| | Would you date a pregnant woman??Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | Hi,
I saw a thread up here earlier that was posted on this topic. It was met with quite a bit of ignorance and criticism, as well as some very intelligent and compassionate responses. I understand that as human beings we are entitled to our opinions, but on a more rational note, do you honestly think that by showing your lack of understanding and caring that you can attack someone into thinking the way you do. Please keep strong opinions to yourself. To show such strong emotion to a woman who is pregnant and emotional as well as probably scared and insecure who was reaching out for help shows a lack of class. If you don't like me and my views fantastic. Part of being an adult though is accepting that not everyone thinks the way you do. I am going to share my story with you. I am opening myself up to you, and asking for honest and compassionate response. Please keep negativity to yourself.
Here it goes...
I dated a man for 2 years, let's call him Bob. Bob and I were involved in a very serious and commited relationship. I went off of birthcontrol because bob and I decided that we had progressed to the stage in our relationship where we were ready for a child. Soon after that I found out that Bob was sleeping with my best friend and had a cocaine addiction, not only did I find out that he had those two HUGE strikes against him but after finding that out I decided to find out what else had been going on. After going through his computer and email I discovered a long standing sexual addiction, prositution, the whole nine yards. My heart was broken. I was completely devastated. I can't even put it into words.
Soon after I started to date someone who is an amazing man. I have known him for some time, but because I am faithful, I never once expressed an interest or anything of the sort, but there was always a knowledge between us that we "clicked." You know that feeling you get when you know that something is right and you both feel it? That was this. Let's call him Jon. We started to date exclusively, and there was definately some serious feelings there. But since I had just gotten out of a devastating relationship I decided to take some time to heal. I don't want to hurt this person. I love him, and he has told me that he could see me being "the one".
During that time we decided that when the time was right we'd get back together. Then I found out that I was pregnant from Bob. Jon's reaction was that he wished the baby had been his. Do you think that Jon would ever be able to look past this situation? He has told me that he wants to be the "honorary uncle" to the baby. Could you try to imagine what you would do in his situation? Please help. I am keeping the baby. I just found out that I am 8 weeks pregnant. I would never consider adoption. I am in love with my growing child. I know I will be an amazing mother. I make great money, I am a great woman, I'm strong and I realize that the baby needs a father, I will do my best to find a daddy for this baby, I am so scared and sad. What would you do if you were in this man's position?
Again, please keep your criticism to yourself. I don't think I can handle it. I would not consider adoption don't even suggest it. I will make a way for my baby and I. I go to church, I believe that God will help me through this and will bring a man into my life to love me and be the father that my child needs. I am hoping that Jon is this man. What do you think?? | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/4/2007 2:19:00 PM | I think that you should work on yourself so that you can be father and mother for the child.
Look for help definitely.... but expecting a romantic interest to jump right in to be a daddy is unrealistic. Talk to friends and family and support groups if you need help. This is not what dating is for.
I personally believe that parents who are dating should wait a very very long time before introducing the children to strangers.... LET ALONE help raise them.
I also think that you should think more about criticism.
Take it with a grain of salt and learn from it if possible.
Don't just freak out and be hurt.
Putting your head in the sand is no way to live life. | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/4/2007 2:33:35 PM | Women who have a normal, uncomplicated, pregnancy are amazingly hot.
Just call me Bob.
Yeah. I'd date a prego. Even make her noodles with Ragu.
There isn't an unswollen spot.
I'll date you til your water pops
Sheesh, I better not finish this. I posted in the wrong forum. | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/4/2007 5:27:05 PM | | where does that "time to heal " come in ? if you did n't know over the course of 2 yrs bout the 1st guys probs,,, you sure don't know what the 2 nd guy might be into,,,yet. | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/4/2007 6:43:21 PM | I'm strong and I realize that the baby needs a father, I will do my best to find a daddy for this baby
Hmmm?? Is it just me or does anyone else think "finding a daddy for a baby" sounds wrong?? That would imply a daddy is simply a commodity to be found.  | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/4/2007 7:04:44 PM | I've dated someone that was pregnant. I'm the one that ask her out actually. Would I do it again?? not sure.... She ended the relationship cause the farther came back into the picture, so not only did I get my heart broken when she ended the relationship but it broke my heart cause I had strong feelings for her son as well.
