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 brynn9871
Joined: 1/2/2007
Msg: 1
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How long should you wait before moving in together?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
How long should a couple wait At THE LEAST before moving in together? This is assuming they both want a long-term relationship and are monogamous.

I've heard someone say as little as three months of dating, but that sounds quick to me. I'm starting to think about the possibility of moving in with my boyfriend at some point, or rather us getting a place together. I'm wondering how soon to consider it - and WHO SHOULD BRING IT UP?
 moon_fish
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 2
How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 9:27:49 AM
You should do it when your both in agreement that is what you want to do, have the resources to do so and the common goal to do it together. Not until all that or it may crash and burn quickly as people may have unrealistic expectations about it.
 Love to Cruise
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 3
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How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 9:27:54 AM
Wait a year...until the honeymoon period is over.
 YEAIDD
Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 4
How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 9:35:40 AM
when the time is right for both of you. whatever you do, don't force it. Also, make sure you are both doing it because you WANT to. Don't try to add other reasons like 'oh, it will save us money' and blah blah blah. Make sure the primary reason is desire. I went on one date with my ex, and we lived together for almost a year! I still talk to her daily, she is a great friend.
 venus93012
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 5
How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 9:46:33 AM
The wisest words I have ever heard on this topic came from my son. At 27 he said "Mom, always wait a year before you move to the next step." His reasoning was it takes a year to really learn about someone, the good and bad.

I add personally once your ready for that step to set house rules before hand. As in setting up a mutual bank account that you both put into paying house bills. Always be responsible for your own personal finances, income and savings account. There will be less arguments down the line about money issues (a number one problem with couples). Remind yourself in the beginning that your sharing your life with someone else. So don't get hung up all of a sudden on the "My stuff" issues. This happens when one moves into someone one elses home. (Best thing to do is both of you move into a new place, then your on equal footing) And remind yourself that change is always hard for the both of you.
 **Dont Cha**
Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 6
How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 9:46:44 AM
hhhhhmmmmmmm that's a tough one, it will come up in time - I would rather wait until he brings the subject up though ... with communication, and if things go well, the topic will come up soon. Hopefully there will be no doubts whatsoever from either person when the time comes. It does ring true that you REALLY don't know someone until you do live with them - the everyday routine. I heard the same about the 3 mth thing although, I heard it takes three months to get to know someone well. Good Luck and all the best!!!!!!!
 lone56wolf
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 7
How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 9:50:22 AM
Wait until you know everything there is to know about each other. Masks, like rose-coloured glasses, tend to fall off when the need to impress vanishes. If you survive the 'honeymoon phase', chances are a lot better that you'll last.

Steve
 ya472
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 8
How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 9:59:03 AM
There are no rules.

1) some people move in, because they need out from something else
2) some people who have little to lose, are quicker to move in.
3) some people who are not ready for a relationship, will resist
4) as someone else said, if the person you are moving in with cheated on you, how would you feel about them, as an ex ?
5) have you met all the relatives and friends of this person? Why or why not?
6) if the relationship ends badly, can you move out and stand on your own two feet ?
7) are you moving in to help yourself, to help your partner, or because you think it is just wonderful ?
8) Will you be a supporter or dependant ?
9) When was your last serious relationship ?
10) Who has the most assets? What is the ratio of his/hers ?
11) Do your friends and relatives agree with your decision ?
12) Will living with someone interfere in your study or career plans ?
13) Are children involved? Are children planned and agreed upon?
14) Do either of you have pets? Xbox? Computers?
15) Does one person have to uproot from their community and move to a strange location, usually the partner's stomping ground ?

etc...... etc........ etc.......

Are you really ready ?
 mrfray
Joined: 12/10/2006
Msg: 9
How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 10:03:44 AM
You should wait long enough to know you are comfortable with the person, but knowing full well that it is about 6 times as hard to leave when you live together.
 dw5892
Joined: 8/31/2006
Msg: 10
How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 10:07:24 AM
I was taught in a Socilogy class that couples that live together before marriage are more likely to divorce then couples that do not. Personally I would never live with a guy before I married him. But thats just me. I understand why some people do it, but I think its better to just wait. Unless the couple never plans on getting married, thats a diff story.
 Gallivanting1
Joined: 1/28/2005
Msg: 11
How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 10:10:54 AM
You are considering moving in with someone you can't even talk with?? What's with the "who should bring it up" question? If you can't sit him down and discuss this comfortably without worrying about his possible rejection then you aren't ready to live with this guy.
 optimistichappylady
Joined: 10/25/2005
Msg: 12
How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 10:34:26 AM

I was taught in a Socilogy class that couples that live together before marriage are more likely to divorce then couples that do not.


