| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/5/2007 9:18:48 AM | No this has nothing to do with myself, so please don't check the self pity as I'm curious what people honestly think on this.
I've seen now on several threads about people considering dating people that they aren't particularly attracted to physically but like mentally being advised that they should forget it and find someone that they like in both ways. One of the reasons given is that they deserves someone who finds them beautiful/handsome etc or at the very least is physically attracted.
A lot of studies have shown attraction to be pretty universal, as in symetrical faces, broad shoulders for men, small waists for women etc. Some people are just not gifted in the looks department, and while people might be willing to date them it is pretty unlikely anyone will find them attractive... ie missing teeth, bad acne etc. (as strange as the internet is I highly doubt there are fetish sites for this kind of stuff.)
I'm not one to pull the shallow card, if someone really can't date someone based on looks alone, hey most people are like that, no big deal. But if a person is willing to see past that because they like the personality enough, why not give it a try? In some cases it is unlikely anyone else will.
I'm not saying to be Mother Theresa when dating, but I think everyone having a person in the world that will find them amazingly physically attractive is fairy tale bs. Thoughts? | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/5/2007 10:22:30 AM | I am going to sound shallow here. When dating looks and personality are important. I would not date someone who was good looking just for that reason. I would also not date a man if I was not attracted to him.
There are some really beautiful people out there with bad personalities and some not so beautiful people out there with great personalities.
I also believe that there are some people who are ugly on the ouside and ugly on the inside and that would make them undateable to me.
~Carrie | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/5/2007 10:23:37 AM | | There is someone out there for everyone. If everyone found the same things attractive it would not only be a very dull world. Due to genetics and nature striving to ensure species compatibility and survival we would all look and act pretty much alike. That would be even more boring. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/5/2007 10:24:09 AM | I guess I made it past the delete stage, but I wanted to add something that might have made it seem confusing as to why I'd be asking.
I didn't just mean extreme cases, obviously pretty much everyone can agree that the elephant man wouldn't physically attract anyone.
What I meant more was that some people are just not going to be particularly physically attractive to anyone. Someone might convince themselves that their eyes are attractive and they might not be physically repulsive, but they're just not going to be beautiful or handsome in a physical way.
Maybe these people are just SOL, but what I was saying is if people are willing to give them a shot even if they don't consider them particularly attractive why not go for it? As long as if they leave them they don't say "Sorry I tried my best you were just too ugly" I don't see the problem. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/5/2007 10:30:08 AM | These people exist, just look at me.
Actually though, I don't have a problem with people that aren't particularly attractive in any specific way, because personality can make up for that and then it's all good. It's just that if someone is actually unattractive (ugly/repulsive, for lack of a better word) and not just in that middle ground, because looks matter to an extent and I'm not gonna lie about that.
I kind of consider myself one of those people because I really don't get compliments, but the ones I do are all about my hair. I'm certainly nothing special when it comes to looks though. Maybe I'm actually not in that group, I wouldn't actually know that for sure. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/5/2007 10:30:15 AM | | I agree with Carrie completely, and I don't think thats being shallow at all. If your not attracted to someone, there is no way to force it. It's the same when you don't like someones personality. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/5/2007 10:37:28 AM | | I dated two men I thought looked really bad when I first saw them (one of them had a picture from many years ago, and one had no picture). They were charming and good at talking, and started to look better after about 10 minutes. :) I got used to the way they looked and even liked it somewhat, because their face was associated with pleasant memories. I went out with both of them many times before deciding to stop for other reasons--lifestyle incompatibility with one, and meeting somebody else who grabbed all my attention for the other. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/5/2007 10:44:11 AM | | I really feel that you have totally changed the scope of this thread by adding what you really wanted to know after you made it past the delete stage. By doing so you have created a misleading thread question. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/5/2007 10:46:10 AM | ~OP~ It only takes a second for someone's appearance to drastically change or be changed. Accidents happen all the time. When I meet someone, one of the things that I think to myself is: would I want to spend time with this person if something were to happen to alter his physical appearance? It usually takes me a little while to decide that. If I can't see myself with him, at the core of who he is, I don't continue dating him. Likewise, I would hope that someone would ultimately see me for who I am, not for the outter shell I walk around in.  | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/5/2007 10:53:49 AM | I've dated many a man who would not fit into my "ideal" physical preferences, because they were smart, charming, made me laugh and made me think.
So the answer is, perhaps *you* wouldn't date what you consider "unattractive" people, if physicality and looks are your main priority. Lots of others would.
P.S. Verygreeneyez brings up a good point. We should expect people's looks to change as we get older, have children, etc. There HAS to be something more to keep a couple together than the fact that she's pretty/he's handsome. | |
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kmhstx
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Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 14 | |
| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/5/2007 10:53:59 AM | I'm sure there are some people who find it extremely hard to date...those who are odd looking, unattractive face, odd/larger body shape, unintelligent, and angry/bitter/zero personality...I'm thinking people like this might have some issues finding love.
