| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 4:55:27 AM | | How often have you had this experience: You've "clicked" with someone you've "met" online and begin to correspond. The initial "conversation" is going well, you have much in common, and are just beginning to feel that you'd like to meet in person to see if there's any "real-world" chemistry. But in the meantime another, newer contact begins to get *very* interesting and the potential for "chemistry" seems much greater. The problem is that you don't want to hurt the other's feelings by ending your communication, but also don't want to string them along until you find out for sure if the new one is going to turn out the way you hope it will. Sound familiar? So what do YOU do...? | |
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| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 5:06:28 AM | Look for the threads titled, " Where did they go ? "
You talk to both of them.
You havn't signed any contracts, you havn't proposed marriage yet.
It's a free world, why should you limit yourself to only one ?
They probably arn't limiting themselves only to you.
Sure, it can get hectic talking to all those beautiful girls, competing for your attention all the time, but no one said this was going to be easy. | |
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| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 5:11:55 AM | What are your intentions?
If the reality is you are interested in #2 and have lost interest in #1, then explain, or not, but let her know you have no further interest.
Since it seems you haven't met either one yet, and your concern is you don't want to give up on #1 until you see what happens with #2, then you need to juggle both.
I am not a big believer in "sparing her feelings" (or having someone spare mine). You are going to hurt her feelings now, or later if #2 is your interest. Maybe you hope #1 will get the hint and stop communicating with you, leaving you to say she initiated the demise.
Have you actually made any promises or commitments to #1? Just because someone accuses you of stringing her along doesn't mean it's accurate. You were honest in your expressions at the time you made them, but unless you made some promise or commitment I don't see how that locks you in.
Reverse your position with #1. How would you want to be "handled"? Use that as your basis for how to handle your situation.
--Bob
P.S. At my age, I expect to deal with adults, we all get our feelings hurt. I'd rather have my feelings hurt by the truth than have my feelings hurt by deception or unexplained changes in interest. | |
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| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 5:13:41 AM | If this hyptothetical scenario has been conducted only online then there's not a lot to lose by any actions you'd take or not take. Sadly, this concept of someone being better or the "grass is greener" crops up a lot. When or if I am in conversation with someone online and it looks promising I don't seek or pursue another. I find it very difficult to juggle two or more people in hopes of making a choice or decision.
If you've never met these women I'm not sure why you'd stop talking with one just because another flash-in-the-pan comes along. You're burning bridges---what happens if the new arrival suddenly loses interest in you or vice versa? You are left to resuming your search with no idea if you can find someone else mutually interested. Perhaps you've not clicked all that well with the first one if the second can or does so easily distract you.
Best of luck----just don't leave a wake of unaswered questions from the women you dump when the next new hot thing comes along. Think how you'd feel in that same situation. | |
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| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 5:35:13 AM | Until you commit to one girl (and not just marriage) in your heart, I would say that everything is open game.
And if you commit (not by marriage) and a "better" woman comes along you have one of two choices to make, like a business decision.
1. Do I stay with this girl who is the full 9 yards that I am having a good time with and whom I may EVEN love?
2. Do I take the chance and start a new relationship with the perfect 10, not knowing where it may lead.
But I am firmly under the belief that you can't have your cake and eat it too. Make a decision and don't see the new woman behind her backs if you have made the commitment to call the "whole 9 yards" your girlfriend.
But on the other hand, you are finding (hopefully) a life partner and even if you break the other girls heart, you are the one that has to live with your life partner for the rest of your life (well at least you would hope so). | |
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| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 5:37:04 AM | I do what is in my own best interest.
If I met someone "more" interesting, I'd pursue it unless my bond with the other person was already strong enough to ward off new potential women. | |
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| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 5:47:56 AM | I recently introduced a g/f of mine to a guy I had been chattin with since about March 2006. Seems he has swayed her way, and doesn't give me the time of day anymore. What he doesn't realize is that her and I talk regularly, so I know what's going on, when they chat etc, and some of what he say's and does.
It's given me a clear perspective as to what type of person he is, so I no longer have an 'interest' in him. Makes life that little bit more easy, and I didn't have to embarrass myself by showing that I care anymore. Cause I don't!   | |
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| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 5:57:25 AM | The sad truth is there will always be someone that *seems* to be better than the person you are talking to, getting to know, dating etc...