I would be interested to know what the reasoning was behind that. To me it would seem the opposite would be true. You wait until marriage to move in with someone and then you find out all the "little habits" they have that totally drive you nuts. You stay married to them because of the hassle of undoing it? Living together gives you both a chance to learn the little things about each other that you wouldn't under normal circumstances......examples....when he thinks nobody is around he lifts his leg and lets one rip....thinking it is totally funny. May disgust you and sour your desire but you would never see it if you didn't live with him. Or she may be the biggest slob...leaving toothpaste on the mirror, unflushed toilets and leftover food molding on the counter.....and you are a neatnick....

Hey...you never know what people do behind closed doors!!!
 Serendipity2007
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 13
How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 10:40:40 AM
There is not deadline to move in with someone .
I moved in with my ex after 3 months of dating
I love every minutes of it
Unfortunately we broken up after three years


If someone ask me do it again , i definitely a NO No
Back Then , i was young and childish
I found love is everything . I believe in love , i was crazy in love
I did not consider so many facts when i moved in

I found out so many bad habit on him after 6 months when we move in
I can not leave him because i am IN LOVE
3 years was a good time, but a little bit pain as well

It takes more than 3 months to know the person .
Taking slow can last even longer
That is all i have to say
For better for worse, it may affect on your future relationship
 uk28
Joined: 8/9/2006
Msg: 14
How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 10:44:42 AM

Those who live together before marriage are the least likely to marry each other.
A Columbia University study cited in New Woman magazine found that "only 26% of women surveyed and a scant 19% of the men married the person with whom they were cohabiting." A more comprehensive National Survey of Families and Households, based on interviews with 13,000 people, concluded, "About 40% of cohabiting unions in the U.S. break up without the couple getting married." One of the reasons may be that those who cohabit drift from one partner to another in search of the 'right' person. The average cohabitant has several partners in a lifetime.

Those who live together before marriage have higher separation and divorce rates.

Psychology Today reported the findings of Yale University sociologist Neil Bennett that cohabiting women were 80% more likely to separate or divorce than were women who had not lived with their spouses before marriage. The National Survey of Families and Households indicates that "unions begun by cohabitation are almost twice as likely to dissolve within 10 years compared to all first marriages: 57% to 30%." Another five-year study by William Axinn of the University of Chicago of 800 couples reported in the Journal of Demography that those who cohabit are the most accepting of divorce. In a Canadian study at the University of Western Ontario, sociologists found a direct relationship between cohabitation and divorce when investigating over 8,000 ever-married men and women (Hall and Zhoa 1995:421-427). It was determined that living in a non-marital union "has a direct negative impact on subsequent marital stability," perhaps because living in such a union "undermines the legitimacy of formal marriage" and so "reduces commitment of marriage."

Those who live together before marriage have unhappier marriages.

A study by the National Council on Family Relations of 309 newlyweds found that those who cohabited first were less happy in marriage. Women complained about the quality of communication after the wedding. A physical relationship is an inadequate foundation upon which to build a lasting lifelong relationship. A study by researchers Alfred DeMars and Gerald Leslie (1984) found that those who live together prior to marriage scored lower on tests rating satisfaction with their marriages than couples who did not cohabit. A study by Dr. Joyce Brothers showed that cohabitation has a negative affect on the quality of a subsequent marriage (Scott 1994). Cohabitors without plans to marry were found to be more inclined to argue, hit, shout and have an unfair division of labor than married couples (Brown and Booth 1997).


Those who live together are likely to have a fleeting romance rather than a lasting relationship.

A romance is not the same as having an ongoing relationship. Relationships take time and work to develop and maintain; romance is a positive feeling toward another person. Romance without relationship is a brief encounter at best. Romance, in today's disposable society, is hastily devised and easily discarded at the first sign of conflict or disillusionment. There is no lasting commitment when times get tough. Good relationships are built upon knowing and enjoying each other on social, recreational, spiritual, intellectual, and communicative levels, not only the sexual level.

Those who have "trial" marriages do not have better marriages.

