| Redneck jokes:Feel free to add
Posted: 4/8/2005 8:44:13 AM | Two rednecks go to college
Two rednecks decided to go back to college and one gets in line and takes Math,History and English.The other redneck gets in line and takes Math,History,the English class is full so he opts for the line for the Logic class."What's this here Logic class all about",he asks the counselor."Well,"the counselor begins,"If I asked you if you had a lawn mower,what would you say?""I got a mower,"the redneck replied,"OK,well then using logic,I could deduce that you have a yard,and from that assumption,I could figure you to be a home owner,not a renter and that you probably live in a house,not an apartment or condo and that you're probably a married man with a family.""That's all true!That's amazin',sign me up for that there Logic class!"When he meets back up with his buddy,he asks him,"Hey what you takin,?"He replies,"Math,History and English,you?""Math,History and Logic."His buddy scratches his head,"What in tarnation is Logic?""Well,do you have a lawn mower?"Puzzled his buddy replies,"No."Using logic,the first redneck deduces,"You queer ain't you?" | |
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| Redneck jokes:Feel free to add
Posted: 4/14/2005 8:40:33 PM | WHY rednecks cant be paramedics
A coupleof rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them suddenly grabs his chest and falls yo the ground. hedoesnt seem to be breathing;his eyes rolled back in his head.
The other redneck whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
He gasps to the operator,I think bubba is dead! What should i do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, just take it easy and follow my instructions.
First, lets make sure he"s dead."
There is silence.........................and then a shot is heard.
The rednecks voice comes back on the line, Okay, now what?" | |
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| Redneck jokes:Feel free to add
Posted: 4/18/2005 9:29:19 AM | a redneck an irishman and a jewish guy walk into a bar; bartender looks n says:
"what is this, some kind of joke"? | |
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| Redneck jokes:Feel free to add
Posted: 11/17/2005 12:00:31 PM | You know you're a RED NECK when-you eat off your T Shirt, instead of a Paper Plate!
You know you're a RED NECK when-your wife/girlfriend just dyed her hair blonde,
and you want to go outside and play with, the BOX!
You know you're a RED NECK when- you buy a brand-new, 2-bedroom trailor and you
jump back into your Honda-due to the fact that you are scared of wide-open spaces.
You know you're a RED NECK when- you bring home a BIG fish and think you caught
yourself a deer!
You know you're a RED NECK when- you love the smell of an outhouse because it reminds
you of your mommas breath!
You know you're a RED NECK when- your father confirms the above ^^^^^^^is true!
Hell, he misses his momma too!
You know you're a RED NECK when you see a Gator and try to feed your children to
it!
You know you're a RED NECK when-your last tooth falls out and you shout, "Finally,
NOW I can suck myself off without a scatch!" But, only to come to find out-you couldn't do
it anyways because of that darn beer belly!
You know you're a RED NECK when-the worlds' coming to an end and you say, "I
know one thing-it won't get my T.V!" | |
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| Redneck jokes:Feel free to add
Posted: 11/17/2005 1:03:10 PM | You probably heard this one:
A police officer in Kentucky pulls over a man for his bad driving and asks "Have you been drinking sir" To which he replies "I dont know. Is there a fat chick in the back seat."
Hey thats not funny. | |
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| Redneck jokes:Feel free to add
Posted: 11/18/2005 5:49:25 PM | Game Warden walks up to a redneck fishing on the riverbank and asks "How many fish you caught?"
The redneck turns, spits tobacco and answers, "Soon as catch this one I'm after and two more, I'll have three." | |
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| Redneck jokes:Feel free to add
Posted: 11/28/2005 4:32:26 PM | These are so classics.
If you go to the family reunion to pick up women.....
If you've ever lost half your worldly possessions by hitting a bump in the truck.....
If you've ever climbed to the top of a water tower with a can of paint to defend your
sister's honor.....
If you're richest relative buys a new home and you have to help them take the wheels
off.....
If you're walking your son to school everyday because you're both in the same grade....
If you see a sing that reads "Say no to Crack" and it makes you think to pull your pants
back up....
If you refer to you wife and mother-in-law as dual airbags.....
And last, but not least, If people come to your house everyday mistakenly thinking
you're have a yard sale.....
Then, YOU MIGHT JUST BE A REDNECK. | |
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| Redneck jokes:Feel free to add
Posted: 11/28/2005 6:48:06 PM | You might be a redneck if....
you're too drunk to fish.
if you think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
if you have a singing fish wall mount in more than one room of the house.
if you mow the grass and find a truck.
if you use a goat for the lawnmower.
if you like the squishy feel of cow pies between your toes.
if you see through your eye tooth.
and.....
