| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 12:54:49 PM | From an experinece I had someone gave me terrible firts impression before we ever met...., now not matter how many smiles this person gives, or how nicely they speak to me in person, the first impression was so terrible and so disgraceful that I cannot get past it. The more they speak the more disgusted I feel to be near them......
If someone gives you a really bad first impression of who they are even before meeting, is there any way to get past it once you do meet in person?
Has anyone else had an experince like this?
Discuss....... | |
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| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 12:56:42 PM | | OMG YES!...I was soooo disgusted in Trev..I thought he was a mindless perv....and that he really had nothing to him...Then I met him in person and realised that everything I thought about him was true.......but he grew on me...like a wart that just wont go away! | |
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| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 12:58:18 PM | Intuition is right only 100% of the time.
I've had an experience...and NO didn't get better the second time either, should've went with my GUT and NOT exposed myself to yet another impression | |
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| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 2:53:54 PM | If the person gave me a really bad impression before I met them..
I simply wouldn't meet them..
However.. first meetings can be difficult and stressfull..
People can be easily caught off guard or be just plainly feel uneasy..
I will see someone again.. keeping that in mind.. | |
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| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 2:56:25 PM | | jesus aphrodite....how many times do i have to apologize???? i'm SORRY for grabbing your titties the first time i met you geez some guys just can't catch a break! | |
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| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 3:08:47 PM | | IMHO...It doesn't matter if before or after...NO SECOND CHANCES, in all regards in life. What is worse is the bad first impression AFTER you meet. At least if it is before you meet, then you have the option of not meeting or at least prepare yourself for it. You get that bad first impression after, then it is a let down and a waste of time. I've had more experiences like that than I care to admit. Then again, my judge of character hasn't been what it used to be.... | |
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| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 3:20:07 PM | You gotta be kidding me 110%...you have to be harda$$ when it comes to impressions and such. You let your guard down for a single moment and people will be worse than bloody pirhanas taking advantage of you and screw with your feelings. Call it a defense mechanism, but you HAVE to keep your guard up.
"Everyone is capable of change and growth"
True enough...but usually not for the better... | |
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| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 3:21:08 PM | | Exactly. EVERYONE can have an off day. The internet, and even the telephone to an extent, don't convey context, tone, irony, or sarcasm very well. Here's a quote I like, source unknown: " I can't guarantee you won't let me down, and I can't guarantee it won't happen a second time. I can, however, guarantee it won't happen a third time." | |
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| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 3:23:18 PM | | I am actually a softie on this issue..I usually dont get a full picture of anyone till I meet them. I know for me I can miss certain qualities of someone's character on line...but i do take it into consideration...so I dont let people get away with just saying anything.. just because its online | |
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| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 3:24:18 PM | Papa,
No, I was serious. Either I am the least jaded, happy-go-lucky person on these forums or I am a fool.
110%
PS: Happy BDay, I couldn't make it out. | |
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| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 3:26:22 PM | | I give second chances too. I've been wrong about my first impression once or twice. I usually rely on my instinct and I am usually right but no one is right all the time. | |
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~lime~
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Joined: 5/14/2006
Msg: 13 | |
| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 3:29:16 PM | heres my take on first impressions.....
not everyone knows WHAT they want, but most people have a good idea WHO they want.. the kind of person they think would make them happy.
so if you get a bad feeling about a first meeting, or they just dont seem to be the right fit (let alone what Aphro is talking about where they just give you the willies)... dont dwell on it and dont tell yourself that maybe, given a second chance, they might turn out to be different.
i mean, who has the time? this isnt real estate... people are not fixer-uppers with a huge profit in the end if you put in the time and sweat.
your friends dont need to be a perfect fit for you... but your lover-slash-partner-in-life does. so no second chances with these time burglers (Jennafur's fav term)... excuse yourself and go out and find the one for you. like right now.
bradley | |
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| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 3:29:43 PM | Thanks 110%...
Well, then I guess I have proven I am a fool many times over...at least I know I am an honest fool, and wouldn't have it any other way | |
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| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 3:50:45 PM | ditto with ^^papabear and 110%
thank goodness people have given me a second or third chance at most things...depends on both ppl, what is going on, what may have just happened, no one really knows someone until they live 24/7 with them, and even then it's dicey! lol ! one of my best friends told me her first impression was that I was a total bit#*, until she got to know me, and her comment then was ,wow I would have totally missed out if if I hadn't have met you - made me feel much better - you never know ... | |
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| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 4:05:55 PM | | The first impression is where people should be trying the hardest to look good. Once people get to know you, you start to discover their faults as they let their guard down. An unfavourable first impression should rule out ever meeting, because it only goes downhill from there. There are no seond chances. | |
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| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 4:06:41 PM | Some of my first impressions have been more about what my problems/issues are than what the other person may or may not be coming across as. I've been wrong about first impressions - it really depends on the circumstances, situation, etc. Everyone deserves a second chance and I try to keep an open mind because I've been wrong before.
