| The lonely hearts club
Posted: 1/17/2007 8:21:57 PM | I was wondering if people in here relate better to those living the single status. I wonder if there is any credibility to being shunned for being with someone in this place. I thank Pof for adding greatly to my circle of friends and I've met many great women from here but when you finally meet the good one that you want to stay with and then you stay for forums does it change things?
It's almost like those who quit looking are less for it.
I've been here a while and I remember when it was a lot more responsive.
Just curious ? | |
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| The lonely hearts club
Posted: 1/17/2007 8:55:15 PM | Well SI,
I've been very publically involved with my Sweetie for about a year and a quarter,
and I haven't noticed any change in the way my friends prior to that treat me.
As a former single I don't find it hard to relate with single people.
The hopes, dreams,frustrations and asipirations of most people are remarkably similar.
If anything, I find friends both old and new share our happiness and hope to find
their own someday.
I suppose also as I am obviously involved, I'm 'safe' to talk/chat to on a friendly
basis, so I have a number of women with whom I enjoy conversing, and apparently,
them with me.
My Sweetie gets the odd "What are you still doing on a dating site?" message,
however, I know her friends are supportive of both her, and our relationship.
I would say as a COUPLE, we offer hope to many of our friends, that, Yes ,
there IS someone out there for you as crazy as you are!
Here's hoping that everyone finds what they are looking for!
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| The lonely hearts club
Posted: 1/17/2007 9:04:04 PM | | Maybe it's because I've "seen" a few women who post on forums but it seems silly considering. This is a dating site right ? we are going to meet alot of people and spend time with them before we find a good one. Sometimes I wonder just how isolated this place can be. | |
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| The lonely hearts club
Posted: 1/17/2007 9:09:03 PM | It IS a dating site, but the forums are a COMMUNITY of people in every
age, martial, and ethnic catagory.
We are only as isolated as we wish to be. | |
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| The lonely hearts club
Posted: 1/17/2007 9:15:14 PM | Oh I don't think you are shunned at all. But it does depend a lot on how you handle it.
If you constantly talk about how you and your "honey" does things etc...and you havent been
together too long...there is an element of.."well its only been a few weeks or months so you aint no expert"
But if you dont have that element of smugness then I think the single people here are pretty accepting. | |
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RJB888
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Joined: 11/23/2005
Msg: 6 | |
| The lonely hearts club
Posted: 1/17/2007 9:54:50 PM | OP:
As a single here I really envy you and the others that have the "one" to share life with. It makes me happy that one day I may join the group of "together." You men/woman give me hope.
It always puts a smile on my face when I read posts then check the profile and see that they are ONLY on for the forums.
Even though I have "dating" on my profile, it sadly also says "only on for the forums." I have yet to find the one. Pickins are slim in my area. BUT for a change today I did do a search, and sent a email out to a guy, and to my surprise he responded, he would like to talk.
Talking is good.
I adore you "together" people. | |
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| The lonely hearts club
Posted: 1/17/2007 10:07:27 PM | I too, love reading when someone is a couple. I'm looking for friends here, and when I was in a relationship, I had single and married friends. Anyone in a good relationship, well, I hope they will share their wisdom. Or maybe their luck will rub off onto me or something.
Maybe if I was single, single-mindedly looking for Mr. Right, I wouldn't feel that way, but I've never been that way. The reason I know not all men are disgusting, lying, perverted pigs is because my friends have some pretty nice guys. | |
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| The lonely hearts club
Posted: 1/18/2007 3:00:20 AM | | Well most of my friends have gotten married and moved away from the area...one is involved in Theatre so there is not much time we spend together...my coworkers are my friends but they too have their family lives..and when I get home..I have a zillion things to attend to before the next day occurs..so it's kinda hard to maintian friendships when you get busy..The forums is like sitting down to a newpaper...reading todays events and can comment on them.. | |
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| The lonely hearts club
Posted: 1/18/2007 2:41:06 PM | My perspective may be a bit different because I'm in a different demographic than you ladies & gents are.
Hmm...I relate better to my friends who aren't dating anyone because they seem to have the same lifestyle as me. (i.e.: more time for: school/studying, work, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY personal hobbies/interests that your partner may not want to share w/ you or may even want you to stop pursuing/doing.)
My friends who are dating someone are too busy & are usually more stressed out I find.
Having said this, I'm pretty much in love w/ being single. I have a fear of being tied down/commited. Until I get out of this phase (which I get in & out of very often), I don't want to date. It wouldn't be fair to him. You know?
So, I don't think I belong in this metaphoric lonely hearts club which you speak of. But to all the ladies & gents who are: best of luck fishing to you!  | |
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| The lonely hearts club
Posted: 1/18/2007 3:28:22 PM | Firstly being single does not mean being part of the lonely hearts club. there are plenty of married people that are probably lonlier than you.
