| Five languages of love
Posted: 1/22/2007 6:05:38 AM | There is a wonderful little book called The Five Languages of Love that suggests we should speak the language our partner likes to hear instead of the one we like to hear.
The five languages are:
Touch - hugs, holding hands, arm around shoulders.
Gifts - little gifts often.
Quality Time - intimate conversation and sharing ideas.
Helping - helping with dishes, rearranging furniture together.
Sex - acting on physical attraction.
Which do you give/receive? Which does your mate give/receive? Can you appreciate receiving the incorrect language for you? Does this cause trouble in the relationship?
I'm strongly about touch but women confuse it with sex which causes many problems for me. Also, many women tell me they want to receive all five equally which makes me think they don't quite know themselves yet. | |
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| Five languages of love
Posted: 1/22/2007 6:24:44 AM | I use all five but at different stages of a relationship, and they very much depend on the person I'm with. I would say that my two most prominent are going to be Quality Time and Touch, with gifts coming a close 3rd.
Gifts are hard because you want to send the right "message" and timing with each gift and dont want to appear overbearing. | |
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| Five languages of love
Posted: 1/22/2007 6:43:32 AM | | I'm a touch type person and like Lilac said, I also use all five but in different stages of the relationship. Touch is probably the most often used and I don't confuse it with sex. Although I've been with men that think it should only be used to lead to that. | |
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hca777
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Joined: 12/19/2006
Msg: 4 | |
| Five languages of love
Posted: 1/22/2007 7:29:18 AM | The five love languages are:
Physical touch
Gifts
Words of Affirmation (being told loving things, encouragement)
Quality time
Acts of Service
The men's copy has a test in the back. If a woman friend of yours is uncertain of the language that best meets her needs, give her the test in the back and then read the one(or ones) she scored highest in. I scored one point apart between quality time and acts of service, which explains why I had such a hard time picking between the 2 while reading the book. I scored equally in #2 spot with physical touch and words of affirmation. Gifts I scored a 1. I learned a lot about love in general not just spouse relationship love. My mom, for example, is a gift person. I understand why I often didn't feel loved by her. It wasn't my language. We tend to speak our own love language. I learned that she loved me in her own way. I accepted that and I no longer look for her to speak my love language. I accept hers. A spouse, though, I would expect that person to try to speak my language as I would try to speak his. If you know, and make no effort, how committed are you? | |
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| Five languages of love
Posted: 1/22/2007 8:49:31 AM | Touch - Being a perv
Gifts - Bribes.
Quality Time - winning an argument.
Helping - P-whooped.
Sex - Acting on physical and non-physical attraction. Also see: Touch above.
I've done all but be Puzzy-whooped. Maybe some day.
I have a dishwasher any way. | |
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| Five languages of love
Posted: 1/22/2007 9:00:01 AM | I've heard of that book. (This is without having read it, but) I think my 'languages' are physical touch, gifts, and acts of service... If I start hugging you a lot and baking you cookies and washing your dishes, you can be sure I like you.
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| Five languages of love
Posted: 1/22/2007 9:08:21 AM | | Heard about and discussed this book with someone a few months ago. I should of read it years ago, my ex needed to hear words of affirmation but I was huge on showing acts of service. I agree if you don't speak the same "language of love" thats recipe for failure. | |
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| Five languages of love
Posted: 1/22/2007 9:52:18 AM | | I thought French was the language of love. Unfortunately, my French is limited to kissing... | |
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| Five languages of love
Posted: 1/22/2007 11:04:19 AM | We do speak all five. It comes down to which one makes you feel loved.
When my co-workers compliment me, I appreciate it.
When my friends bring a gift of wine, I appreciate it.
