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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 CREAM
Joined: 11/23/2004
Msg: 1
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????Page 1 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
I used to date a women who was bipolar, she was sexy, sweet, fun as well as very bright.
I didn't know at first, until around 5 months into the relationship. She would be all happy and stuff one day or perhaps weeks, then she would be psycho. I caught her at time where she would just be freaking out, maybe PMS .... so I speculated, not like I know much about it. When I asked whats was wrong, she told me she was bipolar. I didn't know how to react until I read up on it. I dated her for about a month and a half afterwards, and then broke it off, not because she was bipolar or ill for that matter.

Anyways, that was a messed up time, and I wanna know whether you would date someone knowingly who is ill, or continue on a realtionship with someone who is ill.
 SweetKristine
Joined: 8/26/2004
Msg: 2
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 4/8/2005 6:34:01 AM
i had to break off something with a guy who was dealing with depression, not because he had depression, but because he refused to do anything about it. I wouldnt not date someone just because of a mental illness, as long as they were seeking treatment for it :)
 gurlznotgrey39
Joined: 12/12/2004
Msg: 3
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 4/8/2005 6:40:13 AM
Been there done that moved on.....The last guy I dated with mental illness and other problems is now in San Quintin prison so I guess it is safe to say my answer is NO! (I learned my lesson after getting hit by a van twice...Never want to do that again!) Unfortunatly his therapy sessions, and all the groups he was involved in and the church wasn't much help to him! (So it has left me skittish!)
 scott 1
Joined: 4/2/2005
Msg: 4
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 4/8/2005 6:42:39 AM
I would like to know if someone I was dating had a mental disease like bipolar.
I could see some people wanting to hide this initially.
I would have to talk to her in depth,and family members
sorry,but my ex-girl friend's mom was bipolar and she would really go off
the deep end.scary in fact
 CREAM
Joined: 11/23/2004
Msg: 5
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 4/8/2005 6:50:48 AM
Your right Scott, it would be very useful to know that at the beginning of a relationship if that was the case. Being ill is really tough, and society has this huge misconception about ill people, well after "A Beautiful Mind" things has changed. People still tend to think ill people are dangerous and implusive people. They are but not that bad.

Knowing the truth at the beginning really allows you to handle certain situations you might find yourself in when in the relationship, and believe me you will encounter one with time.

However, if you knew someone was schizophrenic at the start will you wanna continue with the realtionship, i dunno if I would.

My roommate in college was a schizophrenic, and I would think that he would just come at me at night or sometime for no reason, I was 18 and still under media influence, now I understand they are harmless but very paranoid and even delusional at times.
 BohemianMoon
Joined: 1/28/2005
Msg: 6
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 4/8/2005 6:58:02 AM
Would you date someone who is physically ill?? I think what many perhaps do not realize is that mental illness often times results from a chemical imbalance in the body. It is also hereditary. Because of the negative attitude regarding these illnesses many go undiagnosed because they are ashamed to admit they have such an illness. I do not know what it is like in the States but here in Canada we have a shortage of GP's. The direct result of the doctor shortage up here leaves many people unable to get treatment for anything requiring a specialist. To become any kind of specialist you need to first train as a doctor then train within your specialty. Why spend more time and money becoming a specialist when you can already make good money being a doctor? The saddest part of that reality is that physical illnesses will receive the majority of attention until (if ever) the health care crisis is over.....think about where that leaves people struggling with mental illness. By the way were you aware that 20% of the Canadian population deals with some form of mental illness? Don't fool yourself mental illness itself may not directly fatal but is the cause of far to many suicides. So to answer your question yes, I would date someone with a mental illness who is trying to get help.
 aliveinndg
Joined: 2/15/2005
Msg: 7
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 4/8/2005 7:00:30 AM
i lived with someone who had so many personality disorders that he drove ME up the wall.. so no i wouldn't do that again.
 blondiebabeo
Joined: 2/7/2005
Msg: 8
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 4/8/2005 7:15:10 AM
NO!!. Been their done that.. Lived with someone for 6 years..With OCD,and Anxiety disorder..He wouldnt keep on his meds.. Major problems.. IF.. Your not going to help yourself,then NO ONE can..
 Frrosty
Joined: 3/21/2004
Msg: 9
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 4/8/2005 7:37:39 AM
Apparently I often do.

