| We've all read "nice guy" threads - what about "nice women"?
Posted: 1/26/2007 4:56:51 AM | I had to throw this in... but I have come across a LOT of "nice guy" threads on POF in the past year, however; I have not seen many threads about "nice women." (and yes, I thread searched).
I am sure that many of us consider ourselves to be a nice and good people on the whole, though if you search there are a bevy of threads about "nice guys" and why women don't apparently want to date them et cetera.
So I am curious - is it that "nice guys" are apparently more rare than "nice women" that we see threads about the males and not the females?
Or is it that traditionally women are considered to be more in touch with our emotions and that we are allegedly raised to be more nurturing so it is generally assumed or expected that the majority of women are nice?
For the "nice women" - do you think men look for "nice women"?
For the "nice guys" - are you looking for "nice women"? | |
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| We've all read nice guy threads - what about nice women?
Posted: 1/26/2007 6:02:43 AM | Women just never realize when they're not nice. You know, "you say **** like it's a bad thing," "I'm just empowered," etc. There are times when they are right, it's just the perception of a less than modern or sophisticated man, and there are times when they just are legimately ball-busting man-haters. These ones in particular you don't want to tell that they're less-than-the-fairer-sex, especially since they really don't care.
Don't get me wrong, I sort of like 'em pushing that boundary between gentlewoman and jerk, but there is the idea now that when women behave in the same way that would get men labelled as asses that they are doing it as some sort social statement rather than being socially maladjusted. | |
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| We've all read nice guy threads - what about nice women?
Posted: 1/26/2007 6:04:22 AM | there are nice women and bad girls just as there are nice guys and bad boys i should think.
society however, presents us more with images of "bad boys" so it stands to reason that the threads reflect women complaining about a lack of nice ones.
there is also a certain sex appeal attached to "bad boys" so it also stands to reason that men will try and emmulate it thus falling into the category maybe even unknowingly.
even with the "sexual revolution" we've seen women going through over the last few decades i still think it is more socially "acceptable" for a man to be "bad" vs. a woman. a "bad girl" has her reputation preceed her. i would also venture to say that it is easier for a man to ditch his bad boy image.
example: gang member turned yuppie vs prostitute turned 9-5er. the prostitute will always have people reminding her of her former profession whereas no one will give a rats about the former gang member and if they do it would be less on the judgemental side of things (unless applying for a job and they have to tick off the convicted box of course! lol). | |
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| We've all read nice guy threads - what about nice women?
Posted: 1/26/2007 6:05:59 AM | ^^^^ You got it Mirage - I think men do want 'bad girls' - thier brain is wired for sex and less for an emotional connection - so going for the 'bad girl' is very appealing to men! With that said, I also think that in the end - they want to marry the 'nice girl' !! So if you are a 'nice girl' - in the truest sense - ya just have to wait for them so sow their wild oats - then men will get around to you!!  | |
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| We've all read nice guy threads - what about nice women?
Posted: 1/26/2007 6:07:26 AM | vainh said:
Women just never realize when they're not nice. You know, "you say **** like it's a bad thing," "I'm just empowered," etc.
Hmmmn, I'm sure that some women are deliberately b1tchy as a way to protect themselves from being hurt. And I know that although I consider myself to be a nice woman, I do have my b1tchy moments.
But do you think that there are more "nice women" out in the world so that it tends to go without saying in comparison to all the self-proclaimed "nice guys"? | |
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| We've all read nice guy threads - what about nice women?
Posted: 1/26/2007 6:09:05 AM | Wooooohoooooooooooooooo!!!! A niced girl in public and a Bad Girl in the bedroom that's Why I love ya Mirage, you have your hand on my pulse!!!! hahahaha.
Actually, I think it's the same with both genders. Not many want a person who is completely nice and TOO sweet. We all want different things in a partner or mate so for one person someone may be too nice, while for another they may be just perfect.
As for do nice women exist? I would have to agree with an above poster who said that there are so many nice women that it doesn't have to be pointed out that they are nice. | |
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| We've all read nice guy threads - what about nice women?
Posted: 1/26/2007 6:14:14 AM | I think Mirage's take on the nice girl/bad girl thing is pretty accurate.