When a girlfriend holds my hand, I feel loved. | |
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| Five languages of love
Posted: 1/22/2007 11:12:24 AM | | I would love to read this book, sounds awesome! Touch is a must, a total cuddlier is 100% needed to not only keep you warm, but a lot is given off by the simple art of touch. Quality time is essential as well for me, without open armed conversation, sharing of laughter, the good and the bad times, how are you going to be super close with the person, a total must. Helping is always nice, I think of it as give and take more or less.. although we all come with our things we excel at, nothing bets two helping in the kitchen, again it's quailty together time... as for gifts.. I think if they are unexpected and meaningful it means more. Those gifts that you get for nothing at all, the simple back message after a long days work, an unexpected tea or coffee, dinner to come home to, simple little things make the world go round, doesn't need to be of any great quality or expense, it's knowing that you are cared about as much as you care about the other. Sex, I would go with more of a physical attraction, I don't think you need it, but it's a key to make it excel. Just being very comfortable and able to express everything to your partner is key... now this all being said, are we too picky to find mr/miss right? I think we are just wanting what we deserve! Never settling for less than what we require! Happy fishing , my two cents hard at work! | |
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| Five languages of love
Posted: 1/22/2007 11:32:01 AM | I think if you swap gifts for thoughtful deeds, all five are important in a relationship and once you get to a certain level, they should be functioning sort of like the works of a clock. Touch creates and keeps a connection even when you are not really intentionally trying to establish it. Thoughtful deeds, gasing up the SOs car, grabbing their favorite soda at the convenience store, or a card, are wonderful because they make both the giver and receiver feel good, knowing that the other person thinks about their comfort or happiness. Quality time helps you remember why you are important to each other, keeps you connected and reduces the likelihood that you will grow apart. Helping is crucial because it is like with your kids, it is the day to day stuff that really cements a relationship and working together highlights how you compliment each other and frees up time for other things that are more fun. When the other four are used regularly I think people tend to behave more like they do in the infatuation stage. They want to bring all those things together in the bedroom.
OP, are you talking about touching in the earlier stages of dating or a relationship? One of the things that was a problem in my marriage was not a whole lot of touching when it wasn't going to lead to sex. At the same time, I think that people that touch each other a lot in general tend to have sex more, maybe because they have a closer biological sense or pull toward each other than people that don't. | |
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neil89
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Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 16 | |
| Five languages of love
Posted: 1/22/2007 11:33:57 AM | I'd rather read the book "The Five Languages of Lust"
or look at the pictures in the book or watch the video. | |
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| Five languages of love
Posted: 1/22/2007 11:40:01 AM | | all five are important. but there are moments when you need one more than another and situations in which one is more appropriate than another. | |
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| Five languages of love
Posted: 1/22/2007 12:21:53 PM | I hadn't heard of this concept until now. I was simply stalking Just in the forums :)
Anyway... I SHOW my love by touching, hugging, poking, prodding he he he he
I SEE love when he helps me because it always seems to me like I'm shouldering the burden of life. I pay the bills, I mow the lawn, I clean the house and wash the dishes and do the laundry, I determine what schools are best for the short person, I make the business decisions... Sheesh! NO wonder I'm still tired after all these years of divorce.
I need a vacation... with someone else paying MY way and toting MY bags for once!
:) | |
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Kiyana
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Joined: 12/5/2006
Msg: 19 | |
| Five languages of love
Posted: 1/22/2007 12:52:38 PM | I tend to be about all 5 ... I think its about balance and have adapted my 'love language' to be that way. I tend to look for partners who know this same balance, as I dont want someone who shows their love just only through touch, or sex, or helping, or lord forbid just gifts. Individually we all have our strengths in one area over the other - but I want and desire all of it amalgamated together. Does that make me selfish? Hmmmm....Now I have to wonder. LOL!