 Cache-Monet
Joined: 12/2/2004
Msg: 10
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 4/8/2005 7:39:20 AM
I agree with Frosty. Every woman I have dated has been friked up in the head.
 Spoiled Princess
Joined: 11/17/2004
Msg: 11
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 4/8/2005 7:41:53 AM
agrees with the two^^^^^^^^^^
the guy's I've dated...have apparently all been WACK!!!
 StarHoney27
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 12
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 4/8/2005 8:08:16 AM
wow!

flip the tip for a minute all of you who said no you wouldn't... what if it was YOU with the mental illness? would you want people to abandon YOU? instead of stickin by you to help you through it.... not only are these people suffering with the illness, but they also have to deal with the fact that they think noone is gonna love them or want to be with them because of it! which is probably why they don't tell people to begin with once in a relationship
noone is perfect, everyone has their problems..... would you be happy if someone left you over something you can't control?
 jclaus
Joined: 3/3/2005
Msg: 13
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 4/8/2005 8:12:21 AM
I was once with a mentally ill person as well. He had a paranoid personality. It was really hard on me because I would try to help him as much as possible, but nothing worked. I had to end the relationship before I lossed touch with reality. I would definately not date anyone else who is mentally ill; instead, I will just be friend with them, and help them as much as possible.
 usanzac
Joined: 3/19/2005
Msg: 14
Would you date someone who is mentally ill?
Posted: 4/8/2005 8:19:21 AM
I seem to do it all the time. It explains most of my exes.
 swing_big_wood
Joined: 1/6/2004
Msg: 15
Would you date someone who is mentally ill?
Posted: 4/8/2005 8:24:10 AM
hell no, just a so called, "sane" woman is impossible enough to handle.
 taurus516
Joined: 11/3/2004
Msg: 16
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History
Would you date someone who is mentally ill?
Posted: 4/8/2005 8:34:33 AM
I was married to a woman who was diagnosed as dysthymic for 12 years.Her mother was a paranoid schizophrenic and for a time I was dealing with both of them.I will never,never ,no never do anything like that again.I don't care how much you love them,what you do for them,your life will never be normal until they are out of your life.Your kids will be the ones to suffer the most.My advice is to run,do not walk away from these people as fast as you can.Now,you can say that's mean and insensitive all you want and you can cite examples of people who are living "normal lives"(whatever that is) with medication and such,but at best,the person suffereing from the mental disorder will make your life miserable.You will feel like you are walking on eggshells every time you step into your home.Meds?Let me tell you about meds.Read the side effects on the popular antidepressants and antipsychotic meds.Ever wonder why schizophrenics are hard to keep on them?The side effects are horrible,often worse than the disease.If you're married to someone who suffers a depressive disorder and they're put on an antidepressants,expect to live in a celibate marriage because the sex drive goes out the window,and that's one of the milder side effects.Sure it will curb many of the symptoms but it will also destroy a part of the person's personality,usually the part that had the most character of that person,the part you fell in love with.That's my experience anyway.If you can stick by your partner through that,my hat's off to you.My ex just went nuttier and stopped taking her meds in favor of street drugs and took off,which the latter was the kindest thing she ever did.
 hotbush
Joined: 12/28/2004
Msg: 17
Would you date someone who is mentally ill?
Posted: 4/8/2005 8:48:16 AM
@Taurus.........

There are those who suffer that I care about but when it's debilitating it's impossible to stick around....
at least that's been my experience.....

