| Why Don't guys understand "Just Friends"
Posted: 1/23/2007 1:06:34 PM | Ok Heres the deal...
I left my husband in june of '06 I am still married (an sign that I am not ready for anything serious) I am very clear when I meet new people I state my expectations in a way that can not be misunderstood. So after I say just friends and no love (I don't have the energy for that) do they "THINK" that they have fallen in "love".
I do not get along well with women so that leaves guys and you can not make friends if you are always pushing them away.
Is there something wrong with just friends?
Is that a game most women play so me ignore it?
What can I do to make it perfectly clear?
Thanks Guys for your input | |
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| Why Don't guys understand Just Friends
Posted: 1/23/2007 1:21:02 PM | this is women's own undoing....
you ruined it with the "friends first" crap.
most assume "friends" is the way to win you over!
Men are men......only way to tell a true male friend is........lay naked on your bed and call them in, "true friends" only will laugh and tell you to get dressed, anything else happens and you have your answer! | |
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| Why Don't guys understand Just Friends
Posted: 1/23/2007 1:25:55 PM | Yes, it's a game women play, we interpet "friends" to mean: "blah blah blah you've been thrown into the dreaded friend zone because I don't think your good enough for me to date blah blah..." So it's not the best thing for our self-esteem, why talk to a girl who wants to be "just friends" when you could be talking to a potential lover? And the persistance thing, some girls just test guys to see how persistant they are. Let it not be forgotten that he is a man and your a woman. He should at least try to seduce you if he's interested.
To the above a friend of mine I find attractive does that rest assured I will NOT tell her to get dressed! Gotta strike while the irons hot baby! | |
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| Why Don't guys understand Just Friends
Posted: 1/23/2007 1:26:20 PM | I think the problem with 'Just Friends' is that there is no set way to become 'Just Friends'.
You can't just meet someone and say 'We're going to just be friends, forever and ever, because nothing will ever happen for me to see you in any other way.'
Who knows what tomorrow will bring?
The best relationship I've ever been in was with a friend that I was 'Just Friends' with. Because friends usually have all the foundations of a great relationship. Mutual respect, trust, and so on. Add sex and suddenly it's a relationship, since that's usually (for whatever reason) the part that once added, transforms friendship into something more.
Sure it's completely plausible that you can have a male counterpart who will feel the same way about you in regards to the 'Just Friends' situation, but feelings change, and it can happen quickly.
I'm not sure there is a definitive answer out there for you.. But good luck in your search.
Dustin. | |
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| Why Don't guys understand Just Friends
Posted: 1/23/2007 1:27:01 PM | Thats an interesting reply maybe if I am feeling risky I would try that.
I tend to push them away when things start going in a direction that I do not want. You know the water fight that starts to look like a tickle match the reach in for a kiss.
So you are saying that any guy that say yeah ok just friends is cool is full of cr*p and they are hoping for more?
Do they say ILY just to get me to go for more?
Whats wrong with "Just Friends" | |
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| Why Don't guys understand Just Friends
Posted: 1/23/2007 1:27:34 PM | LOL so true what he just said,I know so many women and MEN whom say "He is just a friend" I say really he's a good friend,well call that guy up and say hey baby I'm drunk why not come over and lets have some fun,lets see how many say "NO sorry we are just friends". I think the fact that you stated you're married you shouldn't even be talking to other men,why take up time of a man who you know wants something but you can't give it,seems kind if selfish,if the role was reversed you would be saying "why does he just want to be friends",get it this way,unless he's gay he won't JUST be your friend or unless he isn't attracted to you,it's the way life goes.
Good luck,
Rich | |
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| Why Don't guys understand Just Friends
Posted: 1/23/2007 1:35:03 PM | When I hear "just friends" from a single girl I think its one of two things...
She dosnt like the way I look in that way (IE, no physicall attraction)
Or, shes not ready for a relationship.
Now, if I really like the girl, im not going to aviod her. Im not going to move her to the 'friends zone' Im going to do what feels natural, even if thats letting her know that I like her as more than just a friend. Im open, up front, and honest. Its who I am, and I wont appoligize for anything - To anyone.
That being said, I will endevor to give her what she needs, time, space, whatever.
If shes more of the 'bring home for the night' kinda girl.... I dont know, thats a tricky one. All depends.... How much have I had to drink. Am I drunk? If I am, im stupid, ill probly bring her home and pass out on her. Is she drunk? If she is, and Im not. Shes getting a cab.
