| I know I am being a shallow jerk, but going out w/ her anyway.
Posted: 1/24/2007 11:16:46 AM | I am looking for some opinions and feedback. I expect a lot of harsh or negative critisism over this one. I just wanted to know what others might do.
Ok, I have been exchanging emails with this girl on another site. I have been apprehensive for a couple of reasons, one was put to rest for good yesterday.
First off, I had another person who I thought was a better match to begin with, but it appears thats not going to pan out.
The pic she had posted appeared as if she was on the heavy side, but I couldn't tell forsure. Usually when people cut out body shots it means they are hiding something. She was cute. Well, somehow the subject turned to weight issues. Now I have been on both sides of this. I was once way overweight, 250lbs, but lost over 100lbs more then 2 years ago. Today I am 142lbs. Its wasn't that hard to do, and it has not been a problem keeping it off. I wish dating was so easy. Anyways yesterday she sent me a full body shot pic, and she is not the slightest bit overweight, and is very attractive.
Ok, heres the shallow part. I do not like her name, Lillian, or Lil for short. I hate to say it but it reminds me of an aunt who would be over 100 by now, specifically it comes off as the name of an old lady. I guess it could be worse, like Gertrude. But I cant ever remember many girls in 20's to 40's age range named Lil.
I am going to go out with her, she does seem very nice, and she is very good looking. Like I said, I know I am being a shallow ***hole. If I were to pass on her b/c of this, I would have no right to complain about being lonely, or anything of the sort.
The other thing I am concerned with is not an issue that is usually a problem with me, but with the women. She is probably a tad taller then I am. The other girl I had my hopes on was 4'9", I am 5'6" or a little less, Lil is over 5'6".
Has anyone here ever turned someone down over their name b/c it reminded them of someone or something else?
Before the critism about me not having a pic, I do have pics posted on the other sites.
Thanks! | |
|
Kerrim
|
Joined: 10/10/2006
Msg: 2 | |
| I know I am being a shallow jerk, but going out w/ her anyway.
Posted: 1/24/2007 11:21:45 AM | | Yeah its shallow but i been there.. Lester.. just didnt float my boat.. and no i dont regret it now. because if you start a relationship off like that then its doomed. im sure theres things about you she isnt totally taken with. | |
|
| I know I am being a shallow jerk, but going out w/ her anyway.
Posted: 1/24/2007 11:28:16 AM | | i met a guy once and i really liked him but didnt like his name so i found a knick name for him and it worked out fine, if i like the person who cares about the name. dont sweat the small stuff and maybe she wont like your name and then u will both be in the same boat. maybe this will be the girl of your dreams buddy take care and lots of luck...frenchchick | |
|
| I know I am being a shallow jerk, but going out w/ her anyway.
Posted: 1/24/2007 11:28:26 AM | | here is a resounding NO! My God, people don't choose their names! If she is a catch, then go out with her. It's a no-brainer. But if you really want to be a loser. Tell her that her name reminds you of your grandmother, and send her my way... I'd so date her. :) | |
|
| |
| I know I am being a shallow jerk, but going out w/ her anyway.
Posted: 1/24/2007 11:43:54 AM | That's funny, because I once dated a gal who's name I didn't like the first time I heard it. But you get used to it. And the height thing, well, see how it goes. Been there too. There's a silver lining to everything. Just think of her legs.
Hey, good going on taking care of your weight! | |
|
| I know I am being a shallow jerk, but going out w/ her anyway.
Posted: 1/24/2007 11:47:34 AM | If you're smart, you'll do something creative: like create a name for her you can handle saying and something that she'll love to hear from you.
Like: my lil' baby... I want a lil' of you... you get the picture.. Yeah, these are corny examples,
but just pic out something she's all about.
Besides, once your in the presence of someone, something else takes over. All details melt into one strong feeling, and the name game will become a silly ass joke in your head.
peace,
go out with her knucklehead!
Anna | |
|
| I know I am being a shallow jerk, but going out w/ her anyway.
