| | Over 50Page 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | I am 56 and not afraid to admit it. It doesn't bother me if I don't get the responses that the younger ladies do. To me, it's quality, not quantity that counts. I think that most of the older men on here are very nice and of course, each one has their own agenda. If I am not their type, I don't get angry. I understand what growing old means when it comes to "romance". It's a lot different when you are over 50. Some slow down, others get into a freaking out stage where they want to squeeze in all the stuff that they didn't have before they get too old to enjoy it (I am being discreet here lol). I enjoy reading the ads of the over 50 men. They seem to be so much more down-to-earth and honest because they have a lot of wisdom and a lot of life behind them. We never know when we will breathe our last breath so it's important to do this dating scene the right way. The only problem that I have encountered with some of the older men are that they are very much in a hurry to get serious. I think it might be an aging issue. Do they think that they will die any minute and that is why they are in such a hurry? I am confused as to what to do because I feel that way too sometimes. I feel tempted to rush into something but my wisdom tells me that it won't work if it goes too fast. I met a man of my own age on here recently and we have been having long telephone conversations and we are both so much alike and also very very lonely. Neither of us want to grow old alone. He lives alone and I live alone. He has health problems and I do, too. We are both needy and this scares me because I just met him and he is already talking about love and wanting to live with me. I hope I don't cave in and make a mistake. Oh well, if it doesn't work out, it's my place anyway so at least I won't be out on the street LOL. So you oldies but goodies out there, please give me some words of wisdom?  | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/4/2007 8:28:15 PM | I jumped into one too quickly. It was great at first, but then all the differences came up, the kinds that cause stress... then I found out the things he wasn't telling me... arrggghhh. Yet I did get to have some experiences that I probably would never have had otherwise. It increased my understanding of life and other people, and even of myself.
There is that feeling that if anyone seems like a possibility, you have to jump right ahead before you lose him. I wish I had the answer to that. | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/4/2007 8:40:25 PM | The best advice I can give you is the very advise you're giving. Loneliness can cloud your vision. It also can leave your heart open and vulnerable to pain you may not even be sure you still can feel.
Take it slow. Anything truly worth it is worth nurturing. Anyone that truly is interested in you will respect that.
The whole concept of "Instant Relationship, Just Add Water", is not anyway to start anything. The best things in life take time and careful handling. | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/4/2007 10:05:26 PM | | Take enough time to know more than just his feelings. You'll be living with a lot more than that. | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/4/2007 10:14:35 PM | Listen to the master - Mr. George Strait
Lonely women are in season, the good old boys just pick and choose..................
Be careful. When I feel the most lonesome, the most wishful, I stay home because I know I'm fair game out there. It is sort of like not going grocery shopping when you are hungry. | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/5/2007 9:52:45 AM | Perfect analogy, forestgreen.
It is sort of like not going grocery shopping when you are hungry You're likely to end up with something that wasn't on your list & definitely isn't good for you. | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/5/2007 10:56:14 AM | I thought your post was well thought out.
You should be giving words of wisdom, not asking for them! | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/5/2007 11:30:54 AM | I agree OP, it sounds like you are very in tune with YOUR want's & needs, stay focused on that! Don't let anyone rush you into a relationship you do not feel comfortable with! The sweetest things in life are worth waiting for!
Yov've started a great thread btw, I can really relate to your experience with older men being in to much of a hurry! | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/5/2007 12:08:38 PM | Never love someone you haven't smelled.
Never let your mouth write a check, your ass may not want to cash.
Always be flexible... there is a rhyme and reason for most things... but
you may not always know WHAT that reason is.
Stay available for what's right for you.
Of course, I'm nobody's role model and it doesn't say "genius"
anywhere on my resume'.
Best of luck to you both. The only thing worse than being ill, is being ill alone. | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/5/2007 4:23:37 PM | | i'm 25. what is the reason that i think sex with 50 yr. old men is alot more exciting than my own age range. | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/5/2007 6:02:41 PM | uh...I don't think eighty1 read the post...just the title. No hijacking, honey. Start a thread with that title...you'll get alot of responses. I felt the same way when I was 24...55 now
Now, back to the OP's topic.
My new motto is to be friends first. I want to see him mad, sad, wishful, thoughtful, busy, relaxing, and more...all before I want to see him saying he's in love with me.
Be Safe
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/5/2007 9:37:10 PM | | I always loved old men-married the man of my dreams and he was 17 years older. We had a magical 24 years before he died in my arms. i married him when I was 27 and promised him in my next life I would look for him harder and find him sooner.... | |
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Ron9
| | Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 13 | |
| Over 50
Posted: 2/5/2007 10:13:39 PM | If I am lucky enough to run into a *true* two way match (we both feel lucky/grateful to have ran into each other) “assumed” exclusivity will move VERY FAST. I have a pretty good record with long term relationships - and they have always went exclusive almost instantly. (true two way match). I’ve never really had a short term relationship at all. To me it is either a honest two way match or nothing.
With that being said. Being married most of my life and now alone for 4 years .... I am use to it and am fully prepared to never again be in a relationship - if that is in the cards for me.
Since I would never “settle” and hope no one ever settles for me - (and being very picky) being alone from here out is ok by me.
So ........ my final answer is. If it is a REAL two way match (which is pretty rare) holding back is showing uncertainty. If you are not certain - it is more than likely not a real two way match.
I don’t think moving in together to “see how it goes” is a very good idea. The two should already know how it is going to go. As far as little glitches (is leaving the toilet seat up a bigger deal than he is? - is the fact that she don’t like to cook a bigger deal than she is?) I would gladly deal with those little things that really don’t make much difference compared to her. | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/6/2007 7:08:08 AM |
Yov've started a great thread btw, I can really relate to your experience with older men being in to much of a hurry!
catzmeow,you and the OP are putting all older men in bad light stating older men are in to much of a hurry. I think you should only speak to those that you've had the issue with and not all older men.
