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| An unusual profile -- take a look and tell me what you think...
Posted: 2/6/2007 9:42:51 PM | | I put enough in there, I know that my profile will get some strong opinions. I welcome them; go ahead and tell me what you think. As all men (including at times certainly including me) notoriously habitually fail at understanding women, I figure that women members will likely have more that is useful to tell me. | |
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| An unusual profile -- take a look and tell me what you think...
Posted: 2/6/2007 9:57:50 PM | Using "historically" to describe your own past means either that you're too old to get it up, or that you've got a thesaurus stuck up your butt. Since the referred-to cavity is already chock-full of obdurate opinions, slashes, and yourself, I'm going to go with the first option. Both, though, are problems.
But what would I know? | |
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| An unusual profile -- take a look and tell me what you think...
Posted: 2/6/2007 10:13:36 PM | | Well you certainly covered each and every single base possible. I'm sure the one for you is out there and I mean "1", with all your requirements. But two things stood out as I read your profile. Your mention of being handy with a ax and your first date back rub scenario. Good luck | |
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| An unusual profile -- take a look and tell me what you think...
Posted: 2/6/2007 10:32:06 PM | I really love the fact that you're interested in women aged 18 to 36 and you're 45 years old. How's that workin' for ya? I can see that they're lining up in droves because you have a whopping zero on your favorites list. My guess is that unless you can compete with Donald Trump's financial statement or GQ Magazine is begging you to pose for their cover, you might try to be more realistic. You are a scientist, right?
A profile is intended to be an introduction rather than a manifesto. I seriously doubt anyone cares what computer games you were playing in college. You need a complete rewrite, but I'll bet money you'd rather argue the point.
Good luck! | |
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| An unusual profile -- take a look and tell me what you think...
Posted: 2/7/2007 12:12:43 AM | your profile is
falling
falling
in to the abyss
down the ladder you will go
slipping and slidding with no control
have compassion for yourself ( i stole this from an other poem i wrote )
lonliness does not take away from the miracle that you are. (this to) | |
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| An unusual profile -- take a look and tell me what you think...
Posted: 2/7/2007 3:15:20 AM | I don't really know where to start with this one. I have a nasty feeling that this is what profiles like mine grow up to be if we don't find someone to make us stop being silly.
I've always been sceptical about the 'don't be negative' thing. If you have strong views on something, any partner will need to know. Well, as with the 'nice guy' thing I have been converted totally.
Go through your whole profile, take out anything which could be seen as at all negative about anyone or anything. Try to objective about it. Also take out anything that makes you look like a nerd. It's okay to have nerdy things if you have coolness too. Your profile lacks coolness.
Also, take out anything that points out the obvious. Most conservative people expect mutual exclusivity. You have a picture, why on Earth do you feel the need to describe yourself too? No kids? I knew that. It states it at the top right. Reading serious books - last two words there were superfluous; we just know you're not going to be a regular celebrity gossip magazine reader.
There's nothing wrong with being conservative, but you go too far here. It's in your title, your interests and in the about me section. You're against the whole world... I can't help but wonder if you expect your new young girlfriend to wash and iron your shirts for you every day (once you've shown her once how you like it to be done of course). Lighten up.
'Am Christian, but was nonreligious for many years, so am tolerant of most religions.' - Non sequitur (and of highly dubious credibility).
Prochoice is simply a weird thing to say in a profile. Maybe if you put it straight after conservative as a clarification it'd be okay.
'Honor is very important to me, such as courage, industriousness, honesty, prudence and keeping my word once given. There are principles and values I would die for, such as defending a wife and children from hazard.' - Well to be honest, one would hope so! Don't point out the obvious.
'I am naturally faithful and expect the same.' - You've told us this already. Also can be assumed unless it's written in blood to the contrary.
'I've lived over 5 years outside the U.S.' - This is interesting, expand on it a little.
'I don't believe in debt, such as credit cards.' - Obvious, judgemental and achieves nothing in the profile.
'I used to play Dungeons & Dragons in college and for a while after' - Care factor? If you still like to play it, tell them. If it's past then leave out nerdy stuff.
'(the scientist/engineer groups, not the weirdo loser groups)' - They are the same groups. I say this as an astrophysicist and Rolemaster GM. Any girl who knows about D&D will know that too.
'My father was a career military officer' - Not terribly relevant.
'I think that someone who also moved a lot in their youth would be a better match for me.' - Non sequitur. Also, why narrow the field still smaller?