I can't say I would never date someone that is pregnant again but I would have my reservations about it. | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/5/2007 1:30:04 AM | If you take good care of your child and they are happy, not having a father won't be that big of a deal.
If it's all they know then they won't miss not having a dad.
It's different than if the dad was there for the early years and then just took off.
If you want a father for your kid that badly then maybe you should think about an open adoption. | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/5/2007 1:54:40 AM | Well hun this is an amazing chapter of your life. Now my advice, people are going to say stuff that means nothing. If you are reading a thread and think that is rude and cruel, just try and picture them saying it to your face. THEY WON'T no one has the balls to be cruel to a pregnant woman or anyone. We all have problems so don't even think someone is perfect.
Now clearly you are naive cause you didn't see the signs. This is not a bad thing, it is just what is. Now this John guy wished he was the father good for him. Biology never equals fatherhood. I had a step dad at age 1 and I was loved from day one and I never ever felt like I lacked anything. I found my biological father, he never did drugs or was terrible he and my mother just didn't get along. You are fresh into this relationship, I am not sure how long you have known this Jon guy but being 8 weeks preggo, that isn't that long to be making a statement of being a daddy to a woman he barely knows. HOWEVER, don't push him away cause it seems unrealistic. You just never know..he could be the one.
My advice for you, there are going to be all sorts of people around you, fans and enemies. My recommendation is listen to the fans and love yourself. Take your vitamins, love this child, you don't NEED (didn't say want) a daddy for this child, you can do both on your own and with male figures in your life aka family. Whether you go for child support is up to you, having a long standing relationship it seems fair, however be careful that your child is safe and away from harm, drugs are not a good scene, so keep away from daddy till he is clean and sober.
Keep going to church, god is a great healer of all wounds, this child is a gift and at about 4 months you feel him or her inside of you moving. And all the blessed little miracles along the way.
I don't think you want to rush into a 60% divorce rate, the women who are single mothers deserve praise, however the ones who do it alone and married need the full bravado as anyone. No one ever talks about their skeletons...so don't worry what people think or worry about critisim cause you know what they say one thing and carry on with their day, however it can effect you for years and they never thought of it again, who had the control? You do babe, so go buy some ice cream, and a foot massager and can't wait for spring mat clothes they are fab. So many good things are happening, you can only use what you got today yesterday is already gone, and tomorrow isn't here yet so breath and enjoy.
From someone who may have an idea what you are talking about. peace | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/5/2007 2:34:52 AM | Perosnally, no I wouldn't date a pregnant women. I'd always be wondering when is the father going to stick his nose into everything and make it all a big mess.
HOWEVER I know a lot of guys who would and have dated pregnant women and ended up staying and raising the kid as their own.
You are going to get a bunch of different answers, but the fact is none of it matters. All that matters is if this Jon fella would be interested in dating you. Ad we don't know him so we can't tell you. | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/5/2007 3:08:22 AM | If your as strong as you say you are...go at it alone..for a while.
The line "After going through his computer and email I discovered a long standing sexual addiction"
I wonder if HE was ok with you getting pregnant ?.......or you just decided to get pregnant to keep him from straying?...I think you knew something was up....BEFORE you took the chance to get off the pill ...sometime gals think that this will tame him and settle him..forget the ring....for some reason young gals feel that babys will keep them together. He is free to do what he wants..........you have a child to tend to...you have a good job so keep in mind a man is not worth fighting over either. Learn from this and go on........ | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/5/2007 10:48:42 AM | | Do it alone. Getting into something so serious with your child involved is NOT a good idea. You need time to heal before you jump into anything else and you'll also need to get to know your soon to be child. You have a lot more to think about then relationships | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/7/2007 10:50:04 AM | I like men, so I wont be dating anyone who is pregnant, but, I think it seems like a very unwise decision. Except in unusual cases, if a woman is pregnant, it means that it has been less than nine months since she was in a very serious, hopefully committed, long term relationship. Not many people are ready to date that soon after ending such a serious relationship, even if they aren't pregnant. If the woman became pregnant after a casual/ short term relationship, I'd be even more wary about her lack of responsibility and integrity and her plans for using people. I'd also apply these same concerns to dating the father of the baby. I would never date a man who was about to father another woman's baby.
