| Maybe I am doing something wrong.
Posted: 1/21/2007 2:32:13 AM | Seriously, I just don't get it.
Ok.....Me and my friend did some talking, not much though....but it seems as though she wants a **** buddy, which I am guessing is me. (warning, vent ahead)
Yeah I know, a lot of you probably think, "Hey man, that sounds great!!!" But...no.
Especially with my track record and what I want....
I WANT a relationship....why? Because it feels nice...I like the feeling.....you know what I mean.
Well, 100% of my relationships, have rarely been anything more than a **** buddy type thing, meaning....somewhere down the road, I find out thats all it was ever supposed to be.
So I am REALLY starting to think, maybe that's all I am supposed to have. It sure seems that way you know. I truly fail to see why this keeps happening....believe me if I knew, I would fix it.
Think that I settle for it? Not really, and thats part of why I think I stay single...and in a way thats ok....except when this sort of thing happens........you meet someone, do things together, hang out, talk.....you think there's something special there, you feel a connection.....take a chance and bam!!! You find out its nothing more than, "Hey, we should get together and ****." Just a letdown after letdown ya know?
Makes you wonder why a person should even bother. Part of me just says,"Well, looks like this is all its meant to be, why fight it? Just accept it."
So I guess what I am here for...I want to know if there is ANYONE who feels this way too? What changes have you made...has it worked for you? | |
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| Maybe I am doing something wrong.
Posted: 1/21/2007 2:54:17 AM | Ravager,
All I can tell you is stick to your principles and eventually a woman will find
you to be the perfect man to have a 'serious' relationship with.
Just be true to yourself, and keep the faith!
Sas | |
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| Maybe I am doing something wrong.
Posted: 1/21/2007 2:58:49 AM | | i have to agree to sas. stick to your morals and desires and it should come around but then it may not. life's funny like that. | |
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| Maybe I am doing something wrong.
Posted: 1/21/2007 3:20:02 AM | No I dont believe your doing anything wrong....
I have asked myself the same question after being single for a length of time after my divorce...and I have come to one conclusion.... that we are all learning lessons in life and sometimes the greater lessons we need to learn are in our single state for a time....and then, I believe there comes a time that there are lessons learnt in a married state....
So we are all where we should be for now....and change comes along when it is the best time for us...and we can learn from it... | |
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| Maybe I am doing something wrong.
Posted: 1/21/2007 4:36:05 AM | I dont feel you should settle and just sleep with her, just explain that you are not looking for that type of relationship, and explain that you want to take things slow and get to know her and her know you... It is not all it is meant to be, so you hang in there and just try it next time, do not put yourself and your date in a place where anything like that could happen. So a nice long walk, or meeting at a book store and talk to each other. Remember if a person will sleep with you on the first date or two, they will and probably have slept with lots of others on the first date... and these days it is just smart to know and care about someone before becoming intimate with them.
I would never give up, why not discuss it before going on the date? Keep the lines of communication open and wait until you, not them feel that a real relationship has begun. Be who you are and dont compromise your ethics or morals, respect yourself. You deserve it.
If the other person ignores this, then they have no consideration for you or what you are interested in and they can move on to the next one that probably will just end up in bed, then he or she will wonder why they dont ever have a good relationship...
It is rewarding and wonderful to be in a real relationship with someone, it is so much more than just sex with a stranger. It is so nice to have someone to share the beauty of nature with, to exchange feelings about a movie or a place and to feel close to the person so that cuddeling on a sofa with blankets watching a movie is fun, and comfortable. A good trusted friend that hugs and kisses when you enter a room, bring them a cup of coffee, with a huge sincere smile is great.
Hold out for the quality... Best of luck and Hold on tight to your dreams!!!
BL | |
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| Maybe I am doing something wrong.
Posted: 1/21/2007 5:07:43 AM | If or when we begin doubting our instincts or "gut feelings" about something that's where our troubles really start. You're wise sticking to what you want or need regardless of the relationships nature; boyfriend/girlfriend, business associates, etc. Being single is only a problem if you're obsessed with being part of a couple and have a desparate need to be involved. It's not necessarily fun being single but it's far, far better than being with someone who's really not right for you.
If you went into this FWB thing you'd either be very unhappy with yourself or worse yet think you were developing feelings for the FB and then have that to deal with---not a good choice either way. Standing up for your convictions and following what's in your heart will always be your best bet----don't sway from that---now or ever!
You are to be applauded for resisting this---it says a lot for a man--especially here! You do us proud and I thank you for your thoughts here. | |
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| Maybe I am doing something wrong.
Posted: 1/21/2007 6:37:24 AM | Ravager, I agree with everything you said and I also "don't get it". You're very young and I can see how a relationship such as you've described would be appealing to your generation. What I fail to understand are men my age who want the same thing. What they fail to realize is that one day the game will be over, they'll be 70 years old, alone, and no longer marketable.
But I wouldn't compromise my values or morals. You should hold out for what you truly want. Someone will respect you for that eventually. | |
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| Maybe I am doing something wrong.
Posted: 1/21/2007 7:18:27 AM | Maybe your looking in the wrong POOL......find a nice hometown church...become a member and watch all those single gals stick to you like peanut butter..... | |
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| Maybe I am doing something wrong.
Posted: 1/21/2007 7:38:28 AM | OP, don't ever change how you feel. Stay exactly as you are because that special someone will be found with the exact same morales that you have! Stick to what you believe in and don't ever second guess yourself because someone else thinks you're only good for something else. It's sad that there are a handful of people like you around!  | |
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| Maybe I am doing something wrong.
Posted: 1/21/2007 8:27:23 AM | I think that what happens is that people value us for the things we value in ourselves. For example, I valued myself for my positive actions, for what I could do. I had a lot of love for the people in my life but I didn't think that counted for anything, I thought it was only what I could do that would matter to anyone. And so I found those who also valued actions and not feelings.
However, at least my actions were made to match my feelings more and more closely: the life I chose to lead increasingly reflected my beliefs and I felt I had found my purpose in life and a vocation that was completely rewarding for me, that I could dedicate all my care and energy towards. Life did seem perfect. And maybe it was in being as true to myself as I could possibly be that my heart became so obvious that even though I didn't value it, someone still saw it, past mere actions to value the impulse and spirit that inspired them.
So anyway, my thought is that maybe if you look deep you will find that you aren't any more loving to yourself than these other people are, that what you value about yourself is the same things that they value. It is hard to love yourself if it is not your instinct to do so, if you cannot shake the idea that such a thing is egotistical and selfish, as I generally feel. But live congruent with what is in your heart, love the people who are in your life and it will be full and shining with your love for them, and then when your life is driven by your heart, then you will attract those who value it.
That's my theory anyway. :) | |
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| Maybe I am doing something wrong.
Posted: 2/5/2007 1:30:19 PM | 1) Would you rather be single or with the wrong person?
2) Do you have other, non-romantic, yet intimate friendships with both sexes?
3) Why worry about it. You already have a life?
4) Can you give to the world without your mate in your life? | |
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| Maybe I am doing something wrong.
Posted: 2/5/2007 10:30:26 PM | I had forgotten about this thread...always good at reminding me of my terrible memory. 
Just in case any of you might have been wondering(yeah, I seriously doubt any of you were), nothing has really changed with this particular situation.
I have not ignored my standing on what I want. Still haven't done anything with this girl(and yes, it is the same one from one of my earlier threads)
I remain her close friend, despite knowing she wants a little extra. | |
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