'I'm quite stoical about physical discomforts, nearly immune to cold temperatures, and have a great deal of physical stamina in all areas.' - Weird and irrelevant.
'I don't believe in astrology, "crystal power", "vortexes", reincarnation, the occult, etc.' - Negative and judgemental.
'I am very down on public schools, so private schools/homeschooling would be the way I'd want any kids educated.' - What does this add to the profile? Again, negative. Just say that you would like to homeschool any children you have.
'I wish to have at least two children, so would prefer a woman young enough to still have children.' - Ah, now I understand the great reserves of stamina, I'm sure many 18 year old girls will be overjoyed to know they are in demand for fertility purposes.
'I'm only looking for a Caucasian.' - Of course you are, don't worry about that. It's obvious. Take it out. It won't be an issue.
'I'd love to have someone in my life who would go hiking with me, but I'd settle for someone tolerant of my hiking.' - This is good. It shows that she will be allowed out of the house from time to time, under close supervision of course.
Take out historically, it sounds silly. You were starting to sound quite normal and a good bloke then, don't ruin it.
'I really don't like cats indoors' - Weird. Say you're a dog person rather than a cat person.
'see no point to fish/gerbils/snakes/etc' - Ditch this, are you going to want to put off a girl because she has a pet fish?
'(One pair discreet earrings OK.) ' - Weird and judgemental, and I agree with you!
'Makeup and perfume on a woman don't really do much for me, so you wouldn't have to worry about those.' - Indeed, any offending items can be left in a bin that will be provided for such a purpose as she enters your house. This girl will be so happy she doesn't have to worry about her image and sense of self identity as you don't like makeup and perfume.
'I've been good at avoiding ultraviolet weathering my skin, and hope for the same in a woman I'm involved with.' - Weird, and the second half is obvious.
'I've said enough for now, I'd say.' - Indeed.
First date:
'I'd love for us to wander around a bookstore or library, where we showed each other great books we'd read; that would be a winner IMO.' - GOOD! That's a fantastic line. It also suggests you care about her opinion too!
'While finding out if our values and interests were aligned enough that a relationship (or more) could work' - Judgemental (and obvious).
'we'd size up each other's expressiveness and body language.' - Creepy.
'If you flushed a bit (both a bit embarrassedly and appreciatively) when I smiled warmly at you a certain way, that would be a good sign that this might work.' - Beyond creepy.
'I'd suggest making the core of the evening my giving you a long backrub while we talk about anything and nothing. Gets past the awkwardness of the first meeting very nicely...' - Oh, I can imagine.
Okay, I'll try to leave the sarcasm out of this for a moment. You really are coming over as far too scary and just plain weird. Tone it all down. You say you're a scientist... what kind of scientist? It seems like you're hiding something there. Read the profile writing tips at the top of the profile review thread.
Are you sure you really want a demure little thing with no opinions except those that closely match your own? I think your main hope is a woman who will stand up to you, stand up for herself and love you for the great companion I can imagine you to be. There are confident women who are scientists, they won't be put off by things that would worry other women. Also, they may well be older women, having established a career that would love children without them needing to be anti-feminist. Think about it.
Good luck. | |
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| An unusual profile -- take a look and tell me what you think...
Posted: 2/7/2007 6:03:11 AM | ...perhaps you could assemble the perfect woman in your lab, and then later insemenate her...yuck!
Remember the goal...create enough interest to generate responses!
I suggest the condensed version for you.
Write about your recent interestes, hobbies, and work-related activities.
Add lots of photos that express monetary gains and pray that a member of the female species repsonds.
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| An unusual profile -- take a look and tell me what you think...
Posted: 2/7/2007 10:05:49 AM | Thank you for all the replies. This was very useful.
Two quick responses (I'll say more later when I have time):
1) Taking out the negative stuff is a very good point.
2) The reason for the age cutoff of 36 is because I want to start a family. Fertility in women (but not men) starts to go down at a pretty good clip at 27, and past about 35 tends to be very low. It's not that I'm not attracted to women of my own age; it's just that I probably would not get to have children of my own if I married a woman of 40+, losing out on something of tremendous importance to giving my life ultimate meaning. (I have no interest in adoption or trying to be Daddy to another man's children, whom I won't have known all along.) | |
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| An unusual profile -- take a look and tell me what you think...
Posted: 2/7/2007 10:09:23 AM | Well, this whole profile shows a lack pragmatism. It's just negative, overly detailed and quirky sounding.
