| Differences between men and women
Posted: 2/4/2007 7:45:38 AM | A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror.
Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
I'd like to be six again, she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day ! He put her on every
ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller coaster... everything there was. Five hours Later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure ! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, Well Dear, what was it like being six again ??
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
I meant my Dress Size, you dumb ass!!
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is going to get it wrong. | |
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| Differences between men and women
Posted: 2/4/2007 9:18:27 AM | Here's another that Brish posted in another thread...LOL!
HER DIARY
Monday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to
meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day
long,so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he
made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go
somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and aloof.
I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was
my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not
to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled
and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he
didn't say, "I love you, too." When we got home I felt as if I had lost
him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there
and watched TV; he seemed distant and vacant. Finally I decided to go to
bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he
responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that his
thoughts were somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it
anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had
fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I also fell asleep. I
don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with
someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY
Today the Oilers lost, but at least I got laid. | |
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| Differences between men and women
Posted: 2/6/2007 4:06:06 AM | | Love those posts! - But you guys DO NEED TO KNOW that if we say "I love you" and you don't say it back, but just smile - then that can be all it takes to jack up a perfectly good evening - no matter who won or lost the hockey game?! (just a joke - but really - go buy us some chocos!lol) | |
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| Differences between men and women
Posted: 2/6/2007 6:32:37 AM | , Not really a joke!
. Tip for all the women who get "jacked up" over trivial BS, like the smile thing.
. That gives women the power to make life a living hell for the next two weeks.
. Men realize they have power too. Man power too says, "Kick you to the curb!"
. No problem, We Can find a friendlier face with a much better attitude.
Just a tip...Could save a trip to....Relashionship court.... to Divorce court...
. | |
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| Differences between men and women
Posted: 2/8/2007 9:59:31 PM | Hahaha...here's another one I found...
MATURITY:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults. Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.
HANDWRITING:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.
BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from a Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
REST ROOMS Men use rest rooms for purely biological reasons. Women use rest rooms as social lounges. Men in a rest room will never speak a word to each other. Never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?
OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
SEX:
Women prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.
LAUNDRY:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants , before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweat shirt inside out, rent a U-Haul, and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old episodes of "Love, American Style."
WEDDINGS:
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony." Men talk about "the bachelor party."
THE TELEPHONE:
Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
RICHARD GERE:
Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way. Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women.
MADONNA:
Same as above, but reversed. Same reason.
PLANTS:
A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five or six days later to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.
CAMERAS:
Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes. Women purchase Kodak Insta-matics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures.
LOCKER ROOMS: In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker room-sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.
MOVIES:
Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man. The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.
TIME:
When a woman says she'll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she's using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football games just got five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs, commercials, or replays. | |
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| Differences between men and women
Posted: 2/8/2007 10:07:10 PM | 
"To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all."
"Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die."
"Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing."
"Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night."
"A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does."
"A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument."
"There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage & after marriage."
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| Differences between men and women
Posted: 2/10/2007 6:20:18 AM |
HANDWRITING:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.
The loopy p's and g's reminded me of something I read someplace in one of those pop-psych quizzes. Large lower loops supposedly mean a higher sex drive as opposed to large upper loops which supposedly denote someone who's very imaginative and cerebral. It puts me in mind of the old jokes about hair loss patterns.
Just thought I'd throw that in for the fun of it. | |
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| Differences between men and women
Posted: 2/12/2007 10:04:43 PM | Hahaha....another one...
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they're the best. They just have to wait for the right person to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Now Men....
Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
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| Differences between men and women
Posted: 4/14/2007 1:19:02 AM | Research shows men and women look at sexual photographs differently
A study funded by the Atlanta-based Center for Behavioral Neuroscience (CBN) analyzed the viewing patterns of men and women looking at sexual photographs, and the result was not what one typically might expect.
Researchers hypothesized women would look at faces and men at genitals, but, surprisingly, they found men are more likely than women to first look at a woman's face before other parts of the body, and women focused longer on photographs of men performing sexual acts with women than did the males. These types of results could play a key role in helping researchers to understand human sexual desires and its ultimate effect on public health.
The finding, reported in Hormones and Behavior, confirmed the hypothesis of a previous study (Stephen Hamann and Kim Wallen, et al., 2004) that reported men and women showed different patterns of brain activity when viewing sexual stimuli. The present study examined sex differences in attention by employing eye-tracking technology that pinpoints individual attention to different elements of each picture such as the face or body parts.
"Men looked at the female face much more than women, and both looked at the genitals comparably," said lead author Heather Rupp, Ph.D., a fellow at The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University, who conducted the study in partnership with Kim Wallen, Ph.D., a Dobbs Professor of Psychology and Behavioral Neuroendocrinology at Emory University and the Yerkes National Primate Research Center.
"The eye-tracking data suggested what women paid most attention to was dependent upon their hormonal state. Women using hormonal contraceptives looked more at the genitals, while women who were not using hormonal contraceptives paid more attention to contextual elements of the photographs," Rupp said. Although it is commonly assumed males have more interest in visual sexual stimuli, researchers are working to figure out what characteristics are important to men and women in their evaluations of sexual stimuli.
The answer may lie within a small section of the brain called the amygdala, which is important in the processing of emotional information. In Dr. Hamann and Wallen's previous fMRI study, men showed more activation in the amygdala in response to sexual vs. neutral stimuli than did women. From the fMRI study alone, the cause of the increased activity was unclear, but Rupp and Wallen's study suggests the possibility that higher amygdala activation in men may be related to their increased attention to faces in sexual photographs.
Source: Emory University
http://www.physorg.com/news95616854.html | |
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| Differences between men and women
Posted: 4/14/2007 9:05:08 AM |
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror.
Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
I'd like to be six again, she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day ! He put her on every
ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller coaster... everything there was. Five hours Later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure ! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, Well Dear, what was it like being six again ??
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
I meant my Dress Size, you dumb ass!!
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is going to get it wrong.
............... | |
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| Differences between men and women
Posted: 4/14/2007 11:09:02 AM | HOW MEN AND WOMEN SHOWER DIFFERENTLY . . .
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.
(anon) | |
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| Differences between men and women
Posted: 4/14/2007 11:33:25 AM | | also a woman is the only thing on the planet that can bleed for seven days and doesnt die!!! (hope i dont offend ) | |
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grets
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Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 17 | |
| Differences between men and women
Posted: 4/16/2007 7:11:02 AM | | 'how men and women shower differently'.. I have witnessed this entire procedure. Both with myself and partners. How terribly frightening. | |
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| Differences between men and women
Posted: 4/16/2007 7:41:10 AM | I hope this one doesnt get me killed but I thought it was funny...
A little boy walks into his house one day and goes up to his mom and asks her what a pu$$y is, the mother suprised by this kind of question quickly replies that its another name for a cat. The boy still a little confused says ok and then asks what a b**** is and the mother says that its another name for an excited female dog. The boy now really confused goes to the garage and proceeds to ask his father the same questions. The father then gets a playboy magazine off the shelf and draws a circle around the part of the picture and explains that that is what a pu$$y is, the boy now thinking that this made much more sense then says well what is a b**** and the father replies, that is everything outside the circle!
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| Differences between men and women
Posted: 5/16/2009 4:24:18 PM | Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care. | |
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