The question I have is... Why place yourself in such a precarious position...???
It seems to me that this happens far too often, and the people that are sincere in their interest of a person end up being bypassed because for some reason or another they aren't exciting enough to maintain that *spark*... and the people that are always finding someone better, well thats just what they'll continue to do in life... is look for other options rather than appreciate the normal, average person that they have the opportunity to be with now... and realise that the 'normal, average person' is actually someone incredible.
I'm a firm believer that pursuing multiple people is wrong... but I do feel like I am the minority in this... | |
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| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 6:15:10 AM | If you are just at the chatting stage, there is no harm done. For me, until I have met the person, I really don't know if they are a potential or not. While I am chatting here I'm seeing a) are they a crazy person I don't want to meet b) do we have some common interests c) do I want to meet them. Once I've met the person, there are a few options a) I never want to see you again b) you're a nice person but we just don't click or c) let's try another date.
By the time I get to the 'dating' part, then I'm involved with just one. Why? cause my life is too busy otherwise, I don't need the complications and.. well if I'm seeing if this will work, I want to devote enough of me to know one way or another.
My two cents..
Sue | |
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| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 6:27:53 AM | Have you ever
felt the need to see a person on an important matter
rather than talk on the phone? It is easier for someone
to hang up on you or say no because they do not have
to face you.
The problem is, we live in a " disposable " world
now where the manners of yesterday no longer
exist. People who are dealing with " invisible "
people meaning cyber beings, feel that because
they have not met in person said person is not real
therefore not requiring recognition. Sad....... | |
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| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 6:40:49 AM | As previously stated, honesty is the best policy. Were I in that situation, I would still want to meet both of them in person; you may have no connection off-line with #2, but have an even better connection with #1 after having met! But I would leave the meeting up to #1 after explaining that you are talking to other single women at this point, as you two have not yet met. Let her decide if she still wants to meet you, because she could very possibly be going through the same thing. If she is understanding and open minded, she'll still want to meet you! (This happened to me, I was guy #1... the woman has e-mailed me back about a year later now, she's getting married to guy #2, but as we do have so much in common, she wants to meet me so the three of us can hang out, and share our hobbies.)
Hope that helps,
B. | |
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| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 6:45:22 AM |
I'm a firm believer that pursuing multiple people is wrong... but I do feel like I am the minority in this...
Psssst-if you are in the minority then I join you there. I always wondered how people expect to develop a relationship when they are dividing their time between several people.
The scenario you described saddens me for the people who do this. They do not even realize what they may have lost by doing this. Unfortunately many of these people do not realize that in the end they will most likely end up alone because they were always "looking" for something better.
My suggestion to anyone this may have happened to, realize it's not about you it's about them. I know they may not ease the pain and heartache and you still may have unanswered questions about why, but accept the fact that you will most likely never get the answers you seek.
I don't believe in someone better coming along. When I am developing or involved in a relationship with someone, it's because they have captured my attention in a deep way. Someone more interesting doesn't even exist, so they can't come along. If the relationship does not work out, then I take a break and some time before I even contemplate beginning another relationship. This question/philosophy is precisely why so many people end up hurt and disillusioned about dating. Sad..... | |
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| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 6:57:27 AM | Well, I don't see no "serious" relationship between #1 or #2 so just juggle both until you know which one you like more.
If I was in that situation I would stick with #1 and be honest with #2. Tell #2 you have an intrest right now and want to see where it goes after you meet #1.
First come, first serve.