Oh, I really love the fact that you're interested in women aged 18 to 36 and you're 45 years old. Um, yeah. Creeeeeepy. The whole number of children thing sounds scary to me. I will tell you as a mom, that 45 is really late to be starting a family unless you intend to do it with a mail order bride a test tube and eugenics. If you had a kid this week, you would be 63 when they were graduating high school. It's not fair to the kid. Maybe you could do a genetic engineering experiment and select the perfect pair of eggs for twins.
Oh, and I had my last child at 37, they are really tiring to chase around. Amazingly enough, some people at our age are grandparents. Most women do not want to be breeding factories for your superior sperm. It sounds really arrogant and at the risk of sounding overly simplistic, I will Orwell it, I would call it "icky."
(I have no interest in adoption or trying to be Daddy to another man's children, whom I won't have known all along.) This is going to thin the herd if you want a woman in her 30's.
I'm quite stoical about physical discomforts, nearly immune to cold temperatures, and have a great deal of physical stamina in all areas. I don't believe in astrology, "crystal power", "vortexes", reincarnation, the occult, etc. OK, I don't even know where this came from! It's so random and bizarre. This is not Finian's Rainbow! Cut the stream of consciousness and stick to a theme! The entire profile text vacillates between sounding demanding and picky to just plain crazy. My advice to you is, stop trying to sound so schizotypal. Try to pretend for ten minutes that you are not a scientist and stop dotting every i and crossing every t and be relaxed and groovy for a few minutes. Like a real human guy.
No women gives a rat's butt what you played in college, and in fact, many people see D&D as a interest for hard core geeks. Not a big chick magnet.You need to trust me on this one.
Most women like cats and if you have a cat it needs to be in the house. However, a profile that should contain introductory information does not need a complete data set with accurate flow charts. Have some fun with it. If you have a sense of humor... use it, by all means.
Put up a picture that actually gives an accurate depiction of you, something that is not blurry. | |
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| An unusual profile -- take a look and tell me what you think...
Posted: 2/7/2007 10:11:08 AM | | So you'd like to meet a lady between eighteen and thirty-six (really though, you mean closer to 18 than 36). This is what you do: Get up in the morning, go stand in front of the mirror, give yourself a real honest, analytical look-see and then ask yourself, "Is a girl half my age going to be interested in that long, first date back-rub from a guy that looks like this?" Not trying to offend, just suggesting you be more realistic in your quest. | |
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| An unusual profile -- take a look and tell me what you think...
Posted: 2/7/2007 10:11:34 AM | Children need fathers my friend. Would you turn down a lady because she had a 8 year old? Okay, you want children of your own, But a 37 year old woman with an 8 year old son who is open to having another... is this such a bad result?
Still, if you don't think you could love the kid, maybe you're right. | |
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| An unusual profile -- take a look and tell me what you think...
Posted: 2/7/2007 10:31:10 AM | Wow there have been some harsh responses so far...
There was a lot to go over, it's too long for starters...here's my thoughts:
- I like the first date, it's original and sounds nice.
- You are overlapping your preferences in the about me...take that stuff out, you have way too much there now as it is
- You are putting way too much pressure on from the start, take the kids talk out.
- Put the interests from the 'about me' into interests so they take up less space and are searchable
- Current events could be specified to relevant current events (I am not into keeping up with what the stars are wearing either)
- I love that you're a scientist, it's cool and simple - what field?
- You are saying a lot about what you don't like, that can come across as being negative. You may have better luck if you say what you do like instead.
- I would suggest simplifying to About pets:only like birds!
- The d&d story should be modified to take out the loser reference, mabye say 'I played d&d in college with the scientist and engineer groups as well as complex military boardgames.' But if this is not something you are currently doing...I think you should take it out completely-you can tell that story in person.
- The physical requirements dont work, stick to 'healthy and enjoys hiking', it will rule out the obese and toothpicks.
- Earrings don't really count as body piercings, so you shouldn't need to specify that and just say you like natural women who don't feel the need to wear perfume and makeup, women who are comfortable with the way they look and smell naturally.
- LOL love the bit about no whips and chains!
[Honor is very important to me, such as courage, industriousness, honesty, prudence and keeping my word once given. There are principles and values I would die for, such as defending a wife and children from hazard. I am naturally faithful and expect the same. I've lived over 5 years outside the U.S. I don't believe in debt, such as credit cards. I have an incredible repertoire of jokes & stories; I'll keep you laughing for months.]
- I really like this part, you should break it up so that it is 3 short paragrahs
I look forward to seeing this with the changes made!
Jenni | |
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| Some answers...