Having a child is a life changing event and it is NOT the time to attempt to begin a new romantic relationship. | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/7/2007 11:44:51 AM | | honestly if I was pregnant I wont be dating anyone till my child is big enough to understand, having a belly and dating just dont do it for me well I guess dating will be the futherest thing off my mine but only to have this child and bringing it up especially if you dont have to much money and help. | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/7/2007 5:19:18 PM |
where does that "time to heal " come in ? if you did n't know over the course of 2 yrs bout the 1st guys probs,,, you sure don't know what the 2 nd guy might be into,,,yet.
I couldn't agree more..... | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/7/2007 6:34:17 PM | 1) Not everyone on here is a mature adult, and therefore cannot be expected to act in such a manner. Such people also should not be taken seriously. Just like in real life, people have to prove themselves before they can be taken seriously.
2) I personally would never date a pregnant woman. But Jon is quite obviously completely smitten with you. He's yours if you want him.
3) However, something tells me that you don't really. By your style of writing I can tell that you could use some improvement in the self-esteem area (among other things, a truly great man or woman does not have to tell that to others; and you admit that you are scared and insecure - keep in mind that I am BY NO MEANS criticising you for this), but when a woman tells a man that she doesn't want to hurt him that means one thing, and one thing only. Deep inside, she's not that into him.
Just think about Bob, and ask yourself: "Would I have ever been able to find it in myself to tell Bob that I don't want to hurt him, for whatever reason?" I think you know the answer already.
I recommend you to stay away from Jon, so that you don't end up truly hurting him.
Good luck! | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/7/2007 6:47:40 PM | | Wow quite the mess to be in and I'm so sorry your there. Then there's the poor wee one too. It never asked to be there. I guess we can't turn back the clock so better look ahead. That baby is now your #1 priority. You can support it so have the baby and make a secure home for it first. Take some time to focus on and love that child because you will find once it's born it might just consume your entire life. Any man is going to have to be perfect before he ever enters your child's life. So you see there is no need to worry about Jon right now. If he chooses to stick around and support you in your time of need he will do just that. Time will tell? I sincerely wish you only the best. | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/7/2007 6:54:05 PM | | I'd prefer to not air my experiences with this publicly but I did send you an email. While our experiences are not exactly the same they are similar. If you need a shoulder to cry on just email me. You're not alone in this many have been there done that and it does all work out in the end.....just protect the baby by not stressing out over "a man" the baby doesn't deserve that! | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/7/2007 7:06:07 PM | | I'm betting your not a single parent to make a comment about being mother and father to the child. I am and I can tell you its a lot of work. I am raising 3 daughters and work full time in construction. I have been a single parent since my daughter was 4 months old. She's six now. I do agree with you on waiting to introduce someone into your childs life and have that person leave. Having people in and out of your childs life is confusing and difficult on the children. I do disagree with you on having your partner take on the responsibility as a parent. If your going to make a commitment to this person and he or she has a child. It's going to be a package deal. You can't have one without the other and this is something you have to decide when you begin the relationship. | |
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tort2
| | Joined: 11/21/2005
Msg: 20 | |
| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/7/2007 7:17:55 PM | Your unborn baby has a father and that father is Bob. Jon's willingness to step in and be the 'honorary uncle' speaks volumes about his high interest in you. That being said, there are a few observations I feel compelled to make.
Has Bob acknowledged being the father? Actually, it’s not clear from your post if you even notified him of his future progeny.
Are you prepared for Bob to question his parentage? It’s not that unusual for men to ask or demand a DNA test (a recent study from California reports that up to 40% of men paying for child support are not even the biological fathers).
I would advise you not to get involved with Jon. It seems clear to me that you are still carrying a torch for Bob. Getting involved with Jon would not only not be fair to Jon (in reality, that is a non-issue since you have to worry first and foremost about yourself and your future child and face it, any man who has such low self esteem that he would accept the role of "honorary uncle" is clearly not acceptable as a partner nor as a man you could respect- I don't know him and I already don't respect him), but would needlessly complicate your life.
How?
Imagine you do get married with Jon and three years down the road Bob emerges from his little burrow and decides to seek visitation rights and financial support from you (you did say in your post that you make "great" money). What do you do? What if in the same time frame, Jon realizes he made a mistake and begins to cheat on you and to make matters really interesting, you had another child, this time with Jon; what then?