Trial runs or half steps, to test whether the relationship "works" are not successful, in fact quite the opposite is true. Research indicates that couples who live together before marriage have significantly lower marital satisfaction than those who do not cohabit and they have weaker marriages, not stronger ones. Conventional wisdom says it is acceptable to have a "trial period" to "try the shoe on first to see if it fits" or to "test drive a car before you buy it." For marriage, however, just the opposite is true! "All a man's ways seem right to him..." (Proverbs 21:2). A newly married couple makes a deliberate effort to accommodate each other because they know their relationship will be for life. They want to build compatibility, not test it. (Harley 1996). Walter Trobisch said that,"sex is no test of love, for it is precisely the very thing that one wants to test that is destroyed by the testing." Laura Schlessinger, host of the nationally syndicated "Dr. Laura" radio show, scolds people nearly every day for "shacking up with your honey." It's the "ultimate female self-delusion," Mrs. Schlessinger says, listing cohabiting as one of the "Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives" in her book of the same name. "Dating -- not living in -- is supposed to be about learning and discerning" about a prospective mate, she says.

Those who live together have no lasting commitments or responsibilities.

Cohabitation involves "no public commitment, no pledge for the future, no official pronouncement of love and responsibility. Theirs is essentially a private arrangement based on an emotional bond. The 'commitment' of living together is simply a month-to-month rental agreement. "As long as you behave yourself and keep me happy, I'll stick around."

Marriage, on the other hand, is much more than a love partnership. It is a public event that involves legal and societal responsibilities. It brings together not just two people but also two families and two communities. It is not just for the here and now; it is, most newlyweds hope, 'till death do us part.' Getting married changes what you expect from your mate and yourself.




Sorry - that was probably more than you wanted to read.
 uk28
Joined: 8/9/2006
Msg: 15
How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 10:53:59 AM
Let me say about the above literature:

While these findings may be true...this particular article I found was tilted for religious purposes. ie: Churches negative views of living together before marriage.

So, as this states on thing. As will most statistics..it is likely you can find the opposite in various other articles.


I plan to wait until marriage myself. Not out of any religious views..simply because I value my independence above all else.
 plswan1961
Joined: 5/4/2005
Msg: 16
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How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 11:16:46 AM
At least 24 hours....Never good to rush into these things.
 rune3
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 17
How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 11:30:15 AM
Until you can't bear living separately from them any longer?
Or you are already spending so much time at each other's houses that you won't notice the difference?
I think the time where you asked "how long should I wait?" should be long past though, before you decide you have waited long enough. If you aren't sure if you have waited long enough, then you aren't sure enough about the moving in. There should be no doubt remaining and no pressure of any kind.
 smitten2meetu
Joined: 11/16/2004
Msg: 18
How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 11:34:18 AM
I wouldn't live with any man unless he has plan to put a ring on my finger and marry me. If I'm good enough to live with, I'm good enough to get married.

If you're going to do it, you should know the person for over a year and you have a future with them. If you doing it for the sake of it, don't bother or waste another person time.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 19
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How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 11:39:04 AM
I did it once very suddenly (7 weeks I think) which ended up a marriage of 7 years. And once after two years of dating, which ended in a 6 month live-in-hell disaster. I don't think it was the length of time that mattered ~ it was me with the man that made the difference.

I'm not sure I'd do it again, but stranger things have happened. Do what you feel is right. No one can really answer this for someone else. JMO
 Sistermary
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 20
How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 2:38:08 PM
After coffee at Tim's?

Last week I heard about a couple who met for coffee (first meeting) and the next stop was a marriage commissioner. Now the bride is trying to get it annulled.
 tigg
Joined: 11/17/2006
Msg: 21
How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 3:00:59 PM
My ex and I moved in together after 3 weeks (due to other circumstances) but we were together for 4 years.
 Cher-Bear
Joined: 11/20/2006
Msg: 22
How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 3:30:37 PM
My ex moved in with me one month after I met him....it was quick yes, but we knew it was right......We were married for 10 years.....now divorced...but really it's up to the couple...maturity level and commitment level.....
 a1na2
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 23
How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 3:38:01 PM
Don't move in together cuz if you aren't compatible it'll be easy to just break up.

It's much better to wait until marriage cuz if you aren't compatible you'll suffer longer cuz you won't want to get a divorce cuz of all the legalities , but you will in the end anyway and THEN will have to go through all that crap.

Make sense ?
 ksue44
Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 24
How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 3:44:00 PM
It varies from couple to couple. If you think it's too soon, in your case, it would be too soon. It also depends on if there are children involved, etc. Don't co-mingle accounts. Also, communicate BEFORE you move in together as to what expectations are (who pays for what; chores, friends or family visitations, etc).
 ya472
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 25
How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/25/2007 3:49:42 PM
Sistermary

After coffee at Tim's?



I think it must something they put in the coffee ?

Can we meet somewhere in the middle Sistermary ? There must be one somewhere near Kelowna ?


OT: There are no rules, so anytime you can get someone to pay your bills, move in.
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