| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 7:25:25 AM | | I have been raising my son for 5 yrs and doing a great job.. but everything you see on t.v. is about moms caring for there kids. every sterotype is moms raising there kids. I dont know about you but dads raise kids too. I guess this just frustrates me. moms are not always the best choice in the upbringing of kids. dads can do the job just as well if not better in some cases.. ok I'm done frustrating | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 7:30:22 AM | | I agree that most men are stereotyped that way, however if you are as good a dad as you say you are, then don't worry. A perceptive woman will see that and appriciate a real man that steps up to the plate to be a part of their childs life. I am in the same boat, and most women love that part about me. | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 8:03:40 AM | Me too!
I isn't easy. Somedays I wonder how all the single Mom's do it. It has been fullfilling. It has given me insight to things that single parents contend with. I... I...Well I don't really want to talk about it.
After all...The children is what matters. | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 8:45:34 AM | | I have a hard time with a lot of the double standards and stereotypes placed on couples and the raising of children. It's about time that we looked at these double standards and made decisions based on what's best for the child and not based on gender. | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 8:57:09 AM | | i have a 3 yr old daughter that i pretty much raise, although her mother is still a big part of her life i am the one that raises her. its not about who can raise a child better just what is best for the child. true alot of commercials and all that of a mother taken care of the child, could it be that society says that females are more nurting than males? maybe so but as long as you are doing the best for your child what diffrence does it make. it is after all only a comercial right? | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 9:31:35 AM | Everyone thinks everyone else cant possible do as good of a job as they do... welcome to the real world. It sucks, and the stereotypes against parents (married, single mom, single dad) are all out there...spend your time worrying about things you can change.
Just my 2 cents | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 9:55:07 AM | | Men shall toll the earth and women shall bare pain through birth. Women have been given an natural instinctive nurturing sensitivity men don't have. Men can be great caretakers going to work paying the bills playing with the children providing things needed even desired but theirs an bond between mother and child that developes in the womb. I raised an son for the most part on my own he's 24 now and when I say to him that you have to go with your heart at times he saids never will I go with my heart. He can be hard really hard with his words guy without an thought of sensitivity involved towards the other person. I have been off and on with one woman for 20 years and she raised an son for the most part on her own to. It is unbelievable to see both men now together my son is controlled insensitive hard can be brutal in his expressions but her son is out of control sensitive soft can't even speak up for himself if you say anything about it to him he,s over defensive wimpy. Seeing in that light to be honest it actually takes two given both traits to do it proper I guess but her son can say some nice things at times and tends to be more given in ways then mine but mine he works hard and has more doesn't take crap they are both in their 20's early so lets see what comes about---however her son at 21 has an daughter already and an controlling girlfriend licky if he goes to the store alone one of his constant whines. My son just picked up his papers to become an police officer and his girlfriend is an school teacher and they are waiting and planning to have children but desire being married first so there may be an point made. | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 10:08:53 AM | I think that ppl dont' think that dads can't raise kids because it's the women who go throught the nine months of bonding while pregnant, and we have a different bond and attatchment then say compared to a man who is given a baby and said here you go, love your baby,
i think thas why it's also easier for men to walk away, i am surprised, but happy to hear about men raising thier kids. | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 10:44:25 AM | I STILL get wierd looks from people when I tell them that I was the stay at home parent while my kids were really young. I changed more diapers than I can count, took care of the scarpes and cuts that come along with kids growing up, cooked, helped them with school work when they started...
It is just finally NOW, in case you haven't really noticed guys, that they are finally putting those Teddy Changing tables in mens rooms in major stores like Wal-Mart. Took them long enough... So maybe the world is changing.
I think the more we get away from the "traditional roles" in society, the fewer people will be surprised by fathers taking a very active role in their kids lives. | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 10:45:27 AM | I STILL get wierd looks from people when I tell them that I was the stay at home parent while my kids were really young. I changed more diapers than I can count, took care of the scarpes and cuts that come along with kids growing up, cooked, helped them with school work when they started...
It is just finally NOW, in case you haven't really noticed guys, that they are finally putting those Teddy Changing tables in mens rooms in major stores like Wal-Mart. Took them long enough... So maybe the world is changing.