Get the picture? It’s not pretty.
From a legal as well as emotional point of view, I would advise you to carry your child to term (you did state your desire to do so) and take about a year off from any serious relationship; time to heal, so to speak (unless, of course, you sue Bob for financial support or hire a lawyer, in the alternative, to deny Bob visitation rights-after all, you wouldn't want a drug using, prostitute sampling man with your baby, would you?). Getting involved now with Jon (or any other man) is to invite emotional, legal and gastronomic disaster. | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/8/2007 8:48:39 AM | Personally I would not like to get involved with someone who is pregnant... I agree with what others mentioned, where is your healing time? You were with your unborn child's father for quite awhile and you've moved on before you were even aware of the pregnancy? That's pretty fast! I would suggest you slow down a bit. Since you are already with the new guy? Slow it down and make sure he is father material. Hopefully he is not hiding a cocaine habit. ( How does one do that, it's not easy to hide such things).
I know you do not want any criticism, so please do not think this is directed at you, it is merely an observation. I feel like too many couples decide "they want" a baby without thinking about what that child will want and need, which is a family and happy home to grow up in. That is just one of many reasons I believe marriage should come before children. I understand that some folks just don't want to get married ever, or do not believe in it, but at the same time they want to have a child?
Someone posted that the father is not needed if you love your child enough. That is their opinion and so be it. I have to say from experience, I wish my father had been there and I had grown up with a happy family. It does make a difference. I turned out fine and I could not be happier with my life, but I always felt I was missing out as a child, and rightfully so, I was missing my father. | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/8/2007 6:00:34 PM | If I'd just met someone, and found out that she had recently become pregnant, I wouldn't date her unless she were a widow. It means that she either 1) jumped into the sack with someone way too fast, and without protection or 2) just got out of a relationship. Neither of those traits bodes well for a strong foundation between she and I. If she'd just gotten out of a relationship, does the other guy know about the baby? Will he be involved in her life a lot? Will the baby know who the real father is? There are way too many questions that only time could answer.
Things would be different if I'd known the woman for a while, and had established a bond, though. At that point, you've got a history with her, and would know where the child came from, and the situation with the father. Most of the tougher questions listed above would have answers which are already known; if you like all the answers, then dating is ok. | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/8/2007 6:35:21 PM | First of all, church doesn't have anything to do with it. If you want to go, great! But otherwise, religion doesn't factor in. Sounds like you got out of a Bad situation. Live apart. Live your life, which includes having someone elses baby on your own. Don't look for a 'Daddy'. That's Jons choice. Him telling you that he wants to be the 'Honorary Uncle' though, is kind of a red flag
SUBLIME | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/8/2007 6:44:14 PM | Listen I have been exactly in your shoes..and the last thing I wanted was a "father"..for my daughter.while I was pregnant I was asked out by a police officer(a very cute one to boot).My dad kept telling me to 'go for it"...because my daughter's dad isn't a good person(long story).but I never did date the police officer..thought that was wierd...and he knew I was pregnant and didn't care!.I have raised a beautiful and amazing daughter!.she saves her money every year to buy gifts to go under the "angle tree" every year at christmas!!!.( buying gifts for poor kids).And has been doing that since she was 4!!!.(and that was her idea)..very few kids are that generous and caring that young!.she is also a straight A..student!.so I have done a great job without a "guy".My dad is a wonderful Grandfather!..and she has other amazing "male influences".she doesn't hurt for anything.so just focus on you and your baby...dont be too concern about finding a "dad"..right now!.Good luck..and God Bless!!!. | |
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| Would you date a pregnant woman??
Posted: 2/8/2007 6:45:29 PM | Back to OP-
Anything has the POTENTIAL to exist.
A very close friend of mine went through a similar situation. They were casually dating, life was fun, good.....she became pregnant. Long story short, she became pregnant with someone who was not interested in being a parent. She, like you, could only see one option that she could live with.
She remained close with the other guy she dated (they lived across the hall from one another) and when she was about eight months pregnant they finally offically reunited/took the next step as a couple. Their child is now 11.
He certainly did not plan this...especially not the baby part....she did not either. They had a true, strong connection that did transcend alot...
Be careful, take it slow, good luck with everything. You sound mature-best wishes and positive energy to you and yours.... | |
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