I see and hear women complaining about younger men ,but I also know some women that push men to the point a guy has to ignore their phone calls,block their e-mails and hope they don't change user names to mail you again. But to group all women together wouldn't be fair.
Putting all older men in the same category is a bit unfair too,don't you agree?  | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/6/2007 9:13:06 AM | Well good luck to you....I think being single long enought ,It becomes like a bad marriage, sure you are alone most of the time but you don't hurt much....Take a chance...whats the big deal.
if it does not work out, you are right back to where you started, no more no less.
Yes you could get hurt but also you could have alot of happiness also. In life, no risk, no return. | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/6/2007 10:57:35 AM | | I really agree with all that you said Ron9, and those two way matches are very rare. I usually have a guy very interested in me and I feel no chemistry. Or I'm very attracted to someone and then they wind up becoming my "friend"....And I refuse to settle, also. I'm contented enough to stay single and enjoy my life, rather that become "involved" with someone I'm not really crazy about. I feel exactly the same way as you........ | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/6/2007 11:31:27 AM | | For me, it's like the headline of my profile says - "I'd Rather Be Lonely than Sorry!". I'm in no hurry , and if I never find that special person, I'll still live a happy and fulfilling life. I think lonliness is a state of mind that people create for themselves because they sit around feeling sorry for themselves. "Why don't I have anyone?", "Why can't I find my soulmate"? Your life is what YOU make it. You don't have to have that certain someone to be happy. At our ages, we should know better than to rush into something. | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/6/2007 1:21:06 PM | | I don't think it's only older people who rush into things. Lonely people rush into things. People who think a partner will fix their lives rush into things. I've met just as many men who are careful to go slow, don't want to make a mistake at this stage in their lives. Know I don't. I've been married twice and I'd sooner be alone than make another mistake. You mentioned you are both needy, are you willing to take on his neediness too? I know I'm looking for a person who isn't needy. While we all need love and companionship healthy people are fine waiting for someone to come into their lives. No matter how long it takes. A needy person rushing things would scare me. | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/7/2007 12:48:02 PM | | My dear lady: as you said it's your place. If we all waited till the "perfect feeling" or the "right time" I wonder if we'd even be here to debate this. Don't rush, but at the same time don't be afraid to make a "mistake" either. I no longer make mistakes: I make "educational" decisions, it sounds like a cop-out but really isn't. I've learned something from every one, and have been well educated. | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/7/2007 1:37:59 PM | | Tell this clown you want to take things real slow. Be honest, the truth works and he doesn't get this he too stupid for you | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/7/2007 1:46:23 PM |
My new motto is to be friends first. I want to see him mad, sad, wishful, thoughtful, busy, relaxing, and more...all before I want to see him saying he's in love with me.
You got that RIGHT. Unfortunately, it seems very difficult to find men 50+ who actually will agree with learning to be FRIENDS first. At our age (I'm 55), I think companionship, friendship, caring, respecting one another and yes, both being financially secure, are important aspects of any possible relationship. Fickle "being in love" stuff is for the young and uninitiated. Anyone agree? | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/7/2007 6:54:25 PM | The numeric odds are against us ladies if we don't want to "settle"--but "settling for someone" rather than waiting and looking for some ONE isn't an answer either. Anyone can go down to their local "Union Rescue Mission" and pick'em out a wino and take them home and have someone, but finding the right ONE takes more time and effort.
I don't think there are any of us that will just "accept" anyone, regardless of their character, intelligence, financial standing, education, interests, etc. are. If so, then we could just order up the "next guy" or gal we meet on the street that isn't married. I also think most of us past 50 ought to be smart enough by this time to realize that there are things besides gonads that influence how two people get along. When we were younger and "hotter" and in my case, a lot more stupid, what kind of car someone drove or how they combed their hair or how they dressed was very important to me. Now I realize I don't care about those petty things and what kind of character they have, and how intellligent they are, what they like to do, etc. are much more important than "style" etc.
But because I accept the fact that the odds are against me finding a "perfect for me" man, I am going to go on with my life, enjoy it, make friends and, if per chance, I come upon some man that I think might be "Mr. Right" I will make sure he is before I become too deeply involved with him. Keep my options open. If he isn't willing to take it slow enough or be cautious himself, then it makes me wonder if he IS "Mr. Right" --because the right guy would be as cautious of getting into "something deep" too soon as I am. He would be wise enough to see that "being best friends" first is important.
So, bottom line, if he comes on too fast, too strong, and is not willing to slow down to a pace I can accept, then he can move on down the road and find him an "instant" partner if that's what he wants. | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/7/2007 7:48:12 PM | Hey blues....
Run it past your attorney...after he stays in your home so long he is a tenant and tenants have rights even though it is not their home. I could tell you a whopper of a story but I refuse to go backward in Life!!!
Be careful...My attorney told me "I was Prize to be Cherished" and that if I ever did settle down he is going to interview for me. I like the "don't go shopping when you are hungry". | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/7/2007 8:23:15 PM | It seems to me the decision making is broken when one looks mainly at length of time or size of estate become issues in matters of love. Some of us can make friends quickly while others watch in fear of the dark side coming out rather than enjoying each other's company.
I don't agree that being in love is fickle, I rather enjoy it more now than when I was young.
I was hooked by someone that sees the possibilities rather than seeks the obstacles. When you look for the imperfections, you'll find them every time. | |
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| Over 50
Posted: 2/8/2007 1:55:37 AM | | Maybe the same reason that I think sex with a 25 yr. old man is alot more exciting than my own age range (50). It's taboo. | |
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