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 sushisake
Joined: 1/22/2007
Msg: 1
Males disapproving of women having male friendsPage 1 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
Alright I have read many threads on this subject and find extremely interesting but I'm confused and wish to be enlighten, I have no intention in causing a flame just to be ENLIGHTEN OK, and you wish to red flag me go head.So what I have read is the majority of the women believe that it is perfectly fine to keep their male friends(not specified if they were single) the base reasons are to keep their male friends is that they were there for them in some kind of crises in their life and that women don't wish to give up that security just in case their relationship fails, But I believe if you Male friends are as good as you say they are they will be there for you whatever circumstance and understand some concerns of your partner, for that to be said also I don't understand why anyone would put friendship infront of your partner, the person you are suppose to care about, maybe someone can ENLIGHTEN me on that please.I recognise the fact that no one has the right to tell anyone who they can stop talking too, actually is unrealistic to except such an concept. I personally don't understand why it would be necessary to have male friends in the first place, my reasoning of have friends is having people to socialize with because you don't have a partner to spend time with isn't that fact or I could be wrong. I also reognize the trust issue but some people just can't handle certain situations and some times you just can't push it on them grant though there are degrees of trust and insecurities to keep in count of. Well I dunno.
 lypiphera
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 2
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:02:30 PM
A man who has problems with me having male friends most likely doesn't want me to have them because he has issues that have nothing to do with me. I am NOT losing lifelong male friends because of an issue HE has. It's his issue, HE has to work on it, and not ask me to make sacrifices for something that is not my fault. I can help him through it, but not to the point that I will give up friends.

And friends are NOT just there for the purpose of socializing. They're people you connect with on very deep levels. You talk about them like they're just fillers, in-betweens for the times when you don't have a significant other. Wow. What kind of friend must you be?
 TheDancingQueen
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 3
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:07:32 PM
It's very rare for a woman to have "true" male friends.

I know that guys want to sleep with girls. It's natural instinct. So for the most part, there really are no "guy friends", it's just a bunch of guys who don't have to guts to tell you that they like you or they figure if they wait around long enough, you'll change your mind about them.

I see other women at work and outside of work with lots of "guy friends" but it's not really friendship. It's just a way to get more attention. And it's usually by a woman who normally doesn't get very much attention elsewhere.

It's no different than someone who spends alot of money and time to throw parties so they can surround themselves with people and feel that they are a "social person"

When I'm dating a guy exclusively, I don't really talk to other guys. It's not fair to the guy I am with and it's not fair to the guy who is trying to talk to me. And if I was the kind of girl who did try to hook as many fish as possible for attention with pseudo friendship, then I would be the kind of girl that men should walk away from.
 jr52052
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 4
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Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:15:45 PM
I have male friends - 2 of which are gay. My friends, male and female, along with whatever male I am seeing go do things together. Clubs, dancing, comedy, movies, cards whatever. My friends usually become his friends also. I do not believe anyone has the right to tell anyone else who their friends can or cannot be - even people in a relationship.

They can either join or not - their choice. I join with the fella's friends so why can't he mine?

Jealousy is a very selfish emotion that serves no benefitial purpose, but is used widely to manipulate and control others.
 northernmiss
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 5
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:26:23 PM
But I believe if you Male friends are as good as you say they are they will be there for you whatever circumstance and understand some concerns of your partner, for that to be said also I don't understand why anyone would put friendship infront of your partner,


I agree, true friends will always be your friends no matter what happens. ...flip side is, a partner who loves you totally will always love you no matter who your friends are.

BUT....it is not an issue of putting friends in FRONT of the partner, it is to put friends WITH your partner.....a true blue friend and/or a partner who loves me totally will never make me chose one over the other.
 gothygeek
Joined: 8/13/2005
Msg: 6
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:26:29 PM

It's very rare for a woman to have "true" male friends.

I know that guys want to sleep with girls. It's natural instinct. So for the most part, there really are no "guy friends", it's just a bunch of guys who don't have to guts to tell you that they like you or they figure if they wait around long enough, you'll change your mind about them.


Speak for yourself. Some of us are capable of having rich, rewarding relationships with the opposite sex. Frankly, if I were a guy I'd be insulted.

Generally when people come up with this drivel, it's because *they* are incapable of having friendships with the opposite sex and therefore cannot possibly understand others who can have friendships that aren't based on sex. Sad really.

In other words, it's all your issue; not theirs.
 Detourahead
Joined: 1/19/2007
Msg: 7
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:32:25 PM
The reason why I have male friends is because who else is going to come help me move??