Posted: 1/24/2007 11:54:02 AM | | I can understand where you're coming from, because I might have a problem if someone had the same name as, say, my mom or my ex, although not because of the "old lady" thing, but just the "link" to someone else I already know very well. However, if it were me, I'd try my hardest to get over it and concentrate on all the other great things about the girl. Like others have said, maybe try a nickname, if possible, and see if that helps. If you pass her up for that reason alone, then yeah, basically that is all on you. | |
|
| I know I am being a shallow jerk, but going out w/ her anyway.
Posted: 1/24/2007 12:01:02 PM | To the OP::::I don't think you are shallow,,but ,I do think you are an idiot!!!!  and no her name was not the shallow part,,,but the weight issue was,,,and who cares how much weight you lost,,,what was your agenda in mentioning that??? if you are not dating people because of their name you have some deep issues to deal with,,,most people don't care for nick names!!!! | |
|
| I know I am being a shallow jerk, but going out w/ her anyway.
Posted: 1/24/2007 12:05:33 PM | No offense intended cj, but are you serious ? your a buck 42, and 5 ' 6'', shes a hottie , and likes you even though your a little guy ? dude ... you should go out with her even if her name is bill- joe-bob-a looooooieeeee. | |
|
| I know I am being a shallow jerk, but going out w/ her anyway.
Posted: 1/24/2007 12:19:06 PM |
No offense intended cj, but are you serious ? your a buck 42, and 5 ' 6'', shes a hottie , and likes you even though your a little guy ? dude ... you should go out with her even if her name is bill- joe-bob-a looooooieeeee.
Took the words right out of my mouth. Maybe it's Lil that should be questioning this date. | |
|
soxred
|
Joined: 11/1/2006
Msg: 12 | |
| |
| I know I am being a shallow jerk, but going out w/ her anyway.
Posted: 1/24/2007 12:52:42 PM | I am going to go out with her. I just wanted to hear what others had to say.
To the one guy who called me an idoit, I might be a lot things, but I am not an idiot. As far as the weight thing, at 142, I get many more women at 142 then at 250. Thats old news anyway. Other then getting a lot more numbers, and more attractive woman being thin, they always seem to be the wrong ones. I want only ONE.
Height is an issue, incedently I met this girl on eharmony. I have had major issues with them, and read there have been a handful of lawsuits by short guys. I can see why, they send me matches who are 5'10", even over 6ft. Hell, I rarely see women that tall anywhere. I sent them a sarcastic complaint saying, "do you hand pick the tallest ones for me"? I went on to say "anyone in the dating world knows the chances are slim & none a girl who is 5'10", will agree to date a 5'6" guy, and slim has left town!" All my ex's were in 5ft range, physically its a better match, but she could be the one. She emails me right away everytime I reply.
I will say this girl has been really working on me, so I would be an "idiot" to pass it up. She must be attracted to me. When I wasn't sure if I was interested in her at first, I did talk about things that usually scare women off, she kept coming back. She has been trying to give me her phone # for the past couple of days, I told her I would be happy to get it last night. I will be calling her and asking her out.
My friend told me I probably will end up dating her, oddly enough his moms name is Lillian. He's married with 2 kids, has turned gray, and put on lots of weight. We are the same age. he tells me I am nuts for wanting to get married, and have kids, he says to look at him, and how much it caused him to age. I will take my chances..lol..
Thanks!!
Thanks!! | |
|
| |
| |
| I know I am being a shallow jerk, but going out w/ her anyway.
Posted: 1/24/2007 1:18:36 PM | | My Stepmother's name was Susan and she was (still is) a rabid psycho-B****). Whigged me out any time I would meet a girl named Susan. But What I did was just go out with them and start using their name whenever I could..eventually you'll get over it. And if she is catch... Dude.. whats in name anyway? | |
|
| I know I am being a shallow jerk, but going out w/ her anyway.
Posted: 1/24/2007 1:29:35 PM | | LOL! Now I am going to be the one getting negative feedback for replying to this. Well I hope not. Anyway, don't worry so much about being shallow. I used to be so horrible. It wasn't so long ago that I would judge someone that I wanted to date right down to thier shoes ( literally ) or if you were not a dj you would not stand a chance with me. Fortunatly I have met enough decent ppl on here that have smartened me up quite a bit. In all honesty, go with what you think is right. Just remember that there are two of you invloved and you can both wind up getting really hurt. | |
|
M2k7
|
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 18 | |
| I know I am being a shallow jerk, but going out w/ her anyway.