Second, I note that my married friends sometimes have difficulty relating to me. they seem to view being single as a horrific existence and wonder why I just don't go for the next available girl (whether I'm attracted to her or not). | |
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| The lonely hearts club
Posted: 1/18/2007 3:38:12 PM | | I also, when I was married, didn't have any problem still relating to singles. I don't see being single or being married as either a blessing or a curse in and of itself. While I'm happily involved, I wouldn't push anyone into being in a relationship strictly just to BE in a relationship. It's a personal choice and I'm happy to see my friends happy with their lives, whether they're single or not. | |
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| The lonely hearts club
Posted: 1/18/2007 4:29:22 PM | I completely agree with you "Aventurero"
There are so many people out there who are involved or married and are the lonliest people alive. In which case, why be with anyone at all? If you're are living the single life or feel utterly alone WHILE IN A RELATIONSHIP then WHY STAY IN IT?
I dunno... personally, I'd rather be single any day of the week than trapped in a situation with someone day in and day out feeling miserable and alone.
Ohhh.... and a special hello to BUSCGIRL .... your carissima is back!!!! I now call her
1love  | |
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| The lonely hearts club
Posted: 1/18/2007 4:41:23 PM | "Firstly being single does not mean being part of the lonely hearts club. there are plenty of married people that are probably lonlier than you." Couldn't agree more, I was never lonlier than I was in my first marriage, and never more miserable. Most didn't even know, I kept it to myself, whether "right" or not, good or bad. Being married does not imply being happy.
I'm just fortunate enough to have a wonderful man and partner that I am happy with and involved with we are planning on getting married.
WonLuv drop me a line when you get the chance. | |
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| The lonely hearts club
Posted: 1/18/2007 5:53:57 PM | It occurred to me though tonight just thinking further on this how it all just seems so futile and reduntant now to read in here.
I guess this would be the other side of the coin.
I sat here tonight reading and it occurred to me that I may not fit in here anymore.
Odd isn't it? Maybe that's what it is about in here.
It does seem to me that when I was looking it made more sense to read this forum.
At least the Nice guy threads have seemed to vanish finally.
Maybe this place does do some good if people are reading and realizing that if you keep basing your head against a wall you are doing it wrong. perhaps the redundancies are there because most people finally "get it" and all the questions are becoming benign due to the "ohh this again" mentality.
Who knows huh ?
It would be great wouldn't it to come in here one day and this place wouldn't be necessary anymore ? If everyone just knew how to make everything work? | |
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| The lonely hearts club
Posted: 1/18/2007 6:24:19 PM | OP ....like the poor who are always with us...so are single people. LOL So I doubt there will ever come a time when a place that hooks up singles would be redundant.
People's situations change...its not like the single people are alway single. Plus this idea that everyone knew how to make everything work....that would mean we would be perfect people. Never gonna happen. We are all stumbling around trying our best but thats about all we can hope to achieve.
P.S. Nice guy threads didn't vanish either. They are still started on a regular basis. | |
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| The lonely hearts club
Posted: 1/18/2007 6:39:40 PM | I came to this forum to learn and to share experiences and knowledge. It is a community, and it has its share of positive role models for successful relationships.
If all the marrieds no longer felt obliged to share their success stories, wisdom and friendship with the rest of us.. why...it would just be another rinky-dink dating service.
You see, the numerous stories of successful couples who met through this site, thats positive motivation for the rest of us to patiently persevere in our quest for a loving partner. | |
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| The lonely hearts club
Posted: 1/18/2007 7:31:36 PM | It would almost seem to me that we would or should take a mental inventory of all the things we've seen in this place and then take alook at what we are all doing. A "why are people single relationship survey"
Consider all the pros and cons of what people are doing and relate them to ourselves.
are you controlling ? you'll find a hundred threads about it.
Are you jealous ? another hundred threads
Are you ( cough ) a nice doormat type ?
Just plain unsexy and don't care but like the attention ?
Are you living in some fantasy world thinking that you will find your soul mate in a chat room ? Maybe you will but wow what a long shot to hope for huh? and imagine the time wasted dreaming?
have you been abused ? or allowing it to happen and a victim? a drunk ? a pot head ? out of work or unemployable ? an abuser ? expecting that the world owes you things? Overweight? lazy ?you would know what catagory fits and that would be a big part of it.
Are you happy in yourself ? reliable? content? driven ? positive? determined? confident? sexy? Fit? once again you would know the catagory that fits.
I've seen about all of it in here and its crazy to think the simple solution is just being the best you can be (for some that takes a lot of work) and letting people see, know, and have that from you. I simply feel that until any person feels sexy, solvent, and confident in all aspects of themselves they will search till forever. | |
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| The lonely hearts club
Posted: 1/21/2007 4:06:02 AM | | peoplee want different things. some want to be alone and some want to be with someone it's whatever tickles you. and it only bothers singles when a friend is in a relationship if he rubs it in or he really wants one to and then it's a happy jealousy | |
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