Women come in as many varieties along the scale of bad to nice as men I'm sure. Its my belief that you see so few threads about "nice women" because A) Men are nowhere near as worried about being taken advantage of sexually as women are (basic social and gender differences), and B) from anything I've ever heard, women are normally the ones with numerous men pursuing them and have to have some way of sorting out who's who, while the reverse is seldom true. As much as men like to think they do the "picking", women really do.
Also, as much as women say they like nice guys, in some ways they want bad boys too. I know I've met women that were "nice" all the time...as in "nice girls don't do that"... that bored me to death. I think being able to combine the two personas is best, and that's what we all, male or female really look for.
Further, both men and women tend to forget about physical attraction. It exists, and its a fact of life. Just being "nice" is never enough on its own. | |
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bernzg
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Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 10 | |
| We've all read nice guy threads - what about nice women?
Posted: 1/26/2007 6:17:20 AM | This is a VERY interesting question....I think I get what you're asking.
Threads re: men posting "I'm a nice guy...why doesn't anyone want me?" as opposed to the women asking the same question for instance.....
Women do it in here all the time, they simply don't start a thread about it. There's a thread in here semi-current, about "givers and takers"...
Historically, women have been taught to take a secondary role, so does their opinion of themselves come to the forefront of their thinking?
I ask this more of women younger than me, because I was raised with a different mind set. My generation, in turn, raised our daughters to have more confidence. Not sure if we practised what we preached though!
I'm scratching my head over this one......I'll be interested to hear the responses you get. | |
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| We've all read nice guy threads - what about nice women?
Posted: 1/26/2007 6:18:51 AM |
But do you think that there are more "nice women" out in the world so that it tends to go without saying in comparison to all the self-proclaimed "nice guys"? Probably. The other thing is that basically, women have less problems in this area generally than men. There are always men looking for the type of woman that you might be:
"Bad girl" - men are looking for a dirty girl either because they think they're an easy score, or they like to live on the wild side.
"Nice girl" - men are looking for Suzy Homemaker, or (as I like to do) turn them into bad girls.  Ok, the reality is the bad girl is already there, but I like to go find her.
"Normal" - Well, what problem could these women have? | |
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| We've all read nice guy threads - what about nice women?
Posted: 1/26/2007 6:24:50 AM | Hmmmm vainh, I am not sure about empowered, but I am a pretty nice person all round, but I can be a b!tch too .... morning and I are not friends until I have had at least half a cup of coffee ...
I think it is a front like S_C said for some ...
@mirage 9 .... all I have running through my head is Ludacris " They want a lady on the street and a freak in the bed"
But do you think that there are more "nice women" out in the world so that it tends to go without saying in comparison to all the self-proclaimed "nice guys"?
I may get into trouble with this one but bear with me ... I do not think there is more nice women then men ... I think the possible appearance of there being more is all about the fake women that are out there ... and there are many.
I have only recently had the good fortune of finding some nice women friends .. previous to that, my expierence with women is that it is a dog eat dog world, and women are vicious when protecting their right to a potential mate ... they are also vindictive and hurtful ... and it often came down to " who can fvck him first" because that makes him off limits ... kinda like a dog peeing on something and marking its territory
I have also been on the flip side, the closest friends in my life are male, and they are like family to me, I have watched the women in their lives, kiss my ass in person, and then trash me and try to insinuate that I am not a good person to remove me from my friends lives .. out of jealousy and insecurity .... and these are the "nice girls" My friends are all at an age where they want to settle down and get married ... they are not out looking to sow the oats ...
I am not saying all women are like this at all ... but my expierence in the "outside" world if you may, funnily enough I found more female friends on a dating website!!! Maybe it is because we all know we are here to find a man. It takes away the need for sneaky underhanded manipulations .... now I am going to be thinking hard on this one ....
Thanks S_C good freaking thread!!  | |
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| We've all read nice guy threads - what about nice women?
Posted: 1/26/2007 6:28:44 AM | bernzg - that is what I mean... hell, my friends would say that I am "too nice" on the whole but I think that I tend to discount the idea that a man would date me because I am nice - since I have other qualities and attributes that men tend to find more compelling and I do tend to think that women, in general, are raised to BE nicer (at least those of us who had parents who attempted to instill more traditional gender roles).
