out who his Lawyer had lost divorce cases to. Chances are he will lose again to those lawyers in any subsequent divorce cases.
Lawyers tend to drag on simply to clock clients on the legal fees. Many lawyers do make mountains out of mole hills.
Under normal and uncomplicated situation, negotiation to reach the 50/50 split( Divorce Act and the Marital Property Act) is the most sensible which saves time, money and put a complete closure to your past.
Edited: I have dealt with many lawyers due to my career. I have found that they do have their patterns of performances( either good or bad). | |
|
| things I didn't expect to happen today!
Posted: 1/15/2007 9:56:15 AM | Im a darling
you are 100% right about
negotiation between the 2 of them
on a consenual agreement and
on division of assets and liabilities
and Lawyers running up fees
however sounds from this situation
Lady Mara has and had majority of assets prior to marriage
thus Maritial Property act is not in her favor
thus recommended she read the Divorce Act and look at some case law
and get a good Lawyer
who should give her options in a completely objective manner
your also correct about Lawyers and their Patterns
thus I gave her name of the best in fredericton for Divorces
based upon personal and professional experience | |
|
| things I didn't expect to happen today!
Posted: 1/15/2007 10:20:42 AM | I just read msg 12. It is not a normal situation.
Lady Mara DEFINATELY needs a very good lawyer. And she will have to counter petition with giving him almost nothing or half of what had contributed since they were together and before the separation.... Or let him sweats and then offer him something as a token which might lead to a proper negotiation to settle the division of properties.--- That is what I would do. My goodness, the chess game begins so it sounds..
Edited:
Professional counsellings are often helpful to deal with the emotional turmoils.
The past must be left behind.
It is very difficult for many to treat the divorce process like settling a business deal. Unfortunately, in order to reach a divorce settlement, one must be clear minded and put the emotion aside.
| |
|
| |
| things I didn't expect to happen today!
Posted: 1/15/2007 12:00:20 PM | I gave you Arlene's name because she handles alot of divorce cases for the women who are at our Transition house.... also custody cases and the such. She may not be the lawyer for you, but she can give some good advice or maybe recommend someone who woulod be good for you depending on who his lawyer is.
I am here to support you in any way I can sweetie. | |
|
| things I didn't expect to happen today!
Posted: 1/15/2007 1:14:06 PM | I'm so overwhelmed, I didn't know I'd have this caliber of support! You are all just wonderful, and I've taken all you've said into consideration. I spent a few hours today with a counselor, nearly drowned the poor woman with my tears, and then had my first meeting with a lawyer. His firm was suggested to me by a few of you here and a few fellow POFers who are not here present. It was a good move on my part, I feel much better now. less afraid, and am beginning to believe that I'm going to be OK in the end.
Previous to this day, I would have said that a few lawyers at the bottom of the ocean was just a good start, but right now I feel quite differently. My ex is serving as his own lawyer if the form he had served on me is any indication. It appears to be from a do it yourself divorce kit. I'm not out to harm him or ruin him or anything like that, I just want to exercise my rights to live as well with out him as I did with him. Especially since I made that life style what it was.
I thank you all for your help, especially NB Native, you are very good to me, and you make me stand a little taller because of your faith in me. I love having your support and good wishes. Thank you S&P for the e-mail and messages of support and for the great suggestion for a lawyer! RIght on! He's only the best! Thanks to everybody, I know I'll be OK and now I know I have a place to come to when it gets rough out there! | |
|
| things I didn't expect to happen today!
Posted: 1/15/2007 1:46:20 PM | Lady_Mara, here is a webpage of Divorce Questions & Answers.. It may be helpful.
http://canada.justice.gc.ca/en/ps/pad/resources/divorce/index.html | |
|
| things I didn't expect to happen today!
Posted: 1/15/2007 3:22:40 PM | hey Mara...
sorry i can't help u with the lawyer bit, but things like that hit home! might help if she's a woman and has gone through a similar situation... pretty much a GUARANTEE, she'll fight for u, tooth and nail 
good luck! | |
|
| things I didn't expect to happen today!
Posted: 1/15/2007 4:46:12 PM |
When we met, he had nothing but a broken down truck(still not paid for) and a broken down motorcycle which leaked oil. He came to me with nothing more than love and promise. How long were you guys married? I thought you said 25 years... how on earth could the truck not be paid for?? I owned my home, car & motorcycle, had a good job and was raising my children, one in the Military, one in University and one in middle school. We weren't rich but we were doing OK. He left me, taking with him all that I ever had to live for, and now he wants to take more, all that I have to live with. [/quote} Mara... If you owned the home, car and motorcycle before you all even married that is a good thing! Because you didn't aquire it together.... Did he give you any money that went towards housing? It's really important to have all your questions down so when you speak to the attorney you can make sure they know what your whole situation is so you can find out if your home is safe or if you will have to buy out his equity. Did you ever refinance and/or put his name on title? He took away my reason for living and now he wants me to give up what's left of my life. Mara this is the most disturbing comment.......... He is not worth your life.... He did not take way your reason for living. He may have hurt you deeply... broken your heart... but YOU have to pick yourself up and deal with this. If you burry your head in the sand or curl up in a little ball he will have won! You have children! Do you have any grandchildren? | |
|
Home
login 