Q: What does a redneck divorce and tornadoes have in common?
A: They create a hell of a mess and someone's going to lose a trailer. | |
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| Redneck jokes:Feel free to add
Posted: 7/31/2006 3:40:20 PM | you know you're a redneck when if asked for i.d. you say ......id 'bout whut?
you know you're a redneck if when asked for I.D. you show off your beltbuckle! | |
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| Feel free to add: Redneck ingenuity?
Posted: 7/31/2006 4:37:13 PM | Yanno yer a Redneck IF ya like Redneck jokes!
Redneck ingenuity?
4 Rednecks were travelin' down the hollar in a pickup truck! They'd been drinkin' 'shine all day, the truck went off the dirt highway into the river and sank to the bottom! The driver and passenger opened their doors, got out and swam to shore.. Their two buddies in back of the pickup drowned, they couldn't get the tailgate down!
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| Feel free to add: Redneck ingenuity?
Posted: 7/31/2006 4:46:30 PM | You might be a Redneck if...
...the most commonly used phrase in the house is "somebody go jiggle the handle"
...you missed your elementary school graduation because of jury duty
...going to the bathroom at night requires shoes and a flashlight
...your idea of "safe sex" consists of painting a red "X" on the backs of the animals that kick
...you make change in the church collection plate
...you've ever been accused of "lying through your tooth"
...your porch collapses, and it kills more than three dogs
...you have a home that's mobile, and three cars that aren't
...you've been on TV more than three times this week describing what the tornado sounded like | |
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| Redneck jokes:Feel free to add
Posted: 5/27/2008 10:03:18 AM | You know you are a redneck if:
.....if you have ever gone to a job interview with a beer in your hand....
.....if there was a child care centre at your high school prom......
.....your granddaddy passed away but his wife can't collect the inheritance til she turns sixteen.... | |
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| Redneck jokes:Feel free to add
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:05:34 PM | If your sister use to babysit your step-mom, you might be a redneck.
If you get stink bait on your hands and people comment on your improved scent, you might be a redneck.
If you went to pick up your new couch and had to shoo a possum off of it, you might be a redneck (that one actually happened to me. My old one was worn out, a couple in the near-by apartment complex was getting rid of theirs, and sure enough, when I got there around 7:00 there was a big ol' possum on it).
If you're serving time and you never get any visitors because your family's in there with you, you might be a redneck.
If you spend more on your truck than you did on your house, you might be a redneck.
If you have to go 50 miles out of your way to date outside of the family, you might be a redneck (again, a true story. There are only three families where I live and they all merged back in the 50's). | |
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| Redneck jokes:Feel free to add
Posted: 6/3/2008 3:33:09 AM | Religious Redneck Joke
Jesus walks into a bar and sits at a table.A few moments later,an Irishman with a withered hand walks in.He asks the bartender if that is Jesus sitting at the table.The bartender replies to the affirmative."Well send a cup of tea to his table on me".The bartender does so,and Jesus nods appreciatively to him.A few moments later, an Italian with hunch on his back walks in and asks the bartender if that's Jesus at the table.The bartender again confirms his identity and the Italian tells him to send a bottle of spring water over to his table.The bartender does so,and again,Jesus nods appreciatively to the Italian.Just then a redneck with a limp enters and asks the bartender if that's Jesus at the table and after the bartender tells him it is,the redneck orders a "co cola" sent over to his table.Jesus nods appreciatively at the redneck.
Jesus gets up and walks over to the Irishman,touches his withered hand and says,"For your kindness you are healed".His hand becomes well.Then Jesus walks over to Italian and touches his hump back."For your kindness,you are healed", and the Italian straightens up.As Jesus walks over to the redneck,the redneck jumps up and says,"Don't touch me,I'm on disability." | |
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| Redneck jokes:Feel free to add
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:30:06 AM | Heres a funny one...
Redneck Etiquette .....
Personal Hygiene
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's Own truck keys.
Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand me down item.
Dining Out...
When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly as not to 'bruise' the fruit of the vine. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
Remember to leave a generous tip for good service. After all, their mobile home costs just as much as yours.
Entertaining In Your Home
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.
Be considerate of your guests. Point out in advance where the injury-threatening springs are located in your sofa.
If your dog falls in love with a guest's leg, have the decency to leave them alone for a few minutes.
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New ones! Those were great!