I might be an ass, but I havent, and never will, take advantage of a drunk girl. Couldnt do it.
Course, if im drunk, feel free to take advantage of me... I wont complain... lol.
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| Why Don't guys understand Just Friends
Posted: 1/23/2007 1:35:54 PM | Rich,
My profile states Friends I am a single mother of 4 my husband lives 75 miles away with his girlfriend. I focus all my attention on my kids I do not have the emotional resorses for a "ILY" type of relationship. I am honestly looking to find a release from the constant babbling of the preschool group. I do not want love or sex or any of that. I want someone to talk to sometimes or go have coffee maybe go bowling or shoot some pool, basicly just hang out.
I thought thats what friends are for | |
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| Why Don't guys understand Just Friends
Posted: 1/23/2007 1:47:25 PM | You can't stop someone being attracted to you or not.
And I think it's ok to give it a shot and see where it goes.
But it's also ok to express that you aren't interested in that kind of relationship (sometimes twice) and to chill out and just be friends. | |
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| Why Don't guys understand Just Friends
Posted: 1/23/2007 1:53:32 PM | Ok I have to amend a few things and make a few others more clear.
Here it is I should not have said guys and in all guys I know that everysingle one of you is different.
My husband and I do NOT plan on getting together we are still leagally hitch for convienence so I shouldn't even mention him.
I am not here to play games like a lot of other girls.
So heres my new question
If stating what I am looking for is misleading and not saying is misleading is it possible to meet guys and become friends without perks/love. Is this a lost cause and do I resign myself to tawk wit witto ones. | |
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| Why Don't guys understand Just Friends
Posted: 1/23/2007 2:08:22 PM | You're trying to defy HUMAN Nature...you want a guy who you get along with,who you connect with and someone who is probably funny and laid back, qualities you LOOK for in a MAN to DATE,you seem like an attractive woman,I would say it would be very hard for a guy to click with you and just "turn it off" because you said friends,we ALL innocently at times in our life said "I just want a friend nothing else" what happens.. we all know! I say be friends with a gay man,this is the only sure fire way .. of him not wanting anything BUT your friendship,don't defy human nature you will never win.
Good luck,
Rich | |
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| Why Don't guys understand Just Friends
Posted: 1/23/2007 2:30:58 PM | Thank you all for your responses most of them are helpful. I am guessing that most of you are right that its just the way guys are its human nature. I get that but now lets say I meet a guy we are getting along as friends (wish me luck) and things start going where i am not comfortable how do I stop it before it goes there without either a:hurting him or B: loosing him.
Part of the reason for these questions is I have/had a roomate who could not/ would not take no for an answer. It has totally destroyed our friendship and we had been friends for 4 years. I had to kick him out of my house and he is about to be kicked out of my life. It doesn't help that I have NEVER had those kinds of feelings for him I don't see him the way he sees me. I think maybe in some part I am afraid to be ready for that type of relationship (I was with my husband for 9 years married and 3 years before that) (I have 4 babies to worrie about and am not ready to add that dynamic to their lives. ) So Maybe if the right guy comes around as friends I won't be so afraid and will be able to go with the flow. I don't know. Go with human nature | |
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| Why Don't guys understand Just Friends
Posted: 1/23/2007 2:41:10 PM | This "roomate" wasn't your friend,at all.. he didn't even respect you were married and "NO is NO". I would say don't worry about the supposed friendship with the roomate,he clearly did and always will have feelings,do you truly think a man will stick around you and just be friends if he finds you attractive in that way,men do what women do they sit and wait until the right time,I know it's sad,but true.I feel you're very confused,you can't have your cake and eat it too.. natually a man gets along with you and you get along with him,can you really sit there and say it's fair for you to cut things off.. how about NOT starting it until you're ready,clearly it seems you want to interact but have alot of things like your kids that come first,you will wind up doing BOTH if you know you click and you know what *clicking* is.. unfair to stop nature,only good advice is taking it extra slow.. and talking less to the person,sometimes your heart may say friendship but the way you click and interact.. says differently,personally when I find myself confused I take time away 100 % from women,come into things with a clearer mindset.. will Yield better results. I think you have alot to offer,but need to sort things out in your personal life and well your heart :)
Good luck,
Rich | |
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| Why Don't guys understand Just Friends
Posted: 1/23/2007 2:50:42 PM | | You know what it is... I am Lonely I need adult conversations I need to get out of the house. I have spent at least 10 years living through other people (spouse and kids) I am trying to figure out who I am because I didn't exist outside of my family I had no friends and no interests that were my own I had no opinion and no voice. I am lonely not for sex or love but for companionship for conversation. | |
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| Why Don't guys understand Just Friends
Posted: 1/23/2007 3:29:18 PM | | Actually..I agree with you. I too am looking for 'just friends'. Makign friends with the opposite sex seems to very difficult. They figure you will want more than that, when they do not, or they will not contact you cause they want more than that. I have made a couple of contacts..coffee with one..and it is great to know a few just want adult conversation. wel all I can say is good luck..be honest and truthful and let the guys know your boundaries. maybe just maybe you will meet some. Good luck. | |
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| Why Don't guys understand Just Friends
Posted: 1/23/2007 4:09:18 PM |
You know what it is... I am Lonely I need adult conversations I need to get out of the house. I have spent at least 10 years living through other people (spouse and kids) I am trying to figure out who I am because I didn't exist outside of my family I had no friends and no interests that were my own I had no opinion and no voice. I am lonely not for sex or love but for companionship for conversation.