I think the more we get away from the "traditional roles" in society, the fewer people will be surprised by fathers taking a very active role in their kids lives. | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 10:54:56 AM | | I've raised my boys alone for the past two years, I personaly don't care wich of the parents the children recide with or wether it's the mom or dad, what I do care and have often seen is these so called parents that supposedly raise there children,etc. out all night? work 2nd shift? Children spend more time at the Grandparents house than there own, well I guess Grandma and Grandpa are doing the Job for ya!!, Kids #1 needs are ATTENTION, Time, not excusses, money or gifts, If you absolutly care 4 your little ones, spend time playing and talking with them.AMEN | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 11:20:42 AM | | This stereotype is around...because for years and years it was the woman staying home raising the children while the man goes out and works...times have changed...and yes dads can be great parents.......so can moms.....we should just focus on being great parents no matter what gender!!! | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 12:08:21 PM | I get this a fair amount.. I have shared custody of my 3 young children (7,5, 18mths). I 've met a few women that can't believe I don't have a nanny or other form of help.. YOu get used to it I suppose, I know I'm a good father, and my kids know they are loved..
Not much else matters in the grand scheme of things. | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 2:57:08 PM | Men and women have both been brainwashed since childhood that mothers are suppose to be the more emotionally caring parent. In some cases this is true but in others it obviously isn't. Even if it were true that child’s needs change and that same parent likely won’t do nearly as well when dealing with those teenage rebellion years.
Daddy's girls still grow up to be women that we still view as WOMEN.
Momma's boys grow up to be metrosexuals. (Okay, not true but damn that sounded good).
My point is - I don't see how one parenting style is beneficial for any child. Even parents that only show half an interest in a child's life still often give that child quite a bit of education. Father's DO parent just as well as women....... | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 5:30:09 PM | | I don not know the answer to this one. There are many wonderful fathers, grandparents etc raising children. Mothers are important of course but a good loving home is the priority for any child. Blood, gender, age should not matter. | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 5:51:40 PM | | i got used to the stereotype. i just do what i can. can't please everyone. but it does make things harder, women seem to get all the sympathy about rasing a child on their own. | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 6:30:55 PM | I would say the number one reason is there are so many examples of fathers abandoning their kids. I know of several situations where the fathers involved have absolutely horrendous behavior.
And I'm sure many know of such examples.
But for a lot of people, pigeon-holing you via stereotypes is the low effort approach to understanding ... as opposed to actually gathering facts before assigning labels.
Oh well. Like previous posters have mentioned, quality people will see what you do and make their own decisions.
How does that lawyer joke go? 99% of lawyers give the other 1% a bad name. LOL.
Some percentage of lawyers are bad, another percentage of fathers are bad. They make the headlines, they spawn the stories, they are the examples of what's wrong with America. (or your favorite grandiose diatribe)
I don't know if it's my arrogance and selfishness that lets me ignore people who don't want to bother finding out for themselves, or self-confidence and a sense of priorities. Guess which one I pick!
Keep doing the right thing and hang in there.
--Bob | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 6:32:13 PM | Perhaps there are many more forms of assistance geared towards women, and it is more accepted because for many years women have been the ones to predominantly raise the children. We didnt ask for that, it was a matter of social culture.
Furthermore, along with all of that "sympathy" comes hate and judgement, so its no walk in the park for us either.
Bottom line- we all face adversity and stereotypes... deal with it. | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 6:45:31 PM | Honestly, I think dad's can do as well if not better than mom's sometimes...depends on the guy!! watch Will Smith's new movie 'The Road To Happyness', and you will see a true appreciation of a single father~~~bring tissues!!   | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 6:52:39 PM | "Perhaps there are many more forms of assistance geared towards women, and it is more accepted because for many years women have been the ones to predominantly raise the children. We didnt ask for that, it was a matter of social culture. "
-Pardon me for a moment. This deserves a reply. First off there are NONE, ZERO, NADA, NILL assistance programs for fathers specifically in my state. There are programs that either gender can use but none specifically for fathers. We do have a great number of programs for mothers only.
Also, You said women *predominantly* raise the kids. It needs to be addressed WHY this has happened. Either fathers didn’t care, or fathers were viewed as sub par parents by courts which always gave mothers the rubber stamp sole custody? With such obvious bias for generations in courts it’s no surprise the word *predominantly* is accurate.
When you said that *We didn't ask for that* you need to refresh yourself with the feminist movement. They didn't just ask, they demanded it! They demanded government programs for mothers specifically and the got it. They also demanded huge increases in child support and they got that too.