Who knows I often my more shallow moments wonder why someone I precieve as being less attractive than me has an obvious bf while I still go without. But the thing is physical attraction is still subjective. There are men out there that are turned on by 600lb people. There is a "kink" for most things out there. And then there are those that truely don't care too much about the visual and really see inside the soul.
Heck who knows. I know I want to be attracted to the man I'm with, and I want him to be attracted to me. | |
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neil89
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Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 15 | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/5/2007 11:02:13 AM |
As long as if they ..., I don't see the problem.
You're confused, aren't you, OPie? What problem?
To the point (as far as I can tell what it is), Eleanor Roosevelt and Stephen Hawking have both had happy marriages, and they aren't "traditionally" attractive. So what? Why do their lives have to make sense, to you or to anyone else?
It is so pointless to look for rules that apply to all our choices. Human beings are irrational! Sense is only ever, at most, a bonus.
Cheers!
Vulf  | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/5/2007 11:13:35 AM |
When I meet someone, one of the things that I think to myself is: would I want to spend time with this person if something were to happen to alter his physical appearance? I saw this on a Seinfeld episode with Elaine and Tony the Mimbo! 
Seriously, I do think there is someone for everyone provided that one isn't deceptive with their profile. Just be patient and keep fishing! 
For instance, I don't find Pamela Anderson or Angelina Jolie attractive. Lots of other guys undoubtedly do. Also, I'm attracted sometimes to women with certain physical and/or personality traits that would non-plus other men. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/5/2007 11:37:12 AM | I dunno. Why would you date someone who you arent both physicly and mentally attracted to? Doesnt make sense to me. Im shallow enough to say I wouldnt date someone I couldnt stand to look at.
Fortunately for me, I dont have that problem. My girl turns me on like no other , she is stunning.  | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/5/2007 11:47:08 AM |
Why would you date someone who you arent both physicly and mentally attracted to? Doesnt make sense to me. Im shallow enough to say I wouldnt date someone I couldnt stand to look at. Because looks can grow on you. You are not "relaxing" your physical attraction requirements, rather "assigning proper value" to them as it relates to a person and if you value an romantic relationship with him/her. I've had great relationships with women who didn't have me salivating at first sight. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/5/2007 11:48:25 AM | | Yeah the whole looks thing has been done there are only a few things that get on my nerve when dealing with this issue. people who believe looks are nothing and the people who deny being shallow when they wont give and unattractive person with a good personality profile a chance but then they die when someone hot has few words to say | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/5/2007 11:56:09 AM | But if a person is willing to see past that because they like the personality enough, why not give it a try?
For me it's not a question of 'seeing past' how someone looks. In my experience, the nature of attraction is such that the way I feel about someone literally changes the way I see them. In other words, I find that someone gets better looking the more I like them. It's a tender thing, that feeling, and difficult to explain, but I'll give it a try: Sometimes I look at the people I love and I notice the thinning hair, the ears that stick out at odd angles, the thin chicken legs, the roll across the tummy, the weird mole, the beginings of a small stoop, the too-big nose, and I feel a burn in my throat. Something about all those little imperfections enhances their dignity. I have this spontaneous urge to to hold them close and say, "I love you." | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/5/2007 12:21:22 PM | | I completely agree with verygreeneyez anything can happen to anyone at any minute...I belive beauty is in the eye of the beholder...I myself am not attracted to big muscular men...Nor pretty boy's...I honestly wish sometimes that everyone was blind because it's not alone the looks of people...I myself am a good person and anyone who knows me would tell you the same...Sure I've gained a few pounds from having kids and you know what I'm ok with that cause my personality hasen't changed any...I'm not a size 4 or a super model but I amn attractive...And as for the people who don't like the way I look too bad for them because for one of you's there are 3 others that do... | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/5/2007 12:23:36 PM |
In my experience, the nature of attraction is such that the way I feel about someone literally changes the way I see them. In other words, I find that someone gets better looking the more I like them.
This was beautifully said, and it rings true to me. Thanks, vorpal bunny. | |
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| Aren't there some people that nobody is attracted to?
Posted: 2/5/2007 12:34:07 PM | I can only think of the old adage, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". Each of us perceive the concept of beauty so differently.
To me, beauty is the totality of a person; not just one aspect of someone. I must honestly admit that I, not unlike most people, am initially attracted to someone solely by their appearance; however, that alone will not be sufficient to hold a relationship together.
I know I have missed out on knowing some really fantastic people because I let a more shallow side of me dominate my thinking. I am working on changing that about myself and I hope that others will too. If they don't, I may never be discovered! | |
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