Just my opinion. | |
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| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 6:59:18 AM | | I never, ever assume I'm the only person someone is corresponding with, and I'd be stunned if someone assumed they were the only person I was writing/talking to. I don't require that someone stop exploring other possibilities and focus on me. There are a lot of interesting people here. | |
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| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 7:00:00 AM | You've just described the basic problem with internet dating. It's the "grass is always greener" syndrome. Too much distraction; no one can concentrate on one person because someone better MIGHT come along. So you ditch the first person and move on to the second with whom you think you have more chemistry only to find out that you should have kept the first one. We've all done it. And we're all still alone..... | |
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| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 7:02:38 AM | | Both should know this is a dating site, where you will talk to others - as they should be also. What's the problem? You talk to both until one disqualifies themselves....only when you start dating or seeing one of them is it an issue. Until then you don't owe either of them an explanation or any type of exclusivity. | |
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| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 7:14:44 AM | This is another good reason NOT to carry on lengthy online relationships. You may meet one or both of them and have absolutely no interest. I think you should arrange to meet both as soon as possible (probably not at the same time  ) and see if they're as interesting in person as they are online. | |
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| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 7:15:07 AM | If you haven't actually been dating either of them exclusively, there is nothing wrong with continuing to get to know both of them a little more before making any decisions. As long as you are being honest with both of them, there is no rush to make that decision.
Although if both women are aware of the situation, one or both of them might make the decision easier for you. If I was on the receiving end of said choice, I would simply take myself out of the equation because simply put, I don't compete. In the dating arena there is always going to be a newer shinier fish that swims by and ultimately I am looking for the one fishy who isn't swayed by the latest bling bling. | |
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| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 7:27:28 AM | This is simple. Your profile says you are looking for friends. So why complicate things? You can't have more than one friend of the opposite sex? Meet them both, see what is what, and go from there. I have talked to men on here and online they seem absolutely great. I meet them, and nothing. I have talked to others and they seem okay, meet and the chemistry is good. Of course, I am still single, so obviously other things didn't work out. But one thing I do know, you can NOT tell until you meet!! If one is more than the other after meeting, and you decide to date one over the other, just be honest with the other one. If you can't decide right away, date them both. Just be honest and don't lie. That might ruin everything later if the one you end up with finds out you were "playing games".
How simple are these things? HONESTY is of the upmost importance. I just do not get how people lie/decieve/leave things out/con/etc. over and over and over on things they do NOT HAVE TO! lol. Seems people complicate things way more than needed and cause their own problems.
Another thing. The grass may appear greener on the other side of the fence, but when you get there you find weeds there also. So, go slow, carefully, be honest and have fun. Know what you want, and more importantly what you do not want and won't accept in a relationship and go from there.
Happy fishing
Linda | |
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| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 7:46:30 AM | I don't worry about what other people will think about me when it comes to dating. Being rejected is part of the process. I welcome it. Whether I'm rejecting, or being rejected -- when our time is up, and someone else was chosen and I wasn't -- I don't cry. It's spilled milk, and I've got my own cow -- considering there are 2,999,999,999,999 women left to date. If they cry because I didn't pick them, that's something they'll need to work through just like I had to when it's happened to me in the past. I don't go out of my way to hurt anyone, but it's inevitable when you're looking for a partner that some will be hurt along the way, but not because of your doing - rather, because of their doing, and their expectation.
Those rejected sometimes spend more time in the past condemning and pining over the rejector than they do on new opportunities. There are "plenty of fish" -- so if you see one that's better, and more suited to your preference, go for it! I say that to everyone! Eventually you'll find a fish that you won't want to "dispose" of because the bond will be there on both ends and you'll know all along they were your past, present and future, and if they feel the same -- you're in business.
Everyone has disposed of someone in the dating world in order to pursue someone else, and even if you "tried to be nice and tried to let the other down easy" -- the outcome was the same, so -- check yourself, before you wreck yourself. | |
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| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 7:57:31 AM | vorpal bunny is absolutely correct.
I never, ever assume I'm the only person someone is corresponding with, and I'd be stunned if someone assumed they were the only person I was writing/talking to. I don't require that someone stop exploring other possibilities and focus on me. There are a lot of interesting people here.
If, however, after we meet we decide that we would like to 'give this a go'...then I would very specifically ask if that means that he will no longer be chatting with other girls and is he asking the same of me.
Fair is far. Might as well get it out in the open. DO NOT ASSUME. | |
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| What do you do when someone better comes along?
Posted: 1/27/2007 8:03:37 AM |
If, however, after we meet we decide that we would like to 'give this a go'...then I would very specifically ask if that means that he will no longer be chatting with other girls and is he asking the same of me.
Fair is far. Might as well get it out in the open. DO NOT ASSUME.
Agree, it's establishing parameters for the new relationship to develop, and it's reasonable to ask. | |
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