Vainh: I am "nice" though not a Suzy Homemaker and it's true that I tend to "save" any bad girl inclinations I may possess for the bedroom. 
edited to add: awww SaucyS - I'm glad you like the thread... I was having a hard time trying to put my sleep-deprived thoughts into words and I'm glad people are responding :> | |
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| We've all read nice guy threads - what about nice women?
Posted: 1/26/2007 6:34:21 AM | | I also meant to mention that men will chase anything with the right plumbing and a pulse. I would wonder why more women don't turn gay, but then I've been "one of the girls" often enough to know that in packs women don't behave much differently than men, so what would be the point? | |
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| We've all read nice guy threads - what about nice women?
Posted: 1/26/2007 6:38:11 AM | Unless you're only after one thing, I think most men probably do want to meet a "nice" woman to some degree. Who would want to hang out with someone that acts like a big man-whore or skank all the time? Could you trust somone like that? Nope.
On a site like this, a lot of it seems to come down to trying to feel out "niceness" through profiles, since the majority of users don't participate in the forums. Just through reading profiles, its no more possible to spot a "nice girl" than it is to spot a "nice guy". Its all a crap shoot because people can say whatever they want in print. I've frequently heard that men send out e-mails and get no response. Does that mean that women aren't as nice as they say they are? Does that mean women really aren't looking for nice guys? Or is it evidence that women are really the only ones inundated with enough mail that they're the only ones with problems sorting out who's nice and who's not? | |
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| We've all read nice guy threads - what about nice women?
Posted: 1/26/2007 6:44:44 AM | Jeep: You make an accurate point re: trying to decipher people's potential niceness via their profiles. That is why I value POF so much -- for the forums.
It is via the forums that I try to get a feel for people. You quickly can ascertain how consistent (and honest) someone is by looking at the threads they've posted in and examining how their comments mesh with their profiles.
That being said - I message people the most for what they've said in forums and then to comment or ask questions about their profiles - even if I don't think I'd be romantically interested in them or they in me.
As for women being inundated with mail -- it happens. For me it occurs in spurts - when I change my main photo and there was a ton just before Xmas too. I usually respond unless the person is rude or only writes one sentence and asks no questions. | |
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| We've all read nice guy threads - what about nice women?
Posted: 1/26/2007 6:47:15 AM |
^^^^ You got it Mirage - I think men do want 'bad girls' - thier brain is wired for sex and less for an emotional connection -
I was thinking about that statement. And it appears that you somehow feel superior to all men intellectually and emotionally, and that is rather sexist. | |
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bernzg
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Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 19 | |
| We've all read nice guy threads - what about nice women?
Posted: 1/26/2007 7:04:20 AM | @S_C ....(everyone...there's a certain amount of circular thinking here, bear with me...)
My first job was as a mail clerk for a large banking institution. Dress regs...men in suits...no pants for women, UNLESS they wore tops that were below their hips. Duties were (other than the obvious mail duties) delivering settlements, safety deposit vault access, and....getting coffee and snacks for the employess from Fran's across the street. I got a promotion...to teller! Whoo hoo. I was replaced by a man not much older than myself, BUT, he didn't have to do coffee runs. No biggy. The fact that he made 1/3 more than me most definitely was though. I had the audacity to ask why and was told that it was because "he could potentially have a family to support." At the time, I was working summers and part time to save enough money for university. I was scrambling for pennies. I shook...but I complained, and took it to head office. I also took it to the labour board. For this, was fired. My opinion of myself after that....I had been too aggressive and a ****. I learned from that though.
Time came for me and I had a daughter, I taught her to stand her ground no matter the situation. I also taught her to "know herself". Now, I lacked the tools to teach her the best way to go about it, so I more or less let her give her own interpretation on my words. I simply support her. How much am I, or anyone, prepared to teach our young women, to stand independently, and stand firm, without being overly agressive and appear to be b!tchy? Our own mom's were not hard-wired with the tools to do this, only prepared to let the door open to us.
So, while we have done the best we can, *your* generation has more tools to guide, as will the next...etc. Until then, the definition of "nice girl" vs "nice guy"....imho...will be different.