That's why my voices hide so well, they know I need to be loved and so they don't come out very often...lol
 kc8008
Joined: 4/10/2007
Msg: 18
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 4/22/2007 11:25:04 AM
It would depend on the degree of mental illness. I exchanged emails/im with a woman from POF who had a plain and innocent profile but turned out to be the subject of this article. I don't think I could cross this line (actions resulted in restraining order).

http://www.eastbayexpress.com/2006-08-16/news/a-deadly-joke/
 choirdiva
Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 19
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 4/22/2007 11:33:35 AM
Never again would I start a relationship with someone who is mentally ill. If things changed after you've made a commitment, I would treat it like any other illness, "for better or worse," but if I knew in advance, I would run like the wind.
 moon_fish
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 20
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 4/22/2007 1:05:40 PM
date someone who is bipolar? nooooooooooooooooooooooo way...
not now or ever.
 crashtestedok
Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 21
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 4/22/2007 1:29:16 PM
If you do, you are also very sick.
 Fry Lock
Joined: 10/4/2005
Msg: 22
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Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 4/22/2007 1:34:11 PM
I've never dated anyone who WASN'T.

But I don't pick the crazy ones on purpose.

Well, maybe it was on purpose, cause I do tend to attract that type of fellow.

I'm trying to pick different qualities now, but we'll have to see.

Fry
 GirlWarrior
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 23
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 4/22/2007 1:53:17 PM
StarHoney27:


flip the tip for a minute all of you who said no you wouldn't... what if it was YOU with the mental illness? would you want people to abandon YOU? instead of stickin by you to help you through it.... not only are these people suffering with the illness, but they also have to deal with the fact that they think noone is gonna love them or want to be with them because of it! which is probably why they don't tell people to begin with once in a relationship
noone is perfect, everyone has their problems..... would you be happy if someone left you over something you can't control?


This is the type of attitude that gets people sucked into long, miserable relationships with the mentally ill. There are different degrees of dysfunction, so I am making the assumption we are talking about someone with a disorder a bit more severe than the occasional bout of depression or anxiety.

If you want a really great roller coaster ride, date or marry someone who refuses to take meds or doesn't take them as directed. And that is assuming they have been diagnosed properly and are taking the appropriate medication.

For a relationship to be a healthy one, both must contribute emotionally. When one person falls into the trap of believing they need to "help someone through it" they are being codependent. If you believe someone should help you through (and there is no "through") a mental illness, you're not taking responsibility for your problems.

No one needs to be someone's doctor, therapist, coach or manager in a relationship. Ever. You should only expect to give what you expect to receive from the other person. What you describe is not an equal relationship, but a caregiver/patient type arrangement.

Most mentally ill people are so consumed by their problems that the relationship becomes one-sided very quickly. You will rarely hear them describe the love they have to give, only the love they need or deserve. There is often this misguided notion that the other person can pick up the slack for awhile until the disordered person gets on their feet, which never happens. Serious mental illness lasts a lifetime and is a huge, sucking emotional black hole.

What I have found from people who have been in serious relationships with the mentally ill is that everything (and I mean sex, conversation, children, careers, mortgages, goals, parents, friends) takes a back seat to other's problems and issues. The non-affected person feels like all the emotional, financial and time resources are spent on the mental illness. Their problems, dreams, goals, desires, seem so minuscule by comparison that they seem not as important. Their needs rarely, if ever, come to the top of the list. It is exhausting.

After awhile, you feel like you have nothing more to give and you are desperate for some attention or love yourself. Many spouses develop some serious health issues from the stress.

Rent A Beautiful Mind again and watch it from the wife's perspective. It didn't seem like a mutually enriching relationship, but one where she propped him up and sacrificed much of her own life to help him function.
 *tinydancer*
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 24
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 4/22/2007 2:11:59 PM
Hey ... I'm with Fry on this one. I'm a crazy magnet. I'm not certain I've ever been out with someone who hasn't suffered some break from reality.
 *Lyric Misha*
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 25
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Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 4/22/2007 3:37:14 PM
Not all people with mental illnesses are as easily recognized as some would imagine. Millions of people with Bipolar Disorder lead very normal lives with normal, healthy relationships. I should know - I'm one of them.

If someone with the disorder "freaks out," as you put it, then they are either not on medication or not on the right medication, and they need help - but unless they want help there is absolutely nothing you can do.

Would I date someone with a mental illness? Yes, just like I would date someone diagnosed with some other form of illness. As long as the person is interested in their own well-being and wants to control the illness I don't see a problem. But then, I always believed that I should treat people the way I want to be treated, because you never know when the shoe will be on the other foot.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????