Seriously, I have some male friends whom I've known for over 20 years which is longer than any relationship that I have ever had. People need friends and outside interests other than their significant other. People who look to their significant others to fill in all the missing gaps in their lives will surely be quickly let down, in addition to being an impossible burden for the significant other to carry.

For example, say I have an interest in cooking which I have in common with a male friend, but my significant other has no desire to take a cooking class with me. Am I not supposed to take the cooking class because I would be spending time with a male friend or is my significant other supposed to overlook his own interests and take the class with me. In time, both options would cause resentment within the relationship.

The best relationships happen when two people can walk different paths in life at times, yet still walk side by side. In order for that to happen, trust is the foundation of the relationship.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 8
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Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:34:05 PM
I agree totally with Gothy. I've always had "real" male friends, even in my teens (long ago as that was..*snicker*). I find it odd that some only tend to think with their sex organ when their thinking organ is much bigger. I certainly don't think of every male that I have things in common with or enjoy hanging around as a potential sexual partner or sexual conquest. I know many healthy hetero males who think the same way.
Too bad, really when the genders only think of the other in terms of getting sex, they're missing out on so much.
My man has female friends, I have male friends, it's a total non-issue with us. He's a mature, intelligent male and very capable of choosing who he makes friends with.
 Palmdale Gold
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 9
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:34:55 PM
TY Goth.....couldn't have said it better myself. Agree totally.
 lypiphera
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 10
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:35:17 PM

Speak for yourself. Some of us are capable of having rich, rewarding relationships with the opposite sex. Frankly, if I were a guy I'd be insulted.

Generally when people come up with this drivel, it's because *they* are incapable of having friendships with the opposite sex and therefore cannot possibly understand others who can have friendships that aren't based on sex. Sad really.

In other words, it's all your issue; not theirs.


Thank you.
 TheDancingQueen
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 11
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:46:11 PM
Every guy that some of you purport to be friends has probably at one time or another thought about sleeping with you.

You don't have to believe me, you can ask Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal about that.

So test it.

Go and test it.

Call one of your male "friends" over and then start rubbing up on him and take off all of your clothes.

See what he does.

Is he going to sit there and say, "No, no, I value your friendship so very much that I don't want to ruin it by having sex with you"

Or is he just going to have sex with you?

What's sad is alot of you are going to just string people along with this pseudo friendship, even if you know this or that guy likes you, because you love the attention it brings. What is "rich" and "rewarding" about being dishonest about someone so you don't have to move your own couch? What is "rich" and "rewarding" about eventually having to hurt someone's feeling so you can have someone to listen to your problems under the guise of "friendship"?

Test it.

Invite a guy over and take off your clothes.

Let's see how long that "friendship" lasts.
 sushisake
Joined: 1/22/2007
Msg: 12
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:47:30 PM
Ok it is what I thought, your male friends (friends) are your security blanket you wish not to give up, well I would never put president over FREINDS to a relationship to whom I suppose to care about but that's me.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 13
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:48:57 PM
A friend is a friend regardless of their gender. If a man I am with is wanting me to end friendships with male friends then it is because he is an insecure guy...it is his issue. I can try to help him work through it but he would have to deal with it if he wanted to be with me. If a man I am with is wanting me to end all friendships....he's outta there period. That guy is likely an abuser who wants to isolate me from my support systems...wants to be my one and only support system so he can control, manipulate...basically be abusive towards me. No thanks!
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 14
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Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:49:46 PM
"Test it.

Invite a guy over and take off your clothes.

Let's see how long that "friendship" lasts." I don't "test" my friends. If you want to think with your groin, that's you're choice, I don't choose to. If this is your test, I can tell you, you'll have LOTS of male friends, sadly not likely any who'll be around long.
 Thudpucker
Joined: 8/14/2005
Msg: 15
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:49:49 PM
I am in the enviable position of being able to pick my friends. I value the opinion of my male friends, and I feel free to ask their opinions and render advice if asked, and I really respect and enjoy their candor.

The very special opinions that I glean come from my female friends; theirs are the ones that I value the most, because those opinions are most inaccessible to a gnarley old fart like me. They take my questions, like taking a pocketful of seeds out of the pocket, all balled up in lint, old Kleenex, wooly-boogers, and the like; they magically blow all the debris away; they render an opinion borne of care and sensibility, and they hand it back to me (where I traditionally stuff it back into my pocket). One of these days I will derive great benefit from them. All they usually ask in return is a heartfelt hug and a peck on the cheek. They are wonderful, and I love them.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 16
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Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:51:24 PM

the base reasons are to keep their male friends is that they were there for them in some kind of crises in their life and that women don't wish to give up that security just in case their relationship fails


I can only answer for myself, but my male friends haven't seen me through crisis any more or less than my female friends. We have shared good times as well as bad. As for your theory that women would be in a more intimate type relationship if those guys were so great ~ what a crock. My male friends are just that. Friends. Nothing more. Maybe we aren't romantically attracted to one another, maybe we just really like who each other is, and see no reason to date or take it any further and maybe, we like each other enough to not screw it up by dating or getting romantically involved. It doesn't really matter, but what does matter is that it is absolutely out of the question for any man in my life to be jealous of anyone in my life.