Heck...I just confused myself! | |
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| We've all read nice guy threads - what about nice women?
Posted: 1/26/2007 7:15:32 AM | There are alot more MEAN NASTY females than there are nice ones.
If I'm standing in line at say a tim hortons, its alot more likely I could have a conversation with a guy infront of me than if it was a girl infront of me.
Girls quite often have the "don't talk to me" stuck up prissy thing going on where as most guys are easy going and take things with humour.
Yes, there are nice people out there but this is just my generalization from my experiences. I've talked to more guys in bars than women, guys just don't care it seems as long as its an interesting conversation. Standing at the bar waiting for your drinks usually the guy beside ya will say something and you can have a short conversation where as a girl beside ya will turn the other way so you have no chance at talking to her lol.
Now nice women... I imagine they suffer the same fate as nice guys!
These nice people don't take it on themselves to be the outspoken life of the party and are generally more easy going and content to keep it simple. (please note, I am talking about NICE people here, not door mats with no self esteem thinking giving people what they want is respect and being nice. I'm talking about nice people that hold doors open for people, smile and say hi just to be friendly and that will genuinely help anyone out if they can)
The nice people are usually in the wings and don't stand out because we are content with ourselves and so, some people think we are boring slightly. But who's to say that nice quiet person doesn't have some crazy hobby (plus I hear its the quiet ones to watch out for in bed). Most people that meet me are surprised to find out I ride motocross and snowmobiles, do demoltion derbys and break out of being quiet and I get on stage with my guitar and sing for a few hours on friday nights. And people blow me off as I appear not exciting at first due to being more respectfull in conversation and I'm not being all "f shot this, f shot that" and being so full of yourselves it appears as being confident. Just because someone isn't as loud and a bit more respectfull doesn't mean we aren't confident, I think it shows how confident you are when you don't need to boast about yourself and say "yeah, I'm the best there is, was and ever will be" I think that shows some insecurity.
I'm looking for a nice girl! someone sweet, a bit quieter but with respect and beleif in herself. However, that is really a rare thing to find, especially in a somewhat appealing package! I'd like to say looks don't matter, but they do slightly. I ain't lookin for a playboy bunny, just the average looking girl really. | |
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| We've all read nice guy threads - what about nice women?
Posted: 1/26/2007 7:24:18 AM |
I would wonder why more women don't turn gay
I know my girlfriends and I have said that a few times.......
Just through reading profiles, its no more possible to spot a "nice girl" than it is to spot a "nice guy
100% agree with you Jeep....I thought someone was nice from a profile read, until I got an email from them.....wholy crap....
It is via the forums that I try to get a feel for people
S C this is what I have been doing for months now. I know if I read a profile, I will look to see if he has participated in any forums and then I go read them. That is not to say I dont bother with the ones that dont participate in the forums, because i do if I see something that sparks my interest.
I really dont think nice guys are more rare than nice woman, I think we nice woman sometimes overlook them, therefore we dont really see how many nice guys there are.
SaucySarah....I so agree with you on your entire post.........
good thread topic SC | |
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| We've all read nice guy threads - what about nice women?
Posted: 1/26/2007 7:25:52 AM | Bernzg - another great reply  
mirage - thank you, it was your multi-page how to spot a nice guy that inspired this one, actually :>
cdnrednk - you said:
<div class="quote">I'm talking about nice people that hold doors open for people, smile and say hi just to be friendly and that will genuinely help anyone out if they can
That made me laugh out loud because that is an accurate depiction of me (I even let people with a couple of items ahead of me in the grocery line so long as my son isn't acting up where I need to get him out and home fast, but I digress...) but I am also fairly outgoing in certain environments and I've had the term "intimidating" erroneously applied to me more than once simply because when I am out with my friends, we are usually goofing around and having a good time. | |
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| We've all read nice guy threads - what about nice women?
Posted: 1/26/2007 8:15:59 AM | | ^^^^ That's a completely unfair generalization. I know that's not all I want, and I'm sure there are many many men like me here. Perhaps its only the ones aggressively seeking a romp that get noticed, so it just appears that way. | |
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