Posted: 2/8/2007 9:39:25 PM | No, I'm not looking for a woman in her teens. My ideal is 28-32. That's too narrow to be what I put down, though.
Cats -- no, they don't belong inside, at least where I live. Whatever house they live in, they turn it into pretty much just their house. I need some place to live, and can't see paying rent on a place dedicated to cats rather than people, where I'm not really welcome. There is a whole universe where there can be cats; let the dwelling I live be one place where there aren't any.
I like dogs (if they're not bait-sized, at least 20 pounds) as much as I do birds.
Physical requirements... This is a tricky concern IMO. While still a bit stocky, I am in pretty good shape with how much I exercise (over 3 hours fast walking most days now). I'm not as slender as the people I'm a peer with for how much I can do, and routinely outdistance the people with bodies that look like mine. (I was routinely doing 15-mile days at the end of my Appalachian Trail thruhike last year, with 3 days over 18 miles.) Basically, I'm heavier than the fast, and faster than the (also) heavy. How do I resolve this?
Scientist type... I'm a geologist (master's-level). I work in the petroleum industry. The majority of the time I'm on projects in the Rocky Mountains. However, in 2005, I also did projects in California, offshore Louisiana (evacuated for Hurricane Katrina, as a matter of fact), and Alaska (both the Kenai Peninsula and the North Slope above the Arctic Circle).
When the oil industry has been in the toilet, I also work in the biotech field (have two papers published in this, and two patents in the works) and environmental science, FWIW.
Overseas... Spent 3 years in Japan, 20 months in Taiwan, 6 months in Europe, and have also visited South America, Korea, Guam, and the Phillippines.
Not sure how to comment succinctly on the job and where-I've-traveled subjects, though. | |
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| P.S.:
Posted: 2/8/2007 9:53:42 PM | What I did in describing a possible first date was to describe some harmless, safe flirting (in a public place, how could it be unsafe?). Nonetheless, if my wording unsettles some people, obviously that part should be redone.
Feminist women... They generally are terribly critical of even the best men, typically will put their careers above marriage and family, generally cannot accept any division of responsibilities in marriage as equitable, and take seriously the opinions of some of the most deranged people in public life today. I see and hear quite enough of them as I go through my public life. Why would I want to let one into my private life?
Scientist women... There still aren't all that many of them, not in the hard sciences (where I work), and the ones that want families generally are impelled by the limits of their biology to leave their work on average much earlier in their lives than do men. The ones that stay with fulltime careers much past their mid-20s have by default made family a lower priority (if any priority). I just don't see much chance of meeting one through my work, not when of the 60 or so people I've met in the last 2 years of my work that do what I do, only 1 was a woman, and that one was a feminist and married (if insecurely).
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There are a lot of good responses above, if more informative than kind. Thank you all for what you've said so far. | |
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| P.S.:
Posted: 2/9/2007 8:12:34 AM | I understand where you're coming from and I think if you rephrase a little, others will as well. I was looking forward to seeing some of the changes made, have you decided which advice you will be taking?
Jenni
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| An unusual profile -- take a look and tell me what you think...
Posted: 2/9/2007 8:23:24 AM | I was afraid to look. thinking if there was anyway he could contact me.. this i DON'T want now they have this new who viewed me thing.. uggggg.. your a scarry person. you didn't even shut -up you blabbled until there was no more room.it should be named " read with caution " not " unusual ". you should really erase the whole ax, saw, and hammer part 
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING??? or are you sending a WARNING???  | |
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| An unusual profile -- take a look and tell me what you think...
Posted: 2/9/2007 9:34:08 AM | I can't imagine any woman reading your profile and thinking to herself, "I think I'll contact that guy." On the other hand, I have heard and read about females that are willing to put up with the kind of crapola you're offering.
Take the advice of the people who have offered some specifics. Throw the whole thing out and start over. | |
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| An unusual profile -- take a look and tell me what you think...
Posted: 2/9/2007 2:26:15 PM | msg #6 from ElseMush saved me the trouble of writing out the majority of my thoughts.
why go into so much detail when you could have just said "I'm a conservative extremist, intolerant of most, am not interested in anyone with a past that gives her any thoughts of her own, and need to breed." | |
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| An unusual profile -- take a look and tell me what you think...
Posted: 2/9/2007 6:07:20 PM | I agree with the majority here -- if you could have done something to make yourself seem more judgmentally demanding and yet criminally tedious, I couldn't imagine it.
Let me put it another way. You've been on PoF for two years. In all that time, presumably, you've been unable to find anyone to fit your criteria using your current approach.