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hca777
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Joined: 12/19/2006
Msg: 20 | |
| Five languages of love
Posted: 1/22/2007 1:01:43 PM | It's not a question if all are important, because they are. But most ppl have one or two dominant languages that they speak. Ex: your man is always doing things around the house for you, but boy would it be nice to get those flowers you dream about. He never does this and you've hinted and even asked. He never seems to think of getting that gift and is awful at remembering that anniversary and man, you mean another year has gone again and it's your birthday? You get him things all the time and never forget any special occasion. You even give him thinking about you cards, but he never seems to get excited. He's always asking you to help him in the garage with some project and seems frustrated when you refuse. You begin to feel that maybe he doesn't love you as much as you hoped, and he may begin to feel the same. His love language is acts of service, that's why he does things around the house for you. He's speaking his language. Every time he does something he's saying I love you, but your language is gifts. You're speaking your language to him, but he sees it all as just stuff and would much rather you help him in the garage. But hey, now we know. He knows his and your language. Does that mean you stop speaking your own language, no, but it means that you start speaking the other one too. You get less angry if he forgets that birthday gift and smile more as he helps around the house. You have understanding. He sees your gifts in a different light and realizes you do love him. Now you can discuss different solutions to fill your individual needs. You'll know that helping him makes him feel loved, and maybe he'll bring home those flowers! Gary Chapman is the author. I recommend the men's edition because it has the test in the back. The men's edition also has ideas at the end of each chapter on ways to speak that love language.
It's good for others in your life as well. My oldest child's love language is physical touch, so I make sure I am available for hugs and he likes to cuddle when watching a movie. My youngest is between gifts and acts of service. I make sure that I give him things and help him out. I realize that it's not materialism for him, but makes him feel loved. My mother is gifts so I make a greater effort there, and my Grandfather is words of affirmation, so I make sure I tell him that he's loved and encourage him when he's doing something. Gifts is hardest for me because it's just not my main language, but making the effort is what is important. Knowledge is power when properly applied. | |
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| Five languages of love
Posted: 1/22/2007 1:35:07 PM | Hmmm... I thought it was.....
1 Go
2 Tell
3 Someone
4 That
5 Cares
...................................................................................................... | |
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| Five languages of love
Posted: 1/22/2007 2:09:58 PM | I also agree all five are important. I am not sure which ones would be the ones that showed me I am loved. I could probaly guess. But the test would be interesting to take, if there is one in the book as one poster stated.
I also think that in the beginning of a relationship it is more common for all five to be present. The trick is for both in the relationship to continue to practice these things throughout the relationship. And not let them slide as time goes on. | |
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| Five languages of love
Posted: 1/22/2007 3:32:32 PM |
We do speak all five. It comes down to which one makes you feel loved.
When my co-workers compliment me, I appreciate it.
When my friends bring a gift of wine, I appreciate it.
When a girlfriend holds my hand, I feel loved.
OH..ok, now I get it. So under this set of parameters, I too would fall under the category of touch.
While I like gifts, sex and compliments, nothing speaks to me louder and with more conviction that his touch.
AWESOME! | |
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| Five languages of love
Posted: 1/22/2007 3:44:32 PM | All five are necessary in a committed romantic relationship. That's what a relationship is. If you are in a relationship, it will include all five at the same time without question or pondering.
The fact that you have chosen to dwell on "touch" in your post implies that you focus on the physical part of a relationship while most women also want acts of kindness, generosity, small signs of caring, etc.
My advice to you would be: Next time you feel like touching the person you're with, ask her if she needs help with something, or don't ask - just do it. If you can help without being asked, that will speak much louder than snuggling or a sensual massage. It will show that you actually care about her wellbeing.
Life is simple. We make it complicated.
-IPB | |
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| Five languages of love
Posted: 1/22/2007 4:55:13 PM |
my 'languages' are physical touch, gifts, and acts of service...
Apropos which this poem of mine:
Touch
Touch is the noun and verb of the heart.
Not all the words that you or I
can murmur, sing or shout
-–hoarse with eloquence, mad
with truth--words that beseech
or beckon or command,
can equal the touch,
in passing, of a friendly hand.
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