Jumping to conclusions, even about people, can be a form of cognitive distortion and doesn't do a person much good. It precludes you from growth as a person. | |
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| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 5:58:52 PM | | I agree ^^^ in that jumping to conclusions is not a good thing.... ITS when the first impression is so very obviously BAD that I draw a line | |
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| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 6:07:20 PM | Yes, it was a really bad one.....and to clear it up, it has nothing to do with a man.
It's just hard to even begin to imagine giving a person a second chance when I consider the first impression one that was so below the bar, this person should have been embarrased to even look at me, let alone talk to me.
Second chances are hard to give, I find.....I've never given a third! | |
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| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 6:55:25 PM | I think everyone takes time to get to know. First impressions are not always correct. People don't always make a good first impression, or a second or third for that matter.
However, you need to trust your instincts. I think it depends on whether it was a bad first impression or there were red flags of something deeper.
the first impression was so terrible and so disgraceful that I cannot get past it
If they did or said something disrespectful and didn't own up to it or apologize, then that's a red flag and they obviously have no integrity.
We also choose who we associate with so you don't need to hang around this person, you can choose not to so avoid them. Sometimes that's not possible cause they are in your friend circle or they work with you so if that's the case, you just need to let it go. We can't like everyone, but I think we still need to respect everyone.
If they just got disgusting drunk or flashed someone or something, give them a break, they may not be like that all the time and hey, we all let loose sometimes.
If they did something that showed their true nastiness or you walked in on some weird perversion or something, that's different. Disassociation is in order then.
Sometimes people just think they are being funny and say or do something stupid that makes them seem like an ass when they are actually just nervous or trying to fit in with the people around them or they just have unresolved issues or they had a bad day or something.
Sometimes a person's true nastiness sneaks out later and the person turns out to be a jerk so first impressions are not always right even if they give a good first impression - they could be acting.
No one is perfect. Everyone deserves forgiveness so unless the first impression deed was absolutely horrid, I would say give the person the benefit of the doubt. They could have been going through something crappy at the time.
Getting past it - laugh it off and concoct some funny story about the first time you met in case you become buddies down the road.
Just my thoughts. | |
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| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 7:10:57 PM | Back in Saskatchewan, one thing I had noticed was that people had a harder time hiding who/what they truly were, thus made it harder for them to have good first impressions...but at least you knew who/what they were and could deal with them, usually to a point where they were tolerated and accepted.
Here in Alberta(with all due respect to Albertans) it feels like that is how one survives is hiding themselves behind some sort of mask. Afraid to be themselves maybe? Perhaps fear of being judged by someone(?). Back then, I had a pretty good defense mechanism to handle this situation...may have even went as so far as actually GIVE a second chance...but now, so many people have mastered the art of hiding truths, there is no defense whatsoever to this until it is too late and damage has been done, feelings torn apart, emotions heavily scarred. And it saddens me greatly that people cannot be honest with others, let alone themselves in this day and age. | |
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| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 7:59:15 PM | ^^^Yes, I've had the same issue Sammy....but lately I think my gut instinct has kicked in on time with men.
If they did or said something disrespectful and didn't own up to it or apologize, then that's a red flag and they obviously have no integrity.
And there's the answer I was seeking. That is where I might have given the second chance to clear it up.... had there been an apology. I can't just be friendly with someone after they have crossed certain boundaries, I can't even be near them.... | |
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| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 8:03:54 PM | Maybe I am missing the point here.... but perhaps people are afraid to be themselves (as you were saying, papabear) because if they screw up and make a bad impression - they won't be given a second chance!!!
I suppose it really depends on what boundary they have crossed - but I don't understand why people are so hardlined about not giving people second chances. Everyone screws up at one time or another! Sheesh | |
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| Bad First Impressions...no second chances?
Posted: 1/15/2007 8:15:29 PM | in my opinion, some people might be worthy a second chance - again as stated on here already by others - depending on what is behind the bad first impression. Could it be nerves? Or could it be they are showing their true colors.
But always go with your guy instinct. I wish I did. I wouldn't have wasted 3 months talking to someone on here and dating them, just to find out in the end he was a total liar (and very good at it). | |
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