Logic dictates that it's time to try a new approach. Think about it.
If not, maybe your DNA doesn't WANT to be passed on. | |
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| Latest thoughts...
Posted: 2/10/2007 4:21:38 AM | Re my "having been on POF two years": I was inactive for almost all of that time. I only came back to the site within the last week.
A woman having children who need a father... Yes, that's true enough. But, need does not justify a claim, not on someone unaffiliated with them. Most of the time, an unattached woman who has children mostly seems to just need someone to do things for her, and can't really do much in return for someone else. They generally just don't have their lives together enough to be able to offer a genuine relationship that is relatively equitable. There are exceptions, but most people aren't exceptions, by definition. Whatever a person's views on charity, usually people want to find the best person they can FOR THEM. If someone else's "need" was the only consideration, everyone reading this would have started their search for a man/woman to date at the Waterfront Mission, local homeless shelter or halfway house, etc. Too, being a stepparent is a classic "duties without rights, required to act loving even when you're probably not loved" situation. It's a bit like being married to someone, when they're not married to you. Anyway, the ideal father for the children is most often their original father, the one the mother did marry/should have married, and I would not want to be in the way of the two of them reconciling one day.
A conservative man being "unmarriageable"... Not at all; in fact we are much better marriage material than liberal men. (I will add that virtually every woman that has dated me for 3 months has wanted marriage with me, and yes, there have been some.) There is a pretty good article available online on this subject by a friend of mine named Bernard Chapin entitled "Dating Suggestions for the Conservative Male". Some excerpts from it (yes, I have permission to publish it):
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"“Yes, I’m a conservative but what girl in their right mind would want a man who wasn’t?” That’s a tough one because it’s accurate. Conservative men make the best fathers. (If the girl has no interest in marriage, see rule 2 above. Deploy in the short-term and then get out!) What kind of woman wants to marry a Bill Clinton relativist type anyway? No sane one, that’s for sure. If your motto is “smash monogamy” then you have no business getting married in the first place. Those guys view being faithful as “a part-time reality” and will skillfully deconstruct their vows anytime their wives leave the room. Society doesn’t need any more of them and point out to her how you’re superior."
"Make sure to tell them that these “feminist” guys are the first ones who’ll stab them in the back. They’ll faultlessly confess “I gotta be me, you gotta be you, and that’s why I did your sister.” Some analysis. I’ve received lectures from these losers before and they’re hypocritical scum. Oh, sure, Bern’s an anti-radical feminist but these guys are the ones who go around lying all the time. At least conservative men are more likely to honestly say what we think. Under the amphibian constrains of political correctness no one, particularly leftist man, can live a life as a legitimate human being. These guys don’t care about family and view children as a hassle or being perspective friends. Children are neither and these bozos will never be the paternal type. We are. Even if these girls outwardly hate conservatives, there’s something deep in the genes that warmly receives us. Most girls are not looking for a [female dog] and could never respect someone they dominate all the time. We fill an inherent need in their longterm plans even if it takes a while for them to appreciate it.
What about the conservative lifestyle? Is a coke-head or a guy who smokes so much dope that he can barely walk up a flight of stairs an attractive option for anyone? Eventually they’ll see these guys for the waste of life that they are. Conservative men take women to places they’ll long remember. We’ll never say “Baby, let’s pack some tofu and get in the hybrid to go chant at the Pentagon” but we’ll be the first to stop the chatter and appreciate the things in life that are most important. Conservative man is far more likely to take someone to the symphony to hear the classics. Both conservative man and his Bach are well-tempered. There’s no need to see some guy atop a lama playing a sonata he wrote in the bathtub the week before. No, our existence is too short for gimmicks and the conservative man isn’t afraid to say so.
Once your identity is uncovered, it’s time to play your Mozart, rub her neck, shut the blinds and ignite the kind of fireworks that only a conservative man can produce." | |
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| Latest thoughts...
Posted: 2/10/2007 6:31:00 AM | I've substantially reworked my profile. Have at it.  | |
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| Latest thoughts...
Posted: 2/10/2007 6:45:14 AM | Dude...good luck getting that family thing going!!!!!!! 
Shorten this........seriously......most women dont have the attention span to read it.....think romance novel, not scientific journal.
I think it is FANTASTIC that you know what you want..and you have done some really GREAT things...that AT hike is impressive!!!!!
Remember, chicks like MYSTERY...you put it all out there and what they are going to do is go down that list until they find something they DO NOT like or understand and then BAM...you are off their list. | |
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