In short: the man that I am romantically involved with needs to be secure within himself. Know me, know my friends (and that includes the men friends.)
 nottaprincess
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 17
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:52:48 PM
In my experience, men don't want to be 'just friends'...if they are spending time, money or any resource on a woman it is to hopefully become more than friends...I have had male friends tell me just as much!! Who knows a man and his intentions better than another man??
 rederer1
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 18
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:55:53 PM
a male friend might have sex on the mind but it doesn't necessarily mean it is their goal to get in your pants, guys are just horny. They're always thinking of sex regardless of who their with.
 lypiphera
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 19
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:57:48 PM

Ok it is what I thought, your male friends (friends) are your security blanket you wish not to give up, well I would never put president over FREINDS to a relationship to whom I suppose to care about but that's me.


By asking a woman to turn her back on people she cares about, you are putting YOURSELF over the woman you love by not caring about her state of happiness. Did you ever consider that? And I think many women here already stated that male friends are far more than a security blanket. It was you who heard what you wanted to hear. Why did you ask for opinions in the first place if you weren't going to listen to responses?
 Tarika
Joined: 8/30/2006
Msg: 20
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 4:02:36 PM
I grew up with three brothers and have two teenage boys. I have always had male friends....more so when I was younger. Some of my best friends were males when I was in high school and university and in fact I had a male room mate for a couple of years. He was just that... a room mate...and only one man has questioned my male friends, and I am not married to him anymore!!

Male friends give you their honest opinion, they aren't petty, jealous or after your boyfriends......
 gothygeek
Joined: 8/13/2005
Msg: 21
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 4:10:17 PM

Every guy that some of you purport to be friends has probably at one time or another thought about sleeping with you.

You don't have to believe me, you can ask Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal about that.


Yes, because as we all know, Hollywood movies are the answer to all of life's problems.

Next I suppose you are going to extoll the virtues of the "Divinci Code.

:: headdesk ::


So test it.

Go and test it.

Call one of your male "friends" over and then start rubbing up on him and take off all of your clothes.

See what he does.

Is he going to sit there and say, "No, no, I value your friendship so very much that I don't want to ruin it by having sex with you"

Or is he just going to have sex with you?

Let's see how long that "friendship" lasts.


I'm not a child; I don't play games.

There are male friends I've had for 20 + years. I sincerely doubt if they were *only* there for the sex then they'd have waited through a marriage and several relationships on the off-chance that I'd have sex with them. Guess what? Still friends.


What's sad is alot of you are going to just string people along with this pseudo friendship, even if you know this or that guy likes you, because you love the attention it brings. What is "rich" and "rewarding" about being dishonest about someone so you don't have to move your own couch? What is "rich" and "rewarding" about eventually having to hurt someone's feeling so you can have someone to listen to your problems under the guise of "friendship"?


No, what's sad is that certain people don't get that men and women are actually capable of having COMPLETELY PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS.

Then again, these are also the same people that don't get the extremely simple concept of being friends with someone after they've slept with them. I won't go into the example of introducing two dear friends to each other (one of whom I'd been intimate with) who later got married (in fact, I was in the wedding). Introducing foreign concepts to you might cause your head to go all esplody and we wouldn't want that, would we?
 lypiphera
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 22
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 4:12:19 PM
^^^ You can't blame her for her perceptions. She's obviously based her judgements on the pseudo friendships with males that SHE'S had. She can't fathom the possibility of anything else.
 sushisake
Joined: 1/22/2007
Msg: 23
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 4:43:21 PM
I should of said something earlier but please respect other poster's opinion if their opinion is different than your's DON'T MAKE IT A PERSONAL ATTACK it shows me a complete lack of maturity thank you
 Palmdale Gold
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 24
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 5:06:20 PM
LOL Goth.........I don't have to write a word....you are so right on!!!!! Rock on.......
 Meer Kat
Joined: 5/31/2006
Msg: 25
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 5:07:22 PM
No way. My friends are my friends. I can find plenty of men to date, but finding true friends happens rarely. Like it or don't, I refuse to let long term friendships die because I'm dating someone who isn't happy with himself and thinks that just because he might want to sleep with me that everyone does too.

Kat
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