I'm not accusing you of being anti-men nor anti-fathers. Nothing you've said makes me think it. However that statement did need clarification to why those things came about... | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 6:56:18 PM | | foulball 000 has said it right. I'm a stay at home mom for right now...have been for 7 years. Kids want attention...and especially their parents. I don't think it matters which one. The problem with men being the caretakes is usually they have a full time job that keeps them from being able to be there for their children. for kids to come home to someone there is an amazing security blanket for them but most men can't accomodate that. I think whatever parent can devote the most time to their child and is stable should be the caregiver. | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 7:32:42 PM | well the bonding doesn't exactly take place in the womb, there is some, but not a whole lot.
When my eldest was born, she was transferred to another hospital due to complications, since I was at one hospital and she was at another, she bonded with her dad.
My son, is the one I bonded with since we stayed at the same hospital. It is the first few days after birth that the bonding takes place.
I know of several fathers who have custody of their children and doing a bang up good job,
one is trying to get full custody of his sons.
I don't see a problem with fathers raising children, i think its great. | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 7:40:24 PM | It's funny that you mention the media because I was discussing with a friend fairly recently the number of programs that aired during the 1960s and 1970s that featured single fathers, which was really pretty ground-breaking at the time when the female divorcee was unusual and one generally encountered widows rather than widowers. But then again the fathers they depicted were self-sufficient with some help from friends or family occasionally while more recent shows like Full House and Three Men and a Baby essentially suggest that it takes three men to do what most women do alone.
You may not feel like society sees you, but single mothers do. Nice to see men that are able to do the little mundane things with their kids and understand why it's important whether it is a really involved non-custodial dad, custodial dad or a father in a nuclear intact family. | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 7:43:13 PM | Sorry to hear that Suns, my state has at least 2 father programs that I am aware of. Not to mention most social service programs (majority) are not gender biased. Outside of womens shelters and womens health centers... most are open to anyone and its based on income need.
I agree that womens libs did fight for those rights, and most men didnt oppose either. Because traditionally, women cared for children. Men were providers and women were caretakers. Fair or not, that was precedent and thus thats how it has continued.
If there were a wealth of single fathers in need, the programs would be there. There simply is not a need mandating such programs. I work for a social service agency and you can best bet we follow the needs of the community. If there was a need for shelters for fathers, they would be created. Sadly the fact still remains that mothers are typically the primary caretakers. Though that is changing and I think that is a very GOOD thing.
Now, that doesnt mean we are better or any more capable. It probably means that men are conditioned to think they dont have a chance, because in many courts there is a clear bias. I agree, single dads are at a disadvantage, but so are single moms, so are married couples, and single people, and minorities, and disabled people.... blah blah blah.... my point is- instead of whining and complaining about how unfair something is- DO SOMETHING about it.
I am a young single mom, my sons father is not supportive in any way. I make too much for country health insurance, but dont get coverage at work... Ive had issues with food, housing, transportation... everything under the sun. I could whine and complain and say "woe is me" but I DONT. Instead I am making tremendous sacrafices to get my education and do the right things. Its not easy and at times life is unfair and I feel defeated, judged, and undeserving.... but I am an adult and I am responsible for choosing my life. I'm only trying to promote the same attitude. Dont fret over the things you cant change... instead make positive changes for your future.
Edit: from a social work perspective, you are not a victim. You control your life. You may not be able to control what happens to you, but you can choose how you react and compensate for them. And no, Im not a social worker, but I deal with this enough and work with a bunch of social workers LOL | |
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| why is it that people think dads cant raise kids
Posted: 1/23/2007 8:15:16 PM | "my point is- instead of whining and complaining about how unfair something is- DO SOMETHING about it. "
- I have done my best by lobbying my state reps/sen. I did enough research, gained attention and got a bill written but it died in committee. It would've created a public record of all *contested custody* suits and who won custody. From my random sample research it was an absolute embarrassment and they just couldn't make that information so easily available.
Another thing: Our state does allow for anyone to apply for programs regardless of gender but there are many special programs (government funded) for women and mothers only that men do not have. They should be open to all that need it, not just women.
The few gains that have already happened in courts have shown that generations were wrong about fathers being second class parents. We've proven ourselves to be just as good at parenting. We need the good women to educate those who are still bias on the reality of this. | |
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