This might seem weird, but you might want to consider being friends with women right now.
Many men have difficult times being friends with (especially unattached) women under the best of circumstances, and a woman who's so clearly alone and in need of assistance? It might not be right, but it's totally predictable that many guys would get feelings mixed up over you. | |
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MAPT
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 20 | |
| Why Don't guys understand Just Friends
Posted: 1/23/2007 4:17:43 PM |
It is so good to be "just friends' with anyone..lol.
being just friends is awesome..especially when they call you up to tell you about their BF troubles, or when they blow you off when they find a new guy. It's awesome...the best i tell ya. I just cant understand why more guys arent into ..they definetly dont know what their missing
JMO..lots of guys understand being a friend..Maybe your picking the wrong people, who knows are you telling them "Just Friends" and nothing else..Cause guys love to have it driven into them that nothing will ever happen..ever
JMHO
MAPT | |
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| Why Don't guys understand Just Friends
Posted: 1/23/2007 4:54:51 PM | I hope, not being a guy, I can offer an opinion here. I recently asked someone the same question, but I think I already knew the answer. I wasn't being honest with myself, nor with the two men I had recently dated. I was protecting myself. And I was protecting them, when I realised, I wasn't attracted to them. But it was dishonest.
You can't ask a guy to be a friend, who is attracted to you. It isn't fair to them. And I can't pretend I am only looking for a friend, when I am really looking for a friend and a lover.
Take care, | |
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| Why Don't guys understand Just Friends
Posted: 1/23/2007 5:14:03 PM |
I think the problem with 'Just Friends' is that there is no set way to become 'Just Friends'
You can't just meet someone and say 'We're going to just be friends, forever and ever, because nothing will ever happen for me to see you in any other way.'
Who knows what tomorrow will bring?
I think that is the best point. I am 57 and really am looking for nothing but female friends I could date. But, there may be that date that has some magic to it...what do you do then? | |
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| Why Don't guys understand Just Friends
Posted: 1/23/2007 5:16:17 PM | Butterfly,
Thank you I do appreciate your input.
I really think I am going to give up I do not want to be unfair to men so I will leave them alone and find me a good gay guy. and maybe just maybe find and make a girlfriend.
Thank you Everyone | |
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| Why Don't guys understand Just Friends
Posted: 1/23/2007 5:37:37 PM | Hi Snuglbug,
Nothing wrong with stating you are looking for just friends......nothing wrong with it....
So carry on and enjoy your correspondence..... there are many people on here looking for this and this....so as long as you state your preference this is what the site is for.....
Have fun and if anyone takes advantage....block...:))
0:)
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| Why Don't guys understand Just Friends
Posted: 1/23/2007 7:33:10 PM | | Hey I understand why you may be looking for male friends. However, this is a dating site, the guys are looking for relationships or hookups. How about giving the guy an incentive by emphasizing "friend for me, I'll put a good word in with my female friends/acquaintances"? This probably won't work if like you say, you don't have many female friends. Maybe you should work on that--find more female friends. Basically guys on dating websites aren't looking for female friends unless they are gay. | |
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