Posted: 1/24/2007 1:42:01 PM | All you have to do is put yourself in the situation... How would you feel if she wouldn't date you because of your name... I couldn't date anyone with the same name as my mom, but after about a week, you develop nicknames, and cute phrases and no one every really calls eachother by their given name (unless mad)
As far as height goes, I think a taller woman it quite attractive... and I'm 5' 11". So if you don't mind it, then go with it, if you're concerned what others think, then let it go.
How did you lose 100lbs guy? | |
|
| I know I am being a shallow jerk, but going out w/ her anyway.
Posted: 1/24/2007 1:45:46 PM | dovemantra.."I want a lil' of you...lol, love it!
I personally think Lillian is a cute name. I wouldnt let it bother me. You say that the name is unusual for a younger person, but if it bothers you that much...just wait 20 more years, then maybe the name will suit you better. Its not like her name is Danceswithwolves.
Go for it!
Good Luck! | |
|
| I know I am being a shallow jerk, but going out w/ her anyway.
Posted: 1/24/2007 1:47:34 PM | | A name? Umm If i turned down people because of what their name reminded me off.. Wow! A name is but a word. It doesnt clasify us as who we are. Memorys do come back I agree but only for the first few times. This aunt ? Was she nice? Id guess not . Or is it just that the name is "out of place" these days. regardless . Its a name .. hell call her babe .. or honey.. If its taht important . All in all no way.. Id not let her go if shes a good catch because of a name :) | |
|
| I know I am being a shallow jerk, but going out w/ her anyway.
Posted: 1/24/2007 2:02:19 PM | Are KAOS and I the only ones who get that OPie is inflexible to the point of being comical? I mean, even if he sucked it up and went out with Lill, wouldn't he blow her off for the way she ties her shoes, or her taste in herring, or something equally off-point? This is a guy who has not decided that getting along is worth a little work, and so it is all about him.
Cheers!
Vulf  | |
|
| I know I am being a shallow jerk, but going out w/ her anyway.
Posted: 1/24/2007 2:04:22 PM | | What about calling her Lily? That is a beautiful name that is fairly common with gen-Xers. However, you risk offending her if you act like its because you HATE her NAME; instead maybe suggest it as a special "pet" name that only you get to use. . . . it's just a thought . . . | |
|
mar814
|
Joined: 11/16/2006
Msg: 23 | |
| |
| I know I am being a shallow jerk, but going out w/ her anyway.
Posted: 1/24/2007 2:36:33 PM | I hope your talking is better than your writing, otherwise you'll be putting your foot in your mouth non stop LOLOL and that said I also hope she doesn't access this site. In one post you've told this girl she is your second choice, you thought she was being deceitful by holding back her weight, that you don't like her name - correction really really don't like her name, mentioning the height assuming she may be shallow and that it may be a concern with her, and all that said you added... "If I were to pass on her, I would have no right to complain about being lonely..." argh.
Yes names can be reminders of ex's or people you don't like (that is why parents are choosy about baby names and it usually is a name that either no one they know has, or they pick a namesake). Maybe ask her middle name or make up a new nick name or use a current one....... IF she is okay with any of those. For me, Mel is a nickname I didn't pick, people just started calling me it over the years and I got used to it. For Lillian, maybe think of Lilly as the flower when you say her name, or you could use Lee (for Li) or Ell (for L) or use her initials (ie. Elly for LE). If you liked her you'd find a way.  | |
|
| I know I am being a shallow jerk, but going out w/ her anyway.
Posted: 1/24/2007 3:05:39 PM | | you are who you are and no one can blame anyone for their little quirks...I would agree with the last post and call her Lily...tell her it reminds you of an older lady's name and maybe say you think the other name is cute like her...or you can get to know her and maybe like the name her parents gave her...after all it's only a matter of time before you start calling her 'honey' 'baby' 'sweetie' anyways...